Love UnCharted (Love's Improbable Possibility) (11 page)

I wanted so badly to cry, but I couldn’t. The tears remained at bay. It furthered bewildered my confused state. Azmir cheated on me with Dawn Taylor. The woman who I’d sensed was a threat turned out to be my worst nightmare. After a run through the shower and washing out my mouth, I found myself out in the living room at the bar, deciding on which poison I’d choose to help numb the pain of my heart.
The heart that I thought was well-protected and wasn’t accessible to hurt.

Azmir had so many decanters of varying shapes, sizes and colors, I was out of my realm of knowledge. I decided on pouring Azmir’s Armagnac, that I only knew because he drank it most frequently and I’d asked him about it. The tumblers were just as varied, but I grabbed the one with the shortest distance of my reach.

The first swig was hard to get down. It burned my esophagus so brutally, but the numbing that came from the subsequent sips made the venture to amber juice worthwhile. After pouring my fourth glass, I sauntered over to the mammoth sofa, finally able to release the dam of my tears. They would harbor no longer. The croak that lodged from my throat was so unrecognizable that it scared the crap out of me. Once again, for the millionth time in my life, I found myself in the throes of pain.

Rayna

I jumped up to a startle. My heart was beating out of my chest. I heard the
THUMP-THUMP
again, but this time in a conscious tense. Someone was pounding the front door.

Afraid out of my mind, I walked slowly over to the door and as I got closer I heard, “Ms. Brimm…Ms. Brimm!”

My stride sped up and I looked into the peephole to find Roberto on the other side of the door.

BANG-BANG!

The sound of him punching the door was more alarming up close.

I swung the door open. “Ay Dios mío, Señorita Brimm!” Roberto cried out as he took a deep exhale. He looked petrified.

“What is it, Roberto?”
A damn fire?

“Señor Jacobs called. He’s been trying to contact you for hours. He is on his way to the airport. He thought something happened to you!”

Crap! What in the world happened?

I grabbed my head, trying to stop the spinning of my cranium. “What time is it?” I asked in my post-inebriated condition.

“Two twelve in the morning, senorita.” Roberto’s face was ashen in despair.

Double crap!
“I’ll call him now. I fell asleep in the living room. I didn’t hear the phone.” I blurted out the first plausible excuse that came to mind.

“Si, I’ll go call him, too!” Roberto turned on his heels for the elevator.

I went down the hall to the bedroom to locate my cell and saw that the was ringer was off.
When did I do that?
I had thirty-two missed calls and seventeen texts, all from Azmir. At that moment, I realized that I must have
passed
out in the living room and had been out for quite a few hours. I figured I had no time to waste and didn’t want him returning early from his trip, so I sent a text to Azmir.

All is well. I fell asleep in the living room. Chat tomorrow.

I didn’t wait for a response and kept the phone on silent. When I checked, I saw the house phone was muted as well.
When did I do that?
Memories of my discoveries had begun to flash through my mind, taking me back to my iPad. I logged in again as my time had expired from earlier and sat up for the next three hours reading and investigating texts. I didn’t fall back asleep again until after five in the morning.

~~~~~~~~~~

I was in my office, in the mix of my day when Sharon peeked her head in my door, informing of Azmir being here to visit me. I thought it was strange considering I wasn’t expecting him back in town for
a few days.
Did I worry him that much about not answering my phone?

I nodded, gesturing for her to let him in. Within seconds, Azmir’s tall frame rounded Sharon and gaited in his usual, sexy manner into the room. He was laced in a gray suit with a stalk white dress shirt sans the first few buttons attached
, and black oxfords. His heavenly scent preceded his proximity as he neared the front of my desk. Sharon closed the door shut after dismissing herself, leaving the two of us alone. My heart raced and my mind spun. What was up with this impromptu visit?

Something was wrong. Azmir kept one hand in his pant pocket and the other at his mouth, gnawing at his index finger. This was something he did only with me when he was nervous about a
pending topic, which was rare. My gut has proven reliable recently where he is concerned, so I braced myself. This didn’t look good. At all.

God, please!

Azmir cleared his throat, preparing me for what was to come. My body had tensed so much that my thighs ached in my stance.

“Rayna,” he shrieked, voice devoid of its usual baritone nature. “We need to talk. Some things have come into play that has changed the course of our…friendship.”

Friendship?

So I am
just
a friend to Azmir? My limbs gave out on me, and I found my body slamming into my chair, thankfully missing the floor. My chest heaved. My vision suddenly distorted. The weight of my being left me as I laid sprawled out on the chair.

Azmir cupped the back of his neck. Whatever he was about to deliver, it was difficult for him. And yet it was already killing me. I couldn’t speak to tell him to get on with it. The suspense chopped at my breathing.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’ve re-thought this thing and I don’t think it’s best for us to be together anymore. I thought I was prepared to share my life with you, or at least try it out…” Another pause.

And another death I’ve died.

After another tentative pause, Azmir continued. “I think it’s best we see other people. And if we’re going to do this, it’s also best for you to move out of the marina.”

My head jolted back and my neck, unable to hold it, snapped it forward.
I knew it!
I knew Dawn Taylor would break me. Her existence marked the death of my holdings in Azmir’s life. I no longer held his attention.

“Dawn Taylor,” I breathed, unable to find my diaphragm for much sound.

“Yes and no,” he murmured on an exhale. “I just don’t think you’re cut out for what I need. I thought you were, but you’ve made every indication that you aren’t capable of being what I need. I’m sorry, Rayna, but I think it’s best for us to end it here and now. I can’t wait on a change that may never come. A promise that is a probable impossibility.” Azmir spoke in all of his CEO mien as though it was a business that we were dismantling instead of my heart being slaughtered. My life being cut short.

“I-I…I…I-I…” I couldn’t speak.

I was panting from my stomach instead of my chest. My body suddenly felt empty. Hollow. If I’d ever thought my heart was unavailable, it was nothing compared to my essence being robbed, my soul being snatched right out of me. I could feel nothing, no pain, no chills, no cold-sweats. Nothing but air in my head being pushed out of my empty body.  

Azmir barely looked at me. I knew this because with panic in my eyes from feeling that death was upon me, I cried through them for help. I was quickly losing the ability to breath. To live. This couldn’t be happening. I couldn’t be losing Azmir. He was my ray of sunshine. An endless source of strength. Loving arms to hold me up and push me into my journey of learning who I am, how to love myself. He was my next breath.

“Don’t worry. You can keep Azna. He seems very attached to you. I could never make such a drastic change for him. I think you’d agree,” Azmir paused for an answer. An answer that would never come because I didn’t possess the ability to breathe in order to speak.

Azna didn’t deserve drastic change, but I did? Why did he deserve asylum that I didn’t?

“Brett is having your things transported from the marina to Redondo Beach as we speak. Goodbye, Rayna.”

I watched his glorious lengthy frame walk out of my office with just as much ease and brisk as he walked into my life. The door shut. White clouds engulfed me. I was out. Consciousness concluded, commencing my death.

What woke me from my sleep was Chef Boyd, making his regularly scheduled appearance to prepare breakfast for me. If Azmir and/or I are not out there to place our order by six a.m. sharp, he’d paged us in the bedroom from the kitchen.

“Oh, Ms. Briiiiiiimm!” Boyd’s familiar voice broke my daze. “What would you like for breakfast this morning, sleeping beauty?”

I looked around the room, trying to make sense of my surroundings. A rush of relief
washed over me at being
home
in Azmir’s bed.
Oh my god!
It was
just
a dream—a nightmare.
It wasn’t real!
I’d never felt consolation as I experienced it there, nestled in the sheets of A. D. Jacobs.

It was a good thing that I didn’t have a scheduled session with Tyler, who was away with Azmir this week. Azmir being his most valued client allowed for Tyler’s priority when scheduling. If Azmir needed Tyler, he’d wipe out all of his appointments and follow his boss for whatever specified amount of time. Lucky for me, my grueling extended dance practice sessions substituted my workouts this week and I decided to workout at the rec alone. I drug my enervated body out of bed to prepare for my day.

On my ride to work, I thought over the various messages I read a few hours earlier, no longer able to keep putting off my reality no matter how much I wanted to distance myself from that horrid nightmare. My summation of it was that Dawn had been after Azmir
via text
since Vegas. I wondered how far back her face-to-face advances took her. He kept his communications with her brief, which confused me. Why kiss her if you’re not trying to at least communicate with her? The remainder of their correspondences were business related.

There were a couple of texts from Shayna, but they were all about some event that was in the works for possibly next month. I didn’t quite get the crux of their conversation, but it wasn’t personal like most of those from Dawn.

I saw dozens of texts from Tara and could quickly conclude that she was vying for his heart again. So many of her texts had soft touches like, “
Good morning, Azmir
” or “
I just came across
The Best Man
on BET and it made me think of Sandra and Paul’s wedding that we attended and the drama behind it all. Lol. I hope you had a great day
.”

None of those he responded to, but there was a heated texting battle, a few weeks back, about him not attending Azina’s christening. Apparently, Azmir didn’t have an interest in going and that pissed Tara off—majorly. She cursed him out seven shades of Sunday, all for him to fire back with silence. I eventually grew bored with Tara’s thread and actually pitied her.

Lady Spin had sent a few texts as well. She’d asked to see him on several occasions, most of which he declined. Then I could surmise that they did meet, she wasn’t happy with him turning down her advances. And just like with Tara, my name was used to blame. And just like with Tara, Azmir would not dwell on me and said his private life was not up for discussion, though he did make clear to Spin that I was the lady of his life and it was best to leave their relationship in the past and move on.

Call me an idiot, but I felt bad for both women.

Though there were a half a dozen more suspect texts that were clearly from women, they offered no distrustful behavior on Azmir’s part. But Dawn, Tara and Spin’s pursuits were hard to ignore. Tara was a done deal and Spin had never owned his heart, but I wasn’t settled on his position with Dawn.

I fought back the tears all morning, even when Azmir texted, asking why was I refusing his calls to the practice. I told Sharon to tell him I was with a patient each time she buzzed me letting me know he was on a line. It was unusual for her
and
Azmir. Typically, I’d excuse myself and steal a few seconds to take his calls.

I typed back to him
,
Hectic day. Hope yours is better. I’ll hit you up tonight after practice.

I choked back a cry while typing out that text, suppressing my aching tears. It was so intense, it hurt. He didn’t write back.
He had gotten the memo
. The knock at my door snatched my attention.

“Come in,” I shouted coarsely, still shaken.

Brian Thompson peeped his head through before fully entering. Oddly, his smile thawed my mood. I’d even found myself being taken by his pearly white teeth that glistened through his beaming smile. I smiled back.

“Oh, wow! For once I don’t feel unwelcome,” Thompson quipped. “Good afternoon, Rayna.”

He looked good in his finely tailored black suit, shimmery crimson tie and nicely buffed oxfords. His hair was its usual close cut, and his goatee was handsomely trimmed. He looked…
suave
.

A soft chuckle slipped my lips. “Oh, stop it.” I threw him a short wave of my hand, acknowledging his melodramatic antics. With a full on smile, I continued, “Hello, Brian. How may I help you today?”

“I brought my niece over to the recreation center next door. She’s visiting from Seattle and I heard about the dance classes offered over there. I thought I’d have her check it out. Figured if she liked it, I would enroll her in the summer program when she comes to visit next summer.”

This was news to me. I knew Azmir had been developing a plethora of programs over there, but dance?

“Oh, I didn’t know the rec had a dance program. That was very…avuncular of you.” I snorted, suddenly jovial in my disposition. “Did she like it?”

“Avuncular?” he quizzed with a sardonic grin.

“Joke,” I shot back.

“Uhn-hnn. I’m not sure. I’m headed over to get her now.” His eyes darted down to the floor as he was preparing for his next words. “I was wondering if you wanted to join us for lunch. We’ve developed a partiality to M&M’s Soul Food and I thought that may be common enough to invite you to so that you don’t think I’m coming on too strong.”

Hmmmmm…
I wrinkled my nose. “Are you coming on to me at all?”

It was Brian’s turn to scoff, only he added a rolling of his eyes. It was
cute
.