Love Thy Neighbor (19 page)

We only arrived home a couple of hours ago.
The rest of last night went perfectly. When I say it went
perfectly, I mean when Asher and I re-emerged from our sex den, all
we had to do was call each other a few choice names while giving
each other dirty looks and no one suspected a thing.

At least, I think they didn’t.

Tina looked a little shocked when Ash
demanded I wait for him so we can go home together, but when he
mentioned that he wanted to check my apartment to make sure it was
safe, Tina got all dreamy happy. And I seriously wanted to slap
her.

Lola and Trick were wrapped up in each
other, being all cute and
so
them, not even noticing we were
gone. Mimi and Nik kept narrowing their eyes at my lips which I’m
sure were pink and puffy from the rough kissing during the
sexiness, but I just looked at them with a confused expression on
my face as if I couldn’t work out what they were looking at. Mimi
straight-up frowned at me but let it go. Nik just shook his head as
if clearing it.

Score: Nat 1 - the world 0.

We spent the rest of the night talking and
laughing at the booth. Max and I were huddled close, flirting and
touching. Ash was
not
happy about that. He didn’t have to
say anything. The look on his face was enough to see he was
seething. And moronically, it made me feel good to see his jealous
side come out. So, of course, I played a little harder. Kissing
Max’s cheek and whispering dirty nothings into his ear until around
3am when Ash pulled me up by my arm and announced we were leaving.
Not even giving me a chance to give more than a goodbye wave, he
dragged me to his hot-as-hell muscle car and helped me in. When I
was in and ready to go, he turned his scowling face to me and
demanded, “Suck me.”

It starts.

My heart thumped excitedly. Putting on my
sexy smile, I unbuttoned his jeans and whispered, “Gladly.”

It was dirty and awesome. There we were in
the front seat of his sexy car, in The White Rabbit’s parking lot
with his seat pushed back. Me, leaning over the seat to take him
into my mouth, my bare ass in the air, a free show to anyone who
walked past. By the time Ash was ready to blow, I was ready to blow
myself. Through a groan, he said “It’s coming, girl. Where do you
want it?”

I didn’t respond, just bobbed my head faster
and deeper. He stroked my hair and whispered, “Dirty girl. Fuck. So
dirty. You want my load? Take it, baby.” Then he came. With every
jerk of his orgasm, warm saltiness filled my mouth. And like the
good girl I am, I swallowed it up then wiped the sides of my mouth.
Smiling up at him, I returned to my seat, buckled up and off we
went. When we arrived home, he didn’t say goodnight, just slapped
my ass when he walked by me to his apartment. Twice. Hard.

My face scrunched, I rubbed my sore butt and
mouthed
Ow
at him. He just winked at me then went into his
apartment. Now, I’m not one hundred percent sure, but I think that
was a warning about being too openly frivolous with Mad Max.

I fell asleep with a smile on my face,
thinking about when and where the next round would take place.

So now in the wee hours of the morn, I’m
wide awake. Well, my brain isn’t but my body is burning. I know we
started this affair saying that we could call on each other day or
night, anytime, but am I really going to go over there right
now?

Yes. The answer is yes.

I throw the covers off smiling like a
complete ass and basically run down the hall, only stopping to get
the key to Asher’s apartment. I skid down the hall and unlock his
door fast as I can, giggling all the way. Once inside his place, I
hear moaning coming from his bedroom. I stop in my tracks.

And my heart squeezes.

I’m dead. I’ve died.

My heart kick starts with a vengeance and I
storm up the hall and make my way to his room so fucking angry that
my heart is now racing. Blood roars through my ears. I won’t ever
admit that my heart is silently breaking.

Really? The fucker came twice tonight and
he’s already got some floozy in his bed? What an asshole!

Just when I get to his bedroom door and
start to open to door, the anger fades. I think for a moment about
what this will mean for us if I can’t control my emotions which,
funnily enough, was one of my rules in this affair. My heart says
don’t do it
while my brain screams
shame the
fucker!

Before I can think too hard about it I throw
open the door and switch on the light.

I gasp, put a hand to my chest and step back
from this horrific scene.

Oh God, no!

Asher thrashes on his bed, red faced and
moaning loudly in pain. His eyes are shut, but they move rapidly
beneath closed lids. I don’t know what’s happening here. A sob
catches in my throat watching this disturbing mess. He gasps in
heaving breaths and shouts out, “No!”

Having had a moment to steady myself, I run
to the edge of his bed and try in vain to wake him. With his
thrashing, I can’t seem to get close enough to him to touch him.
His back arches and his eyes squeeze shut as he bares his teeth. An
agonizing gurgling noise sounds from low in his throat before he
screams in a childlike voice, “Mom, help me!”

I don’t know what to do. I’m petrified. I’m
losing my inner battle to keep calm.

Unblinking, tears rush down my face as I sob
hysterically. No longer caring about being hit by his flailing
limbs, I grab at his hands and hold them. His foot connects with my
stomach and I moan in pain. One of his hands comes free from mine,
and he backhands me across the face yelling, “NO!”

I’m too heartbroken by this situation to
even shout for him to stop. I sob so hard I can barely get a full
breath in. He grips my hair tight and pulls so hard I think he
might actually rip it out of my head. I yelp in pain. After a
second, his hand comes loose from my hair and he pushes me back
hard. I stumble back from the bed and fall flat on my ass with an
oomph
.

Ash sits up in bed and looks around his room
in confusion before turning to look into my eyes. The only thing
that can be heard is our combined heavy breathing. His face turns
passive as he puffs out heavy breaths. “What are you doing here?”
he asks quietly.

Overwhelmed by heartbreak, I sit on the
floor, lower my face to my shaking hands and silently sob. I hear
shuffling before I’m pulled back into a hard body and wrapped up
tight. Asher rocks me and coos reassuring words til I finally
settle. The silence is comforting. After a moment, he whispers into
my ear, “I’m so sorry, pretty girl. I feel like an asshole. Did I
hurt you?”

I feel his shame seeping through him like
poison. He obviously has no idea I just went through another Cole
moment. Ignoring his question, I whisper back, “What the hell
happened to you, Ash?”

Tightening his arms around me, sitting on
the cold floor together, he sighs. “They’re dreams. Well,
technically nightmares, I think.” He pauses before he corrects
himself. “Actually, they’re fuckin’ memories.”

My heart squeezes. The scars. I’m sure this
all stems from the scars, and even though I really don’t want to
hear it, I think I
have
to hear it. I think he needs to tell
it as much as I need to hear it. I think back to that day at The
White Rabbit when he taught us self-defense and what he said to me,
“You need to tell them, pretty girl. If you don’t tell anyone
about it, it’ll eat away at you. You’ll stop seeing your friends
and you’ll stop going out. You’ll be a fraction of the person you
were without their support. You’ll lose that fierce about you and
just become cold. You’ll become me.”

I guess what they say is true. Everyone has
skeletons buried deep in their closets.

Clearing my throat. I ask, “Can you let me
up?”

When he releases me, I stand and turn to
face him. I hold out my hand for him to take. He stares at my hand,
unsure of what to do. Not giving him an option, I reach forward,
take his hand and help him up. As soon as he’s up, I wrap my arm
around his waist and pull him to his bed. Without asking
permission, I pull back the dark blue covers and climb in. I look
up at him and pat the free side next to me but he shakes his head.
“I can’t fall asleep with you. I- uh- I get violent. I don’t want
to hurt you, babe,” he says quietly,

Nodding, I reply, “Okay. We won’t sleep.
We’ll just talk.” When his face becomes pained, I amend quickly,
“Talk about anything, Ash. It doesn’t need to be anything specific.
Maybe I want to know what your favorite cereal is.”

He doesn’t smile but his eyes crinkle. After
a moment of stillness, he walks over to the door and switches off
the light before climbing into bed. Once he’s settled next to me, I
move over to him and lay my cheek on his scarred chest. I wrap my
pajama covered leg over his pajama covered leg and sigh. He strokes
my hair and asks, “So, I got you, huh?”

Replying with closed eyes, I confess, “Yeah,
you got me good, too.”

His kisses my head and speaks into my hair,
“I’m so fucking sorry, girl. I don’t remember any of the shit that
goes on when the nightmares start. It’s like I’m eight years old
again.”

Oh, God.

Eight years old. Something horrific happened
to him when he was eight fucking years old. Thinking about Ash as a
child and in agony, makes me want to ugly cry, but I hold it
together. Instead, I turn my head a little and place kisses on his
chest. “So what’s your favorite cereal?”

His body shakes in silent laughter as he
replies, “Chocolate rice puffs.”

Smiling into his chest, I tell him, “I’m an
original rice puffs kind of girl.”

Body still shaking with mirth, he says,
“Good to know.” Then squeezes me tighter.

Enjoying this cuddling session, I’m a little
surprised when he asks, “Nat, do you think you could talk to me?
About anything.” I lift my head to look into his shadowed face. He
plays with my hair and goes on, “I like your voice. It makes me
stop thinking.”

My heart swells and I’m relieved that I can
do something to help him. Without answering him, I rest my cheek on
his chest. “When I was eleven years old, Nina cut my hair into a
Mohawk.”

My body bounces on his as he bursts into
laughter. He laughs long and hard and I tell him, “Yeah. The faux
hawk looks good on you. Unfortunately, not a good look on me.”

I suddenly remember the last time I was in
this room: so were my sisters and the girls. It was such a great
morning and because of that, it became a great day. Tina came to
bring him a present…

“Ash, what did Tina get you for your
birthday?”

I feel him shrug as he replies softly, “No
idea. It’s still wrapped on the bookcase.”

“Well, that’s a very ass thing to do!” I
scoff. Before he can stop me, I’m up and walking over to the
bookcase to retrieve the wrapped present. Once I’ve got it, I make
my way back to his bed. “Switch on the lamp, will ya?”

With a huge sigh, he turns on the lamp and
we’re suddenly illuminated in low light. Smiling, I hold out his
gift. “Would you like me to sing for you?” My voice is dead
seriousness.

Rolling his eyes, I chuckle as he snatches
his gift from my hand and unwraps it. His brow furrows for a moment
before his eyes crinkle at the sides and a big smile appears on his
face. He turns the bright pink photo frame around to me, and I bite
my lip to stop myself from laughing.

Gotta love Tina. She’s the only person who
could get away with giving a gift like this without any
repercussions. The photo is of baby Tatiana and Asher. Asher lies
on his back holding Tatiana above his head. Tatiana fights to come
down to his level. She holds Asher’s ears, lowering her head to
suck on Asher’s nose. Asher’s profile shows he’s smiling a very
sweet, genuine smile.

Sweet baby Jesus. Look at the smile.

Those are some extreme feels.

My heart swells looking at the two of them.
He looks so happy. I utter, “She’s so beautiful.”

Nodding, Ash replies, “Yeah, she is. I’d do
anything for Tatiana or Ceecee.” Feeling his eyes on me, I look up
to find him searching my face. Just before I tell him to knock it
off, he tells me, “You’d be a good mom.”

And just like that, my heart goes from
swelling to shrinking.

Wearing a tight smile, I move away from him,
take the frame and place it on his nightstand. Sitting back down on
his bed, I tell him, “I can’t have kids.” Before he can respond to
that, I go on, “And that really sucks because I wanted kids. I
wanted marriage, kids and two pug dogs named Pizza and Donut. Then
we had sex and didn’t use protection. Next thing I know my period
didn’t come and I just assumed I was pregnant.” Looking up into his
stunned face, I tell him, “Which is cool. I would’ve been fine with
that. Actually, once I convinced myself that I was pregnant, I was
pretty damn happy about it. I met this doctor in the city and he
does an ultrasound, umm-ing and ahh-ing and tells me ‘Sorry, doll.
No kids for you.’” I finish with a short humorless laugh.

Asher doesn’t say a thing for a long while.
After a moment, his brows bunch and he says, “Was it something I
did?”

Huh?

“What do you mean?”

His eyes slide down to my belly. “Was I too
rough or some shit? Is that why you can’t have kids? Did I fuck you
up somehow?”

Oh no.

He thinks he did this to me.

Crawling across the bed to him, I kiss the
top of his head and tell him, “No, Ash. It wasn’t you. You just
helped me figure out I had something wrong with me. Nothing you did
would’ve changed the outcome. I’m just not destined to have
children. That’s it. I swear.”

Nodding but holding a look of incredulity,
he states, “I like rough sex. I don’t know why, I just fucking do.”
Looking up at me and holding my eyes, he asks, “Did the doctor say
there was absolutely no chance I broke you or are you just saying
that to make me feel better?”