Love Rules (11 page)

Jesse’s expression tightened. Misery and concern mingled. Who was the baby’s father? Perhaps that was why she no longer had any interest in him. That would explain it. Perhaps the man who fathered her child died and she had no one to count on. Could be she had been raped in the cell, too. That bothered him. He needed to know.

Jealousy speared his heart at the thought that Maggie could love another so soon after they had made love. If she’d been raped, he’d hunt the dog down and kill him. Perhaps it had merely been lust on her part, he thought as he looked at her. But it certainly hadn’t been on his. Still, how could Maggie know that?

“I’ll get us a cup.” She moved to the kitchen. “Let me put her to bed first.” She took the baby girl into the bedroom and closed the door. The baby was as beautiful as her mother was. Petite and lovely skin and hair. He’d give anything for a child like that. Especially Maggie’s babies.

Jesse smiled and topped off his own cup. Not long ago he’d thought the place looked lonely. Maggie filled it with life. The house had a clean smell to it, and it had to be her effort, not his own.

Jesse sipped his coffee, savoring the flavor of the dark liquid and tried not to think about Maggie loving another man. It wounded him, yet he deserved it, too.

How could he overlook the fact that he turned her in? He’d put her through misery. Why should she care about him? And yet, she had come to his home.

Maggie came back and poured him another cup of coffee. They sat at the table staring across at each other. Lots of things needed saying, but there was a firm pout to Maggie’s luscious lips.

“It’s good to see you.” He reached for her hand, which she jerked away quickly.

“You’re still as beautiful as ever, maybe even more so.”

Jesse wasn’t sure what had happened to Maggie. He wished she were still as open and honest as she used to be. That quality had endeared her to him.

“You may not think so after I say what I gotta say,” she began, her voice sounding unforgiving.

“Sure, honey, what?” He stared into her perplexing face.

“First of all, I got a few rules for you to live by. And the first rule: You will not touch me,” she demanded, her eyes going over him thoroughly.

He studied her for a long moment. “You sure you want to make that rule?”

She sipped her coffee then looked at him. “I’m sure. Secondly, I came here for protection. That’s the only reason I came. You owe me.”

His gaze steadied, a calm overcoming him. “All right. That’s understandable.

And you’re right. I do owe you.”

“Well, maybe you better hear me out first, before you decide if it suits you or not.” Her voice hardened with renewed anger.

He emptied his cup and pushed it aside. Never had coffee tasted this good.

“How’d you find the place?”

She eyed him a bit longer before answering. “The captain from the prison found it on the map and pointed me in the right direction.” There was a sarcastic twist to her words.

The concerned captain. Was he the father of her child? It would explain why he was so accommodating. “That’s good. I’m glad you came.” He again tried to reach for her hand, but she pulled out of reach.

“No touching,” she reminded him.

He nodded and grimaced. “Okay, no touching.”

“Lastly, you may not want to hear this, but you’re gonna. You see, that’s
your
baby in there in the bedroom. Furthermore, if something happens to me, I expect you to take care of her. Understand? That’s why I’m here. I thought it only right to tell you.”

Her confession hit him like a rock aimed for the heart. But a very soft rock. His baby? Could it be true? Could she have been with child when he turned her in?

God, it was a dream comes true and yet, a nightmare, too. If it was true, Maggie had every right to hate him.

“M-mine?” he gasped and looked toward the door. When he turned back to her, she nodded.

He stood up and went to look at the sleeping baby on the bed. He mentally counted the months they’d been separated. The baby girl was not much more than a year and half old. She had her mother’s beautiful lips and his nose. He wondered what color her eyes were, wondered so many other things as he stared at her. He went toward the bed and bent to her. She opened her eyes, and they were a dark blue. He gasped. She smiled at him as he kissed her forehead.

“Hello, sweetheart.” He sighed lifting her into his arms. He sat on the edge of the bed and bounced her on his knee. She rubbed her eyes and blinked up at him.

If Maggie only knew how long he’d wanted a family of his own, she wouldn’t have worried about telling him. His heart swelled with pride and happiness, even when he thought of how distant Maggie had been. She’d just given him the best thing she could—part of her. He picked the baby up and carried her into the other room. As he sat at the table, he held her close.

Unspeakable happiness put a grin on his face, something else Maggie

obviously didn’t expect. He looked at his daughter’s shiny black curls hanging down her back, those deep blue eyes, and the sweetest little dimples on each side of her mouth and fell in love all over again.

The baby liked him, too. She didn’t cry or act scared, but responded to his every word. “She’s mine,” he confirmed, beaming.

“No, she’s
mine,
but you are her father,” Maggie explained. She watched the interplay between them and couldn’t believe her beautiful baby accepted this man

so fast. Then perhaps because she was so naïve, as her mother had been, she trusted. She’d teach her later to be more careful.

“What’s her name?” He watched Abby chuckle from his bouncing her on his knee.

“Abigail Ann Coleman,” Maggie said, feeling the tears welling inside her and the hurt gnawing at her. “Abby for short.”

“Abby. I like that.”

He let the baby down, found her doll on the floor, and handed it to her. She took it, went across the room, and smiled back at him. Shyly.

“She’s beautiful, Maggie, just beautiful. I only wish I’d known.” His voice held wonder.

“Yes, well, they don’t have couriers from prisoners to soldiers, I’m afraid,”

Maggie said dully.

He looked at her seriously. “So now’s the time I say I’m sorry I left you.”

“I don’t expect you to be sorry. No regrets. I don’t want apologies. You had your duty and you did it. It happened.” Her pain reminded her to temper her words. “It’s over.”

“You want to get married?” He eyed her. “That’s the normal thing to do when you have a baby.”

“Married!” she shrieked with indignation, stood up and put her hands on her hips. “This isn’t a normal situation. No, I don’t expect that. Even I couldn’t bring that on you,” she mumbled, wishing she hadn’t decided to come there at all, but knowing she had to.

“Don’t expect it? Why not? You should demand it.” He moved in his chair as though uncomfortable. “I’d like to do the honorable thing and marry you.”

“It’s too late for honor,” she muttered.

“Because you are part black? I don’t care about that. I’ve told you so. That’s no issue with me.”

“Well, I wouldn’t go sayin’ that out loud around here. You may not, but others do. Because the war is just over, and people like those men would be even more fired up. And because we don’t need to be married. It ain’t even lawful for a white

man to marry a black woman, I don’t think. We aren’t going to be having each other again,” she stated finally.

“Is that the way you really want it?” His voice was devoid of emotion.

“That’s the way. I only want your protection, and in case of my death, your promise to look after our daughter. Those are my rules.”

“Love has no rules, Maggie, and you know it.”

“You weren’t in love. You were in lust,” she snapped, anger flashing in her chest. “You used me for what you wanted and then you turned me in. That said everything about what you felt.”

“Then so be it. You’re writing a ticket to hell, Maggie. For both of us.”

That night, he made his bed in the main room by putting the two rockers together. It wasn’t comfortable, but he’d never tell her that. He’d eat dirt before he’d tell her that. He’d asked her to come. Now this. Laying down rules they couldn’t possibly live by. He saw it in her eyes. Despite everything, they still wanted each other. It was in her expression when he looked at her, that same hunger. If he walked into that bedroom and demanded she let him in, what could she say? Of course he knew what she would do. She’d refuse him. He couldn’t blame her for it. He blamed himself. He just had to win her back.

He twisted and turned and finally got up and made a pallet on the floor. After tossing and yanking the blanket this way and that, he went to sleep. Even in sleep though, he thrashed about and called her name. He’d been calling her name for a long time and nothing had changed. She might be in his house, but he’d lost her heart.

He understood her anger. He even recognized how she could have misread his feelings, but the way they made love to each other? That was so special. How could she not at least see that much of it? Did she think he’d touched the few other women he’d had that way? Maybe that’s what she did think, but it wasn’t true. He’d never let his guard down with a woman before. Still, Maggie couldn’t know all that. She’d have to learn it, he reckoned.

Despite the damn rules, there was gladness in his heart he couldn’t explain.

He’d take Maggie on any terms. Just having her with him would be enough. He hoped he could control himself around her. That would be a new experience.

Controlling himself wouldn’t be easy.

Determined to find a way to make things right, he went about his business as usual the next morning. After breakfast he headed to the shed and checked his supplies. He’d stored lumber in it so he could add on to his house when the war was over. All of it lay untouched. He nodded his satisfaction. The baby needed a bed and a room to herself, too. He’d fix her up proper.

At noon, hunger got the better part of him, and he had to go back inside.

Maggie barely acknowledged him, but the tension between them thickened. Jesse had to do something. Under his breath he cursed her rules. She made him some food and fed the baby, but she didn’t look at him or talk to him. He spoke to both of them and tried to act normal, whatever that was.

Miserable, that’s what he was. He wanted her in his bed with him. He wanted to make a real family with her and their daughter. Nevertheless, Maggie had to be stubborn. Because he hurt her once, she wouldn’t give him another chance to prove his love to her. God, didn’t she realize they were going to have a big enough struggle ahead of them? He couldn’t prove it, and she wasn’t ready to listen, yet.

He’d give her some time and space and maybe she’d come around. They could get to know each other better. Things had happened too fast up in Arkansas. Time might be the ointment needed to bring her around.

He started making repairs that morning. After four long years of war and a half-year chasing cows, the place lacked a lot of things. He’d go into town and get some supplies once he determined what he needed.

He thought if he stayed away from her till he could figure something out, things would smooth out. However, staying away from her became a problem when she sought
him
out. She didn’t even look at him. She hung her head as she approached the shed, standing a good distance from him. “I don’t mean to trouble you, but the baby is out of milk, and I didn’t want to go into town. I have no money to purchase it. My milk dried up too fast, she's been on cows’ milk for a while now.”

He nodded. “All right. Thanks for letting me know. I’ll get us a cow. She’ll need her milk for a long while yet, and you can make butter, too. If you’ve a mind. I’ll see Mr. Jenkins. He’s usually got milk cows to spare since he breeds them. If you’ll make me a list of things you need, I’ll see about getting them for you.”

“Thank you.” She started back inside without saying anything more.

“Maggie, it’s not going to work. You know…ignoring me.”

“It’ll work,” she muttered miserably and went into the house.

He watched her walk away, enjoying the view, but hurting from her attitude.

Frustrated with trying to talk to her, he checked the old wagon he had stored in

the barn and hitched it to his horse, then rode over to the Jenkins’s farm about ten miles down the road. A pleasant ride most days.

He took ten fence posts he had gathered that were falling apart without wire.

He aimed to trade mostly for what he needed. He and Mr. Jenkins had always traded. A trust had quickly grown between them. Jenkins and his family had moved in long ago. They had known his folks and watched him grow into a man.

Plowing his cornfield under, Mr. Jenkins waved at him and finished his business. A short, lean man, he had no whiskers but sideburns of white hair crept out from his flop hat. He hadn’t aged a bit, Jesse noted. “Mr. Jenkins, how are you today?”

“Good to see ya this morning. How are ya?” the man asked as though Jesse had never been gone.

“Thought we might be able to do some tradin’.”

“Jest tryin’ to plow my field up. Thought I’d get a early start, yah. What can I do for you, neighbor? Trade you say. Yah, you brought some fence posts.

Vonderful, how did ya know?” He shook Jesse’s hand and smiled.

Jesse got straight to the point. He had limited time to talk, as work on the farm needed his attention. “I need a milk cow. I know you use to breed them. I was wondering if you might have one you could part with. And I’ll need some vegetables if you got any to spare.”

“Shore I do. You be knowin’ that, too. Come along with me. You know how I take stock in the milk cows. Gertrude will suit you fine. She’ll be a good producer.

She’s my best. Say, haven’t you been gone a while?”

Jesse walked up to the barn with him. No one else seemed about this early in the morning. Jesse wondered where his four sons were, but like as not they were in some other field clearing the land for the next year’s crop.

“Yeah, I was in the war. Confederate.” Jesse reminded him.