Love, Rosie (89 page)

you
can
eat
are
cakes
.
.
.
Think
about
it
.
.
.

Yes
I
take
your
point
.
.
.
I
always
thought
secretly
that
I
had
a

touch
of
the
banoffi
pie
to
me
alright.
Well
this
is
a
stupid
idea,
it’s

not
a
proper
diet
at
all
unless
you
look
like
a
vegetable
or
a
fruit

and
my
Gary
(although
he
may
have
the
qualities
of
a
vegetable)

ain’t
no
fruit
or
vegetable.

Rosie:

What
do
you
think
Greg
looks
like?

140

Ruby:

Rosie:

Ruby:

Rosie:

Ruby:

Rosie:

Ruby:

Rosie:

Ruby:

Rosie:

Ruby:

Rosie:

Ruby:

Rosie:

Ruby:

Rosie:

Ah
that’s
easy.
A
cow’s
testicle.

HA!
Since
when
did
people
ever
eat
cow’s
testicles?

Cecelia
Ahern

It’s
a
tribal
thing
.
.
.
OK
then
a
slug.
A
slimy,
disgusting,
slow
slug.

I
don’t
think
Greg
would
eat
a
slug.

Who
cares
what
the
cheating
bastard
eats.
What
do
you
think
Alex

looks
like?

A
Skye.

You
think
your
six-foot-tall,
brown-haired,
brown-eyed,
white-

skinned
friend
looks
like
a
chocolate
bar
with
nougat
inside?

Yes

Now
that’s
stupid
.
.
.

Well
excuse
me
Ms.
I
think
Teddy
has
a
tomato
head
.
.
.

Look,
all
this
talk
of
dieting
is
making
me
hungry,
I’m
taking
an

early
lunch
OK?

OK!
You
cheered
me
up
Ruby.

Ooops
sorry,
I
wasn’t
supposed
to
do
that
was
I?

No,
but
you’re
forgiven.

Oh
good.
Bye
honey.

Bye
.
.
.

Ruby
has
logged
off

from
:

to
:

subject
:

Alex

Rosie

More
time?

Alex
here,
it’s
been
a
while
since
I’ve
heard
from
you
.
.
.
I
was
hoping

you
would
have
been
in
touch
by
now.
If
you
need
more
time,
I
understand.

Please
let
me
no
what’s
going
on.

love,
rosie

141

from
:

to
:

subject
:

Rosie

Alex

Re:
More
time?

Hey
there
Skye!
Sorry
I
haven’t
written
in
a
while,
I’ve
been
up
to
my

eyes
at
work.
It’s
been
really
busy
around
here
for
some
reason.
Probably

because
the
sun
is
beginning
to
peek
its
big
head
up
again;
the
country
is
so

much
nicer
when
the
sun
shines.
What
do
you
mean
do
I
need
more
time?
It

doesn’t
take
very
long
to
accept
I’m
thirty!

Thanks
for
coming
over
for
my
birthday,
by
the
way.
It
was
really
sweet

of
Katie
and
Toby
to
organize
it
even
if
you
and
Ruby
were
the
only
people

there.
Sorry
I
was
a
bit
of
a
sour
puss,
I
suppose
I
was
just
down
because
I