Love or Luxury (15 page)

But that was okay because she didn't need the people in the Meadow to approve of her choices anymore. She'd leave the Meadow behind forever if she had to.

Could she really leave it behind? The Meadow was all she'd ever known.

She'd lived here as long as she could remember. What would a life in the city be like? It wasn't about designer bags and clothes anymore—she'd gotten used to going without the newest and best since she'd had to start selling her things.

No. Now it was about her friends, the familiar neighborhood places she'd grown up around. The places she loved. The people she loved. She wouldn't have any of those things anymore if she left the Meadow.

But would any of them still love her after they found out everything about her situation?

Rebecca knew the answer already. None of her friends would want to stick around once she was honest about everything. Not after they learned she didn't volunteer at the diner to help the shelter. Not after they knew she worked at the diner because she needed the money to pay a fraction of her bills. That was a life they would never understand, and it would inevitably be the thing that split their friendships apart.

But Finn understood.

Wiping the tears from her cheeks, a new resolve settle in her soul. A calm and clarity she'd never experienced before. She could live in the Meadow for the rest of her life, but she'd be living a lie, and she'd never be truly happy here again. This place had almost everything she wanted and loved.

Except the most important thing of all—Finn.

He'd already made it clear he was happy with the life he currently had. Now, thinking about spending another night with Finn, she knew she could get used to his way of life, cuddling on the couch in his home in the city—
their
home in the city—sounded pretty damn amazing right now… if he'd take her back.

All she needed was for Finn to listen to her—then to take her back. Just thinking of telling him how she really felt made her feel lighter, happier.

And slightly nauseous.

What if he didn't accept her back into his life?

Either way, she had to tell him the truth about how she felt. But before she could do that, she had to deal with Reid.

* * * *

Rebecca knocked on the huge front door of Reid's house, praying he hadn't already gone to bed. She knew he had an early day tomorrow, but hoped he'd stayed up waiting for her to come back. After a few seconds of silence from inside the house, she rang the bell a few times and pounded harder on the door.

She'd wake him up if necessary. This couldn't wait until morning. She had to see Finn tonight, but first she had to be completely free from Reid. Things were messy enough already. She couldn't let an almost-engagement get in the way of repairing things with Finn.

Reid opened the door. He was still in his evening attire from the party.

"Rebecca, come in. I've been worried sick about you. Are you feeling better, sweetheart?"

"Much. But I can't come in." Rebecca squeezed the ring in her fist, the diamonds digging into her palm, then thrust her hand out in front of Reid, palm side up and open. "I didn't get a chance to give you my answer earlier. But it's no. I can't marry you."

He stared at the ring in her palm but didn't reach for it. "What do you mean? I already told my parents."

"I'm so sorry. You called them before I even had time to think. I-I didn't realize it until now, but I love someone else." She open Reid's hand and put the engagement ring into it then folded his fingers into his palm. "I have to go."

The truth felt so good. It may have taken her a while to realize what was really important in life, but now she knew. And now she had to let Finn know, too.

Chapter Fifteen

Finn let his head fall back to rest against the couch cushion as he stared at the flickering fireplace. Rebecca had been out of his life for a week now, and he still couldn't imagine what he would do without her. When the taxi he'd called for her arrived, she walked downstairs and out his front door without so much as a backward glance. He'd had no communication with her since.

Not a single call. Not a single text. Not a single word from her the whole time.

He laughed at his own stupidity. He'd actually been stupid enough to believe she'd realize he was so much more than a fling and come back to him.

But she hadn't.

And he hadn't felt right since the moment she'd left.

Hundreds of times he'd picked up his phone, intent on calling her, but instead, he'd just reread their old text messages. He did want to talk to her, but what would he say? It wasn't like he could call and apologize for something he hadn't done. And calling to say, "Hey, have you figured out if I'm good enough for you yet?" probably wouldn't go over so well.

Best to move on and forget about Rebecca.

She'd made it perfectly clear she'd never be happy living outside the Meadow. And he'd never make enough money to accommodate the kind of life she wanted to live. He definitely wasn't going to try to be something he wasn't. And he sure as hell wasn't going to let her make him feel inadequate because of his job, his income, or his lifestyle.

So where did that leave them?

It left
him
right here in the middle of his couch with a cold beer and a lonely heart.

Finn startled at the knock on his door so late at night. He wasn't expecting anyone at almost two in the morning. Hell, normally he'd be in bed by now. If he could shut his mind off long enough to fall asleep, he would. But since Rebecca walked out, he hadn't been able to think of anything but her, which wasn't conducive to sleep. Or work. Or any of the other things he'd needed to get done this week and failed miserably at accomplishing.

Another knock at the door sounded louder than the first. Maybe one of his brothers had decided to stop by. It wouldn't be the first or last time one of them dropped in late for a beer on the way home. But two in the morning was really pushing it. Of course, an unexpected visit from one of them would actually be okay with him. He could use a distraction from everything—no, just from Rebecca.

"Hey, bro," he said, pulling open the door.

"Hey," a quiet voice said back. Definitely not one of his brothers.

Rebecca stood on his front porch, looking as amazing as she had the other morning when she'd worn nothing but his button-up shirt. The shirt now gripped in her hand by her side.

"I-um, stopped by to return your shirt. I'm sorry I kept it for so long."

Really? To return my shirt.

He reached out his hand to take it from her. "Thanks."

Instead of handing it back to him, she clutched it to her chest. "Can I come in? It's really chilly out here."

He eyed her up and down. Despite the dark circles under her pink, puffy eyes and her wild red hair that looked even more wild than usual, she was completely stunning. And sexy.

Stop. You can't be what she wants.

True. But what he wanted now, seeing her again, was to pull her into his arms and carry her upstairs to his bed. He hadn't been able to put their night together out of his mind all week. Nor had he been able to forget about how awesome it felt to wake up with her lying in his bed the next morning.

Seeing her again, he had to fight the urge to wrap his arms around her and never let go again. Goddamn, he'd missed her more than he'd realized in the time she'd been gone.

He stepped aside and motioned for her to come in. When she did, he closed the door behind her, trapping in the warmth of the house. She wasn't kidding about how cold it had gotten. In the last few weeks the temperature, especially at night, had plummeted.

"The fireplace is lit if you want to warm up a bit." He walked into the living room and picked up his beer, taking a huge swig of it to finish it off. "I'm going to grab another beer. Want one?"

"I can't. I'm such a lightweight, I'd have to spend the night here if I had a beer." She laughed, but it didn't sound happy. It sounded uncomfortable. When her gaze darted to the stairs and back, he could guess why. Maybe she had trouble forgetting their incredible night together, too.

"I'll make coffee then. It'll take a minute. Make yourself at home—" his voice fell off with the last word. Such a common saying for most people, but not for them. Not when she'd told him that his home wasn't good enough for her. He opened his mouth to correct himself but didn't.

Screw it.

She should feel uncomfortable for the things she'd said. Sure, his house wasn't the newest or the biggest, but it was warm and comfortable. And he loved it. He wanted to spend his time with someone who would love being here as much as he did and unfortunately, that wasn't Rebecca.

He fled to the kitchen, leaving Rebecca standing by the fireplace biting her lip. Goddamn, he loved those lips of hers. He'd managed to at least dampen the details of their time together in his mind when she'd been a phone call away. But now that she was here in the flesh and not just his overactive imagination, all of her amazing details flooded his mind.

Good thing he had the excuse of making coffee, so he could get himself together enough to talk to her. The shock of her being here again hit him like a truck. He forced all thoughts of her in his bed from his mind as he began the mindless task of making coffee. But since he had one of those one-cup instant brewing machines, the task only took a whopping two minutes.

Shit.

He wasn't ready to go back in there and face her again. How would he be strong enough to let her walk out his door again now that he had her here… where his heart told him she belonged? How could he let her leave, knowing his life sucked without her? Damn it. He never should have kicked her out that day to begin with. He'd been so stupid to let a girl like her go so easily. He should have fought for her. But would it have made any difference?

He leaned on the counter, staring at the two cups of steaming coffee in mismatched mugs. This was his life—mismatched mugs, a quaint home in a peaceful neighborhood, and another evening spent in front of a fireplace, instead of at a charity gala.

This was a life she didn't want.

Standing tall, he forced his lungs to fill with a deep breath. He had to let her go because she would never be happy here with him. He loved her too much to make her sacrifice the things most important to her.

Holy shit.

He loved her.

He hadn't seen that coming.

* * * *

Rebecca sat on the couch, her legs tucked under her now that she'd slipped out of her boots. She'd thrown her coat across the arm of the chair in the corner, so she could feel the heat from the fireplace on her skin. The fire warmed her on the surface but did little to take away the chill of nervousness in her stomach.

Finn walked into the room and almost stumbled when he saw her sitting on his couch. Perhaps she'd made herself more comfortable than he'd meant. She shifted uncomfortably and thought about moving, but didn't. She wanted to sit with Finn on the couch again like she had last time. Last time had led to a good talk and a great time in his bed. She hoped this spot was her lucky charm.

That wasn't too much to hope for, was it?

He handed her a cup of coffee and took a seat beside her on the couch. Not as close as he'd sat to her last time, but she'd take it. At least he was within touching distance. And hopefully, if things went the way she wanted them to, she'd be touching him again sooner rather than later.

As she took a sip of her coffee, she watched his gaze flicker down to his shirt, which lay across her lap. She knew she should give it back to him now since that's what she'd been invited in to do. But if she did, then she'd have no excuse to stay longer and talk.

And she wasn't quite ready to part with it yet, either.

The truth was she'd slept in his shirt every night since she'd worn it home after their fight. When she put it on at night and climbed into bed, she could almost imagine him lying there with her. His scent had filled her senses as she'd drifted into a fitful sleep, and every morning it was his cologne she smelled first thing.

But the shirt was merely an excuse to get in the door. Now the real trick would be how to convince him to let her stay.

"I'm sure you probably want me to give you your shirt back now, right?" she asked, glancing up to find him staring at her. "I'll give it back to you, on one condition—"

"You can keep it," he said before she had time to finish her sentence.

Her chest constricted. She should have known better. He didn't care about his stupid shirt, and he certainly didn't care about anything she had to say. And she couldn't blame him.

She'd been so awful to him. No wonder he wasn't interested in talking to her again. She nodded. What could she even say back to that? Thanks for the shirt?

Tears pooled in her eyes. Damn it. She'd come here to tell him she was sorry and, at the very least, she was still going to. He had to know how she felt and then if she had to leave with her tail between her legs like a dog that'd been swatted with a rolled up newspaper, then so be it.

"I'm not really here because of the shirt," she started, her voice trembling.

"I kind of guessed that already." His tone wasn't mocking or mean. He was well within his right, but it made her feel a little better that he chose not to speak to her in a condescending way.

"I'm sorry, Finn. I'm so sorry for the way I acted and the things I said to you."

"Thanks."

He wasn't going to make this easy, was he?

"I was caught off guard, and I wasn't thinking clearly."

"Yes, you were. You said exactly what was on your mind. You knew exactly what you were saying." He shifted on the couch to face her more. "I appreciate you're sorry about hurting me, but your apology doesn't change the way you feel about me or my way of life. So I don't really know why you had to come all the way here to tell me this."

A tear streaked down her cheek, but she quickly brushed it away. She didn't want Finn to feel sorry for her or worse, feel any responsibility for her tears. She'd made her bed, now she'd have to lie in it. Alone.

Well, if she was going to lie there alone, she was damn well going to do that having told him how she felt. She wouldn't let herself wonder what might have been for the rest of her life. Nope. Finn would listen to her feelings now, while she had the chance to tell him, and then she'd go home and crawl into her shell of an apartment until she figured out a way to get out of the mess she'd put herself in.

"You're right. An apology doesn't change the past. But I still have to try and change the future."

"What are you talking about?"

"I've been so focused on trying to find a way to keep the life I've been used to living that I was too busy to realize my life in the Meadow sucked. The Meadow is all I've ever known. I thought it was all I ever wanted to know." She wiped another tear away as it escaped.

"But then I met you. You shook up my whole world. My head kept telling me not to get involved with you since I knew you weren't from the Meadow, and you couldn't give me the things I thought I wanted. But then you kept turning up in my diner, and my heart started overruling my head."

"I like the pie," he said quietly, his lip curling up slightly at the corner. Almost a smile, but not quite.

"You said you liked the scenery." She smirked, remembering his excuse one time when he'd come to visit her at the diner.

He brushed her hair back from her face, staring at her for a few heartbeats. "I like both things. I also happen to like the waitresses there. Well, one waitress really. She's got this crazy red hair and an unbelievable attitude to go with it."

"Leave my hair out of this, or you'll really get a fight."

"You don't care about the attitude comment? Just the hair."

"I'm sensitive about my hair."

"Okay then." He laughed, a smile lighting his face for the first time that night. "I promise I'll try not to insult your sensitive hair again."

She loved seeing him smile, and it hurt to know this next thing was probably going to send that smile into hiding again. But she had to get it out there now, or else she'd always be worried this moment would come back to bite her in the ass someday.

"I need to tell you something else because leaving out little details of my life in the Meadow didn't work out so well for me up until now."

"Your boyfriend isn't exactly a little detail."

Rebecca ignored the tone in his voice and the accusation that went along with it. "You're not going to like what I have to say. But I have to tell you anyway."

"Sounds fun for me."

"When I left here the other day, I really thought we were over. I didn't see how things could work out between us when I would have to give up everything I wanted… for you."

"Ouch. Thanks for bringing up my shortcomings again."

"Let me finish," she said, taking a shaky breath. "So I went home and tried really hard to put you out of my mind. I tried to move on. I forced myself to ignore the little voice in my head telling me to come back to you, and I went about my life, trying to get what I thought I wanted. And earlier tonight I got it."

She chanced a peek at Finn and hated the expression she saw. Hated the message in his body language as he leaned away from her. A pit of anxiety grew in her stomach. It would be so much easier not to tell him this, but she knew that would be lying by omission again. If she really wanted a chance at a life with him, she had to come clean about everything.

"What happened earlier tonight, Rebecca?"

Hearing him use her full name instead of his nickname for her hurt more than she expected. "I went to the gala with Reid."

"Thanks for sharing. I hope you had a great time in your diamond necklace."

"There's more."