Love on Stage (27 page)

Manny kicked him. “Dude. Are you that clueless?”

“I’m not the clueless one.” Larry turned to Gavin. “What did you say to Miles when you saw him?”

“That I had convinced my cousins to join me in this group and we needed his help.”

Larry looked at Manny, who nodded. Manny said, “Gavin, if you like the guy, and by
like
I mean want to hold hands and kiss and suck dick, then you have to tell him.”

“We’ve had sex,” Gavin said. “And it was great. Miles knows it was too. He was just as into it as I was. When we left Starlit Lake we were firing on all cylinders.”

“And then?” Manny asked.

“And then I flew home, and Miles went to Nashville and then drove here.”

“And were you there to welcome him home? Tell him you missed him?”

Gavin shifted on his seat. “Well, I was kind of pissed at him then.” He explained about his doubts and how he’d waited for Miles to come to Java Joe’s.

“And then?” Manny asked again.

Gavin was beginning to find this questioning very irritating. “We talked about business.”

“Did you tell him you were going up to Wisconsin?” Manny asked.

Gavin shook his head. “I wasn’t sure how I felt about him. But I figured it out this weekend. And when I tried to tell him, he shut me down.” He repeated what Miles had said about being hurt before and trying to change his behavior.

“So let’s recap,” Manny said, sitting back. “You had a crush on this guy, and though he resisted having sex with you at first, you conquered him. Then, instead of trying to act lovey-dovey back home, you ignored him and only talked to him about business.”

“That’s not the way it was,” Gavin protested.

“Sure sounds that way to us,” Larry said.

“And if I were Miles and you had sex with me and then dissed me like that, I wouldn’t have even let you past the doorman,” Manny said.

“But—”

“This is the way life is for guys who aren’t drop-dead gorgeous,” Larry said. “You have to work at dating. I realize that’s a new concept to you. Showing some guy that you’re interested in him as a person, not just for sex.”

Gavin pulled his legs up to his chest. “You’re an asshole.”

“No, you’re the asshole,” Larry said. “Look at it from his point of view. He’s been hurt before by mixing business and pleasure. He tried to hold off fucking you until your business was done, but you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants. Then you dumped him anyway, and you came crawling back because you need his skills. Of course he’s going to slam the door in your face.”

If anything, Gavin felt even worse. “You think that’s what he feels?”

“Trust me,” Larry said. “I’ve had it happen to me enough times. Guy pretends to like me just so I’ll fix his computer. Then when everything’s working, it’s ‘later, loser.’”

“How do I make it up to him?” Gavin asked.

“Just move on,” Larry said. “Lesson learned. Try not to be a dick in the future.”

“I don’t want to move on. I want Miles.”

“Why?” Manny asked.

Gavin turned to him. “What do you mean, why?”

“I mean, if you like him, you need to figure out why and then show him. Prove to him that you’re interested in more than just his ability to make you a star.” He yawned. “I’m going to bed.”

“I’ve got some coding I want to do,” Larry said. “Think about what we said, dude.”

They went into their own rooms, and Gavin walked over to the balcony. He slid open the heavy glass door and stepped outside. The night was warm and humid, reminding him of standing outside the grocery in Madison thinking of Miles.

He leaned forward on the railing and looked across the bay to the Miami skyline. Why did he like Miles Goodwin, anyway? Miles was cute enough, but not killer handsome. He was smart and fun to be around, and he had great music chops. So?

He had to admit, he was attracted to Miles because of the way Miles made him feel—talented and special. But that was about him again. He couldn’t blame Miles for wanting to be with someone who liked him for who he was.

What about when they had sex? Gavin had been with guys who were more skillful, more limber, more exciting. But he had enjoyed being with Miles more because of who he was. Hadn’t he? Wasn’t that what love was?

He stood up. Love? Was that what he felt for Miles Goodwin? How could he feel that way, after only knowing the guy for a few weeks and after a couple of times in bed? Sure, they’d both said it to each other. But those were just words. How could he convince Miles of the emotions behind those words?

Monday morning it was hard for Gavin to drag himself out of bed for his shift at Java Joe’s. He felt like he’d been run over by a truck—his limbs ached, his stomach hurt, and he had a low-grade headache. Was this what it felt like to get dumped? He’d never cared for anyone the way he did for Miles, so he’d never felt too bad when a relationship, if sex had evolved into one, ended.

By the time he made it to Lincoln Road, the café was already open, with Careful at the register where Gavin should have been. His boss was too busy to say anything, with a line already snaking from the register to the front door, and Gavin hurried to clock in and don his apron.

Every time the door jingled, Gavin looked up, afraid that it would be Miles. By the time his break came at nine thirty, he had decided he couldn’t work there anymore. He desperately wanted to see Miles and make things up with him, but he knew that he couldn’t stand to see him come into the café as just an ordinary patron.

Careful was in the back room working on inventory sheets when Miles walked in to clock out for his break. “You can’t—” Careful began.

At the same time, Gavin said, “I can’t—”

They both stopped.

“You first,” Careful said.

“I can’t work here anymore,” Gavin said. “Can I just leave now?”

“What happened?” Careful motioned him to sit at the table with him. “You look like elephant dung, and all morning you move as if your feet are stuck in mud.”

Gavin loved the British-inflected lilt of Careful’s voice. “Have you ever been in love?” he asked.

“Back in my country, many times,” Careful said. “There are many beautiful girls in Nairobi. I would be in love with a different one each day.” He looked at Gavin. “Like you are with boys here.”

Gavin shook his head. “I don’t mean lust. I mean love, like your heart is going to break if you can’t be together.”

“Yes, that is how I feel about my wife. She inspired me to come here, to make a better life for her.”

Gavin had never talked to Careful about his background before. “Really?”

“My brother is very, very smart. He got a scholarship to come to Florida and study. He worked hard and achieved his master’s degree. Then he began his job, and as soon as he had money saved, he asked me if I would like to come here.” He sat back in his chair. “I had just met Sindiya at church, and I knew she was the woman for me.”

“How did you know?” Gavin interrupted.

Careful smiled, exposing the gap between two teeth on the bottom row. “It is not something I could tell with my head. But with my heart, instead.” He picked up his cup of coffee and took a sip. “But I had no money for a wife. So I told Sindiya what my brother offered and asked her if she would wait for me to return.”

“What did she say?”

“That she would not wait for me.” Careful waited a beat, then continued. “She wanted us to marry then and come to the United States together, to make our future, even though it meant leaving behind her family and her friends, her country, and her culture.” He smiled again. “That is when I knew that she felt for me what I felt for her.”

“That’s so romantic,” Gavin said.

“It was not at first,” Careful said. “We shared a futon on the floor of my brother’s living room, and we both worked two jobs. Even now that we have our own place, we hardly see each other. It is like I am living with my sister. And not Beneficent, the nice one. It is like being with Charming, the one who is nothing like her name.”

Gavin was confused. “But you’re still married?”

“Oh yes, most certainly. We are still working hard to be able to buy a home and start a family. But we would not be together still if we did not love each other.” He sat back and looked at Gavin. “So, this mood of yours. It is because you are in love?”

“I don’t know,” Gavin said, his voice sounding like a wail. “He won’t have anything more to do with me, and I feel awful.”

“This is the man you call the Music Dude?”

Gavin nodded. “Miles.” He spilled everything out—Starlit Lake, the concert, sex with Miles, then his stupidity. “So I can’t keep working here. What if he comes in for coffee?”

Careful looked up at the clock. “Your break is over. I will finish your shift for you if you come back for the evening. Then starting tomorrow, you work at night instead of morning. How is that?”

“That would be great!” Gavin said. He could keep his job, and he wouldn’t risk running into Miles.

He’d have to see him eventually, but at least Gavin could have some time to think things through and figure out what to say.

Merely Spectators

Gavin went back home and crawled into his bed. He felt so miserable that he couldn’t stand to be awake. He set his alarm so he’d get up in time for the evening shift, but his cell phone woke him late that afternoon.

“Gavin, it’s your father.”

Gavin had long since given up trying to explain to his father that when he called on the cell phone, his name and number were displayed on the screen. “Hi, Dad.”

“You sound like I woke you up. It’s five o’clock in the afternoon.”

“I had to be at work at seven, Dad. I took a nap when I got home.”

“Must be nice.” His father harrumphed. “Anyway I’m calling with bad news.”

“Is everybody all right?” Gavin asked. “Mom? Gretchen?”

“We’re all quite healthy. At least, I hope your sister is. She won’t talk to your mother about prenatal vitamins.”

“Then what’s the bad news?”

“I spoke with Miles Goodwin this afternoon. He has decided that he can’t continue to work with us anymore. The best that he can do is connect us to this songwriter friend of his in Nashville. He says that it’s because he has too many other clients, which I know for a fact—through Alan’s inquiries—is not true.”

Though Gavin had expected that Miles would back away, hearing his father say it made his stomach cramp up again.

“Did you have anything to do with that decision?” his father asked.

“I’ve hardly spoken to him since we left Wisconsin,” Gavin said.

His father said nothing, and finally Gavin had to continue. “I think he’s mad at me.”

“Why?”

Gavin sat up in bed and pulled his knees close. “I don’t want to go into it.” Certainly not with his father, he thought.

“Did you break up with him?”

“Me? No. I…” he hesitated. “I think I might be in love with him.”

“And he doesn’t feel the same way?” his father asked gently.

“I think maybe he does, or did. But I screwed up, and now he won’t talk to me.”

There was another long silence on his father’s end, but this time, Gavin had nothing more to say.

“Your mother and I knew you were gay long before you told us, you know,” his father said.

“I know you said so then. But really?”

“You’re our son, Gavin. But we didn’t want to say anything until you did. And even after that, I’ve kept my opinions to myself. But more and more, I see that despite our difference in orientation, you and I are very much alike. I know you don’t want to hear that from your old father, but it’s true.”

“I’m not ready to come back to Eau Claire and work at the dealership,” Gavin said.

“Excuse me? I wasn’t aware I’d made that offer.”

“Isn’t that what you’re getting at? That I’d make a good salesman, like you?”

His father laughed, and Gavin was offended. He thought he could be a good salesman if he wanted, and he was about to protest, when his father said, “That’s not what I meant at all, though I see how much personal charm you have, and I flatter myself a bit that you inherited that from me.”

“Oh.”

“You’re a very handsome young man, Gavin. Of course you know that. But I was very good-looking in my way at your age.”

“You were, Dad. I’ve seen the pictures.”

“Well, what you might not know is that I—let’s say spread my affections around a great deal. Somewhat like you.”

“Really?” A horrible thought jumped into his brain, and he said, “If you cheated on Mom, I don’t want to hear about it.”

“Gavin! Of course not. Your mother is the love of my life. I was talking about before we…became a couple.”

Gavin laughed. His dad had been quite handsome, in a buttoned-down kind of way. Even in casual photos with his friends, his hair was perfectly groomed, his clothes neat. He filled out his T-shirts nicely, and he knew—from childhood times at pool showers and so on—that his dad was pretty well hung.

Yuck. He tossed that idea right out of his head.

“So what’s your point, Dad?” he asked.

“My point—and I do have one—is that I know what it’s like to be able to pick and choose your romantic partners and toss them away easily. It was very difficult for me to convince your mother that what I felt for her was different.”

“She didn’t want to marry a player?”

“We didn’t call it that back then,” his father said. “But yes, that’s the point.”

Gavin swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat up. “How did you change her mind?”

“I know that your mother and I have made it sound like we fell in love at first sight, that day out at Lake Michigan. But that’s not the truth. I had a group that I hung around with, and it wasn’t hard for me to convince them to include Natalie and her model friends.”

He sighed. “That might have been a mistake. From my friends, your mother learned about my reputation. And to be honest, I thought she was pretty but too quiet for someone with a big personality like mine.”

“But she balances you out, Dad,” Gavin said.

“That’s the kind of thing it takes a while to figure out, Gavin.” He was quiet for a moment. “One day, a group of us were out at a picnic by the lake, and one of the men had too much to drink.”