Love Obsessed (11 page)

“Mum and Dad gave me that car, so I’ll return it to them this weekend.” Jake and I have been driving together to work since I’ve temporarily moved in with him. We figure that we’re leaving in a few days, so what’s the worst they can do to us if the school discovers that we’re dating.

We haven’t told anyone that we’re going, so we haven’t received any shit from Beth or Anita over it; just sly comments about riding to work and going home together.

I haven’t heard from, about, or seen either Cole or Brandon, but I do run into Ryan at the shopping centre one night while Jake is with me. They do seem to hit it off, but I know Ryan pretty well, and something is off with him.

“Hey, Jake? I couldn’t find that sauce you were talking about. I looked, but,” I shake my head, indicating that I didn’t see it.

“I swear, sometimes you’re as blind as a bat.”

“Me, too.’ Jake kisses me, very much to make a scene, and leaves.

Ryan whistles, “That was some kiss.” I know what Jake was doing, kissing me like that. I can’t speak. I’m embarrassed. “Well, if he can kiss like that, no wonder you’re with him.”

“What is that suppose to mean?”

“He’s not good for you, Erin.”

“Ry, I get that shit from Cole and Brandon, so please don’t start with me over this. I’ve made up my mind.”

“Because Cole told you that he loves you, and Brandon went anal. They pushed you away.”

“That has nothing to do with this.”

“It has everything to do with this.”

“You told me that you loved me, and I didn’t get scared and run.”

“I didn’t do it the way Cole did, and Brandon never found out. Cole wants the world to know that he loves you.”

“Yeah, well, he stopped talking to me.”

“Because you told him to.”

“I didn’t mean it. Plus, when does Cole ever do anything that I tell him to?”

“If you’re saying this stuff, Erin, you should be with Cole. He doesn’t have to show people that you’re his, because he knows. He only stopped because he doesn’t want to push you away and lose you forever. He’s been waiting a very long time to be with you. He’s changed since he told you how he feels. He hasn’t... doesn’t... go out, doesn’t answer his phone unless it’s family, doesn’t have people over, and he’s at my place a lot. God, I don’t even think that he’s been with anyone since he told you. He still calls you. He knows you won’t turn your phone back on, but he still calls. He still hopes that it will ring. Erin, you belong with Cole. We’re not the same without you, and screw what Brandon has done. He broke a promise. That was his decision. He knew that you wouldn’t like it, and he did it anyway. He broke up with the bitch once he discovered that you left, and he and Cole are talking again. They only talk about you, but it’s talking none the less.”

“Cole only wants me because he can’t have me,” I defend. I’m getting angry and pissed at Ryan’s speech.

“What!?” He has the nerve to sound shocked over this.

“Don’t act so surprised, Ryan. You’ve known Cole longer than me, and you know what he’s like. I’m the one he can’t have, so I’m the one he wants, and if I give in to him, he’ll throw me away and have nothing to do with me. If any of that happens, everything will be awkward for everyone, and I won’t be that girl.”

Ryan is silent, stunned, “Where the fuck did you get that? What makes you think that Cole is so shallow that he would do that to you?”

“Oh come on, Ryan. Wake up. You know who Cole is. He always has to have a girl in his bed, and it’s hardly ever the same girl twice. He doesn’t do relationships, and I do.”

“Has Cole ever given you any reason to think that when he tells you that he loves you that he is playing some type of game with you? Have you ever heard him tell anyone else that he loves them?”

I divert my eyes away from Ryan. I don’t like his tone or the way he is looking at me. I can’t help the tears that fall. I want to believe him and Cole, but I have to look out for me. “Erin?” Ryan questions.

“Brandon says...’

“Honey, Brandon has an agenda behind this. I know that he’s your rock, but you’ve got to open your eyes, Erin. Brandon doesn’t want you with anyone, not just Cole. He wants you to himself, but he won’t be with you either. No one is good enough, but you’ve got to give Cole a chance. He would do anything for you.”

“We would never be the same, again, if, you know. It just wouldn’t be the same.”

“It’ll be better than before.”

***

To hear that Brandon broke off their relationship, or whatever it was that they were having, is interesting. All week, Beth has been recanting her nights with Brandon to Anita. Anita never does say anything else about her going out with Cole, but hearing that Cole is still calling my mobile, makes something in me shift. I feel guilty. I climb out of bed quietly, so not to wake Jake, grab my hand bag, and find my phone. I sit on the couch, facing the hallway so I can see if Jake comes looking for me. Turning my phone on, I wait for the notifications of missed calls, voicemails and text messages to pass before I search for the number I’m after. Pressing call, I hold the phone up to my ear and wait for the ringing to stop.

“Erin,” his sleepy voice comes over the phone.

“Hey, I know it’s late,” I start.

“No. It’s fine. You can call anytime.”

My eyes start to get watery, and my throat tightens. I have missed him so much. “I need to see you,” I quietly say.

“Now? I can come and get you. Where are you, honey?”

“Not now. Tomorrow, after work.”

“Ok, come around and let yourself in. Do you still have the key?”

“Yes. I have it.”

“Good. Is everything ok?”

“I don’t know,” I whisper, wiping a tear away.

“I’m here for you, honey. Whenever you’re ready, Sweetheart, I’m right here.”

“I don’t know what to do,” I admit. “So much has happened, and so much has been done and said. Can we? Is it even possible to...”

“Sweetheart, you listen to me very closely. We can. We will. It is possible. Just say the word, and I’ll come and get you.”

“I was so mean to you. I don’t know who to believe. Why are you being so nice to me?”

“I love you,” is all he says.

“It’s that simple... you love me.”

“It’s that simple.”

“I love you, too.”

“Honey,” his voice cracks, “tomorrow... We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow.”  We end the call and I creep back into the bed, next to Jake. He must feel the bed dip, because he winds an arm around me and holds me to him.

“You alright, baby?”

“Everything’s fine,” I lie. Jake’s breath evens out, and he’s sleeping again. I can’t go back to sleep.

Cole

I have been a ball of nerves all day. Erin is coming around tonight, and we are going to talk. I feel good about it. I’m going to cook dinner, spaghetti, one of her favourite meals. We’ll have wine and we’ll talk. This is good.

I have the table set up, the wine is chilling in the fridge, and dinner is simmering. It’s all ready for when Erin arrives. I just showered and changed, and now all that’s missing is Erin.

I hear the metal click of the door lock. I drop the wooden spoon I’m stirring the sauce with and walkout of the kitchen toward the front door. I see Erin walking in, the door closing behind her. She stops when she sees me, smiles, and then her face crumbles. I rush over to her and hold her in my arms. She wraps her arms around me and cries into my shoulder.

I can’t help the tears that run down my cheek. I whisper words to her, telling her that everything is going to be fine, that it’ll all work out, and that I love her. After her crying stops, she pulls back, wiping the remaining tears from her eyes.

“Sorry,” she says.

“It’s ok,” I assure her. Erin shakes her head. “Come on. Dinner’s ready.” I take her hand and walk her into the kitchen.

“Smells delicious.” She goes over to the stove top and stirs the sauce. I come up behind her, putting one hand on her hip and the other hand over hers, holding the wooden spoon.

“Do you want a drink?” I whisper, my lips touching her ear.

“Please,” she responds, turning her head slightly. I reluctantly let her go and walk to the fridge to get the wine out. I pour two glasses and hand one over to Erin, who walks over to the table and sits down. I serve up dinner and go sit across from her at the table so I can look at her.

“How have you been?” Her voice is quiet as she eats her meal.

“Good. I mean, I’ve been better, but good. How about you?”

She only nods, then puts her fork down on the side of the plate, and starts to fiddle with her fingers.

I put my fork down, also, and move to sit next to her, getting a hold of her fingers in my hands. “What is it?” I ask, recognising Erin’s nervous trait.

Erin looked up at me, sadness in her eyes, “Jake wants us to move to New York.”

My entire body freezes, “No. You can’t go to New York. You have work and us and me. No, honey.”

Her tears start up again, “It’s already done.”

“What’s that suppose to mean? Erin, you’re not going to New York to live. No way.”

“We’re leaving this weekend.”

I stand up, not believing what I’m hearing. I run my hands through my hair and turn away from her. She can’t leave. She just can’t. He’s taking her from me, and he’s doing this for him, not her. I hear the chair move and turn back around to see Erin standing up.

“I thought that you should know,” she whispers.

I move toward her, grab her waist, and pull her to me, my lips meeting hers. She doesn’t pull away, and when I move my lips, hers part. Erin grabs my shirt and kisses me back, pushing up onto her toes and pressing against me more.

My feet start to move, and Erin moves with me as we make our way through the apartment. My hands move up her abdomen, pushing her top up as I go. We break the kiss as I lift her shirt over her head. Erin’s hands move up my chest, lifting my shirt up and over my head as we make it to the bedroom. I then gently lower Erin down on the bed and show her how much she means to me.

Erin

I close my eyes, absorbing what just happened, taking in what we’ve just done. Cole is lying on top of me, our breathing still heavy. He kisses my shoulder then my neck. It feels too good. I feel him lift his head up, feel his lips on mine. I open my eyes, and he’s watching me. “You’re still leaving, aren’t you?” he states, rather than asks.

I close my eyes and a tear escapes. Cole abruptly gets up and off the bed. Opening my eyes, I see Cole putting his clothes back on. He’s angry. I don’t know what to say, all words escaping me. I can’t seem to do anything but watch him. Cole throws my clothes on the bed; he can’t even look at me, and then leaves the room. I climb out of the bed and start to get dressed. Cole returns and throws my shirt at me. I stare at it, feeling guilty and like shit. I reach over, picking up the shirt, and put it on.

“Did that mean nothing to you?” he spits out, so angry. I look up at him. He’s looking at me, arms crossed.

“Cole,” I start, barely a whisper.

“Because it meant everything to me,” he continues, poking himself in the chest. I swallow hard. It meant everything to me too.

“Really, Erin? After everything you’re telling me, that meant shit to you,” he is fuming. My words still evade me, making things so much more complicated. Before I can speak, Cole does, and what he says breaks my heart.

“Get out, Erin.” I shoot my eyes to his. He means it. He hates me. I can see it in his eyes. I stand up and walk out of the apartment, grabbing my handbag on the way through, and leaving Cole in the bedroom. Once I clear the front door, I run to my car.

Cole

“Why the fuck did I just see Erin running from...” Ryan stops speaking once he’s standing in the bedroom doorway. He takes one look at me and the state of the bed, and he knows what just happened between Erin and me. “Dude,” he says quietly. God only knows what he’s thinking.

I turn and punch a hole in my wall before storming out of the bedroom. I go straight to the pantry and grab the bourbon, drinking straight from the bottle. Dinner is still set up at the table, and there is nothing I can do but stare at it, bottle in my hands, occasionally taking it to my lips. Tonight did not go the way I envisioned. I notice Ryan watching me in the corner of my eye. He wants to ask, but knows better. I stand in the divide between the kitchen and living room for a long time. Once my legs feel like they can’t hold me up any more, I move to the couch. Ryan is already sitting here, waiting.

“What happened?’ he asks after sufficient time. I take a large mouthful of the bourbon before I speak.

“She called me last night, said she needed to see me.” I take another mouthful, “I told her to come around and we’d talk and try to figure out this fucked up whatever.” Another mouthful; I close my eyes and feel the burn. “She told me that Jake’s taking her to New York to live.”

“What?”

“She’s leaving this weekend,” I continue. Ryan jumps up and starts to pace. “That’s exactly what I thought.”

He starts in, “So you thought you’d sleep with her before she left?” Ryan is angry and his accusation pisses me off. That is not what it was; well, to me anyway. I stand up, leaving the bottle on the lamp table and clenching my fists.