Love Me: Oakville Series:Book 5 (27 page)

As I walk into KC’s, my heart rate quickens, but I have no idea why. It’s not like he’ll be here. He never is anymore. His friends said he’s been holed up in his house for the better part of the last two weeks. The loud music slaps me in the face as I walk through the doors. I spot Holly, Amber, and Chelsie in our usual booth and make my way through the crowd. As always, there are a couple pitchers of Appletinis in the middle of the table. Amber has gotten us all hooked on these damn drinks.

“Hey, bitch,” Holly sings in greeting as she pours me a drink. Smiling, I shake my head and take a seat next to Chelsie. The conversation is light and comical. We discuss our week and make fun of the occasional drunk making an ass of themselves. For a while, my mind is free and clear of all things Marcus. It feels good to have girlfriends to talk to and be silly with. I didn’t realize how much I missed that until now. No longer do I feel so isolated and alone in this small town.

“Have you heard from him?” Amber asks, her voice hesitant. And just like that, the knot in my stomach returns. I shake my head, not having anything to say that hasn’t been said.

“Have you tried calling him?” Holly questions.

“What for? If he wanted to talk to me, he would. He hasn’t called or even texted to see if I am alright after he ran out on me. He won’t even pick up Chase. He obviously doesn’t want anything to do with me,” I say, and they all give me sympathetic looks. “It’s not like we were ever really together anyway. It was one date. One kiss.”

“One very hot kiss,” Amber says, waving her hand in front of her face, fanning herself.

“I will admit, the kiss was hot. The hottest kiss I’ve ever had.” But none of that matters if his heart and head aren’t with me. I know he loved his wife, and that’s one of the things that makes him so appealing. I also know she will always be with him, and I’m fine with that. The problem is he doesn’t realize he can move on with someone else without losing that. Any good woman will allow him to keep part of Taryn with him.

“Look, I shouldn’t say anything ‘cause he’s my friend too, but I’m pretty sure he’s been cleaning out a lot of Taryn’s things from the house. Angel gave him a letter Taryn wrote Marcus before she died the night he ran out on you,” Holly says. She takes a deep breath and wipes at the tears forming in her eyes. “She told Angel to give Marcus the letter when he thought Marcus found someone and was struggling with moving on. Angel said the letter was basically Taryn pushing Marcus to be happy and move on, saying that’s what she wants for him and Chase. Since that night, he hasn’t left the house except to make donation runs to hospice. I think he’s starting to let go.” My heart aches for Marcus, but does a little dance at the same time. Is he really beginning to let go? And if so, does that mean he may want to be with me? I need to somehow show him I’m still here. He needs to know I would never ask or expect him to forget Taryn. Remembering her and loving her is important to both him and Chase. The idea hits me like a brick to the side of the head. I know what I can do to show Marcus that Taryn is important to me as well.

“I have an idea. Something that will let Marcus know that I understand his love for Taryn, but I’ll need help from all of you,” I tell my smiling friends. I ask them to get me as many pictures as they can of Marcus, Taryn, and Chase together, then I explain my plan. Amber volunteers to drop the pictures off to me at home tomorrow afternoon. I sure hope this works and helps him see that I don’t want to erase Taryn from his life. Taking her place is not my intention. I just want to be with him and Chase. I want the chance to love them.

We spend a few more hours talking, laughing, and drinking. Luckily, there’s no more talk about Marcus and I’m able to relax my mind. The turmoil I’ve been in for the last couple weeks has taken its toll. It’s nice to forget it all, even if only for one night. Kyle, Paul, and Angel make their way to our table to collect their wives.

“Helloo, handsome,” Holly slurs as she gazes up at her husband. Paul laughs and shakes his head. I must admit, this is one good looking group of people. The girls are all stunning and their men are unbelievably hot. I wish Marcus were here so I’d have someone to ogle.

“Don’t worry, Lexi, you can check out my hubby since you don’t have Marcus here to look at,” Amber says with a laugh. She slaps Kyle on the ass, causing his face to turn a light shade of crimson. Jealousy bubbles inside me at the sight of these three happy and in love couples. I want that with Marcus so badly. He’s the most amazing man I’ve ever known. He’s kind, loving, and gentle—three things my ex most definitely was not.

“How about you let Amber and I drop you off at home,” Kyle says, more of an order than a request. Looking around the table, I realize I’m seeing double and decide not to argue. I’m in no state to be driving.

“Thank you. But only if Amber promises to keep her hands to herself. You all are making me a little envious,” I joke, and a sly grin crosses Amber’s face.

“Can I at least touch you?” she asks. The jaws of all three men drop right to the floor.

“What about me?” Holly and Chelsie yell in unison.

“This I want to see,” Angel states. Paul and Kyle glare at him and we all laugh. God, I love this group. On the way to my house, Kyle and Amber thankfully refrain from any mushy touchy-feely crap. Watching that only reminds me of how long it’s been since I’ve had any touchy-feely crap from a man. Kyle insisted on walking me right to my door. I swear, they don’t make men like this anymore. Once I’m safely inside, I manage to find my room. I flop down on my bed, clothes and all, and drift off to sleep.

I’ve spent the entire day working on the project for Marcus and Chase. The morning consisted of buying supplies. Amber came by as promised and brought me a box full of photos. She stayed for a while and helped me sort and pick through them. By the time she left, I was raring to go. Whether or not this opens Marcus’ eyes to me is no longer the point. This will be something that will help them remember Taryn. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I may only be in their lives as friends, and if that turns out to be the case, then I’ll be okay with it…well, I’ll be okay with it eventually.

By the time I’m taping the bow to the wrapped gift box, it’s eleven at night. It’s too late to go knocking on his door, so I put it by the door for him to find in the morning. I write a little note and attach it to the box, hoping I’m doing the right thing with this. The last thing I want is to upset him and set him back if he’s really starting to move forward.

“D
addy! Daddy! There’s a present at the door for you!” Chase yells. Rolling over in my bed, I open one eye and glance at the clock. I groan when I see that it’s only seven-thirty. What I wouldn’t give to have the amount of energy that kid has. He comes barreling into my room and leaps onto my bed. I roll over to my other side to avoid getting a knee in the nuts.

“Calm down, little man. What do you have there?” I ask, staring at the neatly wrapped box he’s holding. The paper is blue and sparkly with a big white bow.

“It’s for you. I found it by the front door when I went to grab the paper for you. Here’s the note,” he rushes out. “Open it, Daddy. I want to see what it is!” he exclaims.

“Okay,” I laugh. His enthusiasm is contagious. “Let me read the note first.” I open up the note card and begin to read.

Dear Marcus,

I know you are having a tough time right now. I just want you to know I am here for you and Chase. Whether you want a friend or more, I am here. I made this because I thought you both would like a book of all the happy memories you’ve had with Taryn. She will always be in your heart, and I think that’s the way it should be. You feel so deeply, it’s one of the things I admire about you. Just know, if you ever decide to take a chance on us, I would never try to take her place or erase her in any way.

Love,

Lexi

“Go ahead and open it, buddy. It’s from Lexi,” I tell Chase, my voice strained with emotions. I don’t have time to decipher them. Chase is tearing into the wrapping paper like it’s a Christmas present. His joy and excitement makes me smile. Once all the paper is off the box, he lifts the top and pulls out a book. He looks at the book, then at me, and smiles. Holding it up, he shows it to me. The cover has a heart with a picture of Taryn, Chase, and I in the center. Chase slides up next to me on the bed and together, we both begin flipping through the pages of the scrapbook. The pictures start from when Taryn and I were dating. Each page is beautifully decorated around the picture.

“Wow. This is really cool,” Chase says as he flips the page. “Why was Mommy so fat? It looks like she swallowed a watermelon.” I laugh hard. When Taryn was pregnant, she always said she looked like she swallowed a watermelon sideways. I remember thinking pregnancy suited her and she was the most beautiful woman in the world.

“That’s when she was pregnant with you,” I tell him, and his smile widens. It’s not as if we haven’t seen these pictures before, but the way Lexi laid out each page makes it feel like we haven’t. As we continue to flip through, I’m reminded of little things about Taryn I had forgotten. Like how she hated having her picture taken. Even though she had a smile on her face in them, you could tell she was feeling tortured. Or the dimple that popped out on her right cheek when she smiled big.

“Mommy was so pretty,” Chase says as he slowly runs his finger along her image.

“She was,” I agree. “The most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

“Ms. Lexi is just as pretty as Mommy,” Chase tells me. “She’s nice and fun just like Mommy was, too.” I nod in agreement. She is all those things. “I miss having a mommy.” His words send an ache straight to my heart. “I really like Ms. Lexi, don’t you?”

“I do, but it’s hard for me to forget your mom.” I’m not sure he can understand what it is I’m dealing with—hell, most of the time I don’t understand it.

“Why would you have to forget Mommy? If Ms. Lexi wanted us to forget Mommy, why would she give us this book?” He’s got me there. Her note even said she wouldn’t try to erase Taryn. Can she accept there was once another woman in my life—a woman I loved with every ounce of my heart and soul? “I really like Ms. Lexi, Daddy.”

“So do I, buddy,” I admit. We continue to look through the amazing scrapbook Lexi made, taking in how much thought she put into each page. We talk about Taryn and what was happening in each photo. We tell each other stories and our favorite things about her. And for the first time since she died, discussing her doesn’t make me sad. Remembering her actually makes me smile. The usual sadness and emptiness I feel when I think of Taryn isn’t there; instead, my heart feels light and happy from reminiscing about our past. Chase seems to love hearing all the stories he was too young to remember. For the next hour, we continue to look at the pictures and I answer all the questions he has about his mom. I realize this is the first time we have actually talked about her together. Before now, it was just too damn painful and I think Chase knew that.