Read Love Leaps: A Short Story Online
Authors: Karen Jerabek
Tags: #love, #relationships, #chick lit, #north carolina, #contemporary fiction, #raleigh, #leap of faith, #karen jerabek, #women and love, #choose between loves
“Hey stranger,” I text back to him. “I know
it's last minute, but I could grab a drink tonight, if you
want.”
“8 pm tonight at The Flying Saucer.” His
reply is immediate, almost as if he was sending that text before
mine got there.
“See you then,” I send back, still not sure
if I should have even responded to the text message, let alone
agreed to meet him for drinks tonight. But it's already done. Now I
need to confess my sins, so I hit speed dial.
“Hey. How's it going?”
“Hey, I'm good. Look, I have to tell you
something,” I say hesitantly.
“What's wrong?”
“Nothing. I got a text from Sam today and
we're going out for drinks tonight. I thought I should tell you,” I
say and take a deep breath.
“What? Are you crazy?”
“Jess, I know what you're thinking. But, he
texted me first. I didn't go looking for him. Plus, he's a nice guy
and we always had fun together. I can't stand sitting at home
watching mindless TV every night while my head keeps replaying my
last conversation with Gray.”
“I know you're driving yourself crazy about
Gray and I think it's good to get out and do some other things
besides sit at home, but you haven't even wanted to go out with me.
Why do you want to go out with Sam?” she asks suspiciously.
“I just haven't felt like going out. But,
there's something about Sam. He's always happy and upbeat and I
think he'd really help get my mind off of Gray, at least for a
couple hours.”
“As long as those couple hours aren't in his
bed,” she says disapproving.
“I'm not going to sleep with him. We haven't
even talked in months. We're just two old friends, catching up.
Plus, I promise I'll go out with you this weekend, okay?” I
ask.
“Well, I just think it's dangerous to be
around a man who can make your clothes fall off,” she says.
“It's not like that anymore,” I plead.
“It's always like that,” she says matter of
factly.
“Really?” I ask her. “You don't think we can
be civilized friends meeting for a drink and to catch up?”
“With Sam, no. If your clothes aren't on the
floor tonight, then your head's going to be in the clouds
tomorrow,” she warns. “He's just one of those guys.”
“So what?” I toss back at her. “Gray left
me. He hasn't called me, texted me, nothing. He doesn't care about
what's going on in my life or what I'm doing. I'm sick of this
“space” that he's taking. It's not fair to me. So, maybe
I
don't want to be with
him
when he's done hibernating!”
“So you think Sam's a better match for you?”
she asks.
“I don't know, maybe. We have a definite
physical attraction and we get along really well,” I start. “I just
think the timing was off with us, so I never got to see if things
could have worked or not between us.”
“Hmm,” Jessica says, not liking what I'm
saying.
“It's just a drink. Geez. He might even have
a girlfriend or a friends with benefits or something,” I say.
“If he had any of those things, he wouldn't
have texted you,” she says quietly.
“Yeah, you're probably right,” I say and
smile. He's always been the one that got away...the one that I
didn't have time to see where things might go. He didn't want a
commitment when we were hanging out and that was okay with me for a
while but then I really wanted a relationship. He wasn't ready, and
that's when I met Gray. But, it never felt finished with Sam. It
still doesn't. I'm hoping tonight will give me some answers. And if
nothing else, I'll have a couple drinks and a few laughs. I could
certainly use that about now.
“I still think you're playing with fire,”
Jessica says. “You love Gray and you need to wait this out a little
bit longer and see what he has to say when he comes back.”
“And when is that going to be?” I ask,
getting angry. “When is my loving boyfriend going to quit shutting
me out of his life and come back?”
“I don't know. But maybe you should give it
another week or two and then you can go out with Sam once you've
seen where Gray is at and you know what's going on with your
relationship,” she says reasonably.
“I am done waiting!” I huff. “I'm done!”
“Okay. But, are you sure you want to go out
with a man who makes your clothes want to fall on the floor?”
“Yes I do. I want to go out with a man that
finds me attractive and who wants to spend time with me,” I say,
becoming more determined.
“Okay,” Jess sighs. “Should I bring over a
chastity belt for you?”
“Probably,” I laugh. “No, seriously, it's
just a drink. Don't worry about it.”
A couple of hours later, I'm walking up to
The Flying Saucer, wearing a white tank top, jeans and the highest
heels I own. I spot Sam already at a table outside and wave. He
smiles and stands up. Hugging me hello, he whispers, “You look
amazing!” His hug lingers just a second or two longer than it
should and then he motions for me to sit down across the table from
him.
My smile's broad and genuine as I take in
Sam's rugged good looks and laid back style. We trade polite
conversation for a few minutes, talking about work and mutual
friends, before we dare venture to the questions we're dying to ask
each other. We fall easily right back into a comfortable rhythm
with each other as if no time has passed when it's really been over
6 months. Anyone would think we just saw each other yesterday with
how easily we laugh and finish each other's sentences. And it's in
that comfort, that I relax for the first time in a days. Sam takes
a sip of his beer and watches my face intently.
“What?” I ask him with a smile.
“Nothing,” he shrugs. “You just seemed a
little stressed out when you got here but now that's gone.”
“Must be good beer,” I laugh.
“Perhaps good company too,” he says and
winks at me.
“Perhaps,” I say, smiling. Oh that wink. And
that handsome smile. My clothes are starting to feel as if they're
melting off my body. Damn Jessica for being right. I struggle to
regain my composure when all I can think about is how his lips
would taste.
“Perhaps,” he murmurs as he moves closer
toward me. His hand reaches out and gently tucks a strand of my
hair behind my ear. His fingers linger slightly as they move slowly
through the rest of my hair. He squeezes the back of my neck before
letting his hand slide free. Goosebumps creep up where his hand had
just been.
“I've missed you,” he says sincerely. “I
didn't know how much, until right now.”
“I've missed you too,” I find myself saying
back to him. And it's true. I have missed him. Things with Sam were
always fun and carefree and we just seemed to “get” each other.
With Gray, they've always been more serious and intense. While I
felt more secure with Gray and content with where things were in
our relationship, all of that's been stripped away. Which one can I
trust more, I wonder..the man that started creating the life I've
always dreamed about but then takes it away or the man that had
potential but wasn't in the right place in his life to even attempt
to create anything with me?
“You know,” I say. “It's too bad that you
weren't ready for a relationship when we were together. I think we
could have been good together.”
“I know. I was stupid to let you go,” he
says wistfully.
I reach across the table and squeeze his
hand. Remorse, I know it all too well.
“So,” he says and takes another drink of his
beer. “How are things going with that crayon guy?”
“His name is Gray. You know that,” I say
annoyed by his grammar school joke.
“I know. Can't I express a little humor
about the guy that stole you away from me?” he asks.
“He didn't steal me away,” I remind him.
“You never really wanted me.”
“I did want you, very much so. I just didn't
know how,” he says, staring intently into my eyes. After a long
pause, he adds, “So, how are things with Gray?”
“Well,” I say, not sure how much I want to
share. “We're kind of in a rough patch right now.”
“I'm sorry,” he says.
“No you aren't!” I exclaim with a laugh.
“I don't like to see you hurt,” he offers.
“And if things aren't working out, perhaps you'd be willing to give
me a second chance?”
He's saying everything I'd hoped he'd say a
year ago. And now, he's saying it at the worst time in the world. I
love Gray. I may be really mad at him, but I'm not sure if I'm
willing to let go just yet. I just don't know what to think.
“Let me see how things work out with Gray
first,” I say.
“Sure,” he says. “I can wait.”
We each take a sip of our beers, thinking
over what was just said. Sensing the seriousness of our
conversation, Sam switches gears and starts telling me hilarious
stories about his idiotic brother, Pete, who lives with him. He's
one of those happy-go-lucky guys who for whatever reason, always
seems to attract disaster, like the time he got chased by an
alligator on a golf course or the time he sneezed and ran his car
into a police officer's car. It's always something. I kind of feel
bad for laughing about his misfortunes, but they're funny and with
the way Sam tells them, I can't breathe, I'm laughing so hard. And,
it's really good to laugh.
I glance at my watch, calculating how much
sleep I'll be able to get tonight before I have to be up and ready
for work in the morning. Sam notices and raises his eyebrows at
me.
“Are you going to turn into a pumpkin?” he
asks with a smile.
“It's past pumpkin time,” I say ruefully. “I
need to get going so I'm not looking like the walking dead tomorrow
at work.”
“Ah, but you wear the zombie look so well,”
he teases.
“Only you think so,” I say with a wink.
“It's been fun. I'm glad we had a chance to catch up.”
“Me too,” he says and hugs me. Again, he
lingers just slightly too long. He sighs into my hair and I feel
his breath against my neck. He pulls back slightly, kissing me on
my cheek. This is exactly what Jessica warned me about. He really
is one of those men that make your clothes fall off. My cheek
tingles from the touch of his lips against my skin. I let go of him
and step back, knowing this is my only chance to not get caught up
in our chemistry.
“I'd better get going,” I stammer.
“Okay,” he says, staring deep into my
eyes.
“Seriously, I've got to go,” I say and break
eye contact.
“I know,” he says. “I'll talk to you
soon.”
“Night,” I say. He grabs my hand and
squeezes it before letting go.
I smile and then turn to head toward my car.
It would be so easy to go home with him, have crazy sex and forget
about everything that's been going on with Gray. But, I know
tomorrow morning, I would feel worse than I already do, so I need
to leave...now. I feel his eyes follow me as I cross the street.
Straightening my top, I take a deep breath. So many thoughts are
racing through my head. He's incredibly gorgeous and we have this
electric chemistry but does he really want a relationship with me?
And, more importantly, do I want one with him? And what about
Gray?
When I get home, I'm feeling quite
depressed. I check my voicemail and my email and still no word from
Gray. I just can't take it any more.
“How's it going with your self discovery?” I
text him as I crawl into bed. A few minutes pass and no reply. How
can he just ignore me? I'm so angry, and in that moment I decide
it's a good idea to send another text. “You know, I'm trying to
respect your request for “space” but this is really hard on me! I
need to know what's going on!!! Do you still love me?”
Still no answer so I sob into my pillow,
feeling completely rejected, ignored and humiliated. I knew I
shouldn't text him and I feel so much worse now that I have.
Everything I've read and everything people have been telling me is
to not contact him. But how can you go from being in love with
someone and talking and seeing them all the time to absolutely
nothing? It's one thing if it's a break up and you know they don't
want to be with you, but how do you handle it when you know they
love you but they want space from you?
As I choke on my tears, my text message
alert goes off on my phone. I sniff, wipe the tears with the back
of my sleeve and check my phone.
“Hey Babe. Are you home safe and sound?”
It's from Sam. Not Gray. I cry even harder.
How can Sam be kind enough to check up on me and make sure I got
home safely when Gray can't even be bothered to return my text?
“I'm home safely, thank you. Night, night,”
I reply to Sam.
“Sweet Dreams Beautiful,” he replies
instantly.
I toss my phone on my nightstand, hug my
pillow, and cry myself to sleep. Unfortunately, sleep doesn't stay
with me for long. At 4am, I'm wide awake, exhausted but unable to
fall back asleep. I grab my laptop and start googling more articles
and books on men needing space. I might learn to be okay with this,
well at least a little bit, if only I could understand it.
I pour over articles mentioning John Gray,
the love guru that writes the Men are from Mars, Women are from
Venus books. He talks about the “man cave” and how men need space
and time to retreat in order to process their stress and figure out
solutions. He says, women on the other hand, talk about their
stress in order to feel better. Okay, so maybe I can buy into this
theory. But what do you do about it? From what I'm reading, his
answer is to allow your man space and leave him alone. He says you
need to trust him to figure things out.
Great. Yet another person telling me to do
nothing. I'm not a “do nothing” kind of person though. I sigh and
close my laptop. Trying to go back to sleep, I toss and turn for
another hour, watching the clock tick closer to the time I have to
get up for work.