Love for Scale (19 page)

“That sounds awesome,” Finn said. He closed her door and walked around the car and got into the driver’s seat. “I love Chinese, so if that’s what she means by ‘traditional,’ count me in.” He looked over at her and winked.

Rachel snorted: the best response she could think of. As they pulled out of the driveway, she couldn’t help but think that this ‘just friends’ evening out was beginning to feel suspiciously like a date.

* * *

“I need to get out of there. I’m twenty-seven years old, what am I doing living at home with my parents?” Rachel said. She unwrapped the waxed paper around her chicken shawarma and took a bite. She had been entertaining Finn with some of the more interesting stories about living with her parents: the most recent being the tortuous Chanukah dinner.

“So why don’t you move out?” Finn asked through a mouthful of falafel.

Rachel shrugged. “I really have no reason.”

“Just
wanting
to move out isn’t a good enough reason?” he asked.

Rachel looked at him to see if he was making fun of her. His eyebrows were raised as he chewed, waiting for her answer, but he didn’t look like he was trying to be facetious.

“I guess,” she said, looking around the room hoping the answer to Finn’s question was on the walls. Soup of the day, menu specials…Nope, she was on her own. “I’ve never really looked at it that way. I guess I always figured I’d move out to get married or if I got a new job in another city.” She shrugged again as she took a bite of her wrap.

Finn had been right: the food at this place was really good. Sheri would probably like it too, maybe next Saturday after their gown excursion…

“Are you
looking
for a job in another city?” Finn asked.

Sheepishly, Rachel shook her head.

“I’m not criticizing, and you know, I really don’t know you that well, so maybe it’s not my place to say anything, but maybe it’s time.” Finn’s eyes held hers, softening his words.

Rachel knew he was probably right. He’d managed to put her living situation in perspective: maybe she did really need to move out even though she wasn’t facing a life changing event. Maybe it was time to cut the cord. God knows, twenty-seven years of living with her parents was more than enough.

“I think you’re right,” she said with an assertive nod. “I’m going to move out. I’m going to have my own place.” Rachel liked the sound of what she was saying. She felt instantly happier, lighter. It was as though a weight she didn’t know she had been carrying was suddenly gone from her shoulders. She took another bite of her shawarma.

This Finn is very wise
, she thought as she chewed. She looked down at the globs of garlicky tahini on her plate. She felt less than glamorous as the sauce dripped down her fingers. Good thing it wasn’t a date.

“Just one thing,” Finn said. His brow was furrowed, making him look very serious.

“What?” Rachel asked, feeling very naïve about this new independence thing.

“You have to let me help you find a place. I love looking at houses.”

Rachel laughed. “I don’t think I’m going to be buying a house. I’m thinking smaller scale, like an apartment.”

Finn shook his head. “Doesn’t matter, I want to come with you. That is, if you don’t mind.”

“Will you also come with me to explain to my parents that I’m moving out?” She was only half joking.

The only thing more terrifying than the thought of getting a place on her own was the idea of breaking the news to her parents. Well, okay…her mother. Pearl was not a fan of change, especially when it came to her children growing up and moving away from her. Rachel knew she was going to have a fight on her hands.

“Sure, we can tell them at the ‘traditional Shabbat family dinner’ next Friday.” Finn winked.

Rachel smiled, but thought maybe Finn’s idea had some merit. “Let’s go look at places this week,” she announced, wanting to make it official before she lost her nerve.

“Sounds great to me. You pick them out, I’m along for the ride. How’s Wednesday?”

“Not good,” Rachel said, shaking her head. “I’ve got Aquafit.”

Finn popped the last bite of his pita into his mouth and chewed a few times before speaking. “We can go after. Maybe I’ll join you at Aquafit, I’ve been meaning to try it out.”

The shawarma suddenly turned over in Rachel’s stomach. She had only just reconciled allowing a pool full of AARP-eligible strangers see her in her bathing suit. The idea of allowing someone she knew, a
man
see her in it was another story.

“Is that not okay?” Finn asked.

She had no real reason to say no. What could she say? She looked down at the table, hoping he wouldn’t notice the deep blush she felt in her cheeks. “I just…”

Finn reached across the table and gently touched Rachel’s forearm. Even though she was looking down, she could feel his eyes searching for her own. “Hey,” he said softly. She lifted her head and looked at him. “I’ve been there, remember? There’s no reason to be embarrassed.”

No reason to be embarrassed? You’ve never seen me in a swimsuit
, she thought. Taking a sip of her soda, Rachel stalled, willing the lump in her throat to go away.

“If it makes you feel better, I’ll be wearing my bathing suit also, and I can guarantee that even after losing a hundred pounds, my breasts are still bigger than most of the women’s in your class.”

Unable to help herself, Rachel snickered. It wasn’t the first time Finn had made her laugh since he’d picked her up.

“And you think
you
have something to be embarrassed about? I’m offering up a free poolside ticket to the Finnegan Schwartz sideshow, you’d better take it while you’ve got the chance.”

Rachel finally spoke. “Well, how can I refuse
that
tempting offer?”

“You can’t.” Finn smiled. “So it’s settled, we’ll go to Aquafit and then off to see apartments.”

Suddenly wishing she didn’t have to wait until Wednesday, Rachel nodded. Her excitement about moving out was growing from a tiny cocoon of anticipation into a full-fledged butterfly, flapping its papery wings in her belly.

Finn glanced at his watch. “Whoa, we’d better get moving if we’re going to make the show. You all done?”

Grabbing her purse, Rachel nodded as Finn took her tray to return it to the counter. As she slipped on her jacket she smiled.

She was moving out.

* * *

The movie let out, but Rachel didn’t feel like going home just yet. Pearl would be waiting; the
yenta
in her starving for information about the new prospect in her daughter’s life.

“It’s still early, what about a coffee?” she suggested as they walked to Finn’s car amid the exodus of fellow movie-goers.

“Sure, got somewhere in mind?”

Rachel suggested her Starbucks where she’d been with Brian just a few days before. It felt strange going there again, this time with another man, but, she reminded herself, neither of these men had actually been dates.

She and Finn sat on the comfortable couch in the corner; Finn being a little more in tune to her comfort (and his own) than Brian had been. He refused to let her buy her own tea, insisting that since she had declined to let him buy her dinner or movie ticket (she’d insisted on splitting, because it wasn’t a date), it was the least he could do. They sat, talking about what Rachel was looking for in an apartment, not that it mattered when it came to décor. She owned nothing, had not one piece of furniture, and would be starting from scratch.

They found a tattered Ikea catalogue among the café’s stack of old magazines and flipped through it, talking about possibilities within her budget.

Rachel wasn’t rich; she had been working at the library for a while and had managed to save most of her money, but didn’t want to drain her savings account for furniture. If she was going to suddenly have monthly bills to pay in addition to rent, Ikea would work very nicely.

“I remember my first place,” Finn mused, smiling. “I was going off to school and had all this hand-me-down crap from my parents and sisters. Nothing matched, everything was worn out or broken.” He laughed. “Even the bed I took broke within the first couple weeks.”

Rachel winked. “Some crazy freshman action?”

Finn looked down, the smile gone. “No, it was just old. Remember, I was a lot heavier back then.”

Rachel winced before she said, “Oh my God. I’m sorry, Finn,” Even though Finn had come so far, Rachel could see on his face the evidence of old scars. Do the old wounds ever heal? He too had probably been subjected to the stares, endless teasing and cruel, never-solicited judgments offered even by perfect strangers.

She had never known the old Finn, but could easily empathize. But still, it was hard for her to imagine him as ever being anything other than what he was now: slightly overweight, but more cuddly than fat.

“It’s okay,” he said, “I haven’t broken any beds in some time now. For
any
reason.”

Rachel blushed. She dipped her head and took a sip of her lukewarm tea; maybe then he wouldn’t notice.

“Well, it’s getting late. I guess I’d better get you home.”

Rachel groaned. “Ugh, my mom will be waiting.”

“Should we announce the engagement now or wait until after the baby’s born?”

Rachel threw her napkin at Finn, feigning shock. “You are a wicked man, Finnegan Schwartz!”

“I do my best. C’mon.” He got up from the table and put on his coat. He looked out the front window of the café. “It’s started raining. This hardly feels like December.”

“No kidding,” Rachel said.

“Wait here, I’ll get the car.”

Shaking her head, Rachel looked at Finn. “It’s okay, I can walk in the rain.”

Finn shook his head. “No need for both of us to get wet.”

She smiled at him. “Thanks.”

Standing in the window of the café, she watched him jog to the car in the rain. It was nice, something her dad would do.

When he pulled up to the door, she jogged the few steps to the car and jumped in. She looked over at Finn who was smiling, despite being soaked.

“I had a nice time tonight, Finn,” she said as she buckled her seat belt. And she really had. From the conversation to having someone different sitting next to her at the theater. Going to movies with Sheri was great, but it was different being with a man. Maybe it just felt more grown up.

His smile widened. “I did too. Even though it wasn’t a date.”

Rachel nodded. “Right. Even though it wasn’t a date.”

Something in Rachel’s stomach lurched as her mouth sort of dried up. She couldn’t think of anything to say, but maybe she didn’t need to. He looked over at her and gave her a big smile, the kind no one had given her in a long time.

Huh. Maybe it had been a date after all.

Chapter 26

Sneaking in and out of the house was never something that Rachel had ever had to perfect back in high school, although it had been one of Sheri’s most accomplished skills. Sheri
always
had a long list of forbidden boyfriends to see or bush parties to attend. Rachel had always thought if Sheri spent as much time studying as she did sneaking around with boys, she might have gotten better grades. But then, if Rachel had been faced with the kind of opportunities that Sheri’d had with boys, she probably would have failed algebra and advanced English too. 

Instead, Rachel had youth group activities (lame parent-chaperoned dances where the cool kids got drunk in the bathrooms even though they never went past ten o’clock) or stayed at home with her parents. So she’d never had to perfect the art of sneaking undetected past sleeping parents.

Though a little bit of practice would have come in handy now. None of the lights in the house were on; she was sure Pearl and Harry were tucked into their bed.

Making as little noise as possible, she slid her key into the lock slowly, waving at Finn as he pulled away. She slipped out of her shoes in the foyer and tiptoed up the few stairs to the living room, praying the floor didn’t creak. She could hear her dad snoring soundly even though he was three rooms away. She was safe.

“Did you have a nice time?” Pearl asked from the shadows.

Rachel nearly jumped out of her skin. “Ma? Where are you?” Rachel squinted, looking into the dark living room where her mother’s voice had come from. Finally, her eyes adjusted and she could see Pearl sitting in the wingback chair. It was like Pearl to wait up, but uncharacteristic for her to sit alone in the dark. “What’s going on?”

“Come sit down.”

Rachel stepped into the formal living room and sat on the couch. She reached beside her and turned on the table lamp, blinking until her eyes adjusted. It was obvious Pearl had been crying: her eyes were red and swollen, her cheeks still damp and shiny in the light of the lamp.

“What’s wrong, Ma?” How could her mother be crying over her going out with a Jewish doctor? Had someone told her it wasn’t a real date? Maybe she knew Rachel was planning on moving out? No, how could she know that?
      “Aaron was here,” Pearl said, her voice a monotone, contrary to her obviously distressed emotional state.

That said it all. Rachel took a breath. “And?”

A crumpled up Kleenex materialized from Pearl’s sleeve. She dabbed at her eyes. “He said Lily left him. That she cheated on him, the little
nafka
. I never liked her.” She covered her eyes with the Kleenex. “Oy, my poor Aaron.”

You liked her just fine when you thought she might be pregnant with your grandchild
, Rachel thought but kept her mouth shut. “He’ll be fine, Ma. Just find him another girl and he’ll be over it in no time.” It was no secret in the Stern family (except, miraculously to Aaron) that Pearl had orchestrated Aaron and Lily’s setup, having taken great pains to make their meeting appear to be determined by fate itself. Nowhere on earth had so much scheming and planning gone into such a ‘serendipitous’ event. But Pearl was a pro, and her hard work had paid off, culminating in a wedding for two hundred with a
klezmer
band, two types of chicken entrée and a sweet table that had been the talk of the synagogue’s sisterhood for weeks.