Love Finds You: A Helena's Grove Novella (10 page)

             
“I’m going back to school.”

             
“School?” Jen said a little too loudly. She looked around and lowered her voice. “I didn’t know you were a student. Where are you going? What are you studying?”

             
Zack sighed heavily. “I’m a medical student at Harvard University.”

             
Jen sat stunned as she stared at Zack. “You’re kidding,” she stated flatly. “You’re a med student and you didn’t tell me?” She was completely and totally shocked.

             
“It’s not like I was trying to keep it from you, it just never came up. And this summer has been my first semester off in a few years so I was really just trying to enjoy it.”

             
“And you thought you’d get a little somethin’ on the side, is that it?” Jen asked, slightly offended.

             
“No, Jen come on. You know I’m not like that.” He put a few inches of space between them and suddenly Jen felt cold.

             
“How did you get into Harvard?” Jen was still in disbelief.

             
“Yale rejected me.”

             
Zack laughed at Jen’s dirty look. “I’m kidding,” he said as he put an arm around her. “When my mom got sick I decided to change my major to medicine. I had always been interested in it and I did really well in my classes. My teachers all liked me and one professor I had suggested I apply to Harvard. Obviously, I shrugged it off. There was no way they were going to accept a small town hick like me, plus it was way too much money. My mom thought I should go for it. She lit up at the thought of having me be a Harvard graduate. So I applied, for her sake. A few of my professors wrote some very nice letters of recommendation and next thing I knew, I was accepted, with a small scholarship to boot. I wanted to decline because of my mother’s condition but she wouldn’t hear of it. One day I found my mother and Aunt Gabby visiting in our living room. Aunt G asked me to sit down, and offered to pay for my schooling.” Zack stopped and looked at Jen, watching her for some kind of reaction. “Did you know that your aunt has money?”

             
In the three seconds it took Jen to answer, a million things went through her mind. One Mississippi,
I’m a horrible, horrible person. I’ve completely misjudged him. I can’t tell him the truth, if I tell him that I knew about the money I’ll have to tell him everything! I’ll have to tell him that my father sent me out here to con his sister. But if I don’t tell him the truth that makes me a liar on top of everything else. The truth will come out eventually; I should just get it over with. The truth always comes out in the end.
Two Mississippi,
If I tell Zack then he will tell Aunt Gabby. I can’t bear that. I can’t handle seeing the hurt in my aunt’s eyes. And I know I’m in too deep with Zack to be able to bear the disappointment I will most certainly see in his.
Three Mississippi,
tell him the truth. Just do it, tell him the truth!

             
Jen looked into Zack’s face, those beautiful brown eyes. “I didn’t know.” It came out so soft she wasn’t sure if he even heard her.

             
Zack took a breath and continued, “Well she does. And I had no idea until then. I had known her for all those years and never had a clue. You know how private she is so it really wasn’t that surprising, but anyway, she offered to pay for my schooling. At first I told her no but it wasn’t any good. So at twenty-two I went off to Harvard to start pre med. My mom died three months later, five years ago this November. This summer semester is the first I’ve taken off in a couple years.”

             
Jen nodded, trying to take it all in.

             
“I know it’s a lot to process. And I’m sorry to say that when you first came here, I suspected that you knew about the money and that’s why you were here.”

             
Jen felt her heart shatter into a million pieces at his words.

             
“But then after some time I realized you probably didn’t. I misjudged you. I’m sorry for that. I guess I’m a little more protective of Aunt G than I need to be. Either way,” Zack continued, “that was then and this is now. I was wrong about you; you are one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met.” He kissed her forehead softly, “and I’d really like to continue… whatever this is between us.”

             
There was a long pause; Jen couldn’t bring herself to look at him. “I should probably go in,” was all she could muster.

             
“Yeah I’m sorry it’s so late,” Zack apologized.

             
“It’s ok, I had a great time. I’m just really tired.” Jen tried to keep her voice even and controlled, but inside she was screaming.

             
“Can I see you tomorrow?”

             
“Umm, tomorrow isn’t actually good for me.” Jen put a hand to her forehead in a vain attempt to stop the oncoming headache.

             
“Ok,” Zack seemed to get a clue. “How about you call me then?” He kissed her cheek and walked back to his truck.

             
Jen didn’t watch him go. She got into the house and up to her room as quickly and silently as she could. She closed the door and leaned against it. Silent tears fell first but soon turned into sobs as she sank to the floor, her head in her hands; heart heavy with guilt and shame.

             
Jen woke up early Sunday morning. The last couple days had been filled with fitful sleep and agonizing days. As Jen opened her eyes she felt, once again, the rock that had settled in the pit of her stomach; the gnawing, dreaded, sinking feeling that this whole affair had become. She couldn’t believe her life had come to this, manipulating people to get money in order to keep making money. Jen had grown up well off. She hadn’t known it when she was little, but once high school starts everyone knows whose parents have money and whose do not. Life had been a money game from the time she was a teenager and she was getting sick of playing.

             
Jen had spent most of the day before on the phone with Roger, who all but commanded her to stick out the rest of the summer.
She hadn’t done anything wrong
, he had told her.
She just got put in an awkward situation.
Jen had listened but resented every word. Of course he could say that, he wasn’t the one that was here, dealing with everything. The more she talked to her father the more she realized that he had no sympathy for what she was going through, and that made her angry.

             
After lying in bed for almost two hours Jen decided to get up. She couldn’t lie there and think about how twisted her life had become any longer. She made her way down the stairs in her pajamas and sat down at the kitchen table, not even attempting to hide her gloom. Carmen meowed loudly outside the screen door. Normally, Jen would give her a little something to eat, but this morning she just watched her for a couple minutes before the orange cat got bored and walked away.

             
“Rough night?” Aunt Gabby asked as she came in through the sliding screen door. She had her sun hat on and was taking off her garden gloves.

             
“Yeah, I’m just not feeling very well,” Jen told her. At least that wasn’t a lie.

             
“Well cheer up girl!” Aunt Gabby sang. She put a hand on Jen’s shoulder. “It’s a beautiful day outside. Would you like to go on a morning walk?”

             
“No thank you, not today. I don’t really have the energy.”

             
“Well that’s the best time to go! But we don’t have to today,” she added quickly. She moved to the cupboard and began pulling things out. “I hardly saw ya’ yesterday,” she went on, “how was your date?”

             
“It was fine,” Jen remarked, not wanting to get into it but knowing she didn’t really have a choice. If there was one thing Aunt Gabby loved, it was a good juicy story.

             
“Oh come on now,” Aunt Gabby said as she cracked a couple eggs in the mixer, “give me more than that. I’m old. I need to live vicariously through you.”

             
Jen smiled. “He took me camping. Well not actually camping but there was a fire and logs and dirt. And we roasted our dinner over the fire.”

             
“That sounds so much like him.” Aunt Gabby’s voice always took on a different tone when talking about Zack. Now that Jen knew more of their history together, she understood why.

             
“It was actually really nice. I’ll admit I had a better time than I thought I would.”

             
“Well then, why the long face?”

             
If only I could tell you. If only I could let it all out without you hating me forever. If only…if only.

             
“It will never work between us. I live in New York and I don’t do long distance relationships. Hell, I can’t even make them work under normal circumstances.” Jen could feel her frustration rising to the surface. She should be mad at Zack for putting her in the situation in the first place. What was he thinking? What was she thinking?

             
“You can make anything work if you feel there is something to work for,” Aunt Gabby said in a wise voice.

             
“It doesn’t matter because I don’t even like him.”

             
Aunt Gabby gave Jen a look from across the kitchen where she was cooking pancakes on a griddle.

             
“Don’t look at me like that,” Jen defended herself. “I don’t. He’s cute but nothing special. Nothing I couldn’t find in New York.”

             
Aunt Gabby let out a loud guffaw. “Honey, if you think you can find another Zack stashed away somewhere in a concrete jungle you are most definitely lying to yourself. He is one of a kind that boy. Hell, if I was your age I would have married him by now.”

             
“Aunt Gabby!” Jen was shocked. “I thought he was like a grandson to you.”

             
“All the more reason for me to know and understand and appreciate what kind of a person he is. He’s a gem Jennifer. And you’re a crazy girl if you pass him up. He is quite literally, what you young people would call nowadays, the
whole package
.”

             
Jen turned away, staring out the window, trying with all her might to block out her aunt’s voice. She was right of course about Zack. He was the whole package. But that wasn’t what was bothering her. What was really eating her was the fact that Aunt Gabby felt like she deserved Zack. Like she was good enough to have someone like him. The problem was, she wasn’t. They just didn’t know it yet.

             
“All I’m saying is,” Aunt Gabby continued, “I would love to see two of my favorite young people together. And if he is willing to make the long distance thing work then you should go for it.”

             
“He never said he wanted to make the long distance thing work. He never even hinted at us being an… us,” Jen through her arms up dramatically, “so this entire conversation is pointless.

             
“But he does like you, and you like him so why not give him a shot?” Aunt Gabby sat down with two plates of pancakes and eggs.

             
“And when it doesn’t work out, every time I come to visit you I have to avoid him or do the awkward ex’s dance. What then?” Jen was feeling more depressed by the second.

             
“Good heavens child, you are like gloom in a bottle. You need to lighten up! This is life, you have to take chances, make mistakes! That’s what it’s all about.” She took a bite of her pancake. “Besides, it’s not like Harvard is that far away. Four hours at the most.”

             
“Some mistakes you can’t come back from. Some mistakes will haunt you forever…” Jen poked at her food, “and forever change the way people look at you.”

             
Aunt Gabby lay her fork down and took both of Jen’s hands in her own. “Sweetheart, you never know anything until try. You have no way of knowing what the future holds for you. It might be completely different that what you planned for yourself. And if you fight it tooth and nail, you’re going to be miserable.” Jen tried hard not to cry as she looked into her aunts’ shining blue eyes. “Don’t cheat yourself out of something that could be great because you’re afraid it might not be great. That’s like not eating a piece of pie because if you do then it will be gone.”

             
Jen laughed as a tear slid down her cheek. “You certainly have a way with words Aunt G,” she said, wiping her face.

             
“I’m old and wise, you should listen to me. I know what I’m talking about.” She patted Jen’s hands and smiled at her. “Now eat some breakfast before you blow away.”

             
Jen complied, and as she took a bite of her pancakes she did feel better. But it didn’t last long. Just minutes after beginning to relax the screen to the front door opened and she heard the familiar voice.

             
“Knock knock!” Zack called as he made his way up the hall and into the kitchen.

             
“In here Zacky,” Aunt Gabby called.

             
Zack walked in and kissed her on the cheek. “Morning Aunt G,” he said sweetly.

             
“Mornin’ darling, would you like some breakfast?”

             
“No thank you, I had mine. But I wouldn’t turn down a cup of coffee if there’s some left.”

             
“Help yourself honey,” Aunt Gabby motioned to the coffee pot, still half full.

             
“Fantastic,” Zack said under his breath as he poured himself a mug. He returned to the table and sat down. “Morning Jen,” he said smiling at her. “You look nice this morning.”

             
Jen looked down at her pajama matching shorts and t-shirt. “I’m not even dressed.”

             
“I know,” he winked and gave her a quick look up and down before he took a sip of his coffee.

             
She tried to hide her smile by instead giving him a dirty look but it didn’t work very well. “You are such a man,” she said as she cleared her plate.

             
“Thank you very much; I take that as a compliment.” His eyes followed her to the sink.

             
“I think I have some laundry to finish up,” Aunt Gabby announced suddenly. She put her plate in the sink and began to make her way out of the kitchen.

             
“You do not,” Jen countered. “You do your laundry on Friday.”

             
“Well I forgot something,” Aunt Gabby yelled and kept walking.

             
Zack snickered at the table and Jen turned from washing the dishes. “You know she is just trying to get us alone together.”

             
Zack got up from the table. “I know, that’s one of the reasons I love her so much.”

             
He wandered up behind her and placed his hands on her hips, his mouth close to her ear. “She could see that I wanted to be close to you.”

             
His whispers and touch made Jen’s eyes involuntarily close and her body tingle.

             
“I’ve missed you,” Zack continued.

             
“It’s only been two days,” Jen reminded him, trying to concentrate on doing the dishes.

             
“I missed you the second you were out of my sight.” He kissed the back of her neck.

             
“Where is Annie this morning?” Jen asked quickly as she walked back to the table, desperately needing to make some space between them. Damn that boy was like a drug, the closer he got the more she wanted.

             
Zack smiled at the deflection but didn’t comment on it. “She’s at church. I dropped her off before coming here.”

             
“Oh.” Jen didn’t really know what to say. She had never been to church in her life. Her dad always said that religion was for people who couldn’t live with the fact that they were all alone in this world. But through Jen’s experiences she had decided that wasn’t the truth. Even though she didn’t feel religion was for her, she respected those who did. “Good for her,” she finally said.

             
“I usually go with her but…” Zack paused, looked at her and shrugged, “I wanted to see you.”

             
“What if I didn’t want to see you?” Jen asked without thinking. When he didn’t answer right away she looked up at him, waiting.

             
“I’m not afraid to go after the things I want,” he told her matter-of-factly. “And you haven’t said or done many things that would make me think you don’t want to see me, so if there’s a reason, tell me now, because I would really like to keep seeing you.”

             
“We live too far away,” Jen croaked out. “I’m not built for long distance relationships.” Her heart was beating so fast it hurt. The rock that had settled in her stomach was beginning to twist. He wanted a reason why she didn’t want to see him. Why they shouldn’t be together; how about the fact that she was a big fat liar and a manipulator to boot!

             
“Again with the distance thing,” Zack let out a breath as he sat down in the chair next to her.  He turned in his seat so he could look straight into her eyes. Their legs were touching but Jen couldn’t bear to look at him. “Harvard is less than four hours from New York City, four hours. That’s not long distance. That’s just life.” Jen continued to look at her hands so Zack went on, “And that doesn’t mean we need to be exclusive if that’s too much for you right now. I just want to be able to visit you and go out with you when we can.” He smiled, “Maybe you can show me around your city?”

             
“I thought you didn’t like New York,” Jen said softly.

             
“I said it was noisier than here,” he corrected her. “But I think I could learn to love it if going there meant I got to see you.”

             
Jen closed her eyes, trying to combat the ache in her heart. “You don’t know me Zack.” She looked up at him with pain in her eyes. This was it, she could feel it. She had to tell him.