Love Beyond Sanity (11 page)

He jumped just an inch, enough for her to squeeze out from under him and roll away. She might not have any offense to provide to the Outsiders but at least she knew she was an Outsider. Jason was a sitting duck.

She rose to her feet and cocked her head to the side. "Hey you." She yelled getting the attention of the creature that turned to face her.

"Stop that." Jason yelled, rising up as if he would run after her. Self-loathing placed herself between them. Charma couldn't even see him anymore with the creature's massive form blocking her view.

"Jason stay where you are, damn it. This thing and I need to speak."

The laughter released from the demon's throat was low and rough like sandpaper gliding over a boulder. When it opened its mouth to speak, its voice was the same as when it had presented itself as a woman.

"What is it you think you can say to me now, little Outsider?"

Charma stared straight into its eyes. "I'm not afraid of you."

"What?"

"I just want you to know that despite this get-up you've put on, which I would hasten to guess is not your true form because it just looks awkward on you, I am not the least bit afraid."

The creature beat its hands on the ground on both sides of Charma causing her feet to fly upwards twice before she regained her balance. "You lie."

Shaking her head, Charma stood her ground. "I don't. Want to know why?"

"Stop now." Jason roared like a wounded animal. She could hear the desperation in his voice, and she was touched by it. If their places were reversed, she'd feel crazy, but there was no way in hell she could let him handle this. Maybe she'd die but at least it wouldn't be clinging to falsehoods and logic that had stepped out the door long ago.

"Tell me, you pathetic creature, how you could possibly be not afraid?"

"Because, I've looked into darkness. I've felt it. I've touched it. Everywhere I've gone since I was old enough to crawl, I have felt real evil and all I feel in here with you is nothingness. That tells me that while you might be a big bully, capable of capturing an Outsider when he doesn't even know what he is, you're nothing but a giant pain in my rear end. And I'm not going to cower because you throw on a big scary costume."

"I assure you, missy." The demon picked Charma up by the back of her neck. She tried not to scream from the pain. Struggling was useless so Charma stayed still hoping she could act as dead weight. "I have been killing things like you since before you were handpicked by the Fates to come down to this pesky planet and die. You'll never survive me."

The creature pushed electricity out of her hand into Charma. Down below, Jason screamed but Charma didn't even flinch. Not sure why that was, she was as confused as the demon. Why hadn't that hurt? Self-loathing dropped her, and Charma backed up.

"What are you?" The creature hissed. It blew at its hands as if they burned.

Charma looked around in confusion, rubbing her elbow that hurt from the fall. "I think we already determined what I am."

Jason's arms came around her. "Why aren't you unconscious on the ground? I thought you were dead."

"So did I." Charma nodded. She cleared her throat as she took assessment of herself. Everything appeared to be in order. "Why am I not dead?"

The demon roared, taking to the sky and Jason pushed her behind him. This time she didn't fight.

"Only one thing could have stopped my electricity and if you carry that then the game has suddenly become so much more interesting. I am immensely glad I have you in here where I own you."

Charma narrowed her eyes. "We will find a way out. Outsiders are no one's prisoners." She hoped that was true. Other than remote comments Veli had made over the years, she knew little about their ancestry. Leonardo was really the man you wanted for that kind of thing.

"Keep dreaming." As the demon dematerialized in front of them, Charma closed her eyes and tried to slow down her pulse. What had just happened?

Jason turned around and yanked her into his arms. She felt his hands tighten on her shoulders and wondered if he was going to shake her. Opening her eyes, she stared into his sea-blue depths. He wasn't going to shake her, but he wanted to.

Well, at least you have self-control
. Charma couldn't help sending the message out in telepathy.

His eyes widened. "What did you just say, and how did you say it?"

Of course, he could hear her. She shook her head in self-disgust. He was her soul mate. They could communicate with all of the Outsiders on a direct link but a special means of communication was reserved just for them. Only he didn't believe.

Pulling back, she left the warmth of his body behind and took two steps away. "Don't hold me, Jason, I can't allow it." If her voice cracked, she pretended she didn't hear it.

Jason clenched his jaw, causing a vein to pop out in the top of his neck. She wished she could reach out and stroke his cheeks until he relaxed, but she knew better. He'd only think of it as his body toning down his adrenaline. Truth was, she had no idea why she was so sure he'd think that but she knew he would.

"Why not?"

Sighing, she ran a hand through her hair. Why had she cut her hair? At the moment she couldn't remember? It would have been nice to have something to do with her nervous energy and playing with her hair would have been just that. "Because I'm not going to be held by someone who thinks I don't exist. I'm sorry. I can't handle that. I've never been in a relationship other than when you and I used to meet at night in our dreams, but the one thing I require, and I mean absolutely have to have, is the knowledge that the other person doesn't think I live only in his own mind."

"Charma," he turned his back, walked a few feet away and threw the largest rock near him. She watched as it flew through the air and landed in the classically blue lake that you never actually saw in real life. The action afforded her a look at Jason undisturbed. It wasn't fair that a man should have golden locks like that. If he'd been a comic book character, they would have called him something romantic like Adonis. But Jason was no character. He was real, and he was absolutely convinced he was just a plain human.

He spun around. "I'm doing the best I can here. Does this seem real to me? Yes. I'm not going to deny that." He threw his hands in the air in exasperation. "None of this is possible. It just isn't."

Charma stalked forward and pushed at his chest. "Why can't it be? You are an Outsider. Something strange happened and a demon wasn't able to destroy me. All of that just
is
. If you can't accept it then maybe you deserve to be in here all by yourself. Maybe it's somehow appropriate."

She shook her head. The last thing she'd said had been mean and very unlike her. Why had she done that? But then she'd always done that to him when they were children. It was like she couldn't help but be surly around him. Jason pulled her into his arms.

"What do you want me to say, Charma? That in the course of one psychotic episode, which featured you, I changed my mind about all the things I believe in? That I altered my belief in all the things that are and are not possible due solely from watching your perfectly sculpted face carry a magnitude of emotion? Or maybe, I changed because of my ineptitude at understanding the stupid decisions you made today when dealing with that 'thing'? Because of all of that, I'm just supposed to nod my head and say, 'okay, my entire life has been a misunderstanding, I'm really a mythical creature that I've never read about in any books and lead on Charma, show me the way'?"

If she had been cruel, he was downright nasty. She realized he was like all Outsider men. He carried a mean temper when provoked. It was a good thing she'd been raised amongst it and was used to handling the blows and pitfalls that came with dealing with them.

"You know what? I don't have to explain this to you. The truth is you abandoned this and me when we were children because you just downright preferred the life you were given." She hadn't even realized her right hand had risen to cover her heart until she found herself gripping her shirt. "I don't blame you, Jason. I really don't. I wish Fate had seen fit to give me a family that loved and treasured me, but my story has been a little bit different than yours. The fact that you could consciously decide to give me up when everything in you should have protested doing it to the point of it becoming physically impossible for you, tells me that not only was I not placed with a family, the Fates neglected to give me a real soul mate too."

Jason stormed away. Turning around halfway so his back was to her, he looked down at the ground. What had she expected? Some sort of declaration of love or a confession of how the last eighteen years had been hell on him too?

"Damn it, why do you do to me what you do? I want to love you, and I'm not even sure I believe that you're real."

She rolled her eyes.
Really, enough was enough
.

Like a whirlwind blasting through a forest, Jason was suddenly in front of her. Breathing hard, he grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her around to look at him.

Charma gasped. "What…?"

He kissed her roughly. She hesitated for a second before she gave in to the sheer ecstasy of his warmth against her. Pressing tighter, she let him force her mouth open with his tongue, craving the feel of his with hers. Together their mouths danced, each one exploring the others.

Pulling back, he stared at her, his eyes ablaze. "Do you think it was always easy? Do you think it was fun? On one hand, I know what is and is not real. I'm a scientist. I know what happens when chemicals react. I know how numbers work. I understand it. On the other hand, you're telling me everything I believe is simply wrong…"

She shook her head. "That's not what I…"

He interrupted her. "I've lived my whole life knowing I was insane, and that I was capable of fabricating a whole reality in my own mind. It's not just simple creativity. It's not even story telling. It's mania. It's kept me apart from my family at times."

"That's not why you're alone."

"I'm not alone now, am I?" He kissed her again. "You want to be real? Fine, let's see if you're real."

He kissed her again. This time she was ready for him. Biting down on his lip, she heard him growl before he pulled them both down on the ground, taking the landing on his back with her on top of him. She pressed her hips fully against his and could feel the evidence of his attraction for her. Whatever Jason might think about this all being his own creation, he clearly wanted her as much as she wanted him.

Her heartbeat pounded in her ears. She'd never done this, shouldn't know what she was doing, but damn if her body wasn't crying out for his. Her skin begged for his touch, asking for fulfillment she knew she'd only ever find in his arms, although she'd never actually experienced what it was she asked for.

"Clothes. Off. Now."

She raised an eyebrow at him, even though it was exactly what she wanted too. "Used to giving orders, Dr. Randall?"

"You're mine, my creation. You're supposed to do what I want."

"You'll find I'm a little bit more difficult to manage than that." She grabbed at his belt buckle and undid it. "Maybe I want your clothes off, instead."

His eyes sparkled with what she hoped was amusement. "Fine. That will work too. God knows I want your hands on me, woman."

Finally undoing his belt, she pulled his shirt free and he helped lift it over his head. Jason's physique was extraordinary. Long, muscular arms sat next to a well-defined chest and flat abs the likes of which most movie stars would be envious. Outsiders were by nature athletic, but clearly Jason took care of himself in addition to his natural propensity towards being physically fit.

She ran her hands all over the thick, blond hair covering his chest.
Yes,
she thought all of a sudden,
this was what a man was supposed to look like
.

A devilish thought crossed her mind. "Are you a boxers or briefs man?"

"I know the answer to that, obviously. So why are you asking that question?"

She rolled her eyes. "This is real, Jason." Leaning forward, she blew on his neck before kissing him there. She craved the taste of his skin. "You can't over think this. You can't make it something it's not just because you want it to be. I'm real. You're real. This thing between us is real and destined since before we were born." She sighed, loving the way he smelled. So fresh. So natural. So masculine. "You're not alone. You've always had me, even when you didn't know it."

His eyes narrowed as he pulled her closer for another kiss. Then there was only Jason. The heat of his body and the feel of his heartbeat under her caress. She tugged at his pants, pulling them to reveal, yes, what she would have guessed, Jason was a boxer man.

One tug and they were gone too.

"Now I'm going to have to insist that you get naked too."

She laughed. "All right." Her hands shook slightly as she removed her shirt. She'd never been exposed… not this way… to anyone before. A million insecurities travelled through her mind. What if he didn't think she was as beautiful as she thought he was? What if he was used to women with bigger breasts and longer legs who knew exactly what they were doing?

He touched her bra. "I hate these things."

"Bras?"

"I can open and close the human body with a scalpel, but I can't work that thing to save my life."

She looked down. "It's not that complicated. There's this little hook…"

"I get the mechanics. I just find what's underneath it to be so distracting." He exhaled on a laugh. "In your case, very, very distracting."

"So you're a breast man, then?" Sure, she could be light about this. She could be easy going. She didn't have to make it such a huge deal, especially since he seemed so okay about the whole thing.
Right?

"On you, I'm a breast man. Could you…?"

"Oh." She laughed. "Sure." Pulling the bra off, she discarded it to the side. She was now totally topless in front of Jason, and he still hadn't said anything about what she looked like.