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Authors: Cathy Hopkins

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‘Maybe he’s Howard,’ whispered Effy.

‘Hope not. He’s way too full of himself to be good boyfriend material,’ I said as Finn turned away from me and directed the rest of the song to a stunning girl with long dark
auburn hair in the middle of the crowd. She had a tender look in her eyes as she smiled back at him.

‘I think she’s with him,’ said Tash. ‘I saw them together before the band went on stage.’

The girl looked every inch a rock singer’s girlfriend in a tiny denim skirt and cowboy boots.
I should have known he wouldn’t be single. Not that I care
, I thought.

‘Hey, look,’ said Effy. ‘The bass player. Isn’t that Ben?’

I looked over to where Effy was pointing. ‘Ben who?’

‘Ben Fraser,’ replied Effy.

‘He was the year above us in junior school. Bit of a loner.’

‘Can’t say I remember him, junior school was a while ago,’ I said as I looked over at the boy Effy was talking about. He was tall and slim with dark, longish hair and was
wearing shades so I couldn’t see his face properly. I must have seen him in some of the magazine shots of the band though, and never really taken much notice. Finn was the only one I
registered.

‘He’s on the
Chillaxin
team as well, you must recognise him from there?’ said Effy. ‘He was at one of the meetings. I think he takes photos for the magazine. I
knew
he looked familiar.’

‘If he looks familiar, maybe he’s
your
soulmate,’ I teased as I turned my attention back to Finn.

‘Familiar because he went to the same junior school as us,’ said Effy. ‘Not familiar as in my love destiny’

‘Methinks the lady doth protest too much,’ I said.

‘I’m not protesting,’ she objected.

‘You-oo love him. I’m going to tell Mark.’

Effy thumped my arm. She’s so easy to wind up sometimes.

The band struck their last chords, took a bow and made their exit. I noticed the girl with auburn hair make her way backstage and couldn’t help but feel a stab of jealousy.

Tash pointed at a row of stalls to the side of the dodgem cars. ‘Let’s go and look over there,’ she said. ‘I need to get something for my parents’ wedding
anniversary.’

We followed her over to the stalls selling lavender soaps and bath gels.

‘Finn’s family are looking for a house in Highgate,’ Effy said to me, as she picked up a soap and inhaled the scent. ‘Mum told me.’ Effy’s mum runs an estate
agency up in Highgate village so she always knows all the gossip about who’s selling and who’s buying locally. ‘She said they’re looking for a three-bedroomed house with a
garden room or studio. Probably for Finn, don’t you think? For his band.’

‘He’d have pretty fab parents if they were actually looking for a home studio for him. How do you know his dad doesn’t work from home, or his mum?’ I asked. ‘The
studio could be for one of them.’

‘I don’t,’ said Effy. ‘I was just speculating.’

‘Hmm. You speculate about a lot of things without having all the facts, don’t you, Effy?’ I said.

‘I so do not. Like what?’

‘Like now with Finn’s parents and before, running away with what the clairvoyant said to me.’

‘Ah. So that’s what’s bugging you,’ said Effy.

‘It’s not bugging me. I’m merely pointing out that you get carried away by your own imagination sometimes.’

Tash stood in the middle of Effy and me. ‘OK, you two, pack it in,’ she said, always the peacemaker.

I wasn’t sure why but I felt grumpy and I could see by Effy’s frustrated expression that I’d got to her too. Maybe the clairvoyant had unsettled me, not with the Henrietta
story, more because she’d been accurate about me feeling that love was painful. That was true, especially after having just seen Finn with another girl.

‘It would be cool to know where Finn lived though,’ Tash said, ‘then you could accidentally-on-purpose bump into him, Jo.’

I turned my nose up. ‘He has a girlfriend. Anyway, not interested.’

‘Yeah sure,’ said Tash.

‘You could camp in his garden,’ suggested Effy with a grin.

‘Yeah and get carried off by the police for stalking along with all his other groupies,’ I replied. I looked back at the stall. ‘Anything here, Tash?’

She shook her head. ‘Mum might like bath stuff but I doubt if Dad would appreciate it. Any other ideas?’

‘I’ll have a think,’ I said as I watched Finn and the auburn-haired girl walk past us. He glanced over and looked me up and down, like he was clocking my jacket, and gave me
the briefest of nods. Despite my promise to myself that I wasn’t going to get into him, I felt my stomach lurch pleasantly when his eyes met mine.
Damn
, I thought as I turned away.

A moment later, Effy nudged me. ‘Finn’s coming over.’

I turned back and indeed, Finn looked like he was heading my way. I felt like my brain was about to fuse. I wanted to talk to him but also didn’t, not if he was with another girl.

‘Hello, Jo,’ said a voice to my left.

I turned to see Mrs Rayner, an older lady who worked as a volunteer at the same hospital as my mum but had recently retired. ‘Oh. Hello, Mrs Rayner,’ I said as I glanced over her
shoulder. Finn had noticed that I was talking to someone and turned around, walking back to the girl he was with. I felt torn. I so wanted Finn to come over but I liked Mrs Rayner and wanted to
talk to her too. She was a sweetheart who would chat to me and make me a hot chocolate if ever I was waiting at the hospital for Mum after her shift. I hadn’t seen her for a while so we spent
a few minutes catching up and by the time we’d said goodbye and she went off to join her friend, Finn had long gone.

Effy squeezed my arm. ‘Forget Finn, we’ll find you someone else,’ she said and began to scan the crowd at the fair then nudged me to look over to the rest of the band. By now,
they had packed up their equipment from the stage and were walking out towards the exit. Ryan, the lead guitarist, Josh, the drummer, and Ben Fraser, the boy Effy had pointed out. I noticed that
Ben had a black Labrador on a lead. He stopped to adjust the dog’s lead. I had a feeling he had overheard Effy say Finn’s name but it was hard to tell because he still had his shades
on.

‘Yes. There will be others,’ Tash added.

‘I don’t want anyone else,’ I said.

Even behind the shades, I felt Ben look at me, his face registered disapproval. Maybe he thought I was just another saddo fan on a very long list. He tugged on the dog’s lead and walked
away.

‘I mean, I don’t want
anyone
,’ I said loudly so Ben could hear. Even though I didn’t know him, I didn’t want him thinking I was a loser. ‘I’m
happy being on my own.’

Effy and Tash both burst out laughing. ‘Yeah, looks like it.’

Effy wasn’t going to give up. ‘So. Let’s think. What’s your type?’

‘I don’t know. I don’t know if I have a type.’

‘Yes you do,’ said Tash. ‘Haunted, Victorian poet with dishevelled hair; in fact, just like Finn.’

‘In that case, that is
so
not my type,’ I said.

Tash laughed. ‘Oo, Little Miss Petulant.’

I stuck my tongue out at her.

‘Whatever, we have to find Howard,’ said Effy.

‘Oh, shut up about Howard and Finn. I mean, just for a moment, say Betty’s story is true, then he could be anywhere on the planet in India, Australia, Outer Mongolia not right in
front of us on the Heath, five minutes after I’ve seen a clairvoyant!’

‘Ah so you
do
think there might be something in it?’ asked Effy.


No.
Course not. But if it was true – and it
isn’t
– it’s just not very likely that he’d be the next boy I see, OK?’

‘But if he’s your soulmate,’ insisted Tash, ‘you’ll surely find each other. It’s meant to be.’

‘Says who?’

‘Your
destiny
,’ said Effy.

I scoffed. ‘Yeah right. But if you put that garbage about Henrietta and destiny aside, I do like to think that I have a soulmate somewhere but
not
someone from another life. I want
someone in
this
life.’

‘So go and talk to a few boys,’ said Tash. ‘Be positive. You’re the one who’s always saying you have to make things happen.’

‘OK, I will,’ I said. I glanced around but there wasn’t one boy in sight who vaguely took my interest. ‘Er, but maybe not today.’

Luckily Effy and Tash didn’t push it any further. We continued browsing the stalls.

‘Do you think Mark is your soulmate?’ I asked Effy.

She shook her head. ‘I like him a lot, but I think he’s Mr Right Now instead of Mr Right Forever.’

‘I think Dave is my soulmate,’ said Tash. ‘It was like we recognised each other when we met. In fact, the first thing he said to me was, “Where do I know you from?”
But we hadn’t met before that first time. Maybe I knew him in a past life and that was why there was something familiar about him.’

‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘Maybe he was your pet goldfish.’

Tash laughed, but her and Dave did have something special. They had been going out since Year Eleven when Dave arrived at our school. Effy and Mark on the other hand were a much more recent
couple; they’d only been dating a few months.

‘So what do you think is a real soulmate then?’ I asked them. ‘Someone you fancy like mad? Someone you’re drawn towards but you don’t know why? How
do
you
recognise The One when you meet him?’

‘I think it’s how he makes you feel. Like, it’s right but exciting at the same time,’ said Tash. ‘Like a vibe.’

‘Chemistry,’ I said.

‘And you can’t stop thinking about him,’ said Effy.

‘And when you’re apart you can’t wait to be with him,’ added Tash.

Exactly how I wanted to feel with a boy. I just didn’t want him to be a boy from beyond the grave. That was just too spooky.

After the fair, we went back to my place for a DVD and a sleepover. My house is nothing special. It’s a mock-Tudor semi-detached on a quiet street between Highgate and
Muswell Hill. Three bedrooms and bathroom upstairs and two rooms that have been knocked through to make one big living room and a kitchen downstairs. Faded white walls, Ikea fUmiture and rugs and a
few posters around the place. One is a seascape with dolphins, another is the Field of Poppies by Monet. Every year, Mum and I make a resolution to buy some new artwork but somehow it gets
forgotten as the routines of Mum’s job and my school term take over. That night, Mum was on the night shift at the hospital where she works on the admittance desk in A & E so we had the
place to ourselves.

After pizza and a fourth viewing of
Bridesmaids
, we went up to my room where I have made some effort with the decorating in an attempt to make it my space, although it’s three years
or so since I did it. The walls are a dark red colour and I’ve got Pre-Raphaelite posters on the wall. I love that era of art. Ophelia floating on her back in the river by Rossetti. King
Cophetua and the Beggar Maid by Edward Burne-Jones. Echo and Narcissus, Hylas and the Nymphs, both by John Waterhouse.

Effy looked at the pictures. ‘See, even your posters are from the past, Jo. All tragic ladies.’

‘Not all of them.’

‘They look pretty tragic to me,’ said Tash as she scrutinised the posters.

‘I like them because they’re romantic,’ I argued, ‘and the colours are so vivid. Plus you have to admit, all the boys in them are lush, just look at them high cheekbones,
great hair, not like the spotty oiks that hang around here.’

Effy pointed at the painting of Hylas and the Nymphs. ‘This one looks at bit like Ben, the bass player from Finn’s band. Good cheekbones.’

‘Hah! I knew you loved him,’ I said.

Effy picked up a pillow from my bed and threw it at me.

‘And this one looks like Finn,’ said Tash, pointing at the Burne-Jones poster. It was true, the king in the painting did have a look of Finn. Dark with black eyes that twinkled like
polished gemstones.

I shrugged. ‘OK. So maybe I
do
have a type, except it’s not that Ben bloke. He looked well miserable. I swear he scowled at me earlier on the Heath.’

‘You’d make a good pair then,’ said Effy. She pulled a sad face.

‘I am so not miserable,’ I said.

‘Only teasing,’ said Effy. She looked back at my posters. ‘I wonder what Howard looked like.’

I rolled my eyes and sighed. ‘I thought we’d forgotten about him.’

Effy shook her head. ‘No way. In fact, I’ve been thinking about what Betty said to you and if you’re not going to do anything about it, I am. I’m going to look for
Henrietta.’

I laughed. ‘Look for her? But
I’m
supposed to be Henrietta so you don’t have to look far.’

‘No, dozo. I mean the actual Henrietta. If she did exist, then there will be records of her, like when she was born, where she lived, those kinds of things.’

‘Don’t waste your time. Betty probably told a dozen single women at the Heath this afternoon that they were Henrietta Gleeson. I bet she did exist and was Betty’s great-aunt or
something.’

Tash nodded. ‘Possible.’

But Effy had her ‘I won’t be budged on this’ face on.

Tash threw herself back on my bed. ‘So it might be a story that Betty tells everyone, but you still have to admit it’s romantic,’ she said. ‘There’s no harm in just
looking for Henrietta. See where it takes us.’

‘It would have saved a lot of time if a boy had been in to see Betty today too and she’d told him that he was Howard and then she could have said, “Ah, I’ve just seen
Henrietta.
What
a coincidence. Quick, get out in the fair and find her.’”

‘You’ve just got a closed mind,’ said Effy. ‘A cynic’

‘Whatever,’ I said and began to make up their beds on the floor.

Later that night, Tash woke me. ‘Jo, Jo, it’s OK. I’m here.’

‘Wha . . . Who?’

‘You were calling for your dad again.’

I looked at the clock. Three a.m. I wasn’t surprised. Effy and Tash had been woken by me during many a sleepover over the years because of a recurring dream that I have. I can never
remember the exact details of what happens in the dream, just a sense of loss and an old house, a house that I don’t recognise. Effy, Tash and Mum have all told me that I call out for my dad.
He died of a heart attack when I was nine years old. It was totally out of the blue and I still really miss him. Mum’s made me go and see so many sleep specialists over the years to try and
stop the dream. She’s had me try lavender oil, counting sheep, relaxation techniques starting with my toes and up through my body None of them have helped much because it’s not that I
have a problem
getting
to sleep, it’s that I wake up when I have the dream and then can’t get back to sleep. Mum’s latest fad is for me to try hypnotherapy. She sits in the
waiting room reading magazines whilst the therapist puts me under and I have a nice kip – feels like that anyway. I’ve had three sessions so far and it seemed to be helping a bit, that
is until tonight.

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