Lost and Found (33 page)

He looks up at me. “Which reminds me … I’m almost out of stock. How much for everything you have here?” He pauses to reference the older woman. “Except for the items she’ll be purchasing, of course.”

They both turn hundred-watt smiles on me.

I would love to be able to respond, but words seem to have escaped me.

“Is she okay?” the woman asks James, her smile faltering.

“I’m fine.” And cranky now, too, thanks to this butthead. “I’m sorry,
Doctor
, but I can’t just sell you my entire stock.”

“Why not?” the woman asks. “That’s what you’re here for, isn’t it?” She grins up at James and he smiles back. They’re like co-conspirators in the crime of pissing me off.

I glare at her first and then at him.

“How did you find me?” I ask him.

He winks. “I played detective.”

“Feeling pretty proud of yourself, I see.” I try to scowl, but he’s making it hard. He’s too cute for my own good.

“Yeah, a little.”

The old woman looks at him and then at me, a smile creeping back onto her face. “Oh, I see what’s going on here. Romance!” She claps her hands and does a crazy but somewhat reserved jig with her elbows flying out to the sides. “Romance, romance, romance, oh what a happy thing.” She finishes and then starts to walk away, like a dementia patient who forgets what she was doing right in the middle of doing it.

“Don’t you want your oils?” I shout out after her.

“That’s okay, dearie. Sell them to your Romeo.” She moves down two booths to one of my competitors, a guy wearing pants with its crotch down at his ankles. I hate those stupid modified hippy Hammer pants.

I turn my ire on James. “Way to go, jerk. She was going to be my first customer.”

He laughs. “I told you I want to buy your whole supply. How does that make me a jerk?”

I huff out a breath and put my hands on my hips. “I can’t sell you everything!”

“Why not?”

The guy two booths down whistles and gestures. “Hey, man, if you want some oils, feel free to come on down!”

I glare at the dreadlock-Hammerpants-wearing guy, holding back on the urge to flip him off. Then I lean in so I can talk more quietly to James. Too many people are interested in eavesdropping.

“I can’t sell you everything because I know you don’t need it. You’ll just dump it in the garbage, and I can’t let you do that. These things help people. I’m not going to let you stand in the way of healing.”

His smile falls away. “I’m a physician, Leah. Why would I do that? I’ve dedicated myself to healing.”

I snort. “You’ve dedicated yourself to changing perfectly good faces and bodies into alien versions of themselves. That’s not the same thing.”

He stands up rigidly and stares at me, his face going expressionless.

I stand up straight too, but when I try to stare him down, it doesn’t work. I’m feeling very uncomfortable. The dancing light is gone from his eyes and his body language is screaming pain.

I’ve hurt him. I try not to care, but I do. “Listen, I…”

He interrupts me. “There are people in this world, believe it or not, who have legitimate reasons for wanting to make changes to their bodies. You don’t have that need or desire, but that doesn’t make other people wrong for living their lives the way that makes them happy.” He cocks his head to the side and stares at me. I feel disappointment in his gaze. “I thought you of all people could appreciate that.”

“Me? Why me?”

“Because. You’ve always struck me as open-minded. Real. But maybe I was wrong.” He looks down at Cassie and talks to her. “Come on, baby girl. Time to go home.”

The stroller starts to move and James is looking off in the distance, ignoring me.

I rush around the end of the table without thinking. “Wait!” I need to fix this.

He keeps going.

“James, wait!” My heart feels like it’s shrinking down and drying out like a prune or even a raisin. It’s literally painful. Ouch. Major suckage.

I watch as his back gets smaller and smaller and his form is swallowed up by the crowd. “I wanted to apologize,” I say mostly to myself.

All my pent-up breath leaves me in one long exhale. I walk around to the other side of my table and stare at my oils, my incense, and my fishbowl. Everything was starting out so well. How do I recover from this and sell anything at all at this stupid market? It’s like the bad karma is still hanging over my head even though I don’t have the ring anymore.

I’m staring in the fishbowl trying to figure out the meaning of life when a sparkle catches my eye.

I stand up so suddenly, my chair flips over. My neighbor in the booth jumps in fright, but I ignore her.

Grabbing the fishbowl, I jam my hand inside and flip the cards out of the way.

“Goddamn it to hell!” I screech, as my fingers close around the engagement ring I swear I left deep in the cushions at James’s condo.

Chapter Sixty-Four

I THOUGHT I’D FEEL RELIEF and pride in my tracking and duping skills when I finally unloaded that ring. Okay, so I do feel both of those emotions right now, but right along with them is a huge load of guilt.

Seeing Leah at that market selling her oils and knowing what I already do about her from Ralph, the guy at Cartier who gave me her work address, makes me realize how badly she needs the money from that ring. And I don’t know her that well, but I do know that she isn’t going to keep the ring for herself by her own choice. My only chance at keeping it away from me is leaving her no choice at all, by cutting her out of my life using the various doormen at my disposal. The idea of it makes me positively depressed. It feels like a big mistake. Maybe that’s why I tracked her down and put that ring in her fishbowl. I know whenever I put that thing back on her, I’m bound to see her again.

Cassie’s in her bouncy seat on my dining table and I’m feeding her a bottle of formula, the same brand that’s now stocked in my pantry and outnumbering beers five to one.

“What do you think, Cassie? Do we want to invite Leah over here for dinner tonight?”

Cassie blinks and keeps sucking.

“Blink once for yes, two for no.”

She closes her eyes for a really long time. I think she’s fallen asleep but she keeps sucking.

“What does holding your eyes closed mean? Extra yes or extra no?”

She stops sucking.

“I’m getting the impression that this conversation is beyond you, Cassie. Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”

Her eyes open and she starts sucking again, with renewed vigor this time.

“Okay, fine.” I consult the contact list on my phone, entertaining the idea of having a conversation with an adult about my situation. Only problem is, the two people I could talk to are not available to me. Or at least one is, because I don’t want to interrupt her girls’ weekend extravaganza.

I hit the dial button, fully expecting to get a full voicemail box message.

“Hello,” comes a groggy voice.

“Hello? Jeremy?” I’ve already convinced myself that he’s lost his phone and this is its new owner. No way is Jeremy answering my call.

“Yeah. James? What do you want so early in the morning?”

“It’s noon, Jer.” I roll my eyes and lean in to whisper at Cassie. “Your daddy says hi, baby girl.”

“What’s that?” he asks. He sounds more awake this time.

“I was just telling your daughter that you said hello.” It’s hard to keep the censure out of my voice.

“Where are you? At the house?”

“I’m at my place.”

“Is Jana there?”

“No, she’s not. It’s just me and your beautiful daughter. You should come by. Say hello. Change a diaper maybe.”

There’s no response for a few seconds. Part of me is worried I’ve said too much and the other part of me has a lot more to say.

“Nah, I can’t. I have stuff to do.”

It’s on the tip of my tongue to respond with some reality, like how
stuff to do
should include raising his child, but he starts talking again before I can unleash the beast that is my judgment against him.

“She okay? Why are you watching her?”

“She’s fine. I’m watching her so Jana can have a break. She’s twenty-five, Jer. She should be out partying with friends, not being a mother to her niece.”

I hear a lighter flick on and then an inhale. “Did you call me to bitch at me or was there something else?”

I take a deep breath to control my emotions. “Actually, I called you because you’re one of only two people I can talk to about my life, funnily enough, and I honestly didn’t think you’d answer.”

Jeremy blows out what I can only assume is a big cloud of smoke. I hope it’s tobacco smoke.

He laughs. “That’s pretty fucked up, isn’t it? Even I have more than one person I can call during a personal crisis.”

“Who said anything about a personal crisis?” His humor at my situation pisses me off. Having a drug addict legitimately mock you is not a proud moment.

“That’s the only thing that’ll get you to call me, other than the need to bitch me out. Believe me, I know. So what is it? You want the ring back? Pissed at me because I threw it in Laura’s fountain?”

“You remember doing that?”

“Yeah,” he says, his voice going very sober. “I remember everything. That’s the problem with my brain. I’m considering blowing a hole in it, actually.”

I grip the phone hard. “That’s not funny, asshole. Don’t even joke about that.”

He inhales and blows out again. “Whatever. You don’t need to worry about it. So what’s your problem, huh? Need my advice? Need to borrow a few bucks?” He laughs at his joke.

“Nothing. I don’t need anything from you.” I’m disgusted with both of us. Why did I call him? I should have known it was going to be a disaster. Now I have to worry about the asshole killing himself on top of everything else.

“Okay, well, you didn’t ask, but I’m going to go ahead and give you this advice anyway.” He coughs up some of his lung and continues. “No matter what happens, do not ignore that little voice that starts speaking to you when your heart hurts.”

“What?” I’m thinking now it’s not tobacco he’s inhaling.

“You heard me. Laura used to say this about you all the time.”

“What’s Laura got to do with anything?”

“She knew you better than any of us did. She watched you. She saw what you were about. I never listened to her much when she was alive, but I listen to her now. Hell yeah, I listen to her now.” His voice has gone soft. “She used to say that you had a ton of emotion tying you up inside, but you were too busy trying to please our parents to listen to your own heart. She told me the best thing that could happen to you was for you to finally start listening to that heart of yours. When it hurts, when it slows down, when it speeds up, it’s trying to tell you something. You should listen more often to it … even if it is all shriveled up and black from not being used.”

The insults have been plastered on in so many layers, I don’t know where to start being angry. All I know is, he’s got a lot of fucking nerve.

“You’re a dick, Jeremy. I don’t know what Laura ever saw in you.” The minute the words leave my mouth I regret them, but he speaks before I can take them back.

“I know. Me neither. Anyway, I gotta go. Say hi to Jana for me.” And then he hangs up.

No word about his daughter. No anger at me for being a dick. Just a message to pass on to our sister.

I feel worse now than I did before I called.

Chapter Sixty-Five

I GET BACK FROM THE farmers market to find an eviction notice taped to my door. I rip it off and go inside, but stop just past the entrance when I realize something is very wrong in my apartment.

“Laaarrrryyyyyy!” I screech. That asshole. How
dare
he! My only happy thought right now is that at least he’s going to be suffering a little. I set a trap, and from the looks of things, he fell right into it. It’s possible I catch of whiff of its remnants right now.

“You callin’ me?” he says from below.

“You are so going to get sued for this,” I growl out. I’m breathing heavily from the stress, making me sound like a freight train. I’ve never felt so violated in my entire life. I hate being poor. I hate being in a position to be taken advantage of. I hate everything this apartment stands for.

“You can’t sue me for evicting you for non-payment of rent, Leah. That’s not how it works.”

“I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about you messing with my stuff. You had no right to go inside, Larry. No right!” My eyes take in the couch cushions, torn and flung across the room. My little knickknacks broken and scattered in every corner. My clothing shredded. What kind of landlord shreds his tenant’s clothes?

Larry clomps up the stairs and stops in the entrance to my place.
 
He smells like cheap men’s cologne. “Wow. You’re not a very good housekeeper, are you?”

I spin around to glare at him. “I didn’t do this, idiot! You did!”

Larry puts his hand on his chest and backs up his head. “You think I did that?” He shakes his head. “No way. I ain’t been in your apartment since you moved in. All I did was tape that notice to your door, and not because I wanted to. My Nona told me I had to, so I did. You don’t know her, but believe me when I say you don’t want Nona mad at you.”

Realization sets in. If he had been the one to break in, he wouldn’t smell like cheap men’s cologne right now. “If you didn’t do this then …” I spin around and take in the mayhem. Of course it wasn’t Larry. It was …
 
“Oh my god! Again! I’ve been robbed
again!
” I know immediately what the thief was after, too. “It’s that fucking ring, I know it is!”

“What ring? You were robbed? I don’t get it.”

I turn around and push past Larry so I can run down the stairs.

“Where’re you goin’?” he yells at my back.

“I’m going to kick someone’s ass, that’s where I’m going!”

“You gotta be out by next Saturday or I’m gonna put your stuff in storage, Leah!”

Screw you, screw you, screw you
I chant, all the way to the subway. It feels like the hounds of hell are on my heels. Before, I thought this ring just had some bad juju associated with it. Now I know it’s even worse than that. The Devil himself is involved. I can literally feel the terrible mojo coming off that ring through my bag.