Lost Along the Way (14 page)

“Wow. You really do get recognized, huh?” Cara asked, slapping at Jane's sweater with small white napkins in a completely unproductive attempt to dry her off.

“I told you. I know you think that I was exaggerating, but in this case, I assure you, I'm not.”

“What are you doing here anyway? I'm leaving. All I wanted to do was get tea and something to eat for the road.”

“We don't want you to leave,” Jane said.

“What
we
?” Cara asked. “I'm sorry I left you there, but Meg made it very clear that we were not a welcome surprise. I shouldn't have come. I should never have let you talk me into any of this, and now I have to go home and try to explain the note I left for Reed. Do you have any idea how he's going to react when he sees
that? I don't know what I'm going to say to him, but this was a colossal mistake.”

“You shouldn't have to deal with him,” Meg said quietly. Cara turned and finally noticed Meg standing in the corner. Meg quickly bit her upper lip, trying to keep herself from saying something else she'd regret. They'd done enough of that for a lifetime. She fidgeted with the lavender scarf wrapped around her neck and shoved her hands inside her back pockets.

“I didn't see you there,” Cara said.

“How'd you think I got here?” Jane asked. “You were supposed to be my ride and you ditched me. It's like being at the homecoming party in eleventh grade all over again. I'm still mad about that, by the way.”

Cara ignored Jane and spoke to Meg instead. “I'm sorry to just show up out here and expect that you'd want to see me. I thought . . . I don't know what I thought. I don't know that I was thinking at all. I'm sorry.”

“Jane told me what's going on,” Meg said. She removed her hands from her pockets and chewed her nails.

“She always did have a big mouth,” Cara said. “Stop biting your nails.”

“In my defense there were extenuating circumstances that allowed me to spill your secrets. Primarily that I basically forgot how to drive and needed a ride to come find your ass. But if it will make everyone feel better to hear me say it, fine. I have a big mouth. Is that why no one will tell me what is going on with you two?” Jane asked.

“I didn't know about your mom, either,” Meg said. “I'm really sorry you've been dealing with all of this. I liked to think that
everything was perfect with you, you know? I always thought that you had everything you ever wanted. It made it easier to stay away.”

“I have exactly zero of what I really want. But in all the years of wondering how both of you've been, not once did I expect to hear that you left Steve and secluded yourself on the tip of Long Island. And I never thought that the white-collar division of the FBI would target Doug or that Jane would need to be medicated to leave the house. So things didn't turn out how any of us expected them to, I guess.”

“Hey. I don't
need
to be medicated. I just prefer it that way,” Jane said. “There's a difference. I want to be clear on that.”

“I don't want you to go back home, Cara,” Meg said. “At least not tonight. Jane is going to stay with me—”

“I thought you were going to make me take the train?” Jane asked.

“Enough, Jane!” Meg snapped, which she instantly felt bad about. She glanced at the girl behind the coffee counter, who was staring at Jane with morbid curiosity, and smiled apologetically for raising her voice.

“Anyway, I'd like for you to stay too, Cara. We could all catch up a little. Maybe it'll be fun.”

“Sure, it's been a barrel of monkeys so far,” Jane added. She removed a bottle of pills from her bag, popped two into her palm, and swallowed them dry.

“Are you sure? Because I'll be okay if you want me to leave,” Cara said.

“I'm sure. Come back to the house. Please,” Meg said. She meant it.

“Maybe just for the night,” Cara said.

“Do you have wine at your house? If not, there's a liquor store across the street, and we are so absolutely going to need booze for this. I'll run and get some as long as one of you gives me money. My funds are a little low these days,” Jane said. “This will be fun. It's long overdue.”

“I have some, but I'd have bought more if I knew you were going to be there, Jane,” Meg teased.

“So I take it you guys know each other?” the barista asked. Meg didn't like that the barista was so interested in their conversation, and she kept her fingers crossed that she wasn't going to call the press two seconds after they left to relay the entire conversation she'd just overheard. If anything deserved to be kept private, this was it, but then again, they probably shouldn't have had the conversation at a coffeehouse in the Hamptons to begin with. Meg should've just let them into the house and talked to them in private.

“No, I guess we don't,” Meg answered. “But I think it's time that changed.”

J
ane purchased wine at the liquor store across the street and climbed into the front seat of Cara's car. They made an illegal U-turn on Montauk Highway—something you could do only in the fall when the traffic was nonexistent—and followed Meg back to her house. Jane didn't even bother to turn on the radio to kill the awkward silence. If they were all going to shack up together for the night, then she was going to have to get comfortable with awkward moments, and quick.

“Why'd you guys come and get me?” Cara finally asked. Jane was staring out the window, catching brief glimpses of the ocean on the other side of the bluffs. In the summer, the foliage made it impossible to see the water from the highway, but with the bare trees you could see the dunes and the white-capped swells of the Atlantic. Jane had figured it would take Cara about five minutes before she probed into how she'd gotten Meg to agree to look for her. Jane glanced at the clock on the dash and discovered it had taken about seven. Not bad, she figured. She was a little rusty, but she could still predict Cara's behavior with uncanny accuracy.

“I couldn't let you go back to him. I assume that was where you were headed?”

“Since it's my home, yeah. To be honest, I thought about taking your keys and crashing at your apartment in the city, but if some random picture of me ended up in the paper, Reed would go berserk. Going home and dealing with it seemed like the better option.”

“Both of those options blow.”

“Don't sugarcoat it, Jane, really. Just tell me what you honestly think.”

“Well, they do. This might only be a short-term fix for right now, but it's a fix and that's all I care about.”

“And Meg? Is she going to make me sleep in a tent in the backyard?”

“No. She wants to help you, too. She was surprised when I told her what was going on with you and Reed,” Jane said.

“I wish you hadn't done that,” Cara said. A single tear rolled down her cheek, and she wiped it away with the back of her hand. “She won't understand. She never understood me.”

“Well, I had to if I was going to stop you from going back there. And you're wrong about her. She understood. You two may have your problems, but she'd have to be a pretty evil bitch to think that you deserve to have your husband shred you on a daily basis. There might be a lot of anger there, but there's a lot of love, too. Don't forget that.”

“I haven't forgotten. That's part of the problem. If I didn't love her it wouldn't hurt so bad. They say that best friends make the worst enemies. It's true.”

“Really? That's what you're going to say to me? This enemy right here let you pour scalding-hot tea on her and is now riding shotgun in your car. You've got a screwed-up definition of enemies if that's what you think we are.”

“This is only for tonight. I just need a place to stay for one night while I figure things out. I typically would've gone to my mom's . . .” Cara's eyes welled again and she exhaled loudly. “I don't know how to go on from here.”

Jane reached over and rubbed her arm. “I know. But he
would've gone to look for you there. He will never in a million years think you're out here with us.”

“With you in the picture, he won't know what to think. He never liked you, you know.”

“I know. I don't care. Never did. And he knows it.”

“What
do
you care about?” Cara asked.

“You. Meg. Getting the paparazzi off the sidewalk outside my apartment building. Other than that, nothing. I'm a very simple girl these days.”

“Simple? Somehow I doubt that. One thing you've never been is simple. Need I remind you of the freshman-year dance? Oh wait, I can't, because we weren't allowed to go!”

Jane felt a smile creep across her face.

March 1991

“Bye, Mom! I'm heading to Cara's, but don't wait up. I might be late. The test is going to be brutal!” Jane said to her mom as she headed toward the front door with her backpack slung over her shoulder.

“Okay. Don't study too hard,” Jane's mom said as she finished giving Gavin a bath. “Call if you need anything!”

“I will, Mom. See you later,” Jane answered. She hopped down the stairs and crept into the backyard. She glanced over her shoulder to make sure her mother wasn't looking out the window—when she was sure she wasn't, she hissed as quietly as she possibly could, “Are you there?”

“Over here,” Cara answered, popping her head out from behind a tree a few yards away. “Are you sure this is a good idea?” she asked as she and Jane changed into baggy jeans and midriff tops in Jane's backyard.

“Are you serious? It's a great idea. It's foolproof. There's no way we're going to get caught. It's going to be so fun! I can't believe we're going to see Janet Jackson! What did you tell your mom?”

“That I was studying at your house. What if our moms talk to each other?”

“Why would they talk to each other? There's no reason for that to happen! Relax. Everything is going to be fine. We're going to have the best time. You're beginning to sound like Meg.”

“Oh, come on. I'm not as bad as Meg and you know it. I'm here, aren't I?”

“Then stop worrying about everything and have some fun, for God's sake.”

“I am having fun! I'm going to completely freak out when I see her. I've never been to a concert at Madison Square Garden,” Cara said.

“Me neither! We just have to make sure we stick together and don't get lost once we get off the train.”

“How'd you get these tickets again?”

“A girl who worked with me gift wrapping at the Gap over the Christmas season had a few extra seats and I bought them from her. She's eighteen and very cool. She's going to meet us there. You'll like her.”

“I still wish Meg would've come.”

“She was too much of a chicken to sneak out on a school night. It's her loss. Come on, we have to hurry if we're going to catch our train.” Sneaking into the city to see a concert unchaperoned when they were only fifteen was one thing, but sneaking into the city on a school night to see a concert unchaperoned when they were only fifteen was another. In Jane's opinion,
that's what made it all the more fun. Jane was never one to take no for an answer, so after her parents told her she was forbidden from going, she'd decided she'd do the logical thing: lie. It was an easy answer to a stupid problem as far as she was concerned.

One hour later they were getting smashed in between thousands of people trying to get a better look at Janet and her dancers. The music was so loud Jane couldn't hear herself think.

“Isn't this amazing?” she shouted as she leaned over to Cara, who was dancing in a circle and singing along to “Miss You Much.” Her striped tube top and baggy jeans would look ridiculous on most people, but with Cara's perfectly flat stomach and muscular physique they looked totally cool. She couldn't remember the last time they'd had so much fun. Meg was crazy for opting out of this.

The dancers immediately broke into yet another routine. Jane was mesmerized by the way they could move their bodies in perfect sync, the choreography so detailed she marveled at how they possibly remembered it all.

“I will never forget this night as long as I live!” Cara said. “How do people dance like that? It's crazy!”

“Ms. Janet is the best!” Jane said, feeling somehow proud that she was able to supply the tickets for such an epic night. The older girls kept knocking into her, drunk or high or both, but Jane didn't need anything else to help her enjoy this show. The music and the dancing were enough to keep her going.

“Totally!” Cara echoed.

Jane checked her watch and nearly had a panic attack when she saw the time. She couldn't believe the night had gone by so fast. “We're going to have to go soon if we're going to make the train.
If we miss it we have to wait a long time for the next one and we'll get home way too late.”

“Who cares?” Cara said as she continued to dance and sing and soak up the energy that was blazing through the Garden.

“We need to go!” Jane said, grabbing Cara by the wrist and leading her out of the arena. The LIRR was located directly downstairs. If they ran they'd be able to catch the train. If not, they were going to be stuck in Penn Station for another hour and blow their cover. She checked her watch again. The train was going to leave in five minutes. They would have to run fast. “Let's go, Cara! Hurry!”

They took off in a full sprint toward the escalator, Jane's heart pumping so loudly she could barely hear the voice over the loudspeaker announcing last call.

“Jane, slow down! I can't run in these shoes!”

“I thought you were the athlete! Run, Cara, or our moms will kill us!”

“I should've worn a sports bra. Damn it!” Cara yelled as she ran faster and pulled ahead of Jane. “I'll hold the train doors!”

They ran past the newsstands and down a flight of stairs. The voice over the loudspeaker said the track number one final time, and Jane watched as Cara sprinted down the stairs to track eighteen, leaving Jane heaving and panting behind her. Jane hit the staircase hard and had to brace herself against the railing to keep from falling down the entire flight and onto the train platform below. “Cara, don't let the train leave!”

Jane looked up just as Cara jammed her leg in between the closing train doors and watched as they ricocheted open again. Cara braced her body in between them and held them open just
wide enough for Jane to squeak through . . . and fall directly on the train floor.

“Oh my God!” Cara yelled as the two girls lay next to each other, gasping for breath. “I've never run that fast in my entire life!”

“I find that hard to believe,” Jane said, worried that her chest might actually explode. “I, on the other hand, might have a heart attack. Oh my God, we are so lucky we made this train!”

“I had so much fun, Jane. Thank you for convincing me to come.”

“It didn't take much convincing!” Jane reminded her. “I'm glad you came, too. This is the stuff we'll remember when we're old and married and boring.”

“You'll never be boring, Jane. I'd bet money on it.”

An hour later they returned home, and Jane was surprised when she noticed the kitchen lights blazing. Uh-oh.

Jane hid behind the tree in her backyard while she changed out of her concert attire and put on her normal clothes. She left her jeans and tube top tied up nicely in a black garbage bag, where they'd stay until she retrieved them tomorrow, and slinked through the back door. “How was the concert?” her mother asked from the armchair in the corner of the living room.

“What are you talking about?” Jane said, even though she was completely busted.

“Jane, I swear to God I am not in the mood to play this game with you,” her mother said. There was a magazine on the small circular table next to the chair, but Jane was fairly certain her mother hadn't even opened it. She'd seen this look on her mom's face often. It never ended well for her. Jane stared at the floor.
For some reason, holding her mother's disappointed gaze was basically impossible.

“Why are you waiting up for me anyway?” Jane asked. Usually her parents went to bed at eleven o'clock—it was one of the things she'd been counting on when she decided that sneaking into the city was a good idea.

“Because Gavin fell off the kitchen counter in his footie pajamas trying to reach a box of sugar cones and broke his collarbone. We needed to take him to the emergency room, so I stopped by Cara's house to pick you up while your father drove him to the ER. Imagine our surprise when her mother informed me that not only were you not there, but that Cara was supposed to be at our house. Now what on earth would make two teenage girls lie to their parents about where they were for the night?”

“We decided to go to Meg's,” Jane lied without thinking. Dragging Meg into this was completely unfair and she knew it. Meg had wanted nothing to do with this from the very beginning. Still, it was a last-ditch effort.

“It scares me how easily you lie! We called Meg to find out where you were. Janet Jackson, huh? Didn't I specifically tell you you couldn't go to that concert? And you dragged Cara into this mess now with you! I hope you're happy with yourself.”

“Meg told you?” Jane squealed. She was going to kill her. Unless they'd threatened to physically hurt her, she should've kept her mouth shut.

“Of course she told us. We have been worried sick! Do you have any idea how much trouble you're in? Do you have any idea what can happen to young girls in Madison Square Garden? What were you thinking going into the city like that? Not to mention I specifically told you no Janet Jackson concert on a school night, no
Janet Jackson concert without an adult, no Janet Jackson concert, period! I don't understand why you have no respect for authority, Jane!”

“Where's Gavin? Is he okay?” Jane asked, pausing for a minute to stop thinking about herself and start thinking about her poor little brother and his broken bone. Once it healed, she was going to torture him for choosing tonight to break something and ruin her fun.

“He's sleeping, and you're grounded for a month.”

“Mom! What about the freshman dance? It's in two weeks and I already have a dress!” Missing this dance was not an option. Everyone was going and she would be the social misfit of the entire class if she wasn't there.

“You should've thought about that before you did something so stupid. And while we're talking about clothes, why don't you go back outside and bring in the outfit you changed out of before you came back in here.”