Lose the Clutter, Lose the Weight (19 page)

Mindfulness teaches us that our thoughts are not necessarily reality:

Just because our mind tells us to do something doesn't mean we have to obey!

Just because our mind tells us that something is good or bad doesn't mean it actually is!

Just because our mind is uncomfortable with an emotion doesn't mean we have to take action to turn off the emotion or create a distraction!

This concept may be new and even strange to you, but your mind is not your boss. You don't have to obey the thoughts in your mind or get upset about them. That can lead you to become overweight, cluttered, in debt, and unhappy.

On the other hand, you don't have to
argue
with your thoughts, either. That can be exhausting, and while you're arguing, you're not observing the real moment around you. Instead, mindfulness teaches you to merely observe your thoughts and let them pass by as if you're watching, say, fluffy white clouds in the sky. A cloud won't hurt you (we're assuming, of course, it's not a thundercloud) and won't affect your life. Conversely, you won't change
it
, either. You'll glance at it, and it will disappear over the horizon on its own schedule. Another will come by, and you'll do the same.

And that leads us back to the marketplace. Think about what happens when we shop. The process is usually straightforward.

An item draws your attention, your mind tells you to buy it, and you do so. You may have some thoughts about its price or fit or design or suitability, but the choice often happens without much reflection in the moment.

When you get an urge to toss an item into your shopping cart, I'd like you to observe the thought mindfully rather than acting on it without reflection.
Why
do you want this item? Do you truly need it? How are you feeling right now? Are you buying it just to buy something? Will that urge pass on its own, as in Winston's “urge surfing” description? By introducing this step of mindfulness, the process now looks like this:

If you truly need this thing—if it will actually do something useful for you that your other possessions don't do, if it will move you closer to the life you want, and if you have the money and space for it—then buy it. If you don't need it, use the moment of mindfulness to sort through your emotions and desires, and let the urge pass. Your mindfulness saved you from a bit more additional clutter!

This is especially important if you scored high on the “acquisition” questions in the Saving Inventory questionnaire in
Chapter 3
. By being more mindful, you can tame this element that's contributing to your clutter.

Now try this: Look around your house and find an item you've tried to discard before but just couldn't. Examine it and think about letting it go. What other thoughts arise? Does your mind struggle to stop you from getting rid of this item? Remember: You really don't have to obey your mind's command to hang on to it. If your “difficulty discarding” score from the Saving Inventory questionnaire is high, this kind of self-examination may be especially helpful for reducing your clutter.

During the 6-week program, I'll share a few mindfulness exercises that I'd like you to do regularly. Later, you can continue these activities and mix in some more, such as the ones in this chapter. I just ask that during this program you:

Spend a few minutes a day doing mindfulness meditation. During the rest of your day, try to be more aware of your thoughts and how they influence your behaviors, especially inside stores.

Avoid seeing mindfulness as a time-consuming burden to add to the more important activities in the
Lose the Clutter, Lose the Weight
program. You will be doing quite a bit of decluttering, as well as eating differently and getting more exercise. But I'm hoping you'll see your mindfulness activities as a supplement to these other changes that fits nicely into the spaces when you're not busy.

See mindfulness as the important activity it is. We value action so much that simply sitting still and centering ourselves can easily be viewed as wasted time. Mindfulness is worth the effort, and it will pay huge dividends in enabling you to be more focused on the life you want to live.

Don't be hard on yourself if you're not taking time to be “mindful enough” or if you're not doing it “right.” Remember, mindfulness involves judging yourself less.

Consider this . . .

“There's a bumper sticker that I love,” Diana Winston says, “and I talk to my students about it: ‘Don't believe everything you think.' Our thoughts are very powerful, and we have many thoughts that are extremely positive and helpful thoughts. But we have a lot of thoughts that can lead to quite a bit of suffering. They have a grip on us. We're taught to believe everything we think, so if you have this thought that, ‘Oh, I failed at such and such,' you believe it.”