Lord of the Grrr's (17 page)

Chase

The only thing he could think about was how amazing it felt to have his mate back in his arms again. His wolf seemed content at the moment, happy that the two of them had finally reconnected. If only it could last, if only she would come back with him to be his forever. That was what he really wanted.

But she couldn't, for Jean barely knew him. It would be an insane risk on her part to simply accept that she was with him and only him now. She would have to stay close, to contain the urges, but he would still have to treat her properly and court her until she, hopefully, fell in love with him for real. Only then could he complete the bond.

Chase just hoped he didn't go insane himself in the meantime. One crisis was averted, but the other was still steaming full ahead toward the end of the line. The black thoughts invading his head must have crept into his body language, for Jean sat up as if to ask a question. It was then that he saw the tears ready to fall in her eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing, really. I can handle it."

It didn't take a genius to tell she was lying, but the harder thing to grasp was whether or not she truly wanted his help. It was a fine line to walk. Either she would open up to him and let him know, or get annoyed with him for pushing her to talk when she wasn't ready.

"You can tell me Jean, I promise." He pulled her tight, but she resisted.

Then the tears began to fall. Her shoulders shuddered as sobs wracked her body. Whatever was bothering her reduced her defenses to dust in the process. Chase ached for her, wanting to be there, to hold her against him while she let it all out, but until she let him in, there was not much he could do but sit beside her and feel helpless.

And guilty.

The whole situation was his fault, because he couldn't hold himself in check. He had almost killed her by biting her. If he hadn't decided to chase after her, she would have jumped from the cliff long before he ever got anywhere close. He didn't want to contemplate what he might have done had she killed herself before he came along.

"It hurts. So much. In my brain, between my legs. I can't control it. Even now it's already coming back." She looked up at him then, the torment in her gray eyes clearly visible.

"I know, I'm so sorry. When you're in close proximity to me, it should subside, and stay easily manageable."

"Is there a cure?"

"The only one I know of is to let me fully claim you."

"Claim me?" To her credit she didn't freak out or fly into a rage at the words. That's not to say that her words were fused with interest, but with curiosity.

So Chase told her about being a wolf shifter, claiming his mate, and how the bond would be completed and his human side would exert itself through the link. He carefully avoided anything about the timeframe he was under, because then she might assume that he had had an ulterior motive in biting her that first time.

"Chase, you seem like a nice guy, but I barely know you. I can't let you claim me like that. I'm not ready to be your mate, or anybody's mate at that. I don't do relationships."

The rejection was something that was easy to see coming, but it still didn't dull the hurt from it, no matter how hard he tried. He and his wolf knew that she was the one for him, but there was no easy way to convince her of that fact. She had to learn to love him on her own.

"I know, Jean. Still, come stay with me for the weekend at least. We'll go talk to the leader of my pack. Perhaps he knows of a solution to this."

Chase thought it highly unlikely. He and Jake hadn't discussed if there was a way to undo it, only that if he didn't get to her soon she would go crazy from the forces involved.

"This doesn't mean I'm not still angry at you for doing this to me. You've ruined my life."

Chase was positive the sound of his heart breaking into a million pieces was audible for miles around. All his confidence was deflated in one swift slash as the words struck him like a battleax. He
had
ruined her life. She might never again be able to exist without being close to him, and there was nobody to blame but himself.

He did his best to maintain a stoic facade so that Jean wouldn't see how much he had been hurt by her comment. She was busy putting her clothes on, her back turned to him as she covered up her magnificent curves, much to his wolf's dismay. He wanted to stop and watch as she dressed, but he hurt too much. So he turned and put his back to her while dressing, trying to regain his composure.

The trek back through the forest took much longer in his human form than he remembered with his wolf. In the end it took them close to forty-five minutes to reach her car. He was astounded that Jean had forced herself through all the brush and undergrowth to reach the gorge. It spoke to the depths of her desire to be rid of the presence in her head and between her legs.

"We'll have to come back for your car," he commented as she walked over to the crashed vehicle. It would likely require a tow truck to get it out of the ditch. It was something that they could deal with much easier in the morning. By now it was almost pitch black out on the empty stretch of highway. Chase had had to use his wolf's vision to guide them back to this point, and now the only lights that could be seen were the flashing hazards on his truck.

"I'm just grabbing a few things for the night, as well as the keys. I don't want to leave it unlocked out here."

Chase thought it unlikely that anyone would see the vehicle until sometime tomorrow, but thought better of opening his mouth. He was already walking on extremely thin ice with Jean. If there was to be any hope of getting her to open up and get to know him as a person, he had to work with her, not against her. The odds in his favor were already slim to none. He didn't need to make it worse.

"Watch your elbow," he commented softly while closing the passenger door for her. She had rolled her eyes when he jogged ahead to open it for her, but there had been no protest or attempt to stop him from doing so.

During the drive back to Moonlight Canyon he tried unsuccessfully to engage Jean in small talk several times. It wasn't until the third attempt, however, that he glanced over at her long enough to realize that she was fast asleep sitting straight up. She must have been exhausted after fighting for days against the intrusions of his wolf, he realized. Turning down the music he drove onward in silence, letting her get some rest.

There would be plenty of time for talking in the morning.

***

"Thank you for coming over Jake," he said in relief as the pack leader came through the door.

"It's not a problem, Chase."

"Jake, this is Jean. Jean, this is Jake, the head of our group."

The two shook hands and exchanged pleasantries while the three of them retired to the little living room adjacent to the front door. There wasn't much room in the small apartment, but Chase had managed to fit a leather chair and microfiber couch into the limited space.

Jake took the single chair while the linked pair sat down next to each other on the couch, leaving the middle cushion unoccupied. He stared at the empty spot wistfully for a moment before turning his attention back to Jake. The mood emanating from his alpha was not one of hope, which made his stomach roil.

"How much does she know?" Jake asked, looking at Chase for a moment to see what he had revealed.

"About me and the bond, everything I know."

"So what more can I do for you then?"

"We talked about the consequences if I didn't find her. Well, I found her and saved her. How do we undo this now?"

He hated how plaintive he sounded, but Chase needed to find a way to help Jean, to ensure that she wasn't going to be afflicted like this forever. He owed her that much, after what he had done without her consent.

Not that he wanted to let her go. Even now as he glanced over at her, he loved the way her cheek dimpled as she nervously chewed on her lower lip. That morning she had laughed at one of his silly jokes. It had been a true, off-the-cusp laugh that had caught both of them offguard. He smiled softly even now as he thought back to it.

"There is no way to turn it off."

Jake wasted no words and spent no time on pleasantries in laying it out to them that they were stuck like this. He mercifully didn't tell Jean that it was unlikely to be an issue in the long term, since in a few years Chase would likely be dead as he slowly descended into a bestial rage as his wolf grew stronger and took over.

"There must be something we can do, some way to, I don't know, break the link or cut it off? Something!" Chase wasn't willing to back down so easily, even though he knew it was a lost cause. It wasn't fair to Jean that she be stuck with him if she didn't want to be.

Perhaps you should take matters into your own hands.

Chase was chilled to the core as a soft voice spoke silently within his head. It urged him to do what it saw as the right thing, to end her suffering the only way he knew how. If Chase was no longer alive, then Jean would be free to go.

"The only way it will end is if you either complete the bond," Jake hesitated, and in that instant Chase knew he was about to say the same thing, "or if Chase dies. That's it."

There it was. Now the words were out in the open. He stared straight ahead into Jake's eyes, purposefully avoiding looking at Jean as they revealed to her a way out.

"Absolutely not! There will be no talk about killing someone here. I may be furious with him for being an idiot and starting this, but I will
not
be party to someone's death. Nope. Nuh-uh, not at all! End. Of. Story."

A breath that he didn't know he had been holding escaped Chase at those words, as she vehemently spoke out against that option. He took her righteous fury and directed it at the little voice in his head, doing his best to excise it from within. They would find a way to make this work, he hoped.

Or else Chase would run out of time, and his fate would be beyond Jean's control.

Jean

Stirring awake to the sounds of crackling bacon and eggs on the stovetop was one of the better ways that Jean had been roused lately. A moment later she yawned, overtaken by the urgent need to stretch her limbs while still ensconced within the covers. As the last tingles from pushing her limbs to extension faded, she blinked rapidly and sat up slowly on the side of the bed.

"What time is it?" she mumbled drearily, looking over to the digital clock on the end table. It was eight o'clock in the morning, but she felt as if she had slept until noon. It had been quite some time since she had slept so soundly, not having disturbed herself at all through the night. Even before she had met Chase, such an occurrence was a rarity to be cherished.

Perhaps if you gave him a chance, you might get mornings like this more often.

That thought scared Jean to the core, making her uncertain all over again, worrying that staying with Chase was a bad idea, and that she should go home and try to fix it that way. Each time, however, she found she didn't have the guts to leave, to deal with the cravings that lurked so close to the surface within her. They may be contained for now, but she knew they were just waiting to be unleashed.

Jean wasn't sure how much more fight she had within her.

Staying in the home of the wolf seemed to be the best idea at the moment, even if that did not necessarily make it a great idea in and of itself. That wasn't what was really bugging her, if she was honest with herself. She was beginning to care for him more than was healthy.

Relationships scared Jean, frightening her to the core at the sheer concept of spending the rest of her life with just one person. She had idolized her parents like any child does, assuming that they were infallible and perfect. But when Jean was twelve they had decided to get a divorce. It tore her apart inside to see the two of them, invincible heroes to her still, parting ways. She had assumed since then that if they couldn't do it neither could she. After all, she was their offspring, and had the same inherent flaws that they did, which made her predisposed toward a failing relationship.

Still, Jean had been willing to try. In college she had met someone, someone who she got along so well with that it seemed inevitable that they would be a perfect fit for a long time to come. So when he had asked her if she would go steady, to be a couple, she had acquiesced. The first six months had been incredible.

Until she walked in on him buried to the hilt within her then-best friend. That was the last time she had ever opened her heart to someone, or even allowed herself to care. In her mind, nobody was worth the pain of what she had been through. So Jean had erected her walls, dug a moat, thrown away the key, and barricaded the door just in case. The defenses were supposed to be impregnable.

Now though, Chase seemed to be worming his way through her protective walls, trying to occupy a spot in her mind she had long thought dead. The thought of it scared her so badly her arms began to tremble. Looking around wildly, she began to plot an escape route, on how she could get out of the house and away from Chase.

Air. She needed air, needed to be able to breathe. Rushing to the window, she threw it open and sucked down huge gulps of fresh air as it billowed into the small apartment, causing the curtains to flutter in its wake. She wasn't sure if it was the noise or the airflow moving around that alerted Chase that she was awake, but either way he came walking into the bedroom mere moments later.

"Ah, I see you're awake. Perfect timing, breakfast will be served shortly. Get yourself dressed and come on out." With a smile on his face he turned around and headed back to the kitchen.

"Men," she sighed, sitting down heavily on the edge of the bed as she accepted his obliviousness to her anxiety. The huge shirt and pants she wore as sleeping attire would not do for breakfast. Her stomach growled, erasing any plans she may have been forming about jumping into her regular clothes and making a beeline for the door. Jean needed to eat.

Perhaps my hunger is why I'm so scared to accept his actions
she thought to herself as she pushed the door closed to change in private.

It had been two days since she had met Jake and heard that nothing was likely going to fix their situation. Yesterday the two of them had taken care of getting her car towed to a local shop and driving all the way to Seattle, so that she could grab some things to make her stay more comfortable.

The drive had been the worst part of it she thought, shrugging off the oversized garments in order to slip into something a little more practical for the day. It was supposed to be an awkward drive she griped to herself, yanking her socks on hard to emphasize her point. He was supposed to make it impossible to put up with him in a confined space so long.

The last thing he was supposed to do was not say a word the whole way and make the entire thing seem peaceful and relaxing. She hated him for that, fighting her way through the sleeves of her t-shirt as her frustration stole her coordination, making the whole process far more complicated than it should have been.

Then he had the gall to make her breakfast today, having it all ready by the time she got up. It was just another thing she wanted to hate him for but couldn't. The smell of fresh eggs, bacon and possibly some hash browns assaulted her nose as she exited the sole bedroom to go meet him for food.

"This is delicious," she forced out, trying to be grumpy and failing miserably. The food was actually superb. The man knew how to cook a mean breakfast meal, she would give him that. The more she found out about him, the more perfect he seemed to be.

"Really? Damn. It was supposed to be blackened and terrible so that you could have something else to hate me for."

She looked over at him sharply as he spoke, realizing belatedly that he had caught on to her mood and was good-naturedly telling her she was being rude. Jean was pretty sure her reaction surprised her more than it did Chase.

She laughed. Hard. A deep belly laugh that rolled through her entire body. Chase stared at her in amazement for a moment before he began to join in with her. Moments later the two of them were on the ground holding their sides as peals of laughter echoed through the room.

"This is all kinds of fucked up," she giggled through the tears that were streaming down her cheeks, leaving warm tracks as they went.

"I know, right? How the hell does this kind of situation actually happen?"

"You're a fucking werewolf!" That brought a renewed bout of laughter to both of them for whatever reason.

"I really am absolutely, truly sorry for what I've done to you," he said minutes later as the laughter died down.

"I know you are, Chase. I'm angry about the situation, not at you. I know you couldn't control it. Maybe I can get used to it, learn to love you. I just don't know yet."

"Have you had any attacks lately?" he asked cautiously, nervous about broaching the subject.

"Actually, no," she said with surprise, realizing that it had been several days since she had felt anything close to her previous crazed self. "It must work, being in close proximity to you, because I've only felt normal amounts of arousal."

The moment the words left her mouth she felt heat rush through her face. She must be brighter than a tomato! It was so embarrassing to admit to him that he turned her on, especially when she was trying not to give off any signs that she was comfortable around him. Focusing on the food still sitting on a plate in front of her she dropped her eyes from his gaze and concentrated on shoveling food into her mouth.

"That's good at least," he said noncommittally, wisely choosing not to remark on her poor choice of words. He wasn't able to hide the flexing of his muscles as he clenched a fist tight around his fork though. It was clear that the meaning hadn't been lost and that he enjoyed hearing that.

"Jean," he started, then hesitated as she looked up at him once again. His mouth hung open for a moment as he started to say more, then he closed it, then opened it again.

"Well, spit it out already," she urged.

"Jean, I'd like to show you around Moonlight Canyon today." She noticed that he swallowed hard after speaking, a clear sign of nervousness.

He's nervous about asking you to do something with him.

It was actually rather cute. The man who last time had tried to take something without asking now had the jitters when it came to asking her on a date. At least, that's what she thought he was saying.

"Like a date?"

The concept of a date wasn't foreign to her, but she didn't allow herself to go on too many with the same person. It just led to heartbreak down the line. She knew it would be the same with Chase, no matter how amazing he seemed on the surface. All men were hiding something, something that they weren't willing to share. Not sharing made it worse, because then when it
did
come out, the damage was always far worse than if they had just shared it at the beginning.

"If that's acceptable to you, then yes, like a date. Otherwise, we could just call it a guided tour of town."

Jean couldn't help but grin at his attempt to work with her hesitancy. She had to give him credit; he was persistent and picked up on her mood quite well. Perhaps one day spent hanging out with him wouldn't be the end of the world. Besides, it's not like she had much else to do. Until they found a way to cure her, she had to stay by his side if she wanted to remain calm.

"Have you heard anything from Jake yet?" she asked as they cleaned up and got ready to head out. Chase was washing the dishes while she dried, completing the job in half the time it would have taken if Chase had done it himself.

"No, not yet. I'll check with him in an hour or two, see if he's come up with anything yet."

"Okay, thank you." She tried to hide her frustration at the lack of response, but it seemed unlikely that she had succeeded. Thankfully Chase declined to comment any further, saving her from any awkward comments.

Jake had sent word to the Elders of his home pack, hoping to hear from them shortly about the situation. He didn't seem too optimistic about a solution, but she appreciated his willingness to try. While they waited on a reply, Jean was staying on the bed while Chase slept on the floor. It seemed unfair when she would have easily fit on the couch in his living room, but he insisted on the arrangement.

"So, where to first?" she inquired as they walked down the single flight of stairs outside his apartment. He hadn't said a word about their day to her, being very secretive about his plans to show her around town.

"First, we're going to go up to Blind Man's Peak while it's still early. It has the best view of the area. From there, we'll head over to Muller's, so you can see what I've been doing for the past few months. After that? Well, after that is a surprise."

He grinned at her mischievously, the twinkle in his eyes unmistakable. He was enjoying teasing her and keeping her in the dark. The delight on his face was contagious, she had to admit, forcing a smile as he opened the truck door and closed it behind her gently, after making sure her limbs were clear. He was a gentleman, she would have to give him that.

The drive up to the peak was much the same as the one in Seattle, albeit shorter. The pair didn't say much, simply relaxing and enjoying each other's company. Chase pointed out a few minor landmarks along the way, but for the most part he let her take everything in without a running commentary. Jean had always enjoyed driving in the country for the peacefulness of it, and she appreciated his silence more than he likely knew.

"Chase, this is beautiful," she whispered, awestruck at the panorama displayed before them. Moonlight Canyon was a tiny town surrounded by mountain on three sides and opening out toward the coast on the west. As they stood on the edge of the cliff overlooking the landscape, the sun had just risen over the mountains above them, casting brilliant rays of sunshine as far as the eye could see. Words did not do the view justice.

"I can see now why you started the tour with here," she said later, as they descended the terrain back to the truck.

"Yeah, it doesn't quite have the same affect later in the day. But my, oh my, when those first rays come cresting over the top, there is no more beautiful sight around." She could hear the reverence for Mother Nature in his voice. It must be his wolf that helped him truly have a deeper appreciation for the wild.

His wolf.

She still couldn't get over all that she had learned in the past few days about an entire world she never knew existed. Most humans had no clue Chase had said. The secret of the shifters was one that was fiercely guarded to protect their privacy. Jean knew she would never tell another soul, no matter how angry she was at Chase. He didn't deserve to be exposed to the world as a whole. She knew what the government would do if they found out such a species existed. That was not a fate she would wish on anyone, no matter what he may have done to her.

The rest of the day passed just as wonderfully. There were laughs, giggles, and even a few tense moments where she thought he was going to kiss her. In the end he never did, much to her disappointment. She had promised herself to never be intimate with him, but that didn't mean some of the situations didn't make her feel interested in a man's company.

"Thank you," she told him at the end of the day. They were just finishing up the dishes after a delicious meal of pulled pork and garlic bread with grilled vegetables. Without thinking, Jean walked up to him, got on her tiptoes and kissed him softly on the cheek.