Lord of Sin (26 page)

Sinjin rushed to Nuala’s side. The pulse in her throat had slowed almost to invisibility. Sinjin bent over her and kissed her.

It wasn’t enough. Sinjin had known it wouldn’t be enough.
“There is but one key to her salvation, and you do not possess it.”

He had never possessed it, even when he had believed his heart lost to Lady Westlake. His heart had never been in danger. He had wanted Nuala. He had desired her, admired her, wished to protect her. But that last, essential element was missing. He was like Giles, like his father, incapable of the one vital emotion that could change the world.

Sinjin pressed his mouth to Nuala’s, breathing into her, willing her his life, everything he was or ever could be.

Nuala’s breath hitched, ceased. Her heart slowed and stopped. Sinjin caught her up in his arms and spoke the words, the words he had never uttered before, as if they could be true.

“I love you.”

Nuala jerked, gasping, eyelids fluttering. Her heart drummed wildly and then settled into a slow but steady rhythm. She breathed deeply. Her fingers drifted across the sheets and found Sinjin’s face.

“Sinjin?”

Thank God. Thank God
. He cradled her head against his shoulder. “I’m here, beloved.”

“I had a beautiful dream.”

Sinjin rocked her, letting the tears fall where they would. “What was it?” he whispered.

“I dreamed that you loved me.”

“It was not a dream.”

She wriggled in his arms, pulling free just enough to look into his eyes. “I was…gone, wasn’t I?”

“I would never have let you leave me.”

“You saved my life.”

He encircled her face with his hands. “You
are
my life.”

Her fingertips brushed his cheeks. “You saved my soul, as well.”

“You had already saved it yourself.”

“No.” She dropped her hand and covered her eyes. “How can you love me? For so many years I sought to atone for what I’d done. But I fell so far. I betrayed my family, everything in which I believed. I have done so much wrong….”

“And I have done worse. In my profound ignorance, I believed I had the right to judge you.” He took her hand and pressed his lips to her palm. “Can you forgive me?”

“There is nothing to forgive.” She looked beyond him, darkness lingering in her eyes. “You sent him away, didn’t you?”

“Makepeace is gone. I do not believe he will return.”

She closed her eyes. “I have lived so long in the past. My hatred never truly left me, even when I sought to help others.”

“I know about Christian,” Sinjin said. “You loved him, and you saw him die. Who wouldn’t hate the
man who did it?” He stroked her hair. “You acted as anyone might have done.”

“But have I learned anything? Would I have done things differently, if I could go back?”

“You can only go forward now, beloved.”

She gripped his hand. “Strange. I hardly feel as if my magic is gone. Yet I am grateful. I can never abuse it again.”

He pulled her close. “There must have been another way.”

“I have no regrets.” She laid her check on his chest. “But now I must decide what I can do with my life as it is. The life you have given back to me.”

Sinjin tensed. “You said you had a beautiful dream.”

“That you loved me.”

“You…” He swallowed. “You do not share the sentiment.”

“Sinjin, I am over two hundred and forty years old. Does that mean nothing to you?”

“You don’t look a day over twenty-five.” He loosened his hold. “Is it because of Christian? Because you loved him so deeply?”

She drew back again, her face solemn with sadness. “I did love him. And I loved Charles, too, in a different way. I have lost the only two men I cared for, before…”

Hope eased the fist gripping Sinjin’s heart. “Do you think you can lose me, Nuala?”

“I don’t know. I’m afraid.”

“But you care for me.”

“Oh, Sinjin. Yes. I always have.”

He desperately wanted to kiss her, to seal her lips
before she could retract her words. “Is it that you don’t wish to marry?”

“You have a duty to continue your line, to have an heir to the earldom. I do not know if I can ever—”

“Hang my line. I’d rather it had never existed.”

“If it had not,
you
would not exist.” She brushed his hair behind his ear. “Even if I can bear children, I do not know how much longer I will live. I believed it to be part of my punishment to survive so long, but everything has changed. My time may run out tomorrow, in ten years, in a hundred.”

Sinjin understood. He might grow old while she remained young and beautiful. The loss of her magic might take an unknown toll.

“No,” he said, catching her hands in his. “We won’t count the hours or the days. We won’t spend our time yearning after children who may or may not come to us. We will be together, Nuala. That is all I want of life. If you will have me.”

“And what if my magic returns?”

“Do you think that likely?” he asked quietly.

“I don’t know. I will not be sure until the day I die.”

He kissed her fingertips. “We will face that challenge if and when it occurs.”

“You’ll be the laughingstock of London. The Forties will never see you again.”

“What a pity.” He ran his thumb along her lower lip. “Then you will marry me, rogue though I have been?”

She smiled almost demurely, though the emotion in her eyes gave her away. “Isn’t it customary to ask a woman’s father or guardian for her hand?”

He stared at her. “Your father? But—”

“Or guardian.” She put on a prim expression. “Guardians, as the case may be.”

“You don’t mean…You don’t intend that I should go to those dragons, and ask their permission?”

“Those ‘dragons’ are my friends,” she said. “Surely you aren’t afraid of a few retiring widows?”

He snorted, feigning far more confidence than he felt. “If that is what you wish…”

“I do.”

He leaped up. “I shall see to it immediately. And you are to rest.”

“Yes, of course.”

“I shall send a maid to sit with you.”

“If you insist.”

“I do.”

She lay back meekly, permitting him to fuss with the blankets and pillows until he was quite certain that she was comfortable and safe. He lingered by the door, afraid to leave her, disgusted with his own reluctance to beard the lionesses who waited below. After all he and Nuala had been through…

He nodded sharply, turned on his heel and walked out the door. The doctor stood immediately without, poised on his toes as if he were prepared to break the door down.

“Lord Donnington!” he cried. “What has happened?”

Sinjin wondered briefly how much of his battle with Makepeace had been audible to those outside the room. “Lady Charles has recovered,” he said.

“Recovered? But that is…How…?”

“You may see her if you wish.” Sinjin stood aside, and the doctor hurried into the room. Sinjin sent one of the maids to Nuala’s chamber with water and plain biscuits, took a deep breath and descended the stairs.

The Widows and Ioan Davies were gathered in the drawing room, sitting or standing in tense silence. They started when they saw him. Deborah rushed forward.

“What in God’s name has been going on?” Lady Selfridge demanded. The dowager duchess stood at her shoulder like a forbidding goddess, and the others circled Sinjin in the manner of a wolf pack eager to bring down its prey.

“Everything is all right,” Sinjin assured them. “Lady Charles is fully recovered.”

The women murmured in disbelief and amazement. “How can that be?” Lady Orwell cried. “She was so very ill….”

“Nevertheless, she is no longer in any danger. The doctor is with her. If you would all be so good as to be seated….”

None of them moved. Sinjin clenched his teeth.

“There is a matter I must discuss with you,” he said.

“What matter?” Lady John Pickering asked. “We are all ready to assist Lady Charles in anything she may—”

“I beg your pardon,” Sinjin said. “I have chosen an inopportune moment. Rooms have been prepared for all of you, and a simple dinner will be served at eight.” He bowed and was ready to flee when the former Duchess of Vardon called out behind him.

“You had something to say, Lord Donnington.”

He turned. “Nothing that cannot wait, Your Grace.”

“I think you ought to say it,” Julia Summerhayes offered from her place at the rear of the gathering.

Sinjin gave her a long look. The young woman was serene, almost smiling.

Damn it.

“Very well,” he said. “I wish…I wish to ask…” He met the women’s gazes one by one. “It is my intention to marry Lady Charles.”

Someone, perhaps Lady Meadows, squeaked a giggle. Lady John raised her brows. Lady Selfridge made a moue of disgust, and Lady Orwell clasped her hands in an attitude of beatific joy.

“What makes you think you are good enough for her?” Lady Selfridge asked.

“We have seen no indication that you have done anything but make her life a misery,” the dowager duchess said.

“She wasn’t ill until she came here,” Lady Riordan murmured with a distracted air.

“But how could Lord Donnington make her ill?” Lady Meadows trilled.

“Lord Donnington is not to blame,” Mrs. Summerhayes said, drawing all attention to her. “It is not for us to determine how someone should be happy.”

No one spoke, though many glances were exchanged. The resistance was palpable.

“We will speak to her,” the duchess pronounced, “when she is well enough.”

“I am well enough now.”

Everyone looked toward the door. Nuala stood on the threshold in her dressing gown, vitally alive, her face aglow with good health and unmistakable happiness.

She stepped forward and stood beside Sinjin, though she didn’t touch him. “As you see,” she said, “I am quite far from death’s door.”

Deborah held out her hands. “Oh, Nuala! I am so glad!”

“As am I, Lady Charles,” Ioan said, genuine pleasure on his usually sober face.

As one, the widows crowded round, exclaiming and examining Nuala from top to bottom.

“Ladies,” Sinjin said, “she must not be overtaxed.”

The women fell back with obvious reluctance. Lady Selfridge fixed her intimidating stare on Sinjin again.

“Lady Charles,” she said, “Lord Donnington has said he wishes to marry you.”

“And I,” Nuala said, “wish to marry him.”

“How wonderful!” Lady Orwell exclaimed.

“How very interesting,” Lady John said.

“I shall provide the flowers for the wedding!” Lady Meadows gushed.

“And I shall want to paint you both,” Lady Riordan said, pushing wild ginger hair out of her eyes.

The dowager duchess merely looked down her nose at Sinjin, while Lady Selfridge continued to glare.

“Are you quite certain, Nuala?” she said. “After all he has done…His reputation…”

“You can’t imagine what I’ve done to provoke him,” Nuala said.

“Someday you must tell us the whole story,” Lady John said.

“Yes,” Nuala said. “Someday.” She looked up into Sinjin’s face, nudging him with her arm.

Sinjin cleared his throat. “Am I…May I assume I have your permission?” he asked, addressing the room at large.

“We must put it to a vote,” the dowager said. At an unspoken signal, the ladies clustered in the corner of the room, speaking in hushed voices and casting frequent glances in Sinjin’s direction. He found that his palms were wet when the women finally broke apart and formed a line facing him, standing shoulder to shoulder like the Trojans at Thermopylae.

“We have decided…” Lady Selfridge began. Her grim expression eased. “We have decided to bestow our blessing.”

Nuala linked her arm through Sinjin’s and smiled broadly. “You see?” she murmured. “I told you they were my friends. Perhaps, someday, you may prove yourself worthy to be their friend, as well.”

Sinjin cleared his throat. He bowed to the ladies. “Thank you,” he said. “And now I think it best that Lady Charles return to her bed. My house is yours as long as you choose to remain.”

He bustled Nuala from the room before his nerve broke entirely.

“You have won the battle,” Nuala said. “Two battles. You have been very brave, my love.”

“Hardly brave. After what I did to you…”

“We can only go forward, Sinjin, remember?”

“If I could give back what I have taken…”

She stood on her toes and kissed the side of his mouth. “Perhaps you can. Perhaps a time will come when some part of my magic will return. And you will help me to use it wisely.”

“When have I ever been wise?”

“We are all of us fools, Sin. The question is whether or not we can learn from our mistakes.”

His throat tightened. “You really ought to go to bed, my dear.”

“Only if you come with me.”

“You’re not…”

She silenced him with a most passionate kiss, and he knew then that this was one spell he had no hope of breaking.