Loose Changeling: A Changeling Wars Novel (31 page)

Not sure.

But as I tried to slip away, Kailen's arm tightened around me, the scent of honeysuckle on his breath. Before I could stop myself, I'd pressed my bottom into his hips, feeling the hardness of his growing erection. Kailen murmured something, his lips finding the back of my neck. I managed to wrench myself away before he could lay more than one kiss on me. Did the man perform elicitation in his sleep? I'd given him permission, last night, but everything seemed different by light of day. I scooted far enough away so that none of our body parts touched, and hugged my arms around myself. Questions ran through my mind. If I started a relationship with Kailen, where would we live? Would he take down all the pictures of Penny? And what if I gained legal status and went to the Fae world? Kailen would never be able to join me.

I shook my head. Too many questions, and I didn't actually want to think about them, to even consider the possibility of a relationship.

“Hey.” Kailen touched my shoulder.

I didn't turn around. I had to wipe this look off my face, this horrified, what-have-I-done look, because I still felt something for the former Guardian, still cared about him.

“Is something wrong?”

I shook my head.

“Are you hurt?”

“No.”

“Was it something I did?”

I wished he'd stop talking, just give me a moment to gather my thoughts. His hand still rested on my shoulder. Its warmth should have been comforting. I had to say something, to let him know things were fine. I opened my mouth. “I don't love you.” Well, shit. I guess Owen wasn't the only one who was muddled in the mornings.

I rolled over to face him—his shocked hazel eyes, the trace of stubble on his chin, the hair that looked perfect mussed up from a night's rest and unrest. “That's not what I meant.” Except it was, I'd just picked a terrible time to say it. “I like you.” God, was I just adding salt to the wound? “You're...amazing.” That was better. “You’re smart, and handsome, and I probably don’t deserve you.” Well, maybe I was laying it on too thick.

Kailen pulled his hand back, used it to prop his head up. “But I have too much baggage.”

“That’s not it.” But maybe it was. Grian was his mother, he’d pissed off the Arbiter, and his dead wife seemed to loom in his thoughts and in his heart. On the other hand, who was I to speak? I was newly separated, not even divorced, just found out I was adopted and a Changeling, and had the inhabitants of an entire world currently interested in my demise. “I’m just figuring out how I feel about being Fae.” I reached out and touched his chest, resisting the urge to grope him any further. “This—we should talk about. Just not yet.”

He took my hand. “I get it. Last night was just you and me. Now we have bigger things to deal with.”

“Yes, exactly.” Relief made me limp. I sank my head into my pillow. We had a war to stop and it was Thursday and…and I had work. “What time is it?” I flopped over and grabbed for the first timepiece I saw—Kailen’s watch. It lay on the floor next to the bed, discarded.

As soon as my fingers touched the cool metal, the mattress below me vanished, as did the entire bedroom. I was in a dark place, all sensations dulled, no light surrounding me. Only darkness and silence.

The Void.

But there, in the darkness, something flared to life. Something warm, and blue, that felt oddly familiar.

And then, with a gasp, I was back in my bedroom, my gaze to the ceiling, Kailen’s watch cold in my hand. I hadn’t recognized the sensation the first time. I thought I’d worked too hard, was only feeling dizzy from exhaustion. I sucked in air; I couldn’t seem to draw in enough.

“What’s wrong?” Kailen hovered over me in an instant. “What happened?”

I gathered enough breath to speak. “Your watch. Did you make it?”

He took it from me and draped it over his wrist. “No. I'm not very good at crafting. It was a gift.”

“From who? Which family member?” I had a sneaking suspicion, but I wanted to hear it from him.

“My mother.” He turned his wrist over, watching the metal band flash in the sunlight. “She gave it to me just before I left for the mortal world. It was the only time she ever told me she loved me. It reminds me that I still have a mother that loves me, no matter how messed up Grian really is. And the ability to sense the lesser Fae—well that's a bonus.” He studied it a moment longer before looking back to me. “Why do you ask?”

The only reminder that his mother loved him. Well, bursting this bubble wasn't going to be fun. Not at all. “Kailen, every time I touch it, I feel something strange.” There had to be a better way to go about this. “I feel the Void.”

He frowned, covering the watch with his other hand. “I don't feel anything.”

“I know. I think it might be because I'm a Changeling.”

The lines between his eyebrows deepened. “What does that have to do with it?”

And because there really wasn't a better way to say it, I just did. “I think your watch is opening the doorways. I think Grian gave it to you
because
she knew you'd be staying in the mortal world, and she made sure that you'd keep it, wear it always. She’s planned this, from the beginning.”

He drew away from me and without another word, rose from the bed and began to pull on his clothes.

Either he was taking this really well, or really poorly. I wasn't sure which one yet. “Kailen?”

“You're lying,” he spat out as he refastened his belt.

Poorly, then. “Don't shoot the messenger.” I wrapped the sheets around me, tied them in a knot under my arms, rose, and went to my closet. It's just awkward being the only person naked. “I'm thinking out loud here.”

“It’s not true; it can’t be true,” he muttered.

I turned to him. I knew he could see me from the corner of his eye, but he didn’t look at me. This was a man knee deep in da-Nile. My hands found my hips. “When have I ever lied to you?”

Now he faced me. He stood straight, towering over me. “So you seek to use my words against me? Yes, I lied to you, and I apologize. But that gives you no reason to presume greater moral standing.”

Apparently, Kailen’s speech devolved into formality when he was angry. “Stop.” I lifted my hands off my hips. Did I just trade lazy for crazy? “Listen to yourself. You’re not making any sense. This isn't about what you've done. This is about your watch and what
it
does.”

“I should have known better,” he said as he buttoned his shirt. “I should have known better than to get involved with you. As if I'm not in trouble enough with the Fae world, now I'm known to support a Changeling. Faolan was wrong. This is not the way. Something else is opening the doorways, and I intend to find out what it is.”

I pulled a summer dress on over my head and jerked off the sheets. It wasn't the most appropriate clothing, but Kailen was imploding, and I didn't have time for anything else. I couldn't do this whole Fae thing alone, and no one else had volunteered so much help. I swallowed my anger, my pride, and grabbed his arm before he could walk out the bedroom door. “Hey.” I kept my voice quiet, as if I were approaching a scared animal. “It doesn't mean she doesn't love you.”

And just like that, all the fight went out of him. His hand, on the knob of the bedroom door, dropped off, as if he no longer had the strength to keep it there. He shook his head. “You don't know Grian the way I do. That is exactly what it means.”

“I'm sorry—I didn't know how to tell you.”

He tilted his head back and let out a shaky sigh. “All these years, I've been telling myself that we just didn't understand one another. That despite everything she's done, she still loves me in her own way. I went to the mortal world because it was always so hard to say no to her. Instead, I've let her use me, yet again. Fool me twice, shame on me, right? I'm such an idiot.” His voice was thick.

“You wanted to believe. It doesn't make you an idiot.” It certainly made him a better person than Grian, in my mind.

Kailen unfastened the watch and turned to face me. Though his nose and eyes were red, he'd not shed a tear. “I'll grieve later.” He held up the watch. “We need to figure out how she made this and how to unmake it. We don't have much time. I suggest we go to my apartment. I have more tools there.”

“Agreed.” I looked back at the clock by the bedside. Nine—two hours past the time I normally showed up to Frank Gibbons, Inc. “But we're stopping by my office on the way.”

ANOTHER HOUR LATER, AFTER we'd both showered, eaten, and I'd dressed in a more appropriate pants and jacket, we hummed along in Kailen's car. The gun sat heavy in my inside pocket, loaded with a new clip. The butter knife was in another pocket.

“Why do you need to go by work?” he said, the muscles in his jaw jumping. “You need to grab some paperwork to do while we're trying to, you know, save the world?”

“I'm quitting.”

“Oh.”

“I like my job, but I can't close doorways and go on business trips at the same time. I'll have to find something with more flexibility.” I'd always felt a fluttering nervousness before making large decisions—before choosing which college to go to, the night before my wedding to Owen, the day before I accepted the job at Frank Gibbons, Inc. I only felt calm now. Maybe it was because I'd always made the wrong decisions. Or maybe it was simply because, for the first time, I knew I was making the right one.

“You're really doing it, aren't you?” he said as we pulled into the parking lot.

“Yes, and there’s something else I need to check out.” A thought occurred to me as I saw the box near the alleyway, still marked with my warning sign. “Can I borrow your watch?”

“I suppose. Why?”

“I have a hunch. What does it do, exactly, when it senses the lesser Fae?”

“It clicks. The number of clicks gives me an idea of what’s coming.”

“Got it.” I pulled my sleeve over my wrist and held it out so Kailen could fasten the watch on without me touching it. “Thanks.” I slipped out the door.

As soon as I stepped out of the elevator, I headed straight for Landon’s office. A couple of my coworkers stood to stare at me over the tops of their cubicles, but I paid them no mind. I knocked briefly on my boss’s door before heading inside.

Landon was at his computer, his glasses reflecting the white of the screen. “Ah, Nicole,” he said as soon as he saw me. He leaned in closer to his screen and frowned. “Did you just get in? You’re three hours late.”

“I know.”

He leaned back in his chair and swung around to face me. “You know? Nicole, you’re never late.”

As soon as Landon’s hands left his keyboard and mouse, a trio of brownies crept from behind his computer case. I tore my gaze from them and tried to focus on my boss. “I’ve saved up a lot of vacation time. I hardly take a day off, except for last week.”

Landon pushed his glasses up his nose. “You want to take more time off? But what about the Inkling, Co. account I emailed you about? We can talk about your tardiness another time. I need you to go to Texas.”

The brownies seized Landon’s mouse and quietly opened his desk drawer. “I don’t want more time off,” I said. “I’m quitting.”

My boss just sat there, his face as shocked as if I’d stripped off my top and was riding a giraffe. “You know,” he said finally, “a lot of strange things have been happening around here.” The brownies dropped the mouse into the drawer and shut it. They turned their attention to the keyboard next. That and a roll of tape. “This, though”—he held up a finger—“this is the strangest. Why? Is it the promotion? It’s yours, if you want it.”

So he’d been dragging that out to make me work harder. I’d suspected as much. “No, it’s not that at all.” I couldn’t help the smile that crossed my face. I felt suddenly sorry for Landon. He had no idea what was actually going on. “I’ve decided that this sort of job isn’t for me. I’m going to take some time off, figure out what I really want. I want my resignation to be effective as of today. As I said, I’ve saved up enough vacation time. It should cover the usual two weeks’ notice.”

The brownies finished rolling tape over all the keys. They were close to me, maybe a few feet away. The watch didn’t click.

They were Grian’s—her little spies. She’d crafted the watch so it didn’t respond to them. Which meant the doorway that kept opening in the parking lot was hers; it hadn’t just randomly opened. She’d sent the brownies to watch me, and they had something to do with Anne’s murder. I had to move quickly, gather my magic. This time, it would need to work.

Landon ran a hand through his thinning hair. “You do know I’ll be sending Jessica to Inkling, Co. then?”

“Yes. Doesn’t change my mind.”

“More money? Flexible hours?”

“Nope.”

He frowned. “Well, that’s all I’ve got. If you ever want to come back, just give me a call. I’ll save a spot for you, as long as I can.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it.” I backed slowly toward the door.

“Talk to Brent about the paperwork,” Landon said. “He’ll make sure you get your last paycheck.”

“Yeah, sure.” I fumbled for the lever behind me.

All three brownies stopped what they were doing; six eyes stared at me, and then narrowed. I could have sworn one of them
hissed
. I wasn’t sure how, but they were onto me.

I opened the door and ran, making sure to slam it behind me.

“What the—?” came Landon’s voice from behind the door. Three little thuds reached my ears. Damn those things were fast. I didn’t take my chances with the elevator. I dashed for the stairs.

I slid down the railings, not caring about the amount of dust and grease that was getting on my pants. I hadn’t been able to do magic since I got back into the mortal world. There had to be some emotion I could grasp that would fuel my closing of the doorway. Anger? No, I’d used that one to the bone. Fear? Too trembling, too inconsistent.

I threw open the door at the bottom of the stairs and stumbled into the sunlight. It could have been my imagination, but I swore I could hear three sets of little footsteps pattering behind me.

“Nicole?” Kailen stepped halfway out of his car, his hand on the sword at his belt.

“No time,” I gasped out. Ahead of me, the beat-up cardboard box waited with its warning sign. The doorway would be just beyond it. I sprinted toward it.