Lookin' For Luv (50 page)
Authors: Carl Weber
“Oh, Antoine,” Keisha finally told him with very little emotion. “Shawna called. She said you broke your watch during the fight at her place. She’s going to have it repaired and mail it to you.” Her expression never changed, and he couldn’t tell if she was upset that he had been over there.
“She also said to tell you she was sorry.” She still wasn’t giving away anything with her facial expression.
“I don’t need her to apologize. If you knew what she was apologizing for, you’d flip.”
“I do know. I’ve known for quite some time,” she answered gently.
“Wh-why didn’t you tell me?” He stuttered in shock. He couldn’t believe that she had known such monumental information and chose to keep it a secret. She was supposed to love him.
“Did you really want to know, Antoine?” She hesitated, giving him time to think about his answer. When he didn’t respond, she continued.
“Look, Antoine. I know you’ve always cared about Shawna more than you cared about me. Don’t you think I had every reason to want to destroy her chances of ever being with you again? Telling you this secret would have been the best way for me to get rid of my competition, wouldn’t you agree?”
“You’re right, I suppose.”
Antoine hung his head shamefully. He realized it must have hurt Keisha deeply to learn that he had gone to Shawna’s apartment on the same day he learned of her pregnancy. Yet here she was, telling him how she had considered his feelings before her own in this whole mess.
“Keisha, I’ve been so selfish lately. I’m finally starting to see that the whole time I’ve been with you, I’ve been thinking about my own needs. I was so wrong, and I’m so sorry.”
Keisha hugged him tightly. His words were comforting to her after all the pain she had felt that day.
“Antoine, I’ve been through a lot for you. I went through a lot to get with you, and I’ve worked really hard to be who I thought you wanted me to be.”
“I know, Keisha. You have gone way beyond what I deserve for the selfishness I’ve shown you. It’s time I start behaving like an adult.”
“Yeah. Maybe you could take a few lessons from me,” she said playfully, lessening the tension between them.
“Maybe you’re right,” he said, laughing in reply. “So, can we start over, Keisha? I will make every effort to give you the best that I have from now on.”
“I want that for me, and for this baby of ours,” she told him as she placed her hands on her stomach.
“For both of you.” He smiled, placing his hands on top of hers.
For several minutes neither spoke. They held each other tightly as each reflected on the day’s events. Both knew that they had a long, difficult journey ahead of them. But if they could make it through the challenges that lay ahead, each had faith that they would do what was best for them and their child.
Suddenly a thought came to Keisha, and she pulled away from Antoine. She looked him directly in the face. Her question was not exactly accusing, but there was fear in her voice.
“What about that job in D.C.? Are you still taking it?” She was afraid he would once again put his career desires first and leave her alone in New York.
Antoine breathed a loud sigh before he answered.
“Earlier today I never would have thought I would say this. But I’m going to call them and tell them I can’t take the job. I have more important things to take care of here right now” Antoine wasn’t happy about having to make this decision, but he felt good knowing he was doing the right thing.
“Oh, Antoine!” Keisha threw her arms around him. “I am so proud that my baby will have a father like you. And you know what they say, what goes around comes around.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re doing the noble thing for your child. That unselfish decision can only bring you good. I bet there’s still a job waiting for you somewhere here in New York.”
“I hope you’re right, Keisha.” He sighed again, holding her. He felt ready to face whatever formidable tasks were in store.
39
TYRONE AND SYLVIA
Kevin and Tyrone got into Kevin’s car and buckled their seat belts. Neither of them said a word until the car was a block from Antoine’s apartment. Each was silently trying to digest the story their friend had just told them.
“Well, what do you make of that?” Kevin finally asked as he pulled up to a stop sign.
Tyrone stared into space.
“Tyrone, did you hear me?” he asked after receiving no response.
“Yeah, I heard you. I was just thinking about what I would have done in Antoine’s situation.” He shook his head in disbelief. “I’ll be honest with you, Kev. A year or two ago I would’ve gone to the first crack house I could find. I’d be sucking on the glass pipe, tryin’ to forget all about my girl bein’ a man. And when I spent up all my money, I’d be scheming to get some more.”
“Damn, you were really hooked on that shit, weren’t you?” Kevin knew he would also have a nearly impossible time in Antoine’s situation, but he was amazed at Tyrone’s solution.
“Kevin, there was a time I would have sold my soul to the devil for another hit,” he admitted. “Who am I fooling? I would have sold your soul to the devil, too, if you let me.”
“Yeah, that stuff’s pretty bad. My cousin Chip sold all my mama’s silver for twenty dollars once, just to get some crack,” Kevin recalled.
“Let me tell you somethin’ about crack. It’s the most dangerous drug man has ever made. Not so much because it destroys individuals, but because it destroys families.” Tyrone looked out the window at the housing project they were passing. “Crack will make you steal from your mama, your daddy. Hell, I’m embarrassed to say it, but I stole my daughter Donna’s mother’s food stamps when I was smoking.”
“Get the fuck outta here!”
“Kevin, I’m not gonna lie. I was so far down the food chain, once I thought about selling my body for crack.” Tyrone hung his head in shame and embarrassment.
“What stopped you?”
“I swear to God, Kevin, if you tell anyone about this, I’ll kill you.” Tyrone looked at Kevin seriously. “That includes Alicia. I know how easy it is to share secrets with your woman.”
“Listen, Ty. This seems to be the day for revealing secrets. But you can trust I’m not gonna tell anyone. So, what stopped you?”
“No one stopped me. I stood in the street for about three hours one night, tryin’ to get someone to pull over. But I was looking so bad and so skinny back then that as soon as any cars pulled up, they’d speed off, probably afraid that I had AIDS or somethin’.” The memory of that chapter of his life made Tyrone shiver.
“So, if some guy had pulled over, you woulda done somethin’ with him?” Kevin looked over at his friend with the same homophobic look he had given Antoine earlier.
“Look, Kevin, I hope you don’t mind, but I’d rather talk about something else.” Tyrone could see that his friend might not be mature enough for this type of conversation. Kevin was a good friend, but he had already proven once that day that he was not totally removed from his conservative upbringing. Tyrone decided to end the conversation before things got silly.
“Sure, man, I’m sorry. I can see where that could be painful to talk about.” They both became silent as Kevin tried to concentrate on the road. “Ty, can I ask you somethin’?”
“Yeah, sure, man. As long as it’s not about crack or getting high.”
“Are you really goin’ to move to California?”
“I’d like to, but I don’t know if I can.” Tyrone bit his bottom lip, and his expression changed to one of unhappiness. He was torn between his desire to start a new life and the knowledge that he couldn’t just go.
“Why not? You always said you wanted to get the hell out of New York. Here’s your big chance.”
“Don’t you think I know that?” Tyrone rolled down the window and lit a cigarette. “There is nothing I’d like better than to pack up everything and move Sylvia to the West Coast.” He exhaled the smoke wistfully, daydreaming about the art career he could embark on in California. “But I got responsibilities here. You keep forgetting about my two daughters. My girls need their father, and I need them.”
“Damn! First Antoine can’t move to D.C. because Keisha’s pregnant, then you can’t move to California because you’re afraid of being separated from your kids. I’m beginning to think kids’re more trouble than they’re worth.”
“I’d do anything for my girls, Kevin. I’d never just leave them. I made that mistake once before.”
Both men were silent for a while as they drove to Sylvia’s house.
“I’m thinking about movin’ back to Virginia when the school year ends,” Kevin announced to break the silence.
“Why? You just hooked back up with Alicia. I thought you said things were goin’ good.”
“They are. If I go back home, I’m takin’ her with me.”
“And she’s going for that?”
“It was her idea. She can’t stand New York anymore. It’s got nothing but bad memories for her.”
“She sounds like Sylvia.” Tyrone threw the cigarette out the window. “Sounds like you two already made up your minds?”
“Not entirely, but we’re getting there. We’ve spent a lot of time talkin’ about it.”
“Well, whatever you do, I’m happy for ya.”
“Of that, my brother, I had no doubt.” Kevin smiled.
“Go down to the comer and take a right,” Tyrone told Kevin as he maneuvered down the elegant streets of Jamaica Estates. Unlike most other parts of Queens, this area was full of large stately homes on wide, tree-lined streets.
“Damn, I never knew they had houses like this in Queens.” Kevin was amazed at the beauty of the well-kept homes.
“Neither did I until I met Sylvia, but this is nothin’. You should see the houses her friends live in out on Long Island. Now, that’s living!”
Tyrone directed Kevin to Sylvia’s house, a large five-bedroom brick Tudor with ivy growing over the front of the house. There was a large moving van in front of the house and five very beefy movers carrying boxes from the house to the truck. Kevin pulled the car in behind the moving van and Tyrone stepped out.
“Hey, man, thanks for the ride,” Tyrone said as he opened the car door. “I’ll see you at work tomorrow.” He paused and then laughed. “Damn, I keep forgetting I don’t work there anymore.”
“You won’t forget after you cash that hundred-thousand-dollar check.” Kevin laughed, reminding his friend of his good fortune. “Tyrone, I love you, brother. Don’t be a stranger just ’cause we don’t work together anymore.”
“Don’t worry, bro. Other than my mom, you and Antoine are the only family I got.” Tyrone waved good-bye as Kevin backed out of the driveway. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Sylvia walking out of the house toward him.
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” she asked, wrapping her arms around him.
“Nothing, I just realized how lucky I am to have two friends like Kevin and Antoine.”
Tyrone put down the two suitcases he was carrying and smiled as he stepped out of Los Angeles International Airport. He put on a pair of dark sunglasses when he felt the bright sunshine on his face. Closely behind him followed Sylvia, holding the hands of his two young daughters. Both girls were excited to be in California after their long plane ride. Another woman walked behind them, carrying the girls’ luggage.
The woman was Lynn, the mother of Tyrone’s younger daughter. Although she and Tyrone had not been a couple for over eight years, they were able to come to an amicable agreement that allowed Tyrone to move to California without losing contact with his daughter Kim.
After Kim was born, Lynn, who was only eighteen at the time, took various minimum wage jobs to support herself and her infant. She had always known she had the potential to obtain a college degree. But after Tyrone deserted her, she was alone. Her life was reduced to work and child care, and she spent many lonely nights resenting Tyrone for leaving her alone with such a huge responsibility.
It was not until Tyrone returned and joined her in parenting Kim that she was able to be less bitter. Over the years the two had been able to develop a friendship that enabled them to give Kim all the love she needed to be a happy, well-adjusted little girl. When Tyrone wished to leave New York, he approached Lynn with a plan that would benefit all of them.
Sylvia and Tyrone would move out to California, and Kim would live with them. Lynn would also move to the West Coast and get her own place, close to her daughter. Out of his hundred-thousand-dollar advance, Tyrone had given ten thousand dollars to Lynn so she could find an apartment and begin paying college tuition. Lynn was ecstatic to finally be getting the chance to pursue a higher education. She would study for a degree in hotel and restaurant management, an interest that had developed over the years she worked in fast food restaurants. They had agreed that after Lynn finished her schooling, she and Tyrone would reconsider the arrangement to work out some sort of joint custody.
Kim was overjoyed to be moving. She liked Sylvia and was proud to tell her friends at school that she would be living with her daddy out where all the movie stars live. But the happiest detail for her was that she would actually get to live with her half sister, Donna.
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