Longing for Love (24 page)

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I know you can’t run your life based on what’s best for Joe—or me.”

“Are you
serious
? I’d rearrange my entire existence for the chance to be with you. I’d do it gladly for you, Caro. Not for Joe, but for
you
.”

“I don’t want you to go.”

“Let me ask you something.”

“What?” she asked hesitantly.

“If there was no Joe, would you give me a chance?”

“That’s a foolish question. He’s my
son
, my heart and soul. No matter what I might want for myself, he’ll always come first. Always.”

“And what do you want for yourself, love?”

“That doesn’t matter. The day his father died, I made a promise to him that I’d always be there for him, no matter what.”

“And you have been. You’ve made him the center of your life for thirty-seven years. Now he has a life of his own, a good life that satisfies him greatly. Do you think he’d want any less for you?”

She shook her head. “He’d never understand this. He’d never understand
us
.”

It only took two steps for him to cross the room to her. He framed her face in his hands, compelling her to look at him. “I dream about you. I dream we’re together, that I’m holding you and kissing you and sleeping with you and making slow, sweet love to you. And then I wake up alone, and it’s like I’ve lost you all over again. I’ve gotten so I hate to sleep because it ends the same way every time.”

Only when he brushed away her tears with the sweep of his thumbs did Carolina realize she was crying. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m so very sorry. I never meant to hurt you like this—”

He brought his lips down hard on hers, surrounding her with his strong arms and his scent and the magic he made with the soft press of his lips and the insistent strokes of his tongue. “I’ve been starving for you,” he said gruffly before going back for more.

Carolina clung to him as the understanding that she, too, had been starving settled over her like a blanket, warming her from the inside out.
 

“Caro,
Caro
,” he whispered as he worshiped her neck, “I’ve tried so hard to stop thinking about you, to stop wanting you, but it only gets worse instead of better. God, I love you so damned much. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, nothing I wouldn’t give to be with you. Nothing.”

He took her mouth again, rendering her helpless in the storm of his passion.

Even with Pete, it had never been like this. Nothing had ever been like this. While her rational side urged her to get out of there and go home while she still could, her heart and body cried out for him.

Without breaking the kiss, he lifted her and turned them toward the bed. The next thing she knew she was falling, and he was coming down on top of her.

She turned her head, tearing her lips free of his. “Seamus, we can’t do this. We can’t.”

“Yes, we can. We’re both adults. We both want to.”

She started to shake her head, but he stopped her with another kiss.
 

“I’ll talk to Joe,” he said. “I’ll tell him the truth.”

“No.” She pushed at his chest, seeking space and perspective. “You can’t do that.”

His frustration was apparent as he rolled off her and lay on his back with his arm shielding his eyes. “Just go, Caro.” He sounded so defeated that her heart broke, knowing she’d done that to him. “If there’s no changing your mind, please go.”

The pain she heard in his voice made her ache. She rested a hand over his hammering heart. “It’s not that I don’t want you, too.”

Raising his arm off his face, he stared at her, incredulous. “Do you think I don’t know that? Do you think I don’t feel how much you want me in every kiss? That I don’t
see
it every time you look at me?”

Astounded by his impassioned words, she had no idea what to say. “I—”

“Please, love, just go. I can’t do this anymore. It hurts too much.”

“I don’t want to go.”

He took her hand and brought it to his lips. “But you can’t stay, either, can you?”

She shook her head.

“Hell of a dilemma.”

“I’m sorry.”

“So am I, love. So am I.” With another kiss to the palm of her hand, he released her.

Carolina stood on trembling legs. Her lips burned from the force of his kisses. She felt rather than saw him standing behind her. Imagines of the long, lonely winter she’d passed thinking about him and the night they’d spent together flashed through her mind.
 

Now was the time to be honest, finally, with herself. Not a day had gone by since they were together that she hadn’t yearned to be with him, to talk to him, to hear that lyrical brogue and the outrageous things he said that made her feel so safe and adored.
 

“I’ll talk to Joe.” The words were out of her mouth before she took the time to ponder the implications.

“You’ll talk to him about what?”

Carolina forced herself to turn and face him. She owed him that much. “I’ll talk to him about what I want.”

“And what’s that?”

“You,” she said softly. “I want you.”

He rested his hand on his heart. “Don’t say that if you don’t really mean it, and for the love of all that’s holy, don’t say it so I’ll stay and run the business for your son.”

Carolina rested her fingers on his lips. “I never say anything I don’t mean, and this has nothing at all to do with the business.”

His eyes lit up with delight, and for an instant, he resembled his old self. “You’re making me all giddy with foolish hope, love.”

For the first time since she stepped into the room, she smiled. “You have such a way of saying things.”

“I have so many things I’d like to say to you.” He put his arms around her and drew her in close to him.

Carolina closed her eyes, wrapped her arms around his waist and breathed in the scent that had haunted her since the last time she’d been close to him.

“I worry I won’t live long enough to tell you all the things I want to tell you.”

“I’ll talk to him.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

The baby woke Janey from a deep sleep with a sharp kick to the ribs. It was still strange at times to realize a life was growing inside her, letting its mother know that she was in for a wild ride. Janey rested a hand on her belly, smiling when she felt the ripple of life travel from one side of her belly to another.

“What’s wrong?” Joe asked, yawning.

“Feel this.” She took his hand and rested it on the baby bump.

“Wow. That’s
amazing
.” He never failed to stir her with his excitement about the baby they hadn’t planned to have quite yet. “Does it feel weird inside?”

“Sort of. He’s kicking hard enough to wake me up.”

Joe kept his hand next to hers on her belly. “So he’s a
he
now?”

They’d decided not to find out what they were having and took turns coming up with nicknames and interchanging pronouns. “For the moment.” Seeking a more comfortable position, Janey shifted onto her side to face her husband. “Why are you awake?”

“No reason.”

“You’re thinking about the business.”

“Maybe a little. Nothing to worry about, hon.”
 

“I’ve been thinking, too.”

“About what?”

“Maybe I should take a leave of absence for a year—”

“No. No way. That’s not happening.”

“Hear me out.”

“I don’t want to hear you talk about not going back to school. You’re so close to being done. You can’t quit now.”

“I wouldn’t quit. I’d just be postponing a bit.”

“No.”

“Maybe this situation with Seamus is a sign.”

“A sign of what?”

“That we should stay here this year so you can run the business and I can take care of the baby.”

“I’ll find someone to deal with the business, and I’ll take care of the baby so you can finish school. I don’t want you to worry about anything.”

How could she tell him that the closer she got to delivering the baby, the more conflicted she became about where she belonged? Becoming a veterinarian was a dream come true, but having a baby and being a mother was far more important all of a sudden. After Joe had sacrificed so much to make it possible for her to attend veterinary school in Ohio, how could she tell him that she was no longer certain she wanted to finish? The thought of leaving the baby for hours on end to attend classes and labs and then to come home to all the studying… What sort of mother would she be if her baby never saw her?

Joe gave her hand a little tug, encouraging her to come closer.

Janey never needed much encouragement to get close to him. She rested her head on his chest and sighed with contentment when his arms encircled her.

He kissed the top of her head. “Go to sleep.”

Never one to do as she was told, Janey ran her hand from his chest to his belly. Under the covers, she found him hard and ready. “Want to?”

He snorted out a laugh. “Always. It’s more a matter of whether
you
want to.”

“I
really
want to, but I’m not sure if the rest of me will cooperate.”

“You wanna find out?”

“I’m game if you are.”

He hesitated. “I don’t know if I can do it in my mother’s house.”

“Oh, please! You have no trouble doing it in
my
mother’s house.”

He rolled so he was above her but was careful to keep his weight off her abdomen. “That’s different.”

“How’s it different?”

“It’s not
my
mother’s house.”

Her slug to his shoulder earned her a laugh from her husband, who took her mind off the indignation by kissing her with passionate intent. They’d had to be creative in bed since her burgeoning belly made sex difficult. Ironically, pregnancy had made her ridiculously horny. It was so unfair that she wanted sex constantly but had the ungodly belly standing between her and her husband. She couldn’t wait to feel his chest hair against her breasts again. She’d missed that.

Janey ran her fingers up his neck to bury them in his hair, which he’d let grow a bit from the ultra-short style he’d favored until she told him she liked it a little longer.
 

“Tell me if anything hurts?”

“Mmm,” she said against his lips. “Hurry.”

“I’ll have to keep you constantly pregnant,” he said as he pushed up her nightgown and slid into her, nearly making her come from that alone. “I like insatiable Janey.”

“
Mmm
, I like her, too.” Janey closed her eyes and floated on a cloud of sensation as he gave her exactly what she needed—slowly, gently, reverently.
 

“
Janey
…”

She loved the desperate way her name exploded from his lips as his control broke. He threw his head back and came hard but silently, triggering an explosive response from her. Somehow, he managed to stay propped up on his arms until they wouldn’t hold him any longer, and he rolled to his side, reaching for her.

“Quick and dirty,” Janey said with a smile he couldn’t see.

“Sorry.”

“For what?”

“Being too quick.”

“You weren’t too quick. You were perfect.” She kissed his shoulder and breathed in his endlessly appealing scent. “As always.”

“You’re easy to please.”

“I love you love you,” she whispered, rubbing his back as she felt him drift off to sleep.

“Hmmm, me, too.”

Janey kept up the circular motion on his back until his breathing deepened and she was certain he was asleep. Then she carefully extricated herself from his embrace and got up to use the bathroom. She was on her way back to bed when she heard the dogs stirring in the living room where she’d put their beds. As she moved from the hallway to the living room to check on them, the front door opened, and Carolina came in. The two women startled each other.

“Jeez, you about gave me a heart attack,” Janey said.

Carolina had her hand over her heart. “Same here.”

“Where’ve you been? I thought you were asleep.”

“I, um, I had something I needed to do.”

In the faint light of a single lamp, Janey took a closer look at her mother-in-law. “Have you been crying?”

“No, of course not.” But as she said the words, tears rolled down her cheeks. She brushed them away, almost as if she hoped Janey wouldn’t notice them.

Janey, who’d never seen Carolina Cantrell rattled, let alone undone, took her by the hand and led her into the kitchen, urging her into a chair at the table. Janey filled the kettle and put it on to boil. While it heated, she rooted around in the cabinet until she found two packets of decaffeinated tea and set them in mugs.
 

“It’s nothing, really,” Carolina said. “You need your rest, honey.”

“Hush. I get plenty of rest. Clearly, something is wrong, and I’d like to think you feel comfortable enough to talk to me the way you would a girlfriend.”