Long Way Home by Carolyn Gray (17 page)

had moved, that nothing was familiar to him here. He thought about what Gev had said in the

car. It shouldn’t surprise him, really, that there had been such tension between Gev and his

parents. The way they had lost Stefan, maybe they hadn’t remembered that their middle child,

though only ten, was smart and old enough to understand some of what had happened, and that

he too had lost terribly.

Lee hadn’t seen it himself.

“Dad’s aged a lot,” Gev whispered. Lee wasn’t sure of the reason for the warning, but

when they entered the workshop and he saw a stooped, bald man with sad, baggy eyes standing

next to Irini, his expression grim, Lee was shocked. Gev hadn’t been kidding. His dad had

always been fit, strong. Lee remembered how he and Stef had wrestled with him when they were

still small enough to be tossed over his shoulder.

“Sir,” he said, extending his hand as Gev’s mom stood to the side.

He wasn’t sure what to expect. But when Gev’s father first looked shocked—despite the

text message from his wife—and then his whole face brightened, Lee felt a slam into his chest

that he hadn’t expected. Gev’s dad had aged, and dramatically, but it was still Mr. Sinclair.

“Lee.” He grabbed Lee’s hand, looking him up and down and all over.

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Lee had definitely not expected to find himself enveloped in a huge hug. “Hey, Mr.

Sinclair,” he said as best he could while engulfed.

Mr. Sinclair thumped his back. “Frank. We’re all adults here now.” He pulled back,

beaming, and grabbed Lee by the upper arms. “Lee Nelson, it’s so good to see you. Where the

hell you been?”

Lee’s throat clenched, and he had to fight down the spike of anger, remembering how

unwanted he’d been by the Sinclairs after Stefan’s disappearance. But Mr. Sinclair seemed

genuine, which admittedly confused him. All Lee could do was hug the old man and release him.

Gev caught his eye and looked away again, puzzling Lee. “He’s been everywhere, Dad.

You know that.”

Lee thought he must’ve imagined the flash of pain crossing Gev’s face. “I’ve been

traveling, like Gev says.”

“You should’ve come by sooner, son.” Frank clasped Lee’s face between his hands as Nina

came in, sans her kid. “I’ve been following your music for years.”

“You have?” Gev said, clearly shocked.

Lee felt a little uncomfortable, given Gev’s reaction. He wondered how Gev felt about this,

especially after all he’d told Lee.

“Of course I have. I’m proud of you,” Frank said to Lee. “I didn’t know you two were in

touch.”

“We weren’t until yesterday,” Lee said.

“Well, I’m glad you’re here now.” Frank pulled him close, hugging him tight again. The

old man felt as frail as he looked. Lee’s heart hammered like crazy as he looked over Frank’s

shoulder into Gev’s eyes. Lee tried to express through his own that he understood if there was

any upset on Gev’s part. He would have to talk to Gev about this later.

“Okay, Dad, let him go before you choke him,” Nina said.

Irini made an impatient sound. “Enough of this nonsense, Franklin. This isn’t a long-lost

reunion. Gev came to tell us something.”

Frank released Lee. “He did?”

Nina said, “Why don’t we sit down on the couch?”

She steered her mom and dad to the couch, then sat on the arm. Gev grabbed a stool and

scooted it to Lee. He sat, but Gev stayed standing.

“Go on, son,” Frank said. Lee watched his face, saw the concern, the return of the look of a

man bracing himself for something horrible. Thank God they had waited until they were here

before telling Gev’s parents. Now Lee understood why Gev wanted to do it in person, tell them

they’d nearly lost another one of their children.

“Okay, well, Lee and I only met again last night. He came to my performance.”

“I was given tickets,” Lee said. “I didn’t know Gev was dancing.”

“Yeah, and I about fell off the stage when I saw him up there, watching.”

“And I about fell out of the box seat.”

“You covered well.”

“I’m good at faking,” Lee said, his mouth quirking.

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Gev hesitated. “I…yeah. I finished the performance and sent a note asking him to come

meet me backstage. I was pissed off and angry”—he flashed Lee an apologetic look—“and

startled and freaked out. They came back—”

“They?” Irini said.

Lee shifted on the stool. “Nick Kilmain and our bodyguard. They came with me.”

“It didn’t take long for us to realize that it was possible, even likely, that we were set up to

meet each other.”

Silence settled. Finally, Frank said, “Set up? What do you mean?”

“We believe whoever sent the tickets wanted us to meet, for a reason.” Gev raised his chin.

“It’s possible it’s connected to Stefan.”

Irini blanched. She brought a hand to her mouth but didn’t say anything.

Frank put an arm around his wife. “Hang on, let the boy finish.” His expression grew even

grimmer. “I have a bad feeling about this.”

Gev sighed as he ran his hands through his hair again. “We’re not sure if it’s connected to

the past, to Stefan, but—” Lee watched Irini; she looked away when their gazes met. “But, yeah,

there’s more.”

Gev began to pace. He was nervous. Lee sure as hell understood. Nothing like telling your

parents, who had already been through hell once, that they might be living it again.

“Okay. All was fine after the performance. I went out with the guys and had pancakes.

Went back and got my car, went home. My roommate, Chad, wasn’t home yet, so I went to

sleep. Woke up the next morning.” He stopped pacing, looking off as if into the distance,

probably remembering what he’d been through that morning. Lee couldn’t believe it was only

yesterday that they’d met up again; it hadn’t even been twenty-four hours yet.

Gev continued. “I woke up, got some milk out of the fridge. Chad came in, and we talked

awhile.” He paused, his face taking on a light pink shade. “Chad had brought a friend home. He

was still asleep.”

Lee watched the parents’ reactions. Both of their faces stilled, but Gev’s dad nodded,

encouraging his son.

Gev continued, “I decided to go for a jog, but the front door was jammed. So I went out the

window. Saw a few people on the street. Ran to the coffee shop so I could pick up some scones

for all of us. Saw a few people there.”

Those people had cleared Gev. Lee was beyond grateful they had been out there and seen

him.

“Anyway, I went back home and saw that the door was open a crack.” His voice grew

hushed. He wouldn’t look at his parents. “Screech zoomed out, which wasn’t good, but I went in

the door.” He stopped, his distress clearly growing. Lee could guess too well what he must’ve

seen, the horrific sight he’d witnessed. “I went to Chad’s room with the scones, and…Chad’s

friend was dead.”

“Oh, my God, no,” his mom said.

Lee felt hot and dry, parched. His throat begged for something to chase the horror away. A

beer, something. Anything. Hearing Gev retell it was much harder than listening to the cold relay

of information the detective had given him. Pain and horror filled Gev’s voice, and Lee wished

he could take some of it on himself. But he was helpless.

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Gev pushed on, his voice expressionless now. “I went to my room, and Chad was there.”

His face crumpled briefly, but he pulled himself up sharply, his shoulders stiff. “He was dead.”

“
No
,” Frank said.

Gev couldn’t talk anymore. And to Lee’s relief and surprise and gratification and a

thousand other emotions, Frank went to his son and gathered him close. Lee looked over at Irini.

She didn’t move to go to Gev. She stayed where she was, fists clutched in her lap, saying

something over and over again in Russian, her eyes wide.

Nina crouched down beside her. “Mom? Mom?”

Lee wished he was anywhere but there. He shouldn’t have come. This had nothing to do

with him. He stood.

Irini blinked, then looked from Nina up to Lee. The look she gave him—black with cold

fury—struck him to the core. He’d thought he could handle this.

“This is all your fault! He’s back, and it’s
your fault
!” she said, her words rising to a shout.

Lee stepped back, hitting the stool and knocking it over.

Frank whirled around. “Irini! What are you talking about?”

Irini stood and took a step toward Lee. “It’s
his
fault. If he’d stayed away—” Then she

crumpled back onto the couch, covering her face with her hands. Lee couldn’t move. Couldn’t

breathe.

Frank looked at Lee. “She doesn’t mean that. Irini! How can you say such—”

“Stefan, my Stefan, damn him!
Damn
him!” She glared at Lee, fury reddening her face.

“Get out.
Get out!
”

Lee said nothing. He stared at them, Nina and her father crouched around Irini, Gev

confused and upset, and he felt like nothing but pure hell, as if a thousand rods of hatred heated

in the pit of hell’s biggest fire had stabbed him through the heart.

This was what he had known. This was what he had feared, what had kept him away from

this family, these people, all these years. He knew—he’d always known—that they blamed him

for what had happened to Stefan. But to hear it from Irini now, of all times, sickened him like

nothing ever had.

Gev was frozen in disbelief and horror, his face still red from unshed tears. “I’m leaving

now, Gev. I’m sorry.” He turned away and walked out of the workshop.

“Wait, don’t go! She didn’t mean that. It’s not your fault.”

Lee didn’t stop walking. He didn’t want to go through the house, instead going around,

pulling his keys out of his pocket. An icy calm had descended over him now that the truth had

been exposed at last. He reached his car and opened the door. Gev had followed him, stood on

the lawn. Too close, too close.

“It’s the truth, Gev,” Lee said, his voice amazingly calm. “It
is
my fault. I’ve always

known it’s my fault. I’ve always known that they wished with all their hearts it had been me who

had been killed and not Stefan.”

“Lee,” Gev said. “Don’t. It’s not Dad. Mom just—”

“They’re right. It should’ve been me, not Stefan,” he said, his voice rising slightly. “It

would’ve been a whole lot better for everyone if it had been me. He had a family who loved him.

I didn’t—I don’t. He had a fantastic future ahead of him. All I had was a beat-up guitar and not

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much talent. I still don’t fucking know—” He shook his head at Gev’s sound of protest.

Automatic protest, Lee knew. The kid had worshiped him all these years. Sweet but misguided.

Gev raised one hand, palm up. “I don’t know what to say. I don’t want you to go. Please.”

“I’m sorry.” Lee was trying hard not to explode, for Gev’s sake. He couldn’t look Gev in

the eye. If he did, he’d lose it for certain, give in to the black maw of anger and depression

threatening to consume him. “I’m not going back in there. Please give your dad my regrets. It

was good to see him again. And Nina. I—I’m glad you have her. I really felt good about coming

here for a minute.”

“And you should,” Gev insisted. “I want you here. Fuck!” He ran his hands through his

hair and then gripped it tight, a gesture Lee had never seen Stefan use. It was uniquely Gev’s.

“It’s not enough. I don’t belong here. It was a mistake. I’ve got to go now.”

He slid into the car and started to pull the door closed, but Gev had somehow zoomed

around the car and was blocking the door. “But you can’t go.”

Lee looked up at Gev, and his expression, the beauty of his face with the afternoon light

shining over it, the sparkle to his eyes—it hurt to look at him.

“Let me go, Gev.”

“This never fails to happen,” Gev said, the sudden harshness to his voice surprising Lee.

“Every time something good happens in my life, it always gets twisted back to my fucking

brother. He’s dead! He’s dead and gone and—” He closed his eyes, his jaw tight, his breath

coming harsh, fast. It took everything Lee had not to get out of the car. But Gev wasn’t done yet.

“Every time, everything I do, no matter what it is, she twists it back to Stefan. She’s as bad now

as she was back then. It’s always been about Stefan, always will be. You have no idea what it’s

like, Lee. You have no fucking idea.”

Lee could imagine, though, having seen Irini’s reaction. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, well. Nothing you can do about it,” Gev said, his voice bitter.

Awkward silence fell over them. Lee didn’t have the words to make Gev feel better. He

was empty, a hollow husk. Gev thought he was something good, but Lee knew better. He was as

bad as Gev’s mother, in his own way. He too couldn’t let Stefan go.

“I need to leave.”

Gev finally let Lee close the door. Lee started the engine and pulled away, looking back in

the rearview mirror to see Gev still standing on the lawn. There wasn’t anything else he could do