Long Pass Chronicles 02 - Canning the Center (26 page)

Three more plays. He moved like a robot, on programming, not passion. Would he ever have passion again? Or had it walked away in the heart of Trevor Landry?

Line of scrimmage. The linebackers snarled.

If most people saw nine hundred pounds of monsters coming toward them, they’d run away.
His old coach’s words echoed inside his head.
Running away
.

He felt Jet’s hands under his butt.

That’s what he was doing.

He stood up.
Holy shit. I’m running away
.

“Jamal?” Ado looked at him, confused.

“Sorry.” He crouched back into position, redirected the tackles to counter the defense, poised for Jet’s play, and snapped. This time he ducked, let the defensive lineman halfway past, and then struck him in a diving tackle. They went down with Jamal on top.

Whistle. End of play.

Jamal walked off the field into the tunnel that led to the locker room that led to the fucking rest of his life. A life without Trevor.

There it was. He thought he’d been protecting the people he loved, but he’d been running away. He couldn’t make something good by doing something bad or create truth by lying. What an idiot. No wonder his father was disappointed in him. Jesus, no wonder Trevor left.

Somebody slapped his shoulder. “Good game, Jones.”

“Thanks.” Good enough to get by. Good enough to survive one more day on the field. Good enough to persuade Lex fucking Arondel that he was playing his best. Shit, there was nothing good about any of that.

“Jamal. Wait up.”

That voice stopped him dead. He looked over his shoulder. “Hi, Jet.”

The quarterback touched his arm. “You okay?”

“Sorry. I know I fucked up.”

“No. You played fine. I just thought you seemed down. Didn’t mean to pry.”

“No.”

Jet cocked his handsome head. “No, what?”

“No, I’m not okay.”

One hand clasped his bicep. Didn’t make it around. “Come on.” Jet walked back toward the mouth of the tunnel, then turned left into a little closet-sized office.

“Where are we?”

“One of your father’s crew works here, I think.”

Just the mention of his father made him sad.

“Tell me.”

Jamal shrugged. “It’s hard to talk about.” He glanced at Jet. Did he trust the man?

“But it has something to do with Arondel, right?”

“How did you know that?”

“Ray’s my best friend. He looked the same way when he left a meeting with that SOB.”

Jamal took a breath. “Yeah, well, I have the same reason.”

“What do you mean?”

Jamal just stared at him.

“You’re gay?”

“Bi, but close enough.”

“No shit? I must only be able to play with great gay centers.” He laughed.

“And I’m in love with a guy.” Jesus, it felt amazing to say it out loud.

“No kidding. I would have thought you were in love with that beautiful girl you brought to the party.”

Jamal half smiled. “He’s a man. A drag queen.”

“You’re shitting me?”

“Not even.”

Jet shook his head. “Fooled me and everyone else.”

“Yeah, even Arondel. The bastard made a pass at Trixie.”

“Jesus.”

“And then he found out some way, probably from Boogaloo and his bitch of a sister, that Trixie’s a guy.”

Jet rocked back on his heels. “Oh man, he must be pissed.”

“That barely covers it. Anyway, bottom line is they don’t want to can me.”

“They need a center and you’re the best.”

“Ray’s the best. I’m an also-ran. But yeah, so he threatened me instead. He’ll see to it Trevor—that’s Trixie—loses his scholarship and my dad loses his job.”

Jet slammed a hand on the wall. “Man, what a bastard. He threatened to sue Ray to take back his signing bonus for the year. He’d already given it to his folks to help support them.”

“The man doesn’t deserve to have this team.”

Jet leaned against a small table. “If you want to bring him down, I’ll help you if I can.”

Jamal gazed at him. “Thanks. That means a lot. I just realized out there on the field that I think I’m protecting the people I love by letting Arondel do his shit, but I’m really protecting him. He gets to go on hurting more people. If we don’t speak up, man, he wins.”

“Sounds like wisdom to me. But what do we do?”

Jamal shook his head. “I don’t know yet. First, I got to figure out how to get out of my own way.” He smiled, but it didn’t feel warm. “Let me think on it.”

He opened the office door, glanced out, and started toward the locker room with Jet beside him. Jet West’s support should count for something. But what?

In the locker room, he stripped and showered. When he came back to his locker, most of the guys had left. He pulled his jeans off the hook and slid them on, then dragged a sweater over his head. The white sweater that Trevor loved.

Shit
.

He sat hard on the bench. How could he have blown it so bad when he’d just started his life? He’d wanted to play football, and then he’d wanted Trevor. Both lost because he’d been such a coward. Maybe he could go into education now if he could find a place that would take a gay teacher or coach. Maybe someday he’d find another guy, but no use pretending those wouldn’t be second-best options. The universe had given him two amazing, one-of-a-kind gifts and said, “Here. Take care of these.”
Fucked them both up
.

“Jamal?”

Jamal froze. He sat up, stared at Boogaloo, and turned his back on him. Jamal might be the piece of crap here, but Boogaloo was gum on his fucking shoe.

“Hey, man, I deserve that. Could I talk to you?”

“We’ve got nothing to talk about, Boogie.”

“It was Lavinda. She wouldn’t give up. She searched until she found that drag club and then tracked Trixie to SCU and went straight to Arondel. I shoulda tried to stop her.”

Jamal looked around. He could hear a couple of guys somewhere in the back of the locker room, so he half turned toward Boogaloo and lowered his voice. “I saw what you do to people like me. Shit, you’d beat me up and leave me for dead too if you had three guys to help you.”

“I woulda.” He was quiet for a long time, then said softly, “You saved my life, man. You knew what I was and you saved me anyway.”

“I’d never let a man die. Besides, the Diablos need a fucking guard. Now leave me alone.”

“We really fucked things up for you, didn’t we?”

“Yeah, you did, but I let you do it and that’s worse.”

“He didn’t kick you off the team like he did Shields.”

“He’s out of centers.”

“Then do what you want, man. How can he stop you? The union protects fags.” He stopped. “Sorry, gay athletes.”

Jamal stood and stepped toward Boogie. The big man fell back a foot. “He threatened my family and the man I love, you asshole. That’s the kind of man your pal is.”

Boogie stared at Jamal. A mist crossed his eyes. “I know.”

“What do you mean? You knew he was going to do this to me?”

“I know what kind of man he is.” He sat on the bench and spoke very softly. “I’m hooked on painkillers because he told the trainer to give ’em to me even when I didn’t want them. Said I couldn’t play otherwise. Now he threatens to report me if I don’t do what he wants.”

“Shit, Boogie.”

He looked up, and all his pain was in his face. “I’m so fucking mean and screwed up, I wanted to take you down with me. But you’re a good guy and I’m sorry. Even for a—you know.”

“Yeah. I know.”

“I’m really sorry.”

“Sounds like you’ve had it as bad as me.”

“Somebody needs to stop him, man.”

The words entered his ears and banged his brain. No more protecting Arondel. No more running. “Yeah. Somebody does.”

He pulled his phone from his pocket, clicked on his favorites, and hit Send as he walked out of the locker room. “Dad? Yeah, can I come over for dinner? I need to talk to you.”

J
AMAL
TURNED
left on the familiar Huntington Beach street. Funny he’d feel nervous about seeing his dad, but he hated to admit what his own lying and compromises had gotten him into. This is what he got for not making waves.
Fucking Ferdinand
.

His phone rang, and he tapped the Bluetooth. “This is Jamal.”

“This is Coach Hartford.”

He tensed. Why hadn’t he checked the screen before he answered? “Yes, sir?”

“After the game next weekend, we’re having a press reception. We’re inviting our key players to be there and would like you to be one of them.”

“Thank you.”

“Mr. Arondel thought you might like to escort Lavinda.”

His hands gripped the wheel. “I won’t be doing that. Do you still want me to come?”

“Yes.”

“What time?”

“Directly after the game.”

“I’ll be there.” Yeah, he sure as fuck would.

Hartford paused but didn’t hang up. He cleared his throat. “Jamal. I’m sorry.” The line clicked off.

Not fucking sorry enough. Jamal might be a coward, but Hartford wrote the book. Arondel’s damn pawn.

He took a deep breath and let his neighborhood soothe him. Not much changed on the street. A few houses had become more gentrified as the neighborhood got more expensive. Evangeline’s car was parked in front of the house.
Damn
. He’d kind of wanted to talk to his dad alone, but he didn’t really have anything to hide from his family. Ev already knew what a pansy-ass he was.

He pulled the Cadillac into the driveway, parked, and walked up to the familiar screen door. It made its creak as he opened it. “Anybody home?”

His dad sat forward in his recliner, and Ev looked up from her corner of the couch. Life as usual at the Joneses. Not much in his life felt usual.

“Hey, runt, how you doin’?”

“Okay, ugly, how are you?”

“Never better.”

His dad nodded. “Son. Good to see you. How did you think the game went?”

That was Jones code for his dad thought it was crappy and was testing him. “I thought we were lucky to win it.”

“I agree. Your timing was off.”

“Sucked.”

“Okay. What happened?”

“A lot happened. That’s why I’m here, actually.”

His mother came out of the kitchen. “Nobody’s telling a single story without me. Dinner can wait.”

Jamal sat next to Ev, and his mom took the chair she liked to read in.

Jamal breathed in. “This is really hard.” He looked up in time to see his mom give his dad a worried glance. “The coach and Arondel found out I’m gay from Lavinda.”

His dad nodded. “I guessed that. It was bound to happen sometime.”

His mother frowned. “From Lavinda. Does that mean they know about Trevor?”

“Yes.”

“Oh no, Jamal. What will happen to the dear boy?”

He shook his head and wiped his hand over his eyes. “I’d gone to Hartford to tell him about being bi when he confronted me. I told him I planned to come out and that I was dating a man. Arondel asked to speak to me alone.”

His dad stared at him.
Intense
.

“He threatened me. Said if I came out he’d see that Trevor lost his scholarship.”

His mom clapped a hand over her mouth.

Jamal glanced at her and then back to his dad. He tried to hold the gaze of the man he admired most in the world but failed. His eyes dropped. “And he said he’d make Dad lose his job.”

“What the hell?” His mom hardly ever swore.

Jamal looked up. “Yes, ma’am. He said he could influence the stadium owner and would see Dad was fired.”

Ev hissed. “You work for this bastard?”

His dad’s voice was low. “How long have you known this, Jamal?”

“Over a week.”

“I know you didn’t tell Trevor, because he called Evangeline looking for you.”

“He did?”

Ev nodded. “Yes. He was worried and hurt and confused.”

He stared at her and tried to breathe. “Yeah, well, he gave up on me. He called to say good-bye.”

His mother clapped a hand to her chest. “No, Jamal.”

His dad leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. “You didn’t tell me about this either.”

“I knew if I told you, you’d say you didn’t want a job if it was part of that man’s blackmail.”

“Aha. I believe that captures my feelings exactly.”

“But it’s my fault you’re in this at all. If I’d told them at the beginning instead of being a big fat coward, they’d have canned me then, and you and Trev wouldn’t be threatened by this motherfucker—excuse me.”

“That may be true, but I taught you to love football, so it all comes back to me now, doesn’t it?”

“No. I let Arondel succeed. If I’d been brave enough, he’d never have hurt any of you.”

His mom shook her head. “You don’t know what he could have done. Most people will lie to save their dreams and protect people they love.”

His dad smiled. “But you’re here, so I’m guessing something changed in your protection strategy.”

Jamal threw himself back against the sofa cushions. “I don’t want to be this guy’s punching bag. I don’t think he should get away with his crap. He’s hurt so many other people, like Ray Shields and Boogaloo, even. I just can’t take it. I can’t do much to him except what I have control over.”

“So what will you do?”

He blew out his breath. “I’m going to come out.”

“Good.”

“I did a direct transfer of the money I got for a signing bonus into your account. I figured my agent can probably keep them from taking that back.”

His dad shook his head sharply. “We don’t need your money, son. Your mother and I have some put aside with the idea of retiring in a few years. I figured I’d stay at it as long as I was enjoying the job, but if I have to work anywhere near that asshole, I’d rather quit. I can get another job.”

Jamal shook his head. “But you love that job.”

“Not if he’s using it as a weapon to get to you.”

Jesus, he felt like his heart was cracking. All these lives blown up because of him. “Arondel’s got a lot of power.”

“Really? How much influence do you think he has among our friends?” His dad smiled.

Jamal smiled back tightly. Arondel didn’t have any fans in their neighborhood.