Long Blue Line: Based on a True Story (10 page)

“What, Megan?” I asked her, with a smirk on my face. “This is so much fun!” she loudly whispered. “You freaking love James, don’t you?” I accused. “Sort of!” she giggled. I knew that this was not the only thing on her mind. I didn’t want to pry too deeply into it with the boys in the next room. Plus, I knew that we would have plenty to talk about later.

The wedding was inching closer every day; it was only a week away! My mom picked up a full-time summer position at a local golf course. Josh, James, Megan, and I would frequently visit during her lunch break. They served good food and it was nice getting out of the house. By this time, Megan and James had fallen in love as I had predicted. It was cute seeing them together, and it was good for us to have another couple to hang out with. They loved being with our daughter as much as we did.

“Lizzy-Beth…” my mother reminded, “You and Josh need to go to Carson City today to pick up your rings. Here is the money, and make sure you get it done because it’s right around the corner!” Lizzy-Beth was one of the nicknames that only a few select family members called me. I didn’t mind. The only names I did not like were “Liz” or “Lizard.” They were so unfeminine, and I just hated it. Since I was a teenager and, of course, didn’t understand the value or concept of earning money, I excitedly and willingly took the bundle of cash from her. In the back of my mind, however, I did understand that she had been working pretty hard for that money. The singles and fives were evidence of tips, and tips usually signify hard work. I was lucky to have her.

James and Megan decided to go on a romantic drive around the lake after lunch, and Josh and I headed down the mountain to Carson City. Tahoe was a small town, and any real shopping had to be done off the hill. No matter how many times we did it, the thirty-minute drive was always stunning and gorgeous. There is nothing that can be compared to driving through the Sierra-Nevada Mountains. I highly recommend it. Pulling into the JC Penny parking lot, Josh took Chloe’s carrier out of the back seat, and we excitedly walked into the department store. Three weeks previously, I had decided which ring I wanted to be mine. Peering through the glass, I had instantly spotted my bling. It was only a couple hundred dollars, but it was gorgeous with white gold and it had a touch of diamonds. Josh picked out his ring after trying several sizes on. They were boxed up, paid for, and we were ready to go grab some burgers.

Snapping my seatbelt before the car even started, I was surprised that Josh wasn’t eagerly burning rubber as he usually did. He looked at me with a stupid grin on his face. “What are you goggling at, weirdo?” I teased. He pulled the box out of the small plastic bag and held it up to my face. “Sweetie, will you marry me?” he asked. “Josh, you are such a dork, but of course I’ll marry you!” I laughed. He gave me a quick peck, and we were off to chow down. It wasn’t the proposal of my dreams, but it certainly would do.

After we stuffed ourselves mercilessly with lunch, we drove back up the summit while I listened to my favorite country tunes. Chloe was totally content, as usual. When we got home we noticed that James and Megan were already back from their drive. We unloaded our precious baby cargo for the hundredth time and walked in the house. We were excited to show off our rings. James had his door closed, and my mother was nowhere around. I heard an odd squeaking sound. Oh my god, they’re doing it!! I thought. I knew it was going to happen eventually, but it was awkward that it was in a bedroom in my family’s home. At least Josh and I had always been very discreet about it. We decided to wait upstairs in my bedroom until they were done. Finally, when I heard the downstairs door open, I knew that it was safe to resume downstairs activities.

Megan was in the bathroom fixing her hair. It was a wreck! “Holy crap, what happened to you?” I questioned. “Nothing.” she giggled slyly. “Oh PLEASE! I’m not dumb! Look at the beautiful product of my dumbness,” I said, pointing to Chloe. “I know! She is so adorable too!” Megan said in a squeaky baby-talk voice. “Oh no! I know what you’re thinking! You have baby fever - don’t you?” I accused. “Hehehe - Nooooo! Well, just a little bit. Wouldn’t we have the cutest little baby?” she affirmed.

After this conversation, I got the gist of where her thoughts were headed. She saw how easy it was to care for Chloe (who was an exceptionally easy baby) and assumed that it would be just as perfect for her. I was somewhat excited about her statement. It would be so awesome to have a friend (my best friend) have a baby too. That way, we would always be on the same page, and we would have plenty more to talk about. Our babies would be best friends too, I was thinking.

“Well, if you want what I think you want, I have some things you can have,” I offered, as I led her up the staircase. Josh and James were out back smoking their cancer sticks (which I hated). From under my bed, I pulled out a folder and handed her the stack of papers in it. “What the hell is all this?” She shockingly asked. “Go through it and you’ll see,” I claimed.

Upon opening the folder, her eyes grew big and her smile was ear-to-ear. “You did it on purpose? I knew it! I don’t know why, but I knew it!” I replied with nothing but a shoulder shrug. She read through my once obsessive material as I changed Chloe. It was official. Without James knowing, she was going to attempt to get knocked up. We talked about it every day after this secret conversation while hiding it from the boys.

My sixteenth birthday had finally come, and the wedding was less than twenty-four hours away. To celebrate our birthday, Merri and I had several friends and family (even from out of town) show up at our home with gifts. My uncle and grandparents bought us a brand new queen size bed for our wedding present. I was so excited because Josh was way too tall to share my twin size bed with me. Also, it was lame sleeping separately after we had a baby together. After setting up our new bed, my uncle and grandparents announced that it was almost time to head down the street to the church where we would be doing our rehearsal. Luckily, the whole wedding party was there and everything would go as planned.

Pastor Gene would be the one to marry us, and I was really happy about this. He came up with a great idea of also doing a baptism for the three of us after the vows were completed. I wanted to be baptized. I already felt guilty enough for being so rebellious and reckless at such a young age, and the Good Lord knows Josh needed it too. Standing in the church near a set of pews, a fly was harassing me as Pastor Gene was going over his words for the next day. The fly landed in just the right spot for me to give it a good crunch. I swiftly, like Jackie Chan, stomped on it with my foot, not realizing that I should not have made such a ruckus in a beautiful and calm church. The stomp echoed, and I truly looked like an idiot with Tourette’s syndrome, or something. “Liz!” my mom quietly growled. “I am so sorry! I just didn’t think! It was a really annoying fly!” I defended.

The pastor finished his beautiful vow compilation, we all shared pizza and cake, and the day was over. The next day was going to be one of the biggest days of my life. I wouldn’t let myself think about all of the details; I was already far too overwhelmed. Going to sleep for the first time with my husband and our baby girl in a big, fluffy and comfy bed was absolute bliss. I finally felt like we were on our way to becoming a normal family. We just needed to find our own place. As I was dozing off, I was fantasizing about what our married life would be like. I pictured Josh and I growing old together but wondered if he would even live long enough to grow old. He was just so reckless when he was drinking. It had slowed down a little bit for now, but I knew it would come back. I just hoped that I would somehow find a way to help him make a permanent change. Chloe was cuddled up between us, and I was blissfully uneasy.

I woke up to my sister, Lilah, frantically banging on my bedroom door. “Liz! Oh my God! You aren’t up yet? The wedding is in an hour!” She was a notorious nag. It drove me crazy. I was just so comfy in my bed. As I slowly inched my way out of bed, Josh opened his eyes and did his usual ADHD pounce to the bathroom to get ready. We were actually going to have two weddings that day. The first one was just to make it legal, and the second would be a bigger ceremony with family and friends. Nevada made it legal to marry at sixteen with a parent’s permission. The Officiate that my mother hired would meet us for the legal part at ten-thirty. I honestly didn’t even know exactly where it would be, but I hoped it wouldn’t be awkward to just have a few important family members there to witness.

When Josh was through showering, he quickly got dressed and grabbed his bag of clothes that he would be wearing for the wedding. He gave me a quick peck on the cheek and raced down the stairs to have James help him get ready so I could have my space. The second I stepped out of the bathroom after showering I was hurried down the stairs by my mother and sister out of fear that I would be late to my own wedding. I am always late! I was born that way. It actually took my mom an hour and nine minutes to deliver me, twin “B.” Usually with twins, that sort of thing only takes a minute or two. I take my time with everything - especially important occasions.

I felt like a queen being pampered. My mother, also an aesthetician, was doing my makeup, and my older sister was incorporating beautiful tiny flowers into my long hair. When my hair and makeup was finished, I looked in the mirror and was very pleased. Next, I had to quickly strip down to my underwear so they could tightly wrap a corset around my abdomen and chest. It was perfect for squeezing in the extra baby flab. I called it my flat tire. I stepped into my poufy slip and then eased my way into my strapless dress. I did not remember my dress looking so beautiful when I tried it on a few weeks earlier. Finally, I was ready. I looked at my reflection in the full-body mirror in my mother’s room, and I truly felt like royalty. I had never felt so beautiful in my life. This completely erased any worry or doubt that had been lingering in my insecure mind.

My mother and Merri, along with Megan and the other girls who were still too young to drive, all rode together to the destination. James and Josh rode together, and I rode with Lilah in her truck. My dress was poufy on the bottom, like Cinderella. There was no way I could have sat in a car with other people without causing some sort of damage to the dress.

The drive felt like it was taking forever. It was a bright, beautiful sunny day and that meant the highway would be full of tourists making their way to the casinos and the beaches. However, this wasn’t anything new. Passing the strip of casinos, I knew that we were almost there. We pulled into a local recreational area and for a minute I thought that my mom was making us get married on a soccer field or something crazy. We parked the truck and Lilah hurried around to the passenger side to help me get out of the car so I wouldn’t get dirt on my dress. The small group of friends and family were walking at a distance toward the official spot. I assumed it was safe to follow.

As Lilah and I neared the crowd, I began to see how beautiful the location actually was. I walked up a small grassy hill and looked around at the surroundings that suddenly offered a beautiful panorama of the turquoise lake surrounded by tall mountains in the distance with perfect, yet modest, icings of snow on the very tops. It was like a secret location that had the most beautiful view I had ever seen. The beauty was suddenly able to confirm my anxious and nervous feelings of growing up so fast.  It gave me a complete sense of peace and serenity. I knew that I was supposed to be doing this. I knew that every person there loved me and Chloe and even Josh. I felt as if I was in heaven, and God was standing right behind me.

As Josh was holding my hands and gazing lovingly into my eyes, the minister spoke of our brave choice to bring Chloe into the world. I don’t recall what he said word-for-word, but I do know that it was beautiful. Right as tears were about to ruin my makeup, I felt an intense, horrid, overwhelming itch. It was under my diamond necklace. Freaking bugs! The sparkle from my bling must have been the white light to heaven for those little suckers. They are called no-see-ums, and they dig their pointy little noses into your skin and it’s torturously miserable. Trying with all my might to avoid spastically slapping myself on the neck, I was forced to sink into my meditation zone. Towards the end I was able to casually smear the nasty things into my skin, and I was officially the bug-gut bride. It was still a beautiful ceremony regardless of the dilemma. By the time Josh was permitted to kiss his bride, my itchiness had calmed, and I was able to enjoy the best part.

Josh and I held hands as we walked back to the parking lot to race to our next wedding where EVERYONE would be waiting. My grandparents had been toting Chloe along, but on the way to the car I just had to see her for a minute. I told her that she was my “little princess” and that I loved her so very much. She gave me a little split-second smile, and I knew that she was aware of the joy. Chloe was a quiet and reserved baby, but she was always aware of her surroundings. The drive back into town had a celebratory vibe. As Lilah and I pulled into the full-to-the-max parking lot of the church, I was extremely horrified. I was scared of the fact that Josh’s entire family from all over the state, and even their friends, were going to be sitting in that church watching ME.

I stepped out of Lilah’s truck and told her that I would be right in and I just needed to talk to Megan for a minute. Megan and James pulled into the parking lot at the perfect time. I knew that they were carrying the goods. “Thank God I found you before you went in!” I frantically said to Megan. James locked his car and announced that he was going to go in to see if Josh needed help with anything. “Where is my promised present Megan?” I begged. “Dude! There are so many people here!” she replied with wide eyes. She dug to the bottom of her purse and pulled out a small bottle of Bacardi. I crouched down next to the car, looking like a freak in my wedding dress and took two good swigs. There was no way I was going to be able to get through this without fainting unless I had a few drops of liquid courage. It was just the right amount.

Five minutes later I was in the lobby of the church, hearing the quiet chatter of the guests. One of my mother’s good friends that I had known since I was five, Lena, was kind enough to bring me a gorgeous bouquet of flowers to carry down the aisle. My bridesmaids looked beautiful, and Summer was the cutest little flower girl. Before I knew it, I was alone with my uncle, waiting for the music to start. I hurriedly grabbed onto his arm. I am sure I had a look of pure terror on my face. He clearly realized how frazzled I was. At six feet, four inches tall and wearing cowboy boots, he smiled down at me. Just before stepping into the church, he said something that I’ll never forget, but certainly didn’t expect; “Ah man, I have the worst wedgie! Great timing.” I nearly screeched with laughter, but I managed to get a grip on myself in time to avoid looking like a looney.

For the second time that day, I met Josh in the presence of the minister, Pastor Gene. We held hands and exchanged vows; I was pleased that it was relatively short. It was then time for my mother to hand baby Chloe over to me for our family baptism. I didn’t know how the process worked, but as long as Pastor Gene didn’t spray a hose of holy water in my face (which he would have had the merit to), I would be just fine. It became another peaceful and calm moment. It was comforting to hear his words and know that God forgave me for my sins, and he always would as long as I asked. I needed that. After Chloe came into my life, my view on rebellion and mischief changed entirely. She proved to me that we are all born completely innocent, and if she grew up to do the same sort of things I had, it would break my heart.

Since Chloe was still so young at only six weeks, it wasn’t always easy to get a smile out of her. Beyond a coincidence, the moment that Pastor Gene sprinkled the holy water on her head, she contently smiled the most beautiful and innocent smile I had ever witnessed. I was so touched and excited that I actually turned around to announce this to my mother, who was sitting just feet away. “She smiled!” I said excitedly, forgetting that I was in a church partaking in a life-changing ceremony. All I had eyes for, at that moment, was my precious little girl. She now had an even tighter grip on my heart, which I did not think was possible.

After the ceremony, we all went outside to do the traditional marriage photo shoot. I loved taking pictures with my family, whom I did not get to see as often as when I was younger. This was the last time I can remember having the entire family and close family friends together in the same room. Following the photo session, the large crowd piled into their vehicles to drive to the reception.

At the reception I gave a toast to my mother, bawling my eyes out and telling her how much I loved her and how I would be “so screwed” without her. Normally, the word “screwed” wouldn’t be appropriate at a wedding, especially in a toast, but I was only sixteen, so it was to be expected. After eating from the buffet and some of the guests getting tipsy at the bar, we sliced our gourmet (and mouth-watering) cake and opened our mounds of gifts. For the budget that my mother was on and trying to get her mortgage paid on time, she somehow managed to give me the most beautiful wedding ever. She even got us a suite on the lake for the night. Of course Chloe came along because I was still nursing. That was just fine. We were exhausted and overjoyed all at the same time and definitely looking forward to having a peaceful, relaxing night.

The next day Josh and I were eager to get back home and go through all of our gifts. I was also eager to study for my driving test. I knew that with a baby I would no longer be able to walk to school, especially in the harsh winter conditions.

Settled back in at home, we enjoyed redecorating my bedroom to look more like a married couples’ bedroom. We had a great time obsessing over the wedding photos that were arriving in small increments. Chloe was growing every day, and Megan and James were happy as ever, cuddling, almost non-stop, in the tiny bedroom downstairs.

About a month before school was going to start back up, Megan and I were joyriding in her car and on the hunt for some greasy, super unhealthy food. She mentioned that she was irritated when her period had started a few weeks before. “I really, really want a baby. It would be perfect! I am so sick of my dad bossing me around. He probably has a GPS in my car!” she whined. I was excited. “Yeah, it would be a quicker way to get out of his house, and it would be so much fun, too! But don’t listen to me because every baby is different. Just because I got lucky with an easy one doesn’t mean you will. You have to make sure that you really want this. You aren’t going to be able to go out and party whenever you want. Any time you do anything you will have a baby with you. You don’t get any free time to yourself, and a lot of mothers don’t get much sleep either. Just sayin’.” I sat in silence thinking about what I had just said.

“Oh I know. I have thought about all of that!” she affirmed. We were going through the drive-through as she ordered James a burger with no onions. After she paid, I decided to have her drive down to my school so she could see what would really happen if she got pregnant. She wouldn’t want to go to regular school anymore. The other students would talk too much. As I predicted, she got excited about the school and even the hidden away classrooms down the hill. I knew that she had her mind made up - just like I had mine made up not too long before.