Living Life the Essex Way (8 page)

Deep down, I knew that the relationship was basically over, but I was having a hard time dealing with my mixed feelings. And then Mark Wright called me. By then I knew he was with Lauren, but we
had still stayed friends. He was ringing to tell me Lauren had been cheating on him with my boyfriend. I really didn’t know what to believe, but I cut everything off straightaway with my
boyfriend, and Mark, who was living with Lauren at the time, kicked her out.

Lauren has always talked on
TOWIE
about us being friends, and how we should all be staying true to the girls, but if what I had heard was true, when faced with a chance to cheat on her
boyfriend with another girl’s man, she went for it. This is something that I have tried to bring up on the show, but it has always been edited out, and that has really annoyed me. I sometimes
come across as the bad guy, ‘stealing’ Lauren’s boyfriend. But the truth is that I only ever did anything with Mark when they weren’t together.

I brought it up when we were arguing at Chloe’s 30th birthday in series three, but that bit was cut before the show was aired. The producers told me they took it out as they wanted to
focus on the cast’s present, not our past. I can understand that, but it is still frustrating that I wasn’t able to put my point of view across to the viewers.

On one level I feel sorry for Lauren – she has not had an easy childhood from what I can gather, although that is her story to tell, not mine. And despite all her efforts, she never seems
to get things quite right. Her outfits and appearance are never quite there, and the way she acts, it’s like she has a permanent chip on her shoulder. She is not a girl’s girl, and
despite what she says, we have never really been friends, and never will be. I wish her well and all that – I just think it is time she stopped pretending to be something she isn’t.

Anyway. Back when I was 19, after the split, I was mainly single for the rest of that year – which you may have gathered is pretty rare for me! At this point I went on a lot of
girls’ holidays to Marbella, and I did go on a few dates, but there was nothing serious. Although I have to say, Mark Wright did keep popping his head up from time to time! But I was never
actually dating him.

I went on a few dates with a footballer who played – and still plays – for West Ham United, James Tomkins. He was really nice, but it didn’t work out, mainly because our
lifestyles were too different. He would be up early in the morning for training, whereas I was a party girl and had late nights all the time, so we weren’t going to fit into each
other’s lives, but I still see him around and think he is a nice guy.

Then I had a holiday romance with a guy called Jorge who I met in Marbella. That was intense and pretty good, and I really did like him. He was just my type, but when we got back home it fizzled
out – he lived in south London, and the distance between us just made it too hard. Plus he was very private, and hated the route he thought I was going down when
TOWIE
started, so it
seemed it wasn’t destined to work out.

And then
TOWIE
really took off. It was probably best for the show that I went into it single, as it is more interesting for people to watch – but it was good timing, because, as I
say, me being single is rare!

I guess I knew that something would end up happening with Mark again, as he was involved in the show as well. We always had this chemistry, but because we had never tried a relationship, it was
like we had unfinished business. I didn’t do anything with him when he was dating Lucy in series one, but I was a bit frustrated – because I had introduced the two of them! When we were
in Marbella the summer before the show started, I told Mark who she was, and I could tell at the time, knowing what he’s like, that he was thinking he wouldn’t mind a bit of her!

As for Lauren . . . well, as I say, she didn’t exactly have a good track record as far as I was concerned, so I didn’t feel I owed her a lot. But at the same time I am not a
relationship-wrecker, so I never set out to try to cause any upset between her and Mark. I think she did plenty of that on her own! I do find it weird what she put up with though – I think a
girl should be made to feel special, and that a boy should be proud to have her on his arm, but he left her at home all the time. She never went to any of his club nights because he wouldn’t
let her – he wanted to be free to do as he wished when he was there!

After series one, when me and Mark were sort of seeing each other again, I took him to a Christmas party thrown by my modelling agency, Girl Management. He was there as my guest, but after a
couple of hours he disappeared and texted me to say he had gone home sick. I found out the next day that he had gone home with another model – and that just sums him up. He is ultimately
selfish – what he wants to do, he does, without thinking how it will impact on anyone else. He wasn’t my boyfriend at the time, but it still hurt that he thought it was OK to behave
like that.

Not long after that he got with Kayla Collins. I do actually think that was a real relationship, and I know he fancied her, but like so many of Mark’s relationships he couldn’t keep
it going – as there were too many other girls out there to tempt him.

The one time everyone does ask me about is when I told Mark I loved him, after I found out he and Lauren were engaged in series two. It wasn’t something I did with the intention of getting
him to leave Lauren. It was more something I did for myself, as an attempt at closure, I guess. I thought that if I said it, I would find it easier to move on. I did feel better afterwards and I
don’t regret doing it. In fact, I think it made it easier to look elsewhere – and that’s when I found Joey.

I had known Joey for a while before he appeared on
TOWIE
. He was friends with one of my exes, and I had seen him at house parties, and then his cousin began dating my best friend Ferne
– see, I told you Essex was incestuous! But I had never really talked to him until we were between series one and two and I went on a night out with Ferne to Revolution in London. We had a
proper chat, but he had a girlfriend at the time, and I didn’t really fancy him. But he got my number and we began texting a bit.

In the meantime I mentioned him to the producers, because we had been photographed coming out of Revolution, and I just thought he would be good fun on the show. Also the fact that his surname
was Essex pretty much meant that he was destined for it! His cousin Chloe had been interviewed for the first series, and although they hadn’t used her at the time, I think they had liked her,
so it all started falling into place for them.

Meanwhile Joey had split from his girlfriend, so we were both single, and basically he was someone I could have fun and a laugh with, which was something I didn’t have in my life at that
time. I just really enjoyed being around him, and we grew closer. I don’t suppose I ever thought it would last – he is too young, and I was still moving on from Mark – but it was
good while it lasted. I think anyone who watched the scenes of us together can see we enjoyed our time together.

He used to be around my house all the time, and got on really well with my family, which is so important to me in a boyfriend. And yes, I did tell Joey I loved him, and he said the same to me,
but looking back I am not sure it was that kind of crazy, deep, romantic love – it was more of a very close friendship. As for sex, I made Joey wait about five weeks before he got any of
that.

Looking back, I can’t deny that you do get influenced by the public’s opinion. I didn’t date him because viewers liked him, but I guess knowing that people liked us together
added an extra appeal to him. It’s kind of like if your friends like your boyfriend, it can only help. So while our relationship was for real, I’m not sure it would have lasted as long
without the show, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, things started to go wrong because we were both so busy all the time.
TOWIE
was becoming more and more popular by the week, and Joey was doing a lot of PAs – nearly every
night of the week – and I was spending a lot of time sorting out Minnies. I don’t believe in dragging out a relationship that is going wrong, and I didn’t want to spend the time
we did have together arguing about it – that isn’t my thing. And I didn’t believe either of us should cut back on what we were doing – at that age your career really does
have to come first. So I told him I needed some space, and said that if we missed each other, we could rethink. But to be honest, I found I didn’t miss him. There was just too much going on
in my life at that time.

Joey was like ‘whatever’ and was really off with me, and criticised me in the press, which upset me as we had agreed we would not do that. But then we became friends again.

I know some people criticised me for not being happy when Joey and Jess kissed after we had split up. It’s not that I was jealous, as I had moved on by then, but it was weird, as she was
the first person after me I’d seen him snog. But I was also unhappy because she is my friend and I would never kiss a friend’s ex. But she’d had a few drinks and decided to go for
it, and that was her choice. I decided not to let it break up our friendship, and we discussed it and moved on from it. Things between them ended quickly anyway, and I don’t think they would
have been suited.

Then I started seeing TJ again – he was the poor guy I dated after Marc cheated on me and then left to go back to Marc. I had always regretted not giving that relationship more of a
chance, and then I kept seeing him around the place and we’d have a chat, and then he asked me out and we started seeing each other. He was so lovely, and I felt cared for and happy with
him.

Then series three started. I discussed with TJ the possibility of him being on the show, but he didn’t want to, and to be honest, I didn’t want him to either. I knew what the
limelight had done to me and Joey . . .

By now, Mark and Lauren had ended their engagement. My connection with Mark was still there, and we did still flirt – we are weirdly alike on some levels. And Mark kept saying to me,
‘We haven’t given our relationship a proper chance. Let’s just go for it.’

So I cooled things with TJ as the series began, and Mark and I gave it a go. I felt bad about TJ, but I just felt like I needed to know whether Mark and I could have a future once and for all.
He is good fun and I love his family – they are so friendly and welcoming. I think Carol is an amazing mum, and we get on really well. I don’t have a bad word to say about her. She
always takes time to talk to me and we have a laugh. I think she knows I won’t be walked over, and admires my morals and business mind. I think she would be happy if I was with Mark.

It’s harder with Jess. I think she will always stick up for Mark, no matter what he does, and that quite often puts up a barrier with other girls because of how he behaves. We get round
that by just not talking about him. We set all that to one side and just talk as friends. She is older than me by nearly six years, but we can talk on the same level, and I consider her a good
friend.

Despite all the plus sides though, Mark is ultimately so selfish. He will always put Mark first, and I can’t see that working for me. It didn’t help that he decided to go off to the
jungle for
I’m a Celebrity . . . Get Me Out of Here
2011. Although he asked me to go out to Australia with his family to be there when he got out, I couldn’t see that working.
I had too much going on in my own career for a start, and I am not the kind of girl who just follows their man about.

If he had behaved like more of a gentleman at the time, or been a better boyfriend . . . who knows? But when I told him at the end of series three that I wanted it to end, I meant it. I think he
was shocked by that, and his ego didn’t like it. He tried to tell the rest of the cast that he had told me to end it, but he definitely didn’t – that was what I felt from my
heart. I was just glad that we hadn’t slept together this time around.

But despite it all, if I am totally honest with myself, there is still something there. There is some mystery to Mark that always pulls me back and means I can never quite close the door on
something happening with him again in the future. It’s like I can’t see there ever being a full stop to me and him, but I just know that now is not the time for that. He will always
mean something to me and be an important part of my life.

Once I had realised that Mark and I weren’t going to work out, me and TJ started dating again. He really seemed like the whole package. I could trust him and we had a great connection. He
is good-looking and generous and he let me believe I was wearing the trousers, even though he could hold his own when it mattered.

But I think we rushed things, and I moved him into my house too early, when we should have taken more time to let things develop. The main problem, I think, was that my lifestyle was too hard
for him to take. I am 21 and want to have fun, so I’d go to parties and get pictured chatting with guys. Obviously, nothing ever happened but it was hard for him to see in the papers the next
day. Plus he didn’t like me filming with my exes, Joey and Mark, and would bring up the past, even though he knew from the start that that was part of my job. It also meant that while each
series was on, we hardly got any time together which was hard – and then, when we did, we were arguing.

He was interviewed and filmed by producers for the show, but for whatever reason they decided not to include him – not that TJ minded. He wasn’t bothered about being on
TOWIE
, he was just offering to do it for me.

I had started planning a future with him, so I’m sad it ended, but I think he is a lovely guy and hope we always stay in each other’s lives in some way.

If I could plan how it would be, I would take a year off from boyfriends. I’d still like to date people, but I don’t want anything too deep. I want some time to concentrate on me, my
career and earning money. But you just never know when you will meet someone and I certainly wouldn’t turn down a guy who could be ‘The One’ just to fit in with my life plan. And
really, if they were the perfect man for me, they wouldn’t want to interfere with my plans anyway.