Live to See Tomorrow (17 page)

“I only allowed him to come.” He glanced thoughtfully at her expression. “You care as much about him as he does for you. I thought you might. I knew it would be dangerous to try to step between you.”

“You didn’t step between us. And you’d better not have put Hu Chang in any danger by—”

“Shh, you’re getting too upset. You’ve gone through hell tonight, and you don’t need to—”

“I’ll get upset if I choose. You’re not in control of that either.”

“You’re right. Feel free to sit there and fume. We should be at the hut within a few minutes, and the two of you will be able to discuss how unfair and overbearing I am.” He added, “But while you’re doing it, you might remember that Erin is free, and you and Hu Chang have a way out because of who I am and what I can do, overbearing or not.”

There was no anger in his tone, only weariness. She could feel her own anger ebbing and tried to hold on to it. He might have helped getting them away from the mountain, but she resented that she’d had to rely on him. She’d had to struggle to remain independent. And bringing Hu Chang here was completely out of the bounds of—

“It’s how I run my life,” he said quietly. “For every act I take, I have to strike a balance. So many balances you can’t imagine.”

“Then tell me.”

He shook his head. “Hu Chang knows some of it. He can probably be persuaded to share it with you. Though it would be safer for you if he didn’t.”

“I wouldn’t try to persuade him. He’d laugh at me. I would reason with him.” She had a sudden thought. “Why would it be safer? You said once that you’d had two choices after Erin was captured, and she was becoming a danger to you. One was the one you chose, the other was to kill her.” She paused. “You’re saying that you would do the same to me if I learned too much about you?”

“God, I hope not, Catherine.” His voice, his face, suddenly held the same glowing, tenderness she had noticed earlier when he was caring for Erin. “It’s the last thing I want. I’ll do everything I can to avoid it. I’d take the most extraordinary steps possible to prevent that from happening.”

“As you did with Erin?”

“No, you’d be much more difficult. I’d have to stretch…”

“To keep from killing me.”

“It won’t happen.”

“You’re damned right it won’t.”

He chuckled. “Then we’re agreed. Now all I have to do is convince you to see things my way.”

“Bullshit. Stay out of my mind.” She tore her eyes away. “How soon can we get off this mountain?”

“Possibly tomorrow. Kadmus’s men will be streaming across the road from Daksha to this mountain as soon as he’s convinced we made it over here. They’ll be setting up and beginning the search. I’ll send one of the villagers down to keep an eye on them and report back to me. Unless there’s an emergency situation, I’ll have a helicopter here by tomorrow.”

“He’ll detect any electronic signals.”

“No, he won’t.”

She touched the blanket covering her. “Another whiz-bang invention? You can block the signal?”

“No, I won’t handle it like that. It would raise questions that would send ripples and I avoid ripples. Too much could go wrong.”

The answer led to a flood of wild and improbable possibilities. “Then I’m not going to ask you how you’re going to do it.”

He nodded. “That would be best.”

“Though I might ask Hu Chang.”

“Not best, but totally characteristic. You’ll do what you have to do.” He paused. “Just as Hu Chang did what he had to do. You might remember that when you find yourself in a fury with him.”

“I’m not angry with him. I’m angry with you.”

“But that may change. I’d be glad to share that fury with Hu Chang, but it would hurt you more than it would either one of us.”

“What are you talking about?” Her gaze was narrowed on his face. “I don’t understand a lot of what you say, and that annoys the hell out of me. But that sounded remarkably like a warning.”

“Not a warning.” He was slowing the jeep and pulled it over to the side of the road. “Just sincere advice from someone who cares.” He gestured to the hut across the road. “There you are. I’ll leave the headlights on so that you can see Hu Chang, and he can see you.” He got out of the car. “He must have heard us coming. I’m sure he’ll be out here any minute.”

“Cameron…” Erin dazedly lifted her head. “I must have fallen asleep.”

“Yes, you did.” He opened the rear door. “And just as well. It saved you from hearing Catherine scold me.” He picked her up and started for the hut. “It was most disturbing.”

Erin chuckled. “I can see that it bothered you.”

“Catherine never scolds.” Hu Chang stood in the doorway, the light from the fire within the hut outlining his body. “But she’s been known to tear strips from those who displease her.” His gaze was searching the darkness beyond the brilliant headlights. “Catherine?”

Warmth.

Memories.

Love.

And after all the worry, and frustration and anger he was here in front of her, unhurt, a few yards away.

“You shouldn’t have come,” she said unevenly as she struggled to get out of the car. “You deserve to have a strip torn off you. You should have waited in Hong Kong.”

“I’m not good at waiting.” She could hear the humor in his voice. “In that, I’m like you, Catherine. What is that ugly garment that you have about you?”

“Something that your friend, Cameron, gave me. It’s very warm, but I think that I’ll come into that hut and get my feet warm.”

“Good idea.” Cameron said as he passed Hu Chang with Erin. “Hu Chang, I think I’m going to have to tap your medical skills. Erin is going to need some attention.”

“I’ll be in soon,” Hu Chang said. “I believe there’s something that I have to discuss with Catherine. I’m guessing that you didn’t do it on the way here.”

“And interfere with your business? I wouldn’t do that.” His smile had an element of mocking mischief. “But get it over quickly. She’s been through a lot tonight.”

“I should have been with her. I was not pleased when you left here without saying a word.”

“If I’d needed you, I would have used you.” He entered the hut. “Turn off the headlights when you come in. I only left them on so that Catherine could—Ah, that’s what I was expecting.”

Luke had pushed past him and stood in the doorway. “Catherine?”

“Oh, my God.”

She stared at him, stunned. She felt dizzy, drunk … and terrified. She couldn’t breathe. “Luke. What are—”

“I can’t see you. The light’s in my eyes. Are you okay?” He was coming toward her. His hair was mussed, and his expression was strained. “Hu Chang said that we’d get you out safe but then Cameron left and I didn’t—”

“I’m fine.” She ran toward him. “You shouldn’t be here. You have no business—” She touched his hair. It was soft, warm from the fire. “It’s all wrong. You shouldn’t have let him bring you, Luke.” She looked over her shoulder at Hu Chang, and said fiercely, “Dammit, you knew better that to risk him. What insanity led you to do this?”

“He wanted to come,” he said simply. “Sometimes it’s best to follow desire instead of reason.”

“And sometimes it’s better to be responsible and do what’s right. I’m not going to forgive you for this, Hu Chang.”

“Then I must bear the pain.”

“No!” Luke said. “Stop it, Catherine.” His dark eyes were glittering in his taut face. “Don’t you blame Hu Chang. I’m the one who decided I was going to come. I would have come after you whether he’d brought me or not. You were in trouble, and you were alone. I needed to be with you.”

“Tell her why, Luke,” Hu Chang said.

“I can’t tell her what I don’t know. Hu Chang talked a lot of weird stuff about souls speaking and how I had to learn…” He frowned. “Well, I haven’t learned what he wanted me to learn. All I know is that I’m here where I should be, and I’m going to stay with you until it’s over.” He stared her in the eye. “You’re not going to send me away, Catherine.”

“Luke, this is crazy. You’re scaring me to death.” She stared at him helplessly. “You’re my son, you’re only a boy. I can’t stand by and let you—”

“I’ve tried to listen to you, Catherine. But you don’t know me.” He swallowed. “I know who you want me to be. I’ll never be able to be him. I can’t be anyone but me, what I am,” he said unsteadily. “Maybe you could get to like me that way, too. But you can’t do it unless you see me for who I am.”

She gazed at him, stricken. “Luke, I love you. I think you’re wonderful. I’d never want you to be anything you didn’t want to be.”

He repeated, “You don’t
know
me. If you let me stay, maybe you will. I promise I won’t hide anything from you.”

Oh, God, she had the feeling she was on the edge of a precipice. It could be a disaster, or it could be the beginning of something …

She didn’t know. She could only follow Luke’s lead. She was afraid to do anything else. “Look, I have to find a way to keep you safe. But I promise I won’t hide anything from you either.”

He smiled. “You don’t have anything to hide. I knew that from the minute you came to get me from Rakovac. It was all there out front.” He took a step closer and gave her an awkward hug. “I’m glad you’re safe, Catherine. Next time, I’ll be there to watch out for you.” He turned and started to trot back into the hut. He stopped and turned to Hu Chang. “You see that she gets out of the cold. Can’t you see she’s barefoot?”

“It’s been called to my attention.”

She watched as Luke disappeared into the hut. What had happened just now? She was bewildered and frightened, and yet, there was the tiniest seed of hope.

“I only wanted to do what was best for him. I wanted him to have a normal life after what he’d gone through,” she whispered. “But was I doing it for him or for myself? Have I been such a coward that I came close to losing him, Hu Chang?”

“You will have to answer that for yourself,” he said quietly. “I can only say what I’ve told you before. He was born of a remarkable mother, and his hard life honed and sharpened him until he, too, is remarkable. You have to accept that remarkable people have to be allowed their space.”

“And all the rules and guidelines are thrown out the window? I tried so hard to let him know I didn’t want to smother him.”

“He knows that. He’s worked it all out for himself. He’s even put you both in a position where you’ll have to work the rest out together.” He smiled faintly. “You should be proud of him.”

“Proud? I’m terrified.”

“And proud.”

“Yes, I think so.” She was remembering Luke’s expression, his intensity, the sincerity. It had shocked her, but there had also been another sheer primitive emotion that could have been deep maternal pride. “I don’t know. The last thing I needed was to have to start reworking a relationship under these circumstances.” She whirled on him. “And you could have helped. You could have tried to persuade him to stay in Hong Kong.”

“I could have,” he acceded. “But he is your son. Would you have listened and obeyed?”

No, and neither would the boy she had faced tonight.

Hu Chang said softly, “He has been thinking, and waiting, and this was his time.”

“What about Cameron? He got you up here, didn’t he? Why did he permit it?”

“You will have to ask him.”

“But he did know you were bringing Luke?”

“I’m sure you’ve found that it’s difficult to keep anything from Cameron.”

“Why would he—”

“You’re having trouble blaming me, so now you attack Cameron?”

“Why not? He has broad shoulders. I’m sure he can take it.”

“Hu Chang!” It was Luke calling from the doorway.

“Ah, yes, the boy is still concerned about your bare feet.” He waved. “We’re coming. Catherine decided it wasn’t worth her time to chastise me. We’ll be right in.” He reached into the jeep and turned off the headlights. Darkness except for moonlight and the faintest light streaming from the tiny window of the hut. “You’d best hurry. Luke will be upset with me if you’ve developed frostbite. He had a lesson from Cameron earlier on resistance to the elements, but I don’t believe he relates it to you.”

“Cameron, again.” She moved quickly toward the hut. Her feet felt ice-cold now that she had become aware of them. “I don’t want Luke’s learning anything from Cameron.”

“You’ll have a hard time keeping Luke away from him. The fascination has started to take hold.” He shook his head ruefully. “Once that happens, it’s all over.”

“You’re speaking from experience?”

“Yes.”

“It would take a lot to fascinate you.” She stopped at the door. “I have to know about Cameron, Hu Chang.”

“You know more about him than a good many do right now.”

“Bullshit. Not enough. He can do anything with Erin, and he might be as dangerous as Kadmus to her for all I know. I have to know everything if I’m going to protect her.”

He stared at her thoughtfully. “Are you sure that’s all?”

“What do you mean?”

He tilted his head. “It’s no more than I expected. He’s curious about you. He’d naturally make an effort to draw you closer. Fascination…”

She stiffened. “No way. I just have to know. Will you tell me?”

“I’ll consider it. Although there could be some element of threat connected to it.”

“You mean that old chestnut about ‘if I told you, I’d have to kill you’? Cameron’s already used that on me.”

“Really? He threatened you?”

“No, he said he’d try very hard not to kill me.” She smiled recklessly. “So you see, you have nothing to worry about.”

“I’m beginning to see many things.” He opened the door for her. “And one of the things is that you may need more knowledge than I thought necessary to get you through the next weeks.”

“Then talk to me, tell me about Cameron.”

“I’ll consider it,” he repeated. “Now go over to the stove and warm yourself while I go talk to Luke. He was rude to me just now, and that’s not to be tolerated. I must make it clear to him that emotions must be controlled.”

Catherine watched him move across the room to where Luke sat by himself on a pallet before she turned to the corner where Erin was settled. She, too, was lying on a pallet and still covered by the black blanket. But her underclothing had been stripped off and lay in a neat pile beside her.