Live for Me (21 page)

“You don’t have to do that,” I told her. “I’ve got it.”

“I didn’t grow up rich. I can load a damn dishwasher,” she said.

Her platinum hair fell forward in a sleek curtain as she did just that, her crazy long nails clicking against the racks as she filled them.

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

Lizzie didn’t make any motion to join us. She looked like she was in shock. “Does anyone want any coffee?” I asked.

“God, I’d love some,” Sapphire said.

Lizzie nodded, biting her fingernail. Then without warning she said, “Did you think the heroin was bad? Like that black heroin or whatever?”

Sapphire shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s possible. Anytime you inject shit into you it’s possible it’s bad.”

I had finished a sweep of the kitchen collecting trash and after washing my hands I started the coffee machine, patting my phone in my pocket, reassuring myself it was there. No word from Devin but he was probably just arriving at the hospital.

“I was just thinking maybe Kadence was trying to kill G. Or cause a scandal by having someone die at his house.”

Pausing the middle of scooping out coffee grounds from the bag, I waited to hear Sapphire’s opinion. No one was that crazy. Were they?

It was a stupid question. Of course they were. I had encountered crazy, cruel, selfish, plenty of times in my life.

“Who the hell knows?” Sapphire said. “But that seems like a dumbass way to get your man back.”

It made me uncomfortable to hear them talking about his estranged wife. I fervently wished he were actually divorced but I suddenly felt like I had done something wrong. I had slept with a married man. So he was trying to not be married. He was still married. You didn’t just get to decide you weren’t anymore. Only the court did that. It seemed like a justification that he was emotionally done and everything I’d been feeling, all those warm and happy thoughts, seemed dulled by the reality of Kadence. And Cassandra.

So much for bliss.

“G might get back with her. You never know.”

“Girl, you have no fucking tact,” Sapphire said in exasperation. “Do you not see Tiffany standing right here making your skinny ass coffee? She does not want to hear your opinions on G and Kadence.”

Well, she had that right. I definitely did not. Though at the same time, even though it was awkward, I was curious what Devin’s friends thought about Kadence and his relationship with her. If these were his friends. It was hard to really say if there were genuine friendships or if they were just clients.

“Oh. Sorry,” was Lizzie’s apology. She looked at me, still chewing her nail. “How did you meet G?”

“I’m the caretaker here,” I said, taking the carafe and filling it with water. I wasn’t going to let Lizzie’s rudeness bother me. It wasn’t even the worst that was likely to come my way in the future. I figured I should be prepared. “Housesitter. Whatever you want to call me.”

“And you’re fucking him? I mean, not that I blame you, I totally would too, but you know he’s just out of his marriage. He’s going to want to date around.”

My cheeks warmed. I didn’t want to sound naïve or defensive so I just poured the water and said carefully, “Devin and I have talked about our relationship.” What we had said was none of her business. I believed truly and deeply that he loved me. She wasn’t going to ruin how special that felt.

“What are you, a lawyer?”

Jay came in to the kitchen. “Who’s a lawyer? And do I smell coffee?”

My phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out and let them continue talking, grateful Jay had interrupted Lizzie. I had a feeling she was just getting started on interrogating me and I had no interest in going there with her.

It was a text from Devin.

Cass doing ok. Going to transfer her to rehab tomorrow. Sending a car to take everyone to airport. Need to be ready by 3.

“Is that G?” Sapphire asked.

I nodded. “He says Cassandra is okay and they are transferring her to a rehab facility tomorrow. He’s sending a car at 3pm today to take all of you to the airport.”

“Party’s over,” Jay said, shaking his head. “I wonder if that jet for tomorrow night ever got scheduled.”

There was a second text from Devin.

Your jeep is showing up today. Keep a lookout for delivery guy. Xoxo

I liked the added hugs and kisses. They made me feel better about the whole weird situation. Last night was starting to feel like a dream. Like it wasn’t real.

Pouring myself some coffee, I said, “I’m going to take a shower. Does anyone need anything before I go?”

They all shook their heads, Jay already reaching for his own coffee mug.

Back in my room, I saw the used condom on the nightstand and I gingerly picked it up and carried it to the bathroom, lip curled. When I went to get clean clothes and panties from my dresser, I also spotted a blood smear across the pristine white sheets. Apparently I had bled and didn’t realize it. I tore the sheet off and bundled it up. Something about that stain seemed harsh. Why was it the reality of sex wasn’t as romantic in the daylight then it was at night?

But I knew it wasn’t that. It was the uncomfortable feeling that I was alone. That instead of feeling Devin’s arms wrapped around me or having him tease me as he tossed out the condom, I was doing it alone. There was no leisurely breakfast together, no morning sex. I felt selfish and immature for even thinking about myself when Cassandra was in the hospital, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself.

When I came back out, clean and feeling better, Lizzie was also dressed in leather leggings and an oversized sweater hanging off one shoulder. There was a knit cap on her head. She was drinking a glass of white wine. “Some dude just dropped off a jeep. He said G ordered it. Jay signed for it.”

“Oh, okay, thanks.” I was kind of glad I didn’t have to deal with the delivery man. It felt so overblown to have a jeep delivered to coastal Maine.

“Is it for you?” she asked slyly.

“Yes.”

“I knew it. But it was kind of obvious when the license plate says TIFFANY.” She gave me a grin. “I guess being a housesitter isn’t a bad gig.”

“It’s a Christmas gift,” I said. “Devin is very generous.”

“You could call it that.”

She wasn’t going to make me feel cheap about his present. I went to go look at it out the front window. There it was. A Tiffany blue jeep sitting in the driveway, looking very shiny and new. Lizzie was right. The Maine license plate stated TIFFANY on it. That was a little embarrassing. A lot embarrassing. So not me.

“It’s a sweet ride,” Lizzie said.

Damn it. Couldn’t she just leave me alone for five minutes? “It’s very nice.”

“Don’t you ever get excited about anything?” She sounded annoyed. “It’s a fucking car!”

Her annoyance annoyed me. “What am I supposed to do? A cartwheel? Devin’s not even here to see it. And that’s not my personality anyway.”

“What personality?” She stomped off in a huff.

I had no idea why anything I said or did mattered in the slightest to her, but it hurt my feelings. I had a personality. I’d just learned to rein myself in. It caused nothing but trouble to call attention to yourself in the foster system. I couldn’t wait until Lizzie left to go back to New York. I was going to welcome the quiet again after this ridiculous house party.

I texted Devin.

The jeep is beautiful. Thank you. Xoxo

As soon as the guests were gone, I was going to go out in the driveway and sit it in. Smell it’s newness. Touch the seats, the dashboard. Marvel that it was mine. But I didn’t want Lizzie rubbernecking at me while I did it.

Glad you like it. As soon as we get back from NYC we can go get your license.

Wait a minute.

Back from NYC? I thought I was staying here.

What? No, of course not. You’re going with everyone at 3. The car will take you from the airport to my apt and I’ll meet you there tomorrow.

I didn’t now whether to be terrified or excited. I was going to New York City. Just like that.

How long?

Couple days.

What the hell was I supposed to pack? Anxiety gripped me. I called Cat. She answered on the third ring.

“He is taking me to New York. I’m going to puke.”

“What? OMG. That’s amazing. I mean, unless you don’t want to go to New York.”

“I do, but I don’t know what to pack. I don’t have a city wardrobe. I have a thrift shop wardrobe.”

“Lucky for you, that’s in style now.” She added, “So… everything went okay when you got back, obviously.”

I wanted to tell her details, but I was in the front hallway by the main stairs and anyone could walk by at any given moment. I didn’t want to share any of my news where it could possibly be overheard. “Yes, it definitely did. I’ll call you tonight and tell you everything. But I just had to tell you because I’m freaking out.”

“Well, shit, have fun! Don’t freak out. Just enjoy it!”

“You’re right. Thanks.” It wasn’t a vacation since Devin was making arrangements for Cassandra and probably had work to do, but it was still exciting. I was leaving Maine. For the first time ever.

After I hung up I sent another text to Devin. It was important to remember none of this would be happening if Cassandra hadn’t overdosed. I hoped she was totally recovered.

Is Cass ok?

Yeah. She was lucky this time.

I’m glad to hear it.

Me too. I miss you.

That made my heart swell. I missed him too. A whole hell of a lot. I didn’t know how to navigate with his friends. I felt like the poor girl from the backwoods that I was.

Miss you 2. Should I send you a selfie? (

Funny. Love you, owl.

Flying was awful. It would have been scary enough with someone I was comfortable with, but being with a group of strangers who were rich and jaded, it was horrible. I felt like I couldn’t tell them I was worried, and I felt stupid every step of the way when I didn’t know or understand the process.

“What are you doing?” Lizzie snapped at me at one point when I hesitated getting on the plane.

She had run into the back of me when I stopped walking.

It was a miracle they were even letting me board the plane since all I had was my birth certificate and my high school ID card with my picture on it. But it was a private jet, so I guess the rules were different. It was so small though, I panicked when it was time to duck and go inside.

“Go ahead,” I said, stepping to the side on the steps.

“OMG.” She huffed past me, curls flouncing.

Sapphire raised her eyebrows at me. “You ever been on a plane before?”

I shook my head, swallowing hard. “But I’m fine.” It was like walking into a new foster home. I just needed to straighten my spine and do it.

So I did. But that didn’t mean I enjoyed any of the hour long flight. Takeoff was unnatural and terrifying. Looking out the window made me want to hyperventilate. Lizzie and her boyfriend, whose name I still didn’t know, bickered the whole time. Sapphire and Jay slept. I had taken my laptop and I tried to work on my story, but I was distracted by every sound and motion the plane made, sure we were going to drop out of the sky and crash into a field.

When we finally landed I relaxed my shoulders for the first time since takeoff. I stood back and watched and followed behind everyone else as we got off the plane, collected luggage and found the man with the sign that read GOLD. There were a lot of people. Possibly more people than I’d ever encountered in one place at the same time. I clutched my purse, backpack on my shoulders, and felt very small, insignificant. Lizzie had already questioned my lack of luggage, but all I had was my duffel bag and my backpack, so I had opted for the backpack as less conspicuous. Devin had said only a few days, so how much did I really need?

But between Lizzie, Sapphire, and the retrieved luggage from Cassandra’s room, there were eight enormous bags going with us. Designer. I read enough gossip blogs to recognize how expensive the luggage was.

It was then I realized, as we were walking through the airport, that Lizzie and Sapphire were attracting huge amounts of attention. They were both wearing high heels, full makeup, and big sunglasses. Dozens of people were gawking, pointing, snapping pics with their phones. And there were paparazzi. I recognized them by the giant cameras they held, flashes going off as Sapphire turned and gave them a wave, flashing both her nails and her bling.

Jay and No Name Boyfriend strolled behind, Jay in his cashmere coat, looking every inch the millionaire that he was.

In contrast, I felt like people must think I was a ballsy fan who had attached myself to them.

Or that they had adopted me a la the Jolie-Pitts, given that I looked about fourteen years old next to all their glam.

“I love you, Lizzie!” some twenty-year-old guy yelled out.

She blew him a kiss.

It all felt ridiculous.

The car waiting for us was a limo. I stared at it in astonishment.

“Don’t let it freak you out,” Sapphire said, give me a nudge with her elbow and a smile. “It’s just the easiest way to get us all there. Plus the windows are tinted.”

“Don’t you ever get tired of people staring at you?” I asked her. I was being totally sincere. I wouldn’t enjoy it. Not that I wouldn’t enjoy people appreciating my talent, because I would. If I could sell a short story or novel, I’d be all over that shit. But I didn’t want people following my every move and snapping photos of me every time I stepped out of the house.

“Not really. I guess I’m used to it.” She slipped into the limo and I followed her. “Besides, I don’t wear this wig for Jay.”

Lizzie sank into the seat across from us. As soon as the door shut behind the guys she took off her glasses and rubbed her temples. “Holy fuck, I have a headache. I need a drink.”

“Maybe you need to eat something,” her boyfriend said. “You always get bitchy when you’re hungry.”

“Fuck you, Alex,” she said.

Alex? I never would have guessed his name was Alex. He looked like a Joaquin or something with his exotic looks. Alex must have been his real name.

“I rest my case,” was his opinion.

We pulled out of the airport terminal and I strained to see everything around me as we exited. But all I could see was other guys, and apartment buildings jammed alongside the highway. I had never seen buildings that close together or so close to traffic. It was claustrophobic. The car motion was also making me sick, with its gunning of the engine, then slamming of the brakes. The man driving never looked back, never spoke to any of us. There was a man in the passenger seat who appeared to be some kind of security guard given that he’d met us at the plane and escorted us the whole way.