Little White Lies (11 page)

I hated that he was the one apologizing right now. I
should have been the one telling
him
the truth. “It's cool,” I said. “Forget about it.”

As we walked together, I loved how good it felt to be with him. Maybe I had been confused for a minute or two—thinking I might still have feelings for Jacob. But it had only been because Jacob had been the first guy I'd ever liked. There was history between us and now the
only
thing I felt for Jacob was friendship.

“How are you feeling now about the YENT?” Eric asked. “I could tell you were tense this week.”

I slowed a little. “I'm feeling better. At first, I couldn't stop being intimidated by Heather and Jas. It messed up Charm and we fell apart.”

“But you know you've got nothing to worry about. You were chosen for the YENT, Sash. Mr. Conner and Mr. Nicholson both know how good you are.”

We stopped by a bench and sat down. I snuggled against Eric's shoulder—he rubbed my upper arm.

“How are your classes?” I asked Eric.

“They're all pretty good so far,” he said. “I like science a lot. Callie and I sit next to each other and text whenever the teacher does something dumb.”

“Oh,” I said, trying to laugh. But it made me nervous that they were texting! “Like what?”

Eric grinned. “A couple of days ago, he was supposed to pass out a study sheet for a quiz we're going to have next week.”

I nodded.

“Except he accidentally handed out one answer sheet to the quiz and everyone started passing it around.”

“Omigod! Did he get it back?”

“Yeah, some girl got it and turned it in. He canceled the quiz, obviously.”

“Score for you, then.”

Eric rubbed his hand over the back of my head. “What about you? Things okay with classes with the YENT schedule and everything?”

“So far. I mean, we haven't started prepping for a show yet, so I don't know how that's going to be. But I'll deal with it when we get there. Our first show is going to be a schooling show, so that'll be a nice transition into competition season.”

“Definitely. And Mr. Conner said he'd give the advanced team our first show date soon. I'd love to practice with you on the weekends, if that's cool.”

I smiled. “You better.”

“Let's get you back to your dorm before you're too tired to practice at all,” Eric said.

I sighed. “Ugh—but true; if I don't get my beauty rest I'll do so poorly at practice Mr. Conner will kick me out for good.”

Eric laughed and reached out a hand to pull me up. “Totally. And then I'd never see you again, which would be devastating.”

I mock-rolled my eyes. “Uh-huh. I'm sure.”

We walked back to Winchester and I started up the stairs, but Eric grabbed my hand, pulling me back gently and turning me toward him.

He leaned into me and our lips touched. I waited for the overwhelming feeling of sparkles and the tiny shock waves that I always felt when Eric's lips were against mine. But I felt … nothing. I pulled back, trying not to show the disappointment on my face.

“'Night,” Eric said, smiling. “Text you tomorrow.”

Wait a sec. He didn't feel that?! He couldn't have missed how off that kiss was. Unless … it was just me. OMG. I was so freaked out about my lies that I couldn't even enjoy kissing my own boyfriend anymore.

“Bye.”

I stood outside long after he'd walked away, trying to figure out what had just happened. And what it meant for us.

ON SATURDAY, THE ONLY THING I WANTED TO
do was trail ride with Charm and get away from everyone. I didn't feel like working in the arena, but Mr. Conner would never let me go by myself.

“You sure you're okay?” Paige asked. “We could go to the movies or watch a DVD. You could ride later.”

“Can we do that after?” I asked. “That sounds great, but I need to work Charm for a while.”

Paige nodded. “Okay. Later for sure.”

I left Winchester and walked to the stable. Inside the tack room, I gathered Charm's tack. We'd just have to work in the arena. The door pushed open and Heather walked inside. I wondered … no way. She'd
never
say yes to trail riding with me. And did I even want to go with Heather Fox?

Yes.

I was desperate.

“I want to trail ride,” I said. “But no one else can go. Want to come with me?”

Heather glanced up from the stirrup leather she was adjusting on Aristocrat's saddle. She stared at me for a second. “Sure. But only because Jasmine took over the arena and I don't want to see her face.”

I nodded. “Ditto. Leave in twenty?”

“Fifteen,” Heather said. “You're not eighty, Grandma.”

“Make it ten.”

I groomed Charm and tacked him up. Exactly ten minutes later, I met Heather outside the stable. We mounted our horses and started for the woods. It was barely ten and there was still a slight coolness in the air. We let the horses amble at an easy walk—I wasn't in any hurry to get back to campus.

As we entered the woods and the sounds of campus disappeared, I felt my tension slip away. I could finally breathe. Heather didn't know anything that was going on and she was pretty much the only person I hadn't lied to. This had to be one of the weirdest moments I'd had at Canterwood. Ever.

“So, what's wrong with you, Silver?” Heather asked.

Okay, so I'd been able to relax for about five seconds.

“What? Nothing's wrong.”

Heather peered at me from under the brim of her helmet. “You're the worst liar. Really. Or I'm just way smarter than you.” She smirked. “Both are true, actually.”

The trail started to wind through the woods and we were about to reach the open meadow that was flat and perfect for galloping.

“You're delusional,” I said lightly. “Want to race at the field?”

Heather edged Aristocrat closer to Charm. “How many times do we have to play this game? I
know
something's up and you deny it. Eventually, you crack and fess up. I'm
always
right. So just spill already and quit wasting my time.”

I didn't know if I wanted to push her off Aristocrat or tell her everything just because I needed someone—anyone—to talk to.

“Guess what? You
can
be wrong. And this time you are.”

But she was right. Like always.

The horses walked a few more strides down the dirt trail before Heather sighed. “Okay, fine.
I'll
tell you what's going on.”

My fingers tightened around Charm's reins. “Go for it.”

Heather looked over, her blue eyes settling on me. “You haven't been making googly eyes at Eric all week, or smiling for no reason,
and
you're not giggling on the phone every five seconds. So, basically, I haven't been nauseous for a week.”

I forced myself not to show even the slightest reaction. I knew Heather pretty well by now. But she still surprised me sometimes with her accuracy. Like, scary accurate.

“Maybe I haven't had time to be ‘googly-eyed,'” I said. “School just started on Monday and you know how crazy things are. No one has time for anything.”

Heather loosened the reins and let Aristocrat stretch his neck. “You haven't seen your boyfriend all summer. Why aren't you following him around everywhere?”

“I never followed him around. And things are
perfect
between Eric and me. We iChatted all summer, text a lot, and we're really happy.”

Charm snorted and I leaned down to rub his neck. It was still cool since we were under the shade of the trees.

Heather slowed Aristocrat and turned to me. “Yeah. And you'd be even happier if you weren't into Jacob.”

Heather's words, even at a normal tone, seemed to echo
through the woods as if she'd yelled them. Something twisted in my stomach. She was wrong.

“Jacob's with Callie,” I said, my voice quiet. “I'm dating Eric and I like him. I'd never go after my best friend's boyfriend.”

“Unlike Callie,” she spat.

My stomach did a somersault, remembering the moment I'd found out Callie and Jacob were together. But that was history. Ancient history.

Heather looked at me, her gaze softening. “I didn't ask you if you'd try to get Jacob back. I said you liked him. You didn't deny that.”

I stared at her. My mouth opened and for seconds, nothing came out.

“I do not like Jacob in that way,” I said. “If I ever did, I'd be a horrible friend. And Eric is amazing. He's the perfect guy for me. Jacob and I wouldn't have worked out.”

“How do you know?” Heather asked. “If some … things hadn't happened, you might still be together.”

I paused. I'd never considered that scenario. Not once. Jacob and me—still together. No Eric. I couldn't even imagine what that would be like.

“I guess I don't know,” I said, my voice almost a whisper. “But it doesn't matter.”

Heather nodded and we let the horses trot down the path. Their hooves were muffled against the dirt trail and we twisted and turned through the woods.

We reached the meadow and drew the horses to a halt. Charm and Aristocrat eyed each other—both horses knew what the field meant.

“Fine, let's race,” Heather said. “But you have to admit one thing first.” She grinned.

I made a face. “What?”

“You totally don't like Jacob—whatever. But the boy is hot. Say it.” Heather dropped Aristocrat's knotted reins on his neck and folded her arms, waiting for my answer.

I rolled my head from side to side, stretching the tension from my neck.

“Fine,” I said, finally. “I agree. Happy?”

There. At least I hadn't said directly that Jacob was hot.

And with that, I heeled Charm forward and shoved my hands along his neck. Charm leaped into a gallop, darting away from Heather and Aristocrat.

“Silver!” Heather yelled. “You're dead!” Hoof beats thundered behind Charm and me and I lowered myself over his neck, giving him all the rein he wanted. Aristocrat and Heather never had a chance to catch us.

WHEN I GOT BACK TO MY ROOM, PAIGE WAS
sprawled on her stomach with her laptop in front of her on her bed.

“Whatcha doing?” I asked. I wondered if maybe now was the time to tell her everything. She'd know how to fix this. And I knew Paige—she could handle listening to me and not project my fears onto her relationship with Ryan.

She grinned. “IMing with Ryan.”

My plan to tell her evaporated. Again. I had to stop going back and forth—I was being ridiculous. I needed to stick with my decision. I was
not
going to do that to Paige when she was just getting into her own relationship. Paige had been all about school, volunteering, and
hobbies—never about being boy-crazy. She'd liked a boy before she'd come to Canterwood, but she'd gone away to school before she'd had a chance to see if anything would happen. Ryan was her first shot at a real boyfriend.

“Oooh,” I said in a teasing voice. “I'll leave you two alone.”

Paige rolled her eyes. “Oh, please. Don't go. You just got here. I'll totally be done in a few minutes and we could go see a movie.”

“That's cool,” I said. “I'm just going to go to the common room for, like, half an hour to catch up on a reading assignment. Come get me when you're done.”

Paige looked up from her computer screen. “'Kay.”

I grabbed
The Secret Garden
and swiped a notebook. I had to take notes for Mr. Davidson's class. It made me feel less nervous if I went into the class discussion with a few notes on what I wanted to say.

When I got to the common room, I curled up in the window seat and opened my notebook. The lies swirled in my head and I tried to force them out of my brain. I really should have been reading, but I couldn't focus.

“Oooh, writing in your diary?”

I looked up at Jasmine as she walked into the room. Her eyes were on my journal. “Journaling about
The Secret
Garden
for English,” I said. “Want to read my deepest, darkest thoughts about Colin and Mary?”

Jas snorted. “I'll pass, thanks.” She grabbed a Sprite from the fridge and left.

My gaze went back to the window and I don't know how long I stared outside before Paige came inside. At least fall break wasn't too far away. I'd be able to escape from everything and have fun with Paige in New York—it was exactly what I needed.

“Get a lot done?” she asked.

I stood, nodding. “A lot. Let me grab my purse and we can go.”

Paige followed me back to our room. “How was your ride? What'd you do?” she asked.

“Trail ride,” I said. “I should have practiced, but I didn't feel like it.” I picked up my purse and put it over my shoulder.

“You deserve to trail ride,” Paige said. “You love it and so does Charm. You guys practice all week—a break is okay.”

“Yeah,” I said. “But guess who I went with.”

Paige slowed as we left our room and walked down the Winchester hallway. “Callie?”

“Nope.”

“Eric?”

“Wrong.” I laughed. “Keep going.”

“Not …” Paige paused, looking at me sideways. “Not Heather or Jasmine.”

I nodded. “Heather.”

Paige grabbed my arm. “No way! Wow, you must have been totally desperate. She's”—Paige swallowed—“still alive, right?”

I laughed. “Yes! She's fine. It wasn't bad. We didn't talk, really. Just rode out to the field and raced.”

Paige looked at me. “You won, didn't you? I can tell.”

“I totally won.”