Little Black Girl Lost (15 page)

T
he couple spent the entire day together, going from store to store, looking for a dress to wear to the funeral. Johnnie found a black dress, a hat with a veil, black shoes, a black pearl necklace, and a black purse. Lucas, like most men who shopped with women, was bored and frustrated by the endless shopping, and the New Orleans heat made him even more impatient. Johnnie, however, had no idea how frustrated he was because Lucas never let her see it. He was her friend and she needed him.

When they finished shopping, they ate lunch and drank ice cold lemonade in Jackson Square. Johnnie and Lucas were eating Po boy sandwiches they had purchased from Mr. Big Stuff's restaurant. Johnnie told Lucas her plan to get her brother to let her stay in New Orleans.

Lucas didn't want her to leave any more than she did. Although he thought her plan would work, the possibility of it not working and losing her terrified him. He had fallen hard for Johnnie, and believed she had sincere feelings for him too.

It was dark now. The muggy heat felt like a ball and chain they had to carry from place to place. Having been scorched all day, they decided to go to an air-conditioned theater to get out of the sweltering heat. They didn't care what movie was playing. They just wanted to enjoy the cool air, if only for a couple of hours.
A Street Car Named Desire
was being shown at a local theatre.

While the movie played, Lucas found himself thinking intensely about Johnnie's success, which troubled him.
I don't even have a job and Johnnie already has her own house. She even has stocks and shit. And she's got plenty of money. She even bought me a new suit. She paid for the movie tickets, the popcorn, and the soda. How am I going to keep her happy without any money? Earl buys her everything. What can I buy her that she doesn't already have? Nothing! Instead, I'm stealing roses from the Quarter to give to her. I've got to do something to impress her. I gotta get a job or she'll never leave that cracker!

Johnnie was deeply engrossed in the film version of the Tennessee Williams play. The Blanche Dubois character, brilliantly brought to life by Vivien Leigh, mesmerized her. It was like watching her future being portrayed for all to see. She understood Blanche Dubois because in many ways, their lives were mirror images of each other. Both women started their lives one way and ended up another. Both women possessed haughty ideas about themselves and were brought down to a baseness that was uncharacteristic of how they saw themselves. Both women had to lie to themselves to keep at least a measure of respectability.

Johnnie wondered if she too would end up like Blanche Dubois, a used-up woman whose beauty was fading to black, after opening many doors that were now closed; a woman who had it all and lost it; a woman who was desperate to find somebody, anybody to accept and take care of her despite her depraved past. Blanche's tragic end was a malignant insanity, brought about by a self-righteousness that turned her world of base sexual activity into a magical kingdom, complete with a straight-jacket and a rubber room. As the credits rolled, a river of tears ran down Johnnie's face. She wiped her eyes with the napkins she picked up at the popcorn and soda stand.

They walked to the car quietly, both of them in deep thought. Johnnie was still comparing her life to that of Blanche Dubois and even her mother's, wondering if she, too, would end up dead in this dog eat dog world. She felt insecure for the first time in a while. With her mother gone, all she had left was Earl, the man who started her on the path she was on, and Lucas, who was so smitten with her he accepted her as she was. Johnnie decided she would hold on to Lucas for as long as he wanted her.

“J
ohnnie, you wanna drive?” Lucas asked.

“Now?” Johnnie asked, snapping out of her thoughts.

“No time like the present, as they say.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” Lucas said, reassuring her. “I learned to drive at night too. It's easier. Less traffic.”

“Okay,” Johnnie said, suddenly invigorated.

When Lucas got out of the car and walked around to the other side, Johnnie slid over behind the wheel. She had carefully watched him drive all day. Even though she was nervous, she believed she could do it.

“I gotta push the pedal here every time I shift, right?”

“Yeah. It's called the clutch,” Lucas said. “The hardest part to learn is how to take off. Put your foot on the clutch and the brake at the same time.” She did. “Now shift into first.”

“Where's first at?” Johnnie asked, grabbing the stick.

“Look at the knob on the stick.”

She did.

“See the drawing?”

“Uh-huh.”

“That tells you where all the gears are.”

“So, first is straight up?”

“Yeah.”

“You want me to put it in first now?”

“Yeah.”

She tried to move the stick up, but it wouldn't move. Confused, Johnnie said, “It won't move, Lucas.”

“That's because you in neutral,” he said, finally feeling like he had something to contribute to their wonderful day together. “First is over, then up.”

“Okay.” She moved the stick over, then up. She felt the car ease forward just a bit. A broad smile flashed across her face. “Now what?”

“Take your foot off the pedal and the brake.”

She did, and the car jerked forward a couple of times then stalled.

“What happened?” she asked, confused.

“I just wanted you to see what happens if you don't have your foot on either the clutch or the brake. To keep that from happening again, you have to take your foot off the brake and put it on the gas pedal.”

“Okay,” Johnnie said nervously. “You want me to do it now?”

“Yeah.”

She did.

“Now press on the gas and ease off the clutch at the same time.”

She tried, but the engine revved loudly.

“That's okay,” Lucas said. “Everybody does that. That's why I wanted you to see what happens when you do it wrong. Try again.”

She did. This time Johnnie lifted her foot off the clutch too fast. The car jerked forward and stalled again.

“Don't worry about it,” Lucas said. “You'll get it. Just keep trying.”

Johnnie started the car for the third time, determined to get it right this time. She eased off the clutch, pressing the gas just enough to go forward without stalling. She was elated.

Lucas had her stop the car and start it about twenty times in the parking lot before he was sure she could do it consistently.

Johnnie felt confident now too.

“Well, you ready to get on the road?” Lucas asked.

“Yeah,” Johnnie said, exhilarated.

“Just remember to clutch and shift. Clutch and shift, okay?”

“Okay.”

A
fter an hour or so of almost flawless driving, Johnnie asked Lucas if he wanted see her house. Johnnie only stalled once on the way to Ashland Estates, but she was getting better as they drove, clutching and shifting all the way, feeling for the first time in a while like the teenager she was. She turned onto Imagination Drive then into her driveway. She stopped the car and kept the engine running while Lucas opened the garage door.

He twisted the handle and heard the metal on the inside slide over and lock into place. Then he raised the door and got out of the way. Lucas closed the garage door after Johnnie drove the car in, and they went into the house.

“Would you like something to drink?” Johnnie asked as they walked into the kitchen.

“Yeah, what do you have?”

She opened the refrigerator and looked inside. “I've got Coke, water, and orange juice. You know what? I think I should invest in one of the Florida orange companies. I think I will.”

“I'll have a Coke,” he said ruefully.

Sensing something was bothering him, Johnnie said, “What's wrong, Lucas? Didn't you have fun today?”

“Yeah, Johnnie,” he said, still somber. “But it bothers me that you paid for everything. You've got this big house in this rich neighborhood. You got all these stocks and money. I ain't even got two nickels to rub together.”

Seeing the disappoinment in his eyes and wanting to reassure him, she took his hand into hers and kissed it. “Lucas, when you put your trust in me that day at the school park, I told you then I would be your girl, didn't I?”

“Yes, you did, but it don't make me feel like a man when you got money and I don't.”

“You wanna buy me things like the rose you gave me today. I understand. But if it bothers you that much, maybe you should get a job after school. You graduate in June anyway. You gotta get a job sometime.”

Lucas bowed his head when she mentioned the stolen rose. He thought since they were on the subject, he might as well 'fess up. “Listen, Johnnie. You know that rose I gave you?”

“Yes.”

“I stole it.”

“What?” she said, a little shocked. “Lucas, you didn't have to do that.”

“That's just it, Johnnie. I feel like I do. Here you are livin' high on the hog in this big beautiful house. You got money, a house, and a car—everything. What do I have to offer you? Nothin', that's what. I'm thinkin' if I don't do something, you ain't gon' wanna be with me.”

“Lucas, don't you realize you're the only person in my life that cares for me—the real me? I need you, Lucas. Please don't be ashamed. I've decided that you're who I want and no one else. As far as I'm concerned, I'm yours as long as you want me.”

“For real?”

“For real,” Johnnie assured him and stretched her neck up to kiss him.

They embraced each other as their desire increased. Little by little, the kiss became deeper until finally, their sexual urges took over. Out of control, they pulled and tugged at each other's clothes. Lucas opened her blouse and unhooked her black bra. He lifted the cups and took her silver dollar-sized nipples into his hungry mouth. A sigh found its way out of her open mouth as her neck relaxed and fell backward. The taste of her nipple made him bite down ever so gently, yet with ravenous yearning.

Johnnie's sighs were coming at regular intervals. She had never felt anything like what she was feeling now, not even in her lust-filled fantasies about him. Johnnie took his face into her soft hands and licked his lips. She could feel his powerful erection against her pelvis. He pulled her even closer with a crushing, passionate embrace that made her feel safe. Suddenly, she pulled away.

“What's wrong?” Lucas said desperately.

“Let's go upstairs.”

Lucas wanted her right there, but he agreed and they left the kitchen. Before they could get upstairs, he turned her around and kissed her deeply again.

Johnnie knew he would take her soon, but she wanted to get in the bed. She pulled away and ran upstairs, knowing he'd come after her. She laughed when she heard him run behind her.

They rushed up the stairs, their lust ever growing. Johnnie ducked into the bedroom and let him catch her. She pulled off Lucas' T-shirt then finished removing her blouse and bra. When he saw her breasts, the blood flow to his member increased.

Lucas was powerfully built with thick, muscled biceps, a deep chest and a rippling abdomen. When he took off his pants, his hard rod bulged outward. They watched each other pull off their underwear, admiring each other's bodies.

Johnnie's eyes dropped to his throbbing rod. It was long and thick. Just looking at it made her want him inside her even more. She was extremely wet now. “I have something for you,” Johnnie said, breaking the silence.

“What?”

“A prophylactic.”

“A what?”

“You know. A condom. A rubber.”

“Oh, okay.”

She went over to the nightstand and pulled one out. After handing it to him, she slid into bed and waited for him.

Lucas opened the condom, slid it down as far as he could, and got in bed, climbing on top of her. He looked at the headboard and saw the winged angels blowing their trumpets. He moved his thick member around until he found her opening and pushed himself in. She was still tight to him, even being as wet as she was. He pushed forward. Her moan was soft but sounded a little pained.

“You all right?” he asked, concerned about her comfort.

“Yes,” she said.

He gently pushed forward a little more, not wanting to cause any more pain.

Johnnie clenched her teeth as he went further and deeper inside. Right away, she began to compare the only two men she had ever known. Lucas was much bigger, she thought.

Finally, he was in as far as he could go, and with each stroke, the pain subsided more and more until she felt pleasure. She began to moan, softly at first, then louder and much more uncontrolled. The exquisite pleasure overwhelmed her. She wrapped her legs around his waist and met each of his thrusts with her own. Her hips were so strong that when she pumped, she was almost lifting them both off the bed.

Johnnie felt herself reaching an orgasm and kept the same furious pace until she exploded violently. She could feel Lucas' heart pounding through his chest. His thrusts continued at a feverish pace. Johnnie kept pace with him until finally, he too exploded violently. As his breathing returned to normal, she urged him to get up and take the rubber off.

Lucas went into the adjacent bathroom and flushed the condom down the toilet. He looked at himself in the mirror and smiled triumphantly. He had made love with Johnnie and it was great. But his sexual thirst hadn't been quenched, so he went back into the bedroom and grabbed another condom.