Lisa Lutz Spellman Series E-Book Box Set: The Spellman Files, Curse of the Spellmans, Revenge of the Spellmans, The Spellmans Strike Again (143 page)

I
f you’ve been paying attention, you know that certain family issues have remained unresolved. The weekend following the bridal shower, we had one more torturous meal and a lengthy dinner negotiation in which most primary matters were finally settled.

David had only one agenda item for the evening: figuring out how my parents could keep their house. He wrote down a number on a piece of paper and handed it to my father. David repeated his zero-interest loan offer to help with the mortgage, which my father rejected.

“How is it that you have all this money, David?” Mom asked.

David shrugged his shoulders as if it were also a mystery to him.

“We don’t need all this space with Rae going away to college,” Mom said.

“I’m not going away,” Rae replied.

“You were accepted at Yale,” Mom said. “That’s quite a commute.”

It’s true. Yale did accept Rae, even after she informed them of her legal troubles.

“I sent them a rejection letter,” Rae replied. “I’m going to Berkeley and living at home,” she said with a tone of finality there was no point in arguing with.

“You can retract your rejection letter to Yale,” my mom said.

Rae chuckled to herself. “You wouldn’t say that if you read it.”

My mother glared at Rae. “You should have consulted me first.”

“Would it make you feel any better if I told you that Fred’s going to Berkeley too?”

It made everyone feel better, but no one admitted it except Maggie.

“I think that’s great. And I’d be happy to give you some part-time work if you behave yourself and stay out of my desk.”

“See? Everything is going according to plan,” Rae said.

If you thought about it, it was going according to Rae’s plan.

“So, what do you say?” David asked. “According to Isabel, business has improved since Harkey skipped town. You can stay in the house if you want to.”

I decided that someone had to be the voice of reason and point out at least one drawback of this plan.

“That means four more years of Rae under the same roof.”

My father sighed and nodded, as if taking in the full meaning of the situation. Rae was oblivious to the inherent insult in this line of conversation and interjected her own demands.

“I want to move into the attic apartment. I need more space,” she said.

“Don’t we all,” I replied.

Over the blandest sponge cake in the history of desserts, a deal was brokered. Between Rae staying local, the new business from Harkey’s absence, and a generous no-interest loan from David, 1799 Clay Street would remain in the Spellman name. While all our lives moved forward it was comforting to have one thing remain the same.

I suppose there are a few other things I should mention. I almost suffered a housing crisis of my own. Bernie and Daisy broke up for good. Although I never got the complete story, it had something to do with a poker game that went on for two weeks, and while it wasn’t mentioned, I have a feeling hookers played into the saga as well. Just when my old friend tried to be “roomies” again, Henry suggested I move in with him.

I agreed and immediately bought one of those vacuums that look like science fiction pets. They roam your apartment sucking dirt on a random and endless loop. I figured that would partially compensate for any extra messes I made. I named it Arthur. I thought Henry would take a liking to Arthur, but he didn’t. Still, Arthur seemed a key ingredient in the success of our relationship, so I insisted that he stick around. Sometimes I pet Arthur and talk to him like he’s my dog.

Until the end of Rae’s probation, I would go to the community garden at least once a week. On my last visit there, the entire staff was wearing
JUSTICE 4 MERRI-WEATHER
T-shirts. When I drove Rae home, she asked me if I finally forgave her for the “file-room incident,” as we would forever call it. I told her I did. Then she told me that she’d left a hundred more T-shirts of varying sizes in the trunk of my car. I asked her how she got the keys, but she didn’t answer. I did, however, finally discover how Rae always managed to have an unlimited supply of slogan wear. Fred Finkel’s dad, it turns out, is the business-logo king of Oakland.

I was glad for the shirts, but in truth, they were a constant reminder to me that Merriweather wasn’t free.

Rae graduated high school without event. Although I’m fairly certain she was involved in an elaborate senior prank that turned the bushes in front of the school into papier-mâché igloos. As with almost everything she does, she got away with it. Fred took her to senior prom. I made sure dozens of photos were snapped. While she looked lovely in my estimation, I could only hope that years of fashion evolution would one day make this particular outfit an embarrassment worthy of blackmail. Perhaps you think I should be beyond all that, but I’m still me. Any more personal growth and I might become unrecognizable. We wouldn’t want that, would we?

F
our months after he returned to San Francisco, Morty died in the hospital with his friends and family by his side. I don’t know what his last words to Ruthy were, but his last ones to me were, “We have an agreement.
Capisce
?”

“‘
Capisce
’?” I said. “When have you ever used that word before?”

“An agreement is an agreement.”

I couldn’t argue with him. About that agreement …

I wore a light-blue sundress in the middle of a particularly chilly fall. My attire was a shock amid the crowd full of dark mourning attire. Ruth understood that my clothing was a sign of respect, even if most of the congregation found it unusual. I stood in front of the synagogue and explained that the words I was about to speak were not mine but Morty’s. I further explained that if anyone found the words inappropriate for the occasion, they should take it up with him.

When I stepped outside, a thick layer of fog had rolled in that sent a chill through me. Henry gave me his coat and we moved on to the next phase of Morty’s memorial, which naturally involved consuming large amounts of deli food.

Because Morty wrote his own eulogy, I never had the chance to write my own. My eulogy would have been brief. I would have mentioned all the good work he had done in his lifetime, including keeping me out of jail. I would have thanked him for all the lunches, even the ones I didn’t enjoy. And I would have told him that I learned many things from knowing him. For instance, you should keep dental floss on you at all times; when your eyesight goes, quit driving; don’t keep too many secrets, eventually they’ll eat away at you. But the most valuable lesson he taught me was this: Every day we get older, and some of us get wiser, but there’s no end to our evolution. We are all a mess of contradictions; some of our traits work for us, some against us.

And this is what I figured out on my own: Over the course of a lifetime, people change, but not as much as you’d think. Nobody really grows up. At least that’s my theory; you can have your own.

Dossiers

Albert Spellman

Age: 65

Occupation: Private investigator

Physical characteristics: Six foot three; large (used to be larger, but doctor put him on a diet); oafish; mismatched features; thinning brown/gray hair; gives off the general air of a slob, but the kind that showers regularly.

History: Onetime SFPD forced into early retirement by a back injury. Went to work for another retired-cop-turned-private-investigator, Jimmy O’Malley. Met his future wife, Olivia Montgomery, while on the job. Bought the PI business from O’Malley and has kept it in the family for the last thirty-five years.

Bad Habits: Has lengthy conversations with the television; lunch.

Olivia Spellman

Age: 57

Occupation: Private investigator

Physical characteristics: Extremely petite; appears young for her age; quite attractive; shoulder-length auburn hair (from a bottle); well groomed.

History: Met her husband while performing an amateur surveillance on her future brother-in-law (who ended up not being her future brother-in-law). Started Spellman Investigations with her husband. Excels in pretext calls and other friendly forms of deceit.

Bad Habits: Willing to break laws to meddle in children’s lives; likes to record other people’s conversations.

Rae Spellman

Age: 17̳

Occupation: Senior in high school/assistant private investigator

Physical characteristics: Petite like her mother; appears a few years younger than her age; long, unkempt sandy blond hair; freckles; tends to wear sneakers so she can always make a run for it.

History: Blackmail; coercion; junk-food obsession; bribery.

Bad Habits: Too many to list.

David Spellman

Age: 35

Occupation: Lawyer

Physical characteristics: Tall, dark, and handsome.

History: Honor student; class valedictorian; Berkeley undergrad; Stanford law. You know the sort.

Bad Habits: Makes his bed every morning; excessively fashionable; wears pricey cologne; drinks moderately; reads a lot; keeps up on current events; exercises.

Henry Stone

Age: 45

Occupation: San Francisco police inspector

History: Was the detective on the Rae Spellman missing persons case three years ago. Before that, I guess he went to the police academy, passed some test, married some annoying woman, and did a lot of tidying up.

Bad Habits: Doesn’t eat candy; keeps a clean home.

Mort Schilling

Age: 85

Occupation: Semiretired defense attorney

Physical characteristics: Short with scrawny legs and small gut; enormous Coke-bottle glasses; not much hair.

History: Worked as a defense attorney for forty years. Married to Ruth for almost sixty years.

Bad Habits: Sucks his teeth; talks too loud; stubborn.

Maggie Mason

Age: 36

Occupation: Defense attorney

Physical characteristics: Tall; slender; long, unkempt brown hair.

History: Dated Henry Stone; they broke up. Rae introduced her to David, and they began dating.

Bad Habits: Keeping baked goods in pockets; saying “you people”; camping.

Connor O’Sullivan (Ex-boyfriend #12)

Age: 39

Occupation: Barkeep

Physical characteristics: Tall; dark haired; blue eyed; a little too handsome for his own good.

History: Took over the Philosopher’s Club from previous owner Milo.

Bernie Peterson

Age: Old

Occupation: Drinking, gambling, smoking cigars, annoying sublet tenants.

Physical characteristics: A giant mass of human (sorry, I try not to look too closely).

History: Was a cop in San Francisco; retired; married an ex-showgirl; moved to Las Vegas; moved back to San Francisco when she cheated on him; reconciled; moved back to Las Vegas. Repeat.

Bad Habits: Imagine every bad habit you’ve ever recognized. Bernie probably has it.

And, for the hell of it, I’ll do me:

Isabel Spellman

Age: 32

Occupation: Private investigator/one-time bartender

Physical characteristics: Tall; not skinny, not fat; long brown hair; nose; lips; eyes; ears. All the usual features. Fingers, legs, that sort of thing. I look okay, let’s leave it at that.

History: Recovering delinquent; been working for Spellman Investigations since the age of twelve.

Bad Habits: None.

Answers to Demetrius Quiz

1) A and D

2) True and False

3) C

4) D?

5) C

6) A

7) C

8) C!

9) D

10) C

Answers to Bridal Shower Quiz

1)
Penthouse

2) Three times. However, he uses an at-home whitening kit at least once a month.

3) Little toe

4) I don’t know. I’m still trying to find out.

5) Slayer

I’ve set a precedent for lengthy acknowledgments, but this time I’m going to cut back. Most of these people have been thanked at length in the previous documents. Please note: I am not in any way feeling less grateful this time around, I simply want you to get through this page without requiring a nap or a lunch break.

First and foremost, I must thank my brilliant editor, Marysue Rucci, and my amazing agent, Stephanie Kip Rostan. You both are not just colleagues, but friends. I am very lucky.

Many other wonderful people at S&S must be acknowledged: Carolyn Reidy, David Rosenthal (aka Dr. Ira), Victoria Meyer, Deb Darrock, Aileen Boyle, Sophie Epstein, Michael Selleck, Leah Wasielewski, Jonathan Evans, and Nicole De Jackmo; and my new publicity team, Julia Prosser and Danielle Lynn. You all have been very good to me and I am extremely grateful.