Lipstick and Lies (30 page)

‘Oops, sorry.’
She righted the glass.

‘No harm done,’ I said coolly
,
before taking the drink from her.
‘So did you
have a good time at Laura’s?’

Selina met my gaze head on.
‘Great thanks.’

I wondered how Selina was going to ditch Ethan tomorrow
in order to see Stevie
.
I
didn’t have long to find out.

‘
Laura and
I go back a couple of decades.
She’s between husbands at the moment
,
so has loads of free time on her hands.
She gets pretty lonely herself.
In fact,’ Selina turned to Ethan, ‘I completely forgot to mention it darling, but Laura is very k
een to see me again tomorrow.’

‘Are fiancés included?
’ Ethan attempted playfulness.

‘Of course,’ Selina beamed
.
‘
Laura is absolutely
longing to be introduced
.
After all, s
he’s heard so much about you.’

Calling Ethan’s bluff
,
eh?
M
y forehead muscles clung on to my eyebrows
,
lest they sh
o
t off my forehead.
Clever move Selina.
I focussed on the Starters.
But would inviting Ethan along be a gamble that paid off?
As I waited to find out, m
y eyes roved across the
menu
wi
thout absorbing a single dish.

‘Another time,’ Ethan patted Selina’s hand.
‘I’m still feeling pretty jet
-
lagged and would much prefer to veg out at home.
You go and have fun’

‘Only if you don’t mind sweetums,’ Selina squeezed Ethan’s hand, ‘
because
I wouldn’t
want you to feel abandoned.’

‘I won’t,’ Ethan assured.
‘Spend as long as you like with Laura.
Just so long as you’re home
for me to tuck you up in bed.’

I stared grimly at
some blurb
about a lamb dish
.
The
frilly
description
and niceties of buttered cabbage completely bypass
ed
me.
Watching Selina duping Ethan was
sickening to witness.
What a manipulative bitch.

‘I’ll definitely be back for bedtime,’ Selina giggled
, before leaning into
Ethan.
She whispered something in his ear
,
and he visibly melted.
Putty in her hands.
Where had I seen that before?
Ah yes, wh
en Stevie had been around her.

‘So,’ I put the menu down again, ‘what do you and Laura hav
e on the agenda for tomorrow?’

Selina looked taken aback that I should be so interested in her plans, but rallied.
Clearly she was under the impression I was making an effort at being friendly.
T
olerating
her.

‘Oh, this and that,’ she shrugged
,
but failed to expand.

‘I love Sundays,’ I enthused.
‘Indeed I plan to be out all day tomorrow.
Lots of fresh air!’

Jamie looked slightly alarmed.
This was news to him.
‘Er, darling,
I don’t know what you have in mind but
there’s a very important football match I’d li
ke to catch up with tomorrow–’

‘No problem,’ I waved my hand airily
.
‘I’m meeting up with Nell and Morag
,
so your footie is quite safe.’

‘Oh good,’ Jamie visibly relaxed.
‘So what’s Nell going to be doing
with you
and Morag
in
the Great Outdoors?’ my husband
looked perplexed
.
‘
After all, s
he’s just had a baby.’

‘I’m borrowing Rocket.
My friend’s loopy red setter,’ I added looking at Selina.
‘
Morag – my other friend – wants to walk the dog with me.
She’s very big on exercise.
Rides horses too.’

‘Does
she?’ asked Jamie in surprise.

‘Well no, not yet.
But she’s learning.
At night school.’

‘Night school?’ asked Selina.

‘
Yes, just to get to grips with
the basics.’

Selina looked confused.
‘Without a horse?’

‘Yes.
It’s a sort of advanced stable management course.
Except in the arena.
At night.
She’s up to date with lunging.
Perfected her trot and canter.
Even been doing some cavaletti jumps.
She jumped a whole stack of them the other night
,
inclu
ding a small triple and wall.’

‘All on her own two feet?’
Selina’s voice was dripping with sarcasm.

‘That’s right.
She’s going to be amazing when she finall
y gets into the saddle.’

Jamie seemed to be concentrating very hard on his
hands
.

‘Are you sure you have the right sport?’ Ethan appeared flummoxed.
‘Your friend Morag sounds more like she’s tr
aining to be a hurdle jumper.’

‘
S
he’s doing that too
,’ I nodded.
I
reached for my
champagne.
Tossed it down my neck.
This conversation needed redirecting.
‘Do you run Selina?’

‘
Yes.
On pavements
.
’ Selina gave me a look reserved for the educationally subnormal.
‘I do, however, ride horses from time to time.
As it happens, Laura and
I are horse riding tomorrow.’

‘How
marvellous
!
Where?’

‘Where what?’

‘Which yard?’

Selina gave me a curious look.
An expression flickered across her face.
Suspicion?

‘Only you don’t want to go to Pearson’s,’ I gabbled
.
‘I’ve heard all their hacks are ex-racehorses and completely hyped up.
They can’t trot past a hedgerow without
trying to jump it.’

‘Better
introduce your friend
Morag to them,’ Selina
remarked dryly
, ‘sounds like
the
perfect equine partnership.’

‘Oh
,
very good Selina!
Ah ha ha ha!
And don’t go to Glebe Farm because all their horses have one hoof in the grave.
Not to mention ringworm.
And lice.’

‘Right,’ Selina said faintly.
‘Well Laura and I certainly won’t be experiencing any of those problems.
We’re going to Maxwell’s Equestrian Centre.
They have a superb selection of pristine horses and ponies for all skill levels.
More champagne Cass?’

‘Thanks,’ I slumped over the menu, verbally exhausted.
Maxwell’s.
I had a rough idea where it was.
Certainly Morag would know.
I picked up my refilled glass and sucked greedily
,
just as a waiter zoomed over.
He was clearly affronted that Selina had poured the
champers rather than himself.

‘I think we’r
e ready to order,’ Ethan said.

Were we?
I’d spent so much time talking nonsense
,
I hadn’t a clue what to
have
.
I scanned the m
enu hastily.

‘I’ll have the wild mushroom and celeriac lasagne to start with,’ Selina
said
.

‘Excellent choice
Lena
,’ Ethan nodded approvingly.
‘I think I’ll have the same
.
What about you
Jamie?’

‘The sweet potato waffle with the goat’s cheese mousse sounds–’ Jamie broke off.
‘Are you all right Cass?’

I nodded.
Although my head suddenly felt a bit peculiar.
Clearly too much
champagne on an empty stomach.

‘Would Madame like
some water?’ asked the waiter.

‘Yes
,
I think she would,’ Jamie spoke for me.
The waiter signalled
to
anothe
r to fetch a glass of water.

‘And what would Madame like to
start with?’ asked the waiter.

‘Just give me a moment,’ I smiled, eyes glazing as I desperately tried to concentrate on the writing.
I made an arm gesture.
‘
Perhaps e
verybody
could
order
their
Mains while I peruse.’
There was a resounding silence.
Had I suggested everybody order brains and booze?
I shook my head again.

‘Roast suckling pig for me please,’ Ethan
was the first to speak
.

I zoned out while the waiter took the remaining orders.
A second waiter appeared with the water.
I picked up the glass
and b
anged it painfully against my teeth.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt so
catastrophically
drunk.

‘Is Madame
ready now?’ asked the waiter.

I nodded and picked up the menu.
Stared at it
.
The words
danced before my eyes
.
I stabbed with an index finger.
‘I’ll ha
ve this, this, this and this.’

The waiter’s face remained passive.
‘So that’s cheesecake, followed by poached pears, apple soufflé and spinach on the
side?’

I gave him the thumbs up.
Should one stick one’s thumb
s
up at the
Oxo
Tower
?
I cast about to check.
Apparently not.
But alarmingly
several diners did appear to be eating their dinner at some very strange angles.
Perhaps the floor was tilting?
I did feel incredibly giddy.
Had our table, perchance, turned sideways?
I clung on to the sides of my chair lest I slip off.
Cautiously I looked down.
Good Lord
.
W
hat had happened to the floor?
It was miles away.
I swayed on my seat.

‘Cassie darling, are you okay?’ Jamie peered at me.
His nose zoomed in and out of my face.
Good heavens.
I’d never noticed before the size of his breathing apparatus.
It was huge.
Vast.
Certainly put La Streisand’s hooter in the shade.
I stared at it in fascination.
And it was growing!
Oh my goodness.
My husband had turned into Pinocchio.
Any minute now
,
that nose was going to jab me.
Possibly even s
tab me.
S
uddenly the table top rushed up to greet me.
Cutlery, champagne flutes and wine glasses went flying.

And then everything went black
.

‘Ah.
You’re awake.’

I opened one eye.
It was too much effort to open both of them.
Morag appeared to be sitting at the end of my bed.
She was balancing Henry and Eddie on both knees.
My eyelid slammed down again.
For a while I floated in a dark place.
Eventually a persistent knocking on my forehead had me zooming
towards wakefulness
.
This time I managed to open both eyes.
Morag was still there, but n
o longer with Henry and Eddie.

‘Why were you knocking on my forehead?’ I mumb
led.