Chapter 16
“Cassie it’s been a few weeks since we last mentioned the baby.” It was not as if I was hiding my head in the sand. The timing has just not being right to discuss it. Linc and I may be stronger as a couple than we have been. That did not mean we were ready to start a family.
I doubt think Linc has fully understood the concept of us dating. It’s supposed to have been a time which we spent apart. Each of us living in our own place and although Linc’s stuff is now at the apartment over the studio, he was practically living back home.
What had started as a night or two stay over, soon spread into practically every night. Linc would call over in the evening, we cooked dinner together, watch a movie and make love. The nights he was at the club, he would call in on the pretext of checking on me and this lead him to spending the night.
Then there was the problem of having the apartment above the studio. Linc would close his studio or leave it in the hands of one of his junior partners and we then spent an hour or two having sex in the apartment.
Linc telling me he loves me on a regular basis is proving not to be enough. Since the incident at the club he has been more attentive and Tabby called in to confirm that the bitch had left Comfort Springs.
There was no need for him to call round. The day she left Baby Blu, and I had stood at the bus station, watching as she got on the bus. It had been Baby Blu who had informed me that Lacey was leaving that day. Lacey’s leaving had not proved to be an instant fix. There had been no revelation that all is forgiven just because she was leaving.
Slowly we were falling back into our old routine. Linc still has the power to set my body off. Just thinking of him is enough to make my panties wet. And I doubt if that would change for a very long time.
I am running scared. When we stopped using condoms that was my way of telling Linc I trust him. I doubt Linc would cheat on me again. However the thought of being left on my own with a baby, terrifies me.
If we carry on the way are, will Linc stay with me? I have the literature and I surfed the web and chatted with other people in the same situation. The cup of coffee Linc handed to me earlier is now cold, and I replace it on the table, turning my gaze to Linc. When our eyes clash, on pure reflex I turn away. Almost as if I am ashamed by my thoughts.
“Cassie are you going to answer?”
Fiddling with the spoon, I can no longer avoid the subject. “OK Linc. What do you want?”
“What I want Cassie is to return home to my family and to have a family.” Linc’s declaration saddens me, and I bring my gaze up to his face. Is he really ready for what lays ahead?
I have always thought of Linc as the rock of our unit. The strong one. Now I am uncertain. Before I answer Linc I take one of his large hands to hold between both mine. The hands of an artist and a lover. Hands that can be both gentle and caring when Linc needs them to be. They are also the hands of a violent man.
If I close my eyes, I can see a baby being gently and lovingly loved in these hands. Tenderness in the eyes of the baby’s father. A set of Indigo eyes staring loving down, while a replica set reflect back the trust they feel. Secure in the knowledge that the owner of the eyes watching over them, will always keep them safe.
“Linc…….”
“Cassie, we’re going to make this work and for that to happen you have got to meet me half way.”
I hate it when he’s right. Unfortunately he’s right about this. I do need to meet him half way. Still continuing to play with his fingers I refuse to look at Linc’s face. If I do, my resolve will dissolve and I need to be strong.
“OK.”
This time it’s Linc who frowns as he pulls his hand out of mine. “What do you mean? OK.”
“You’re right Linc we both have to work at the mistake you made. No more running.” Linc is no longer sat opposite me. Instead he has pulled his chair close to mine and now my hands are in his. Clasped tight in his firm grip.
“We will make an appointment to see the doctor and we go through the options available to us.” There is no way Linc is going to like what I am about to say. “However, you do not come home. Not yet.”
“When Cassie? When do I get to come the fuck home? So far we have done this your way.”
“After we speak to the doctors and the specialist. Then we discuss you coming home.”
“Why until then Cassie. This baby is a commitment to each other. One that I’m wanting to make.”
“Because Linc, if you back out after promising me. It will break me.” I have said it and its now out there. Linc still has the power to destroy me.
“Oh Cassie come here.” Linc has me in his arms and across his lap while he croons into my ear. “Cassie, you’re married to an idiot. An idiot who loves you.”
Linc telling me he loves me is not new. I know he loves me. However its trust, and Linc’s coping mechanism that I’m concerned about.
“Linc what happens the next time you get scared and do not like what you are being told?”
There is no immediate answer from Linc. The pulse of the tic in his lower jaw, draws my attention. The only clue I have that Linc is mulling over my question. His gaze is avoiding mine. Eventually his gaze returns to my face. His eyes are alight. The intensity from this glare has me wiggling uncomfortably on his knee.
“We talk Cassie. No more running, no more hiding.” I have to wait another moment before he carries on. Almost as if he has to think of his answer carefully. “You may not believe me Cass, but I learnt my lesson. These last few weeks away from home have been hard.”
“What has been hard about it Linc?” Since the separation, I feel as though I have seen more of Linc than when we were actually living together. Apart from not sleeping the whole night in my bed. And that has changed in the last couple of weeks. There has not been many nights which Linc does not spend here.
“Holding you Cass. And I do not mean physically.”
“You think I’m pulling away.” Have I, without conscious thought, put a divide between us. Maybe before we had started dating, this may have been true. But not now.
“Linc let’s talk to the doctor and then when you get back from your next run we discuss you coming home.” I am not ready for Linc to come home just yet. We both need to understand what it entails in having this baby. However he is right. If we are to have a baby, no matter what choices we make. We need to do it as a couple.
DCMC
Until I mentioned it, I doubt Cassie was aware of how much of herself she was holding back. Yes, she’s been with me physically all the way. But I want more than that. I want the old Cassie back. The one I am scared I may have lost forever.
This new Cassie is much stronger, and this time my fear is not about the baby. It’s about this new Cassie. The one that appears not to need me. In the past she would ask for my help, my opinion. I was her guide through life. Now, she does what she wants. Cassie is growing up and is no longer the girl I knew and loved. Now she has become a strong independent woman.
Yep. It’s time for me to pull out the big guns. To show Cassie that she can still be independent. But that she needs me to lean on. She needs to know that she can trust me to be here for her.
“OK Cassie we do this your way for now. No more talk of me coming home until after we see the doctor.” Devil’s Comfort’s next run is in about two weeks. Which means I have two weeks to convince Cassie to let me move back home.
“How about a camping trip Cass?” Thankfully I still had Cassie in my arms otherwise I am convinced she would have fallen to the floor.
“Camping, you want to go camping!” I know of a beautiful spot. It’s away from Comfort Spring. Away from everything and the stress. “Yeah camping and I will teach you to fish.” If my old lady wants to be independent, I will just have to find ways to keep her reliant on me, and camping is a start.
Cassie’s face is a beautiful picture. The way she has it all scrunched up, looking at me as if I have gone mad. “OK, When?”
Quickly I do an inventory through my head. “Next weekend. Friday to Monday.” This gives me time to clear my being away with Inferno, and to place cover in the studio. All of which should not be a problem.
“There are times Linc when you can surprise me. How come we have never been camping before?” My answer is a simple shrug. Cassie has never been the clinging sort. Now I need her to be, and camping with my woman is going to make me feel like a man.
The way Cassie’s derriere has been wiggling on my lap has my cock hard. “How about a quickie.” I ask, giving my hips a slight suggestive lift to draw Cassie’s attention to the state of my cock.
“Down boy. You do not know what a quickie is and I am meeting up with Baby Blu and Rayven for a dose of retail therapy.”
“Humph, you’re sending me out like this. What will the boys think back at the club?”
“They will hide from you. Thinking it’s one of them that has you all horny.”
“You’re a hard woman Cassie Davis.” With a final reluctant kiss. A kiss which lingers on for a few seconds more, I let Cassie go.
The next two weeks cannot go fast enough for me. In two weeks I will officially return home. We will also know what cause we are taking to have a baby.
I pause putting the bucket helmet on and take another lingering look at the house. As my heart contracts at the pain I feel, it gives me thought for pause. I want this baby. In fact I want it more than I believed possible.
The home we own is a family dwelling. All along it has being my intention to have a family. To have mini extensions of Cassie and me. A boy to carry on my name. A girl like her momma.
We may have to work harder than other couples to get what we want. But we will have it.
The doctor’s visit is uneasy with me. Not knowing what we will have to do. With the uncertainty and all that we are about to face. I believe Cassie and I can come through this. Sure I was a dickhead. However it was a one off.
Hell it’s been over three months and I am still being punished for it. Well Little Davies’s, I will be leaving your punishments up to your mother, because she’s one mean mother fucker.
“You staying there all day.” Cassie is strolling over to her car after locking the front door
“Come here momma.”
“Oh no Linc. You’ve had your morning quota of kisses and you’re not blaming me for arriving late to your meeting.”
I remain quiet as I watch Cassie deposit her bags in the car before she saunters over to me, giving her hips a little extra swagger. Fuck Cassie’s right, we do not have the time for a quick roll, and once would never be enough with her.
Clasping Cassie’s hands behind her back as I cup them in my own. I give her another quick kiss.
“Tonight.”
DCMC
Before calling at the club I need to stop by the studio. Saturday’s can be our busiest day of the week. I also need to ensure everything is in place for my meeting on Monday. Another article is about to be done about the place, which has also generated interest from a TV company. Who are interested in doing some kind of reality show based round the studio, and the artists who work there.
The money will be great. Especially once the baby comes along. However before I make a definite answer, I need to discuss it with the club. Journalists have a tendency to be nosey and therefore they need to be restricted only to the studio. Yeah, the publicity and the money would be great.
When I arrive at the studio, I find it busy. Angel is manning the desk. She’s married to Ant. Ant is a great Tattooist and another member of Devil’s Comfort MC. Both Ant and Gundog are with clients, General is talking with a potential client, as they browse through some of our work.
“Where’s Trax’s?” Angel looks up from her sketch pad, as well as manning the office, like Trax she’s doing an apprenticeship. She’s also our in-house body-piercer.