Lily’s War (20 page)

‘I stayed in a hotel along here once with some cousins from Rockhampton,’ he drawled. ‘They have a cattle station.’ He tipped his hat to the back of his head as he halted in front of one of those wooden buildings with verandahs. ‘This’ll do us. Spend a night here then catch the train in the morning.’

Lily decided not to argue, it would be good to have a break from travelling. She was shown to a room overlooking a garden, bright with flowers and patchy with shade from a tree which had showered petals on the lawn. She dropped her suitcase, stripped off and washed all over. Then she stretched out on the bed which had a cloud of mosquito netting above it and pulled it down. For a moment her mind was filled with thoughts of Matt and she ached for his arms around her. Then she drifted into sleep.

The room was full of shadows when she woke and someone was hammering on the door. ‘Hang on, hang on,’ she muttered. ‘Give me a minute.’

‘It’s Rob Fraser,’ called a voice. ‘You sure can sleep, lady. It’s tucker in half an hour. I’m going for a beer.’

Damn him! she thought. Who did he think he was, hammering on her door? Even so she called, ‘OK! I’ll see you downstairs.’ She yawned, stretched, and reached for her suitcase. After another wash, she donned one of the floral crépe-de-chîne frocks bought for her trousseau, dragged a comb through tangled brown curls, outlined her mouth with lipstick and went downstairs.

In the dining room the tables were spread with damask cloths and places were set with cutlery and serviettes in glasses. There were already people seated, including Rob Fraser. Even from the doorway she could see he had made an effort. She hesitated a moment then went over to him.

‘You’ve shaved,’ she murmured, sitting opposite him.

‘Thought I should.’

She could see the admiration in his blue eyes as they inspected her and wished it did not give her pleasure. It seemed an age since Matt had looked at her in such a way. Inwardly she cried, where are you now when I need you?

Rob’s foot touched hers under the table. ‘It’s fish. Coral cod or king snapper. Do you like fish? And would you care for a drink?’

‘I like fish. I don’t like beer but I am thirsty.’ She drew her legs in and thought how a tan became a man. His shirt was spotlessly white and beneath the fabric she could see the bulge of muscle in his upper arms. There was a virility about him which she could not help but admire.

‘You could have pineapple juice with a drop of rum in it?’

‘Not too much rum.’

‘I’ll tell him just a splash.’ The warmth of his smile took her by surprise and she had to remind herself that he was only here because he wanted to knock Matt’s block off. She looked away and round the room. A middle-aged woman at the next table smiled tentatively. She returned the smile before shifting her gaze to a nearby wall where there were photographs of men with beards, looking eminently respectable, with gold chains and watches across waistcoated fronts.

Rob placed a glass in front of her and sat down.

‘Thanks.’ She sipped the drink cautiously and found it to her liking. Their meal came and they ate in silence. He fetched a couple more drinks and she offered to pay but he shook his head.

‘Keep your money in your purse, lady, you might need it.’

‘The name’s Lily.’ She pushed away the pudding plate with a satisfied sigh and leaned back in the chair. ‘That was good but I feel full up now.’

‘Perhaps you’d like to stretch your legs? We could go along the Esplanade.’

She hesitated, wondering if it was wise.

He drained his glass and stood up. ‘Please yourself.’

She finished her drink and rose to her feet. ‘I suppose a walk would be sensible. It’ll help me to sleep.’ His eyes glinted and immediately she questioned what was going on in his mind but it was too late now to change hers. She wondered what Matt would think of her being in his company and felt a spurt of anger at his doing a vanishing trick. Then she reminded herself that he had wanted them to be together, had even offered to stay behind in Liverpool so that they could do that very thing. It really was partly her fault they had lost touch with each other.

Perhaps to salve her conscience Lily walked a few paces behind Rob and it was not until he stopped and stared out over the moonlit water that she came alongside him. She felt more relaxed. He had not made a wrong move and she hoped it would continue that way. ‘I love the smell of the sea,’ she murmured, breathing deeply of the salt-laden air.

‘Probably reminds you of home if you lived in a port.’ His arm brushed hers and she was tempted to move away but thought he might believe he was having an effect on her.

‘Maybe.’

‘You never mentioned a father when you spoke of your family.’

‘He died while Matt and I were on our honeymoon.’ She experienced afresh the grief she had felt then and her eyes filled with tears. Despite all her father’s faults she had cared for him.

‘That must have been rough.’ He reached out and touched her hair.

‘An understatement,’ she retorted, aware of a need to be comforted.

‘So what happened?’

‘Dad had his head kicked in by a horse. It was a difficult time because we were due to leave for Australia within the week and had to arrange the funeral. At the same time my younger brother fell sick and then my sister. There was nothing for it but for Matt to come on ahead. He didn’t want to leave me but I insisted.’ She looked out over the sea, remembering the moments before his departure. Could Matt really have believed that she saw him only as a passport to Australia? she thought uneasily. How could he doubt her love for him? Then suddenly she remembered his last letter and how there had been no mention of Daisy’s accident. Had he received any of her letters since then? She knew he had been travelling around but even so surely one of them should have caught up with him?

Rob Fraser’s arm slipped round her waist and he kissed her neck. ‘No!’ She pulled away, impatient with herself for letting him believe he could take liberties with her. ‘You’re forgetting something, Mr Fraser.’

‘Not me! For a moment you did, though.’ His smile was smug.

‘You’re wrong! I was remembering,’ she said emphatically. Without waiting for him to reply she walked away, telling herself she must keep him at a distance in future.

Rob did not follow her and it was not until the next morning that Lily saw him again. It was early and wisps of mist still clung to tree tops on the slopes of the mountains as the train began its ascent. Neither of them spoke, only nodding in recognition. Lily was glad to see the woman who had been seated at the next table in the hotel and instantly started up a conversation, telling her where she was going and why.

The woman showed interest and said her name was Kate Moffat, and yes, she knew of the bush brothers, having lived up on the Herberton ranges for more years than she cared to remember. She talked about the building that housed the headquarters of the Brothers of St Barnabas, the centre for the travelling High Anglican priests, some of whom had come from Oxbridge universities years ago, spurred on by the first Bishop of North Queensland on a visit to England. ‘It’s a hard life up here,’ she murmured. ‘There’s a greater need for them to practise self-denial – to live rough and to preach to those who are more interested in bodily survival and the material world than the other.’ She went on to tell her more about the area and asked Lily about England, listening with interest before offering an invitation to drop in at her place anytime.

Lily spent some of that long journey writing a letter to her family, telling them of places and people she had met but she made no mention of Rob Fraser or of Matt’s being missing.

To her immense disappointment she did not find Matt in Herberton, only the information that a group of brothers had gone west towards the Gulf of Carpentaria, taking with them a couple of visiting missionaries, the names of which the elderly priest could not remember.

‘One of them must be Matt,’ said Lily positively as she posted her letter in Herberton post office near the cenotaph.

‘You hope it’s him but you’ve no proof,’ said Rob shortly. ‘Admit it, you’ve come up here on a fool’s errand.’

She glanced up at him and her jaw set stubbornly. ‘I don’t believe I have. In fact I’m so sure he’s with them that I intend staying up here until he returns.’

There was a puzzled expression on his handsome face. ‘It could be months. Do you really care for him that much?’

‘Yes, Mr Fraser, I do.’ She smiled. ‘There’s no sense in your hanging around waiting for him, though, so goodbye.’

He did not move. ‘Have you got enough money to stay for months?’

‘You don’t have to worry about me. I’ll manage.’

‘I believe you will.’ He frowned and rubbed his chin with the brim of his hat. ‘There’s a few places I think they might be but I’ll be back whether I find them or not.’

She felt a familiar irritation at his presumption that Matt was with his sister. ‘What about your sheep? Won’t they be missing you?’ she said sarcastically.

His eyes narrowed. ‘I’ll be calling in at home, I am needed there, but we all want Abby found. You take that Mrs Moffat up on her offer. She might be able to help you out.’

‘I’ve already thought of that,’ she said. ‘I can think for myself! Goodbye, Mr Fraser.’

He stared down at her. ‘I don’t suppose you’ll miss me, Lily?’

‘I don’t suppose I will,’ she said blithely, and walked away, pausing to gaze in the Mining Assay Office before entering a cafe to have a welcome cup of tea.

She stayed out of his way for the rest of the day and was still in bed when the train left early the following morning. Despite his saying he would return she hoped it was the last she would see of him. He was much too arrogant for her liking.

When Lily told Kate Moffat she intended staying for a while and would need a job, Kate informed her there were several families on farms around Atherton who would welcome some help in the house. They mightn’t be able to pay much but they would feed her and provide a roof over her head.

So a week or so later Lily found herself living with the Newman family, whose wooden-walled home with a verandah was pretty basic. The water closet was outside and there was no plentiful supply of running water, which she missed. Still she was prepared to live anywhere and do anything in order to stay close to the headquarters of the brotherhood.

She contemplated Matt’s surprise when he discovered she had been working up here just so she could be near to him. Her job was not difficult, being not so different to that which she had done at home. She looked after the younger children (the older ones were away at school), milked cows, washed, sewed, and was general dogsbody.

She admired the Newman parents who were hardworking, proud, uncomplaining folk, if lacking in humour. She soon realised this could be down to the dividing line between surviving and going under being narrow and ever with them.

As well as the farm Mr Newman had a timber mill, and the rainforest giants were constantly being chopped down to be sold, as well as to clear the rich red earth for more farming.

Mrs Newman, a work-worn wisp of a woman, told Lily how the Aborigines believed the trees had souls and would cry out when axed. Lily found herself sympathising with that belief. Often she felt dwarfed and nervous when walking with the children between the enormous trunks in the forest. It was a completely different but exotic world to the one she had been accustomed to and it was not always pleasant. She received warnings about this plant and that, which flowers and berries were deadly, and once in the garden saw a snake, beautifully patterned, coiled on the grass in the sun after a sudden shower of rain.

Often she was swamped by homesickness. Christmas came and went and the weather was hot and humid. Lily longed for England and the cold feel of sleet on her face. There was still no news of the missionaries returning and she wondered desperately how long she might have to wait and felt that maybe she was mistaken in her conviction that Matt was with them. She knew for definite he was not in Sydney because Joy had written at Christmas, forwarding a couple of letters from the family. Lily devoured every word written but there was never enough of them for her liking. Her family were not at home with pen and paper. Daisy was just about coping but all of them had been relieved when Aunt Dora had invited them to the farm for Christmas dinner.

February brought drenching rain showers and mist and a short note from Rob Fraser, forwarded by Kate Moffat, asking if she was still there and informing her that his sister was still missing, which caused her sudden unease. What if Matt wasn’t with the brothers? What if—? She shunted the thoughts to the back of her mind. She was miserable and lonely, far from home and those she loved, and that’s why she was doubting him.

A few days later the brothers returned and Matt was not with them. Lily’s disappointment overwhelmed her and she just did not know what to do next. Where was he? She could not believe he had run off with that girl. Would not believe it. Perhaps he was dead? Surely he would have written to her if all was well? But then all hadn’t been well with him. He had believed she did not love him. She remembered him saying something about his rushing her into marriage. Perhaps they had rushed into it without proper thought to how different their lives had been and the kind of people they were? But they had been happy during the short time they had had together, she told herself fiercely. They had laughed and loved and they had needed and wanted each other madly.

Suddenly she felt sick. Maybe that’s what Matt had missed? After years of celibacy suddenly to have sex and then to do without it. She faced the thought squarely but did not want to believe it. He had a strong will and had done without before and could do so again. Perhaps there was a letter from him in Sydney? It was some time since she had heard from Joy. She told the Newmans she was leaving, packed her suitcase and caught the next train to the coast.

It was on alighting at Cairns that Lily saw Rob Fraser. The wind was getting up and it was raining and she was in no mood for any smart remarks from him about Matt.