Lily (Suitors of Seattle) (13 page)

Rose sighed.  “I’ll go to the dressmaker with you, but I think you should just talk to the man.  He loves you, Lily.  He loves you like you’ve never even dreamed of being loved.”

Lily shrugged.  “Let’s go get my fabric made into dresses.  That’s what he wants, so that’s what he’ll get.”  Well, what he wanted was Rose, and since she couldn’t be Rose, she’d at least try to be as much like her as she could.

The two sisters spent a pleasant day together, picking out which style of dresses they wanted to go with the fabric they took with them.  Lily decided while they shopped that the pants would stop immediately.  No matter how comfortable they were, she shouldn’t wear them, especially around Daniel.  He obviously didn’t appreciate them the way she did.

*****

When Daniel got home that evening, Lily was dressed in a long flowing gown, looking beautiful.  He wasn’t sure why she’d dressed up, but she was smiling and that made him happy.  “You look beautiful!”

She smiled, going to him to kiss him.  “Thank you.”  She wanted him to compliment her on something other than her appearance, but at least he liked something about her.

“What did you do today?”

She shrugged.  “Rose and I did some dress shopping.”  She hated that she had spent a whole day doing something she hated just to make him happy.  She’d always said she’d never be one of those girls.

“That sounds like fun.  I’m glad you spent some time with your sister.”  He slipped his arm around her as they walked toward the dining room.  “What’s for supper?”

“Just pot roast with potatoes and carrots.”  She shrugged.  They had that at least once per week.

“My favorite!”  He grinned down at her.

“I know.  That’s why we’re having it.  I want you to be happy, Daniel.”  She rested her head against his shoulder as they walked.

“Don’t you know that just being married to you makes me happy?” he asked. 

She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes.  “I’m glad.”  She wished she could believe him, though.

*****

Lily spent hours staring at the wall in bed that night.  She’d so hoped she was wrong about why he was sending the gifts, but she had her proof now.  He wanted her to be just like her sister.

He’d been sending her gifts to get her to change for him, and she loved him enough to do it.  She hated that he wanted her to, but she would do it.

When she finally fell asleep, she dreamed of big fancy parties and ball gowns and corsets. 
Please, God, don’t make me wear corsets…

A week later, on her way to the women’s shelter where she still volunteered two afternoons per week, she caught the sound of Daniel’s voice.  She stopped to listen to him for a moment before going on.  Maybe he’d have time to have lunch with her.  She couldn’t quite make out his words, but she knew it was him.

“So how’s married life treating you?”  That voice was unmistakably James.  She’d done her best to forgive him becaus
e he was Daniel’s best friend, but just hearing his voice made her tense.

“Couldn’t be better.”  Lily smiled as she heard Daniel say that. He must like the changes she was making.
  Hopefully when he finished talking to James, she could talk him into having lunch with her.

“I don’t know what you were thinking.  If you had to marry one of the flowers, did you have to marry the silliest in the whole garden?” 

Daniel laughed.

Lily stood frozen for a moment when she heard his laughter, and then she began to run, uncaring that her full skirt was not meant for running through the streets of Seattle.  She ran as fast and as hard as she could until she reached the battered women’s house, and then, instead of going to the front door, she went around to the back and began pulling up some of the dead plants from the previous year.  She couldn’t face anyone just yet.

Daniel thought it was funny when his friend called her the “silliest flower in the garden”.  She wasn’t silly.  She’d done everything she could to make him happy.  She’d changed her dress, her mannerisms, everything.  Would she ever be good enough for the sweet man she’d married?

She’d been working for thirty minutes or so when Mildred Higgins popped her head out the back door.  “Lily!  I was expecting you, but when you didn’t come, I got worried.”  She grabbed a shawl from behind the door and went outside.  “Is everything okay?”
  She gave Lily a concerned look.

Lily shrugged.  “I just thought I’d get some stuff taken care of out here before it’s planting season again.”  She kept her face averted, so Mildred wouldn’t see her tears.
  She really just wanted to be left alone, but she would never say that to Mildred.

“Would you like some help?” 
Mildred dropped to her knees beside Lily, who obviously hadn’t dressed for gardening.  “Sometimes it feels so good to just get your hands dirty.”

“If you want to help that’s fine.”
  Lily didn’t say another word as she attacked the dead plants with all of the pent up anger she felt.

Mildred watched her for a moment before asking, “What’s wrong?  Are you not happy with your marriage?”
  Her voice was soft and sweet, letting Lily know she was more than willing to listen.

Lily looked up, her eyes brimming with tears once again.  “He doesn’t want me to be me.  He wants me to be more like Rose.”

Mildred snorted.  “If he’d wanted a woman like Rose, he’d have married one.  Daniel loves the same things you do.  The two of you have fun together.  When you’re with each other, I can see the love in his eyes.”  She shook her head.  “Women like Rose are a dime a dozen.  Women like you are special.  He could have easily found another woman just like Rose.”

Lily shrugged.  “He keeps sending me gifts like flowers and
perfume and jewelry and fabric for dresses.  Why would he do that if he didn’t want me to change?”  She left out what she’d just heard, because she wasn’t ready to talk about that just yet.

“Maybe he just wants to get you gifts, and he doesn’t know what you’d want!”  Mildred looked at her as if she had the obvious answer.

Lily shook her head.  “I thought maybe that was it, but I started wearing dresses around the house instead of pants, and he started complimenting me and telling me how beautiful I look.  No, he wants me to be more of a lady.”  She stabbed the spade in her hand into the ground viciously.

Mildred sighed.  “He loves you for who you are, Lily.  Not for who he wants you to become.”

“He doesn’t love me at all!”  Lily got to her feet, throwing down the plant in her hand.  “He only loves Rose!”  She ran toward the house, ignoring the dirt and leaves clinging to her full skirt.  She knew she had to get herself together before she saw Daniel at the end of the day, but how could she?  Daniel made it clear he didn’t like who she was.

*****

Daniel ran into James as he left the bank, hoping to catch Lily at home for lunch.  “It’s good to see you,” he lied.
  He had a lot less respect for his friend after he’d seen the way he’d treated Lily at the party.  He should never have asked him to be his best man, but he knew the other man would be offended and hadn’t been sure how to get out of it.

James grinned.  “So how’s married life treating you?”

Daniel knew that James was waiting for him to complain about how awful it was being married to Lily, because he’d never really liked her.  “Couldn’t be better.”  He loved the look that crossed James’s face at his words.  He was obviously unhappy that Daniel enjoyed being married to a tomboy.

James grinned, obviously determined to annoy him.  “I don’t know what you were thinking.  If you had to marry one of the flowers, did you have to marry the silliest in the whole garden?” 

Daniel laughed, annoyed, but determined not to show it.  “You know, I couldn’t have picked a better wife for me.  She’s absolutely perfect.  She loves me and she shows it.  Every single day…and night.”  He deliberately stifled a yawn.  “She keeps me up.  I cannot imagine a better wife, and you won’t be talking badly about her.  She’s perfect for me.” 

Daniel turned and walked away from his friend without another word.  What kind of friend wanted him to be unhappy in his marriage anyway?
  Lily was right.  He didn’t need to be around James anymore if he was going to be insulting his wife. 

He got home and was told that Lily had already left for the battered women’s shelter.  He hated that.  He’d really hoped they’d have time to spend together for lunch that day. 

*****

Lily was perfectly dressed, wearing jewelry and perfume, and sitting in the parlor doing needlepoint when Daniel arrived home that evening.  He found her and eyed her with wonder.  What had come over his tomboy wife?  He didn’t wa
nt her to change, but he wasn’t going to stop her.  It was the person inside that he loved, not what she did with her time.  If she wanted to be more of a lady, she was welcome to do so.

He sat beside her on the couch and kissed her cheek.  “You look nice today.”  He leaned in and smelled her neck, rubbing his nose against it.  “You smell good too.”
  He nipped her neck softly.

“Are you saying I usually smell badly?”
  She looked hurt, as if she’d been crying.  Something was wrong, but he had no idea what it was.

Daniel stared at her in horror.  “No, I was just complimenting you. That’s all.”
  He actually preferred her natural smell to the perfumed smell that filled his senses now.

Lily tilted her head to the side, as if trying to decide if he told her the truth.  “Thank you then.”
  She felt so insecure this evening. 

Daniel slipped his arm around her shoulders.  “I missed you while I was at work today.”  He told her the same thing every evening. 

She rested her head on his shoulder, snuggling in, needing his touch.  “I missed you too.”  She missed him so much every day that she ached with it, wishing he could be home with her.

“What did you do?” 

She shrugged.  “I spent quite a bit of time at the battered women’s shelter again today, trying to prepare the back garden for spring planting.”  She left out the talk she’d had with Mildred.

“Isn’t it a little early for that?”  If he wasn’t mistaken, the ground was still frozen and would be hard to get things out of.

“Maybe a little, but sometimes it just feels good to work outside.”  She didn’t meet his eyes as she spoke to him.  She wasn’t sure that she could.  It had been a long hard day.

“I was thinking tomorrow would be a good day to do some fishing if you want to.  I asked you father for the day off, and he said he didn’t mind.”
  He had deliberately asked for a day off, just so they could be together.  If nothing else could convince her that he loved her, maybe taking extra time off work just to spend with her would.

Lily thought about it for a moment before shaking her head.  “I don’t think so.  I have some knitting I want to do for the battered women’s shelter.”
  Which was true as far as it went.  She liked to help make things for the shelter, so the women there could have afghans and gloves and hats.  Of course, she usually didn’t knit them, but she certainly knew how.  She wanted him to think that she was a capable woman and what better way than to do womanly things?

Daniel stared at her in shock.  She was going to knit instead of fish?  “Well, you could take your knitting and I could fish while you knit.  Then you could be outside while you do it.”  He knew if he could get her there she’d fish with him.  It was his favorite thing to do with his wife, so hopefully she’d just give in gracefully.

Lily shrugged.  She wanted to spend time with him, but she didn’t want him to think of her as boyish anymore.  She wanted him to be satisfied with the woman he’d married and not some ideal he was looking for.  “That sounds fine.  I’ll pack a picnic lunch for us, if you’d like.”

Daniel smiled, brushing a kiss across her lips.  “I’d like that a lot.”
  He wished he knew what was going through her mind, but there was no telling.  She’d been a closed book to him lately. 

*****

Lily dressed in one of her pretty dresses the next day, and Daniel stared at her in shock.  “Why aren’t you wearing your pants?”

“I’m a married lady now.  I need to dress accordingly.”

“But I’ll be the only one there to see you!” he protested.  He hated the idea of her being uncomfortable and worried about getting messy all day just so she could look like a lady.  What happened to the tomboy he’d fallen in love with and married?

She walked to him and wrapped her arms around his waist.  “I want to look nice for you, silly.  I don’t care what anyone else thinks of me.” 
And she didn’t, but his opinion truly mattered to her.

His arms wrapped around her.  “But I like how you look in pants.  And nightgowns.  And nothing at all.  I really don’t care about any of that.  A
s long as you’re beside me, I’m happy.”  He kissed the top of her head, wishing he could convey to her that she didn’t need to change to please him, but it seemed futile.