Like One of the Family (32 page)

‘But aren't you going to speak to him.'

‘Eventually,' Jane said.

‘When will that be?'

‘When I have a positive result to your test.'

‘But that won't be for at least another week?' Grainne said dismayed. ‘Perhaps longer. By then it may be too late... if... if...'

‘You mean too late for an abortion,' Jane asked coolly.

Grainne went towards the door, but before she reached it she turned back and faced Jane defiantly.

‘If he says there were others I suppose you'll believe him,' she challenged her.

‘If it's true,' Jane agreed.

When she was alone Jane slumped at her desk and put a hand to her eye.

Jane tried to analyse her feelings and was ashamed that she felt so little sympathy for the girl. But it takes two, she reminded herself. Terry is to blame every bit as much. But he may love her, in which case there is no real problem. Jane did not invest too much hope in that. Like father like son, her unhappy thoughts echoed. The girl returned and, with a defiant look, placed the specimen on the table.

‘Don't worry, Grainne,' she felt constrained to say, sorry for her earlier hostility. ‘I will help you whatever you decide to do.'

The girl mumbled her thanks and went out the door. Jane watched her go then labelled the specimen and went to put it in the fridge. It would go across in the morning with Mary McCann's to the laboratory.

Despite what she had said to Grainne Jane decided she would speak to Terry as soon as she saw him. He had rung earlier to say he would be home later. ‘Don't wait up, Mum,' he'd said. ‘I don't know what time it'll be.' But as she walked across the mucky ground in the rain to where her car was parked Jane decided that no matter how late it was she would wait up and have it out with him.

Ever since she had received Terry's phone call the previous evening Claire's thoughts had been wandering in a most uncontrollable fashion. She found herself looking forward with an almost unbearable delight to the moment of seeing him. He had suggested they might go dancing and she had happily agreed, but just to be with him was enough.

At her tutorial she was unable to concentrate on anything that was said and as soon as the group broke up, she set off immediately down the long road to the bus stop.

Claire pulled up her collar, fretting that the light drizzle would turn her hair limp and frizzy. She became aware of a car pulling in at the kerb and heard a familiar voice calling, ‘Claire, get in quick.'

It was Jane. Thankfully, Claire ran over and got into the Rover. Jane pulled out again into the traffic and increased speed. ‘What a terrible night,' she sighed. ‘Lucky I saw you. You must be drenched. Have you no hood to your anorak?'

‘I was just about to use my drama notes,' she confessed with a giggle. Sitting comfortably in the warm car she felt suddenly elated. She chatted away gaily, unlike her usual shy self. Jane, however, seemed preoccupied.

‘Sorry, Claire. What were you saying?'

‘Just that it's great to get the lift,' Claire repeated. ‘I'm going out again tonight and don't have a lot of time to get ready.'

Jane said pleased, ‘You've got a date? Is he nice this boyfriend of yours?' '

Claire hesitated, loth for some reason to admit that she was meeting Terry.

‘It's all right, Claire. I'm not nosey.' Jane laughed. ‘Just glad you've found someone you like. You do like him a lot, don't you? Somehow I can tell.'

‘Yes I do,' Claire admitted, and felt a warm rush of delight at the thought of Terry.

Rain beat continuously on the windscreen. Jane flicked the wipers to high speed and peered through the cloudy glass. ‘I can't see too well,' she said after a moment. ‘I think the rubber on the wipers needs replacing. I must get Terry to check it when he comes. I'm hopeless with anything mechanical and so is Sheena.'

Claire felt somehow deceitful remaining silent as though her meeting with Terry would seem wrong in Jane's eyes. But really hadn't Jane always been most kindly to her, treating her like another daughter?

Strangely, Jane's kindliness was at the root of Claire's unease, for she recognised that it wasn't something she could ever take for granted, like a true daughter could. She stared out at the lashing rain and the old fear that Jane might some day discover what had taken place between Eddie and herself returned to haunt her. With an effort she turned her thoughts away from this bleak possibility and tried to recapture her earlier euphoria at meeting Terry.

They met as arranged inside the gates of Trinity College.

‘Hi Claire,' Terry said as she walked up to him, his eyes glowing with the pleasure of seeing her. ‘How do you look so smooth and unruffled in this weather?'

She thought he was looking pretty smooth himself in a leather flying jacket with sheepskin lining.

‘You look almost too perfect,' he said, running his hand teasingly over her hair in an effort to break the shyness between them.

‘Hey, you're undoing the work of hours,' she joked, twisting away from him. Her hair hung to her shoulders, straight and silky. They walked out on to the street and his hand reached for hers as they continued on close together towards Grafton Street.

Terry seemed charged with energy. One minute hurrying her forward, the next pulling her back to look at the window display in Brown Thomas.

It was filled with the latest spring fashion, clumps of fresh daffodils everywhere.

‘You'd look good in that, Claire.' He pointed to a suit. Long jacket, short skirt. ‘Huh! Blondes look good in red. You sometimes wear red, don't you?'

She owned a dark red blazer. She was about to tell him when he swung her on.

He began singing ‘The Lady in Red'. ‘You know what I feel, Claire?' he broke off to ask.

‘What?' She waited.

‘Like I've been just let out of school. I feel I've been missing out on life and now I've got a heck of a lot of catching up.' He laughed. ‘C'mon. Let's get a drink.'

He brought her into a pub and got them beers. He drank fast, urging her to keep up with him, making her laugh out loud with descriptions of his life with the Air Corps.

‘Bloody bugle lifts us out of it in the morning,' Terry sighed comically. ‘Then the drill sergeant crashes in the billet door like something out of an old Boulting Brothers comedy. Effing and blinding and shouting his head off.'

Claire laughed. According to himself, he and his friend Con were the best pilots in his squadron. Nerves like iron and stomachs to match. Con had flown solo almost as quick as him. She was beginning to know a lot about Con, and feeling a tiny bit jealous too. Terry was so great with him.

‘Pete's a pretty nifty flyer too,' Terry was saying. ‘We're all three of us hoping to go solo on night flying soon.' Claire watched him, smiling faintly. He was showing off dreadfully but she liked it.

‘Ah, Clairey, don't look at me like that,' he said suddenly, ‘or I'll have to kiss you.'

She blushed. ‘Look at you like what?'

‘Like the ace pilot I'm cracking myself up to be.'

After they finished their drinks they wandered back on to the street. The rain had quite cleared away and the night was mild.

Terry said: ‘Mum's going to Spain soon and I'm going with her.'

‘Wouldn't I like to be you,' Claire said wistfully. ‘I can't wait to go back.'

‘Perhaps I'll get down to join you for a few days this summer. I really hope so.

‘You'll love the apartment,' Claire told him. ‘It's beautiful and it has a great view of the beach. That's what I liked best.' She was silent remembering the waves breaking on pale sands, the warm, geranium-scented air on the balcony. How lovely to go back again. She only hoped Jane would invite her.

‘Sheena never stops talking about the guys you met out there.' Terry glanced down at Claire. ‘I suppose you're equally besotted with the Spaniards?'

‘They were very nice,' Claire said cautiously.

‘And this Fernando,' Terry asked impatiently. ‘I'm always hearing his name.'

‘He's one of the property developers. His father owns the apartment block. Fernando showed us over it.' Claire smiled at the memory. ‘Sheena was really crazy about him.'

‘What about you?' Terry asked jealously.

‘I liked him,' she admitted.

Terry scowled. ‘I suppose I'll be meeting this guy when I go over. Have you any messages you'd like me to convey?'

Claire looked up at him demurely, almost coquettishly. ‘Tell him I'm looking forward to returning to Spain.'

They were walking up a darkened side street.

Terry suddenly gripped Claire's arm and swung her round to face him. He stared urgently into her eyes, his expression softened and blurred, bent his head and kissed her. It was a deep slow kiss, more like a seal of ownership than the suddenness of passion. When he lifted his mouth from hers, he smiled down at her and his teeth were large and square and very white. A little shakily she smiled back.

They stood for a moment, not kissing or speaking, just holding each other. They were so close that Claire could feel his breath warm on her face and the buttons on his flying jacket pressed against her bosom.

‘Gosh!' He spoke at last, sounding awed and very young. ‘I know this sounds stupid but I've never known a kiss like that. It was so...' Words failed him. ‘Was it... did you find it...'

‘Yes, I did,' Claire said simply.

He took her hand and they started walking again, going along streets leading away from the town. They stopped once to have a drink in a pub, another time to buy cod and chips, sitting up on a wall outside the chipper to eat it, before walking on.

‘Is this too much for you, Claire?' Terry asked her at one stage. ‘I mean you aren't wearing shoes that hurt, or anything?'

Claire shook her head. She loved him for thinking of that. She could have walked for ever.

They talked until they reached the street where they lived. At least Terry talked and Claire listened, asking a question now and then. He couldn't keep off the subject of flying, describing the squadron and the guys and his flying instructor, Captain Dinny Monahan. Claire got the impression of a big good-humoured man with a hot temper and razor sharp wit. She did not think she would fancy army life herself. She could see, however, that Terry, rather than resenting the toughness and discipline, actually revelled in it. Jane had been right, she thought, feeling excluded by Terry's new way of life and his close friendship with Con and Pete. He didn't need her and she longed to be needed.

They slowed outside her house. Without a word, Terry drew her across the road and down the side of his house. He led her into the garage by the small side door. As they stood pressed together in the musty darkness, Claire felt a deep unease, thinking of her thirteen-year-old self crouching in the darkness, listening to the sound of Eddie's voice and his footsteps crunching past on the gravel outside.

Why did you bring me here? she wanted to cry out, but then as Terry pressed his lips down on hers, she pushed away all thought of anything but him and returned his kisses with equal fervour.

Jane came out of her bedroom at the sound of the front door closing and went downstairs. Terry turned from hanging up his jacket. He looked happy and smiling and was humming under his breath.

‘Why aren't you asleep, Mum?' he demanded. ‘I told you not to wait up.'

Jane opened the door of her surgery. ‘Come in a moment, Terry' she said quietly, ‘I have something to say to you'.

‘Oho! What have I done now?' Confidently, he followed her inside. He threw himself into a chair, legs sprawling, and regarded her quizzically.

Jane sat down behind her desk. He looked so mature, she thought with a pang, glancing away from his amused, handsome face. He's almost twenty, old enough to take responsibility for his actions.

‘Today at the clinic Grainne came to me,' Jane launched straight into it. ‘She thinks she's pregnant.'

She saw the smile fade from his eyes. He eyed her warily.

‘What's it to do with me?'

Jane frowned. ‘Please don't make things worse with lies.'

‘Mum!' Terry protested. ‘You're assuming I'm responsible without even asking me.' He attempted to laugh

‘Are you, Terry?'

‘I'm damned sure I wasn't the only one,' he said with a scowl.

Jane acknowledged this with a slight nod of her head. ‘She seemed to think you might say that.'

‘But it's true, Mum,' Terry protested. ‘She's been around. Some of the fellows...' he broke off.

‘So you thought it was enough to leave everything up to her?' She eyed him sternly. ‘Don't you realise what selfish and irresponsible thinking that is? Apart from the risk of bringing a child into being, you are leaving yourself open to all kinds of trouble.'

He winced at the scorn in her tone.

‘I realise that now,' he said lamely. ‘I didn't look much beyond having a good time.'

Jane felt a sudden rush of love for him. She wanted to wipe the expression of shamed misery from his face, assure him that she understood and loved him. Instead she said coolly, ‘Well, until we get the result of the test we'll just have to wait and see.' She stood up. ‘You'd better go to bed now.'

‘I'm sorry, Mum.' He went to her contritely. ‘I'm sorry I put you in this position.'

‘Goodnight, Terry.' She hesitated then inclined her cheek for his kiss. ‘Maybe it will be a good lesson to learn that you can't indulge your passions without paying some price.'

‘Goodnight, Mum.' With a last wretched look at her, he went out the door and she heard his footsteps sounding heavily on the stairs. As soon as he was gone the rigidity left her pose and Jane went back to sit at her desk. He had been so happy and glowing when he came in, she thought regretfully.