Lifeline Echoes (22 page)

"Goodness, I'm sorry, Sandy." Alice stooped
to pick her purchases off the ground.

"No, I'm sorry. I wasn't watching where I
was going."

Alice glanced up at Ryan, still lounging
against his car. Her lips formed a cool smile. "I guess I can see
why."

Saying nothing, Sandy bent to pick up a
carton of Reds. She wasn't surprised when the other woman made
absolutely no mention of the previous evening. Alice wouldn’t want
to draw attention to the impropriety of her husband's behavior.

"Thanks." Alice tucked the carton of
cigarettes into her bag. She chuckled, her eyes darting around the
parking lot, never really settling in one direction. "Disgusting
habit, smoking. I keep trying to get Brenda to quit but she's a
nervous thing without 'em. That grandson of mine 'bout makes her
crazy." Her smile didn't quite reach her green eyes. "You have
yourself a pleasant day now."

Sandy entered the store with an edgy sense
of disquiet. Alice MacKay had never been quite friendly to her. The
sudden U-turn didn't ring true.

****

As they started out of town, Sandy laid her
head back on the seat and let her eyes drift shut. When she felt
the car slow and then stop, she opened her eyes and sat up. Ryan
had parked in the shade of a cottonwood tree at the baseball field
just on the edge of town.

"Why are we here?" As she had done most of
the morning, Sandy was careful to keep her voice neutral.

"We need to talk." Ryan sank back into his
seat and twisted slightly toward her.

Interest stirred. Sandy pushed herself
straight. So he was going to open up finally. Strange place for it,
but long past time. "Okay."

"You were mad earlier."

Her
? Was he seriously going to make this about
her
?

Sandy frowned. Best to negotiate these
icebergs with care. "Of course I was mad. Someone's messing with
us. I was happy when I left my apartment this morning. Dealing with
someone's tantrum didn't figure into my plans."

"At me," said Ryan. "You were miffed at me
because I told DC about Bull coming by your place."

So he wasn’t going to open up after all.
Sandy opened her mouth ready to deny his claim, changed her mind,
and huffed out a breath. "Maybe. A little." She leveled her gaze on
him. "Some."

"Progress." His mouth curled into a crooked
smile. "Which is it, Chicory?"

"I'm getting over
that
." She steepled her
fingers together and brought her hands up to rest her chin on her
fingertips while she considered her reactions to Ryan. Her body
wanted to move full speed ahead. Her heart seemed to want to
follow. But he was so closed off even when he didn’t seem like it;
what did that say for their future?

She drew a few deep breaths to steady
herself, finally turning to face him. "I know you meant well when
you went to DC. But I should have been the one to go to him."

Irritation sparked in
Ryan's eyes. "We're in agreement there. You
should
have told DC. Heck, he was in
your place having lunch with us and you didn't say a
word."

"I would have. Eventually." She shrugged.
"Probably."

Ryan looked away. He drummed his fingers on
the steering wheel.

"Ryan, I don't need someone to take care of
me. I don't want you riding up on your white horse—or in your blue
car." Sandy blinked back tears. "Especially if you're still—" Sandy
whipped her head around to stare out the window.

Oh, man. She'd almost trod right into the
territory she most wanted to avoid with him.

"If I'm still . . . what, Sandy?" His voice
was quiet and too calm.

When she turned back, he was watching her,
his expression guarded.

"You close pieces of yourself off. I get we
don't know each other well, we haven’t had a lot of time . . . I
know I said I wanted to take time to learn about you but—there seem
to be so many unfinished things in your life." She shook her head.
"After last night, what we shared, I thought—"

Ryan pinched the bridge of his nose. He
pulled in a long, slow breath, then blew it out through pursed lips
but said nothing. Typical.

"I'm sorry, Ryan. I tried to tell myself it
doesn't matter. But it feels like there are a lot of secrets
between us." She scrubbed at the tears spilling onto her cheeks,
angry with herself for being so vulnerable.

Ryan ran a finger along the top of the
steering wheel. "What's between me and Bull goes back years. Ever
since I can remember, he's hated me."

"Why?"

"You'd have to ask him."

Disbelief spoke before she could temper her
irritated tone. "Someone hates you and you have no idea why?"

From the center of his dashboard, Ryan's
cell chirped. He checked the readout but made no move to answer. He
also neither answered her question or made a comment about the
call.

Thoughts of the woman he was searching for
gave Sandy a slightly dirty feeling. The mystery woman wasn't the
other woman. Sandy herself was the intruder here. "That was your
friend again, wasn’t it? The one looking for your. . ."

He nodded once, his eyes never leaving
hers.

"See, sometimes—like now—when I'm with you,
it feels as if there's another person here with us."

He made an impatient noise. "Just you and me
here, Chicory."

"And our respective memories." She sniffed.
"Maybe—maybe this is a mistake."

He stiffened. "If you really felt like that,
you wouldn’t be here now."

"I'm sorry. I don't want
to fight with you. But I do feel like that. Ryan, you can't have us
both. And as long as you
want
us both, you can't have me." Shaking with
emotions even she couldn't name, Sandy flopped back into her seat.
Her gaze drifted toward the windshield.

That was when she noticed. "Where's your
angel?"

He met her eyes,
irritation replaced by a guarded expression. "I put her away.
Yesterday.
Before
I came to your place the first time."

"Oh," she whispered.

****

Ryan locked his gaze with Sandy's. He traced
a finger along the neckline of her shirt.

Her skin quivered where his fingers made
contact. When he reached the middle of her chest, he hooked a
finger in her collar and used it to pull her toward him.

His lips hovered over
hers, not quite touching. "We
are
alone, Sandy. Very much so. This isn't about
Allie. And it's not about secrets I haven’t had a chance to share.
It's about what you want. Or don’t. When you figure it out, I'll be
right here. But you've got to tell me the difference between you
caring about my issues with Bull that go back years, and me
worrying about danger you're in from him
right now
." He drew back without
kissing her, hating the look of shock and hurt filtering into her
eyes, knowing he'd put it there.

She didn’t answer. He forced himself into
stillness, waiting her out.

Finally, she drew a deep
breath and spoke. "What if I say I want
you
. . . need
you
? But it scares me to want and
need you this much?"

Ryan stiffened. "You're afraid of me?"

A tear splashed on her hand. Another was
rolling over her cheek. Ryan reached out and brushed it away. His
eyes drifted to the tiny, mesmerizing pulse beating madly at the
base of her throat.

"No, I'm not afraid
of
you, I'm
afraid
for
you.
Afraid if I love you—" She shook her head.

Afraid she'd lose him. Ryan shook his head,
realizing he got that one because he had the same fears about
losing her.

"Oh, baby." He bent and pressed a kiss to
that fascinating pulse. "I can think of a thousand ways I could
screw things up between us. But I promise you, me leaving you isn't
one of the scenarios."

Even if by some wild trick of Fate, Allie
resurfaced in his life, it was Sandy he was falling in love with.
But how did he explain that to her when he didn’t completely
understand it himself?

She pressed herself against him and sobbed
into his neck. "You can't say that. You can't make that promise,
and I don't think I can survive losing you."

Surprise catapulted him backward a few
inches. "You're pushing me away because you're afraid of losing
me?" Ryan scrubbed his face with one hand. Temper edged into his
voice. "Do you have any idea how freaking ridiculous that
sounds?"

"I didn’t say it made sense!" Twin spots of
red formed on her cheeks. "It doesn't have to make sense. It's how
I feel!" She slapped a hand across her chest. "Here."

Fresh understanding
dawned. This wasn't about jealousy and secrets. He'd never
considered how his problems with the MacKays could scare Sandy, not
for her own safety,
but for
his
. He gentled his voice. "No, Chicory. I
can't promise not to die." He wiped another tear with his thumb.
Emotions pelted him from every angle; old ones, new ones, hers, his
own. "No one can." He kissed her gently. "But I will never
want
to leave you. All I
want is to know you're safe and for you to know you are the most
important person in my life." He smiled. "Chicory, I want a million
more days with you, but if I only have one, I want you to know I
mean it when I tell you how much I care for you."

Sandy sniffed, wiped her eyes. She leaned
back just a little. "It is so like you to use my own words on me,"
she finally said, a tremulous smile breaking through her tears.

Ryan took her lips in a kiss she met with
equal passion. Her lips parted. His tongue teased hers. He'd never
needed anyone as much as he needed Sandy.

"Come on, you two," said DC's voice from
over Ryan's shoulder. "I know you both have homes. Why don't you
take this to one of them instead of making out where kids are
playing?"

"Sorry." Sandy hid her face against Ryan's
shoulder.

"Yeah, sorry," Ryan turned toward the
sheriff with a sheepish grin, blocking DC's view with his body to
give Sandy time to adjust her shirt. A flash of red hair caught his
eye. Ryan nodded toward the ball field, where a teenaged boy was
trying to look like he hadn't been staring. "Who's the kid?"

DC looked over his shoulder and heaved a
long-suffering sigh. "That young man is Ricky Brody MacKay. Bull
and Brenda's boy." He whisked his gaze back to Ryan. "Uncanny
resemblance, eh?"

Ryan's gut began a slow
roll. He went completely still as tension crept into the back of
his neck. "Brenda was Mac's girl. She wouldn't even have been
sixteen when we left. How did she get twisted up with Bull?" His
eyes followed the boy, who was walking away, a baseball bat and
glove dangling from his hands. "How
old
is that kid?"

DC placed his hands on the car door and
leaned over. Ryan saw his own angst reflected in the mirrored
lenses of the sheriff's sunglasses.

"Don’t go where your mind's going." DC was
calm but firm. "Things are already tangled up enough. Decisions had
to be made all those years ago. Decisions you and Mac had no part
in once you left. This is one thing you should just leave alone.
Don't think about it, don't even wonder in passing. It's not your
concern."

The sheriff stood, tapped twice on the door
where he'd been leaning. With a final pointed look at Ry, DC turned
and ambled back to his patrol car. "And go home," he called over
his shoulder.

But Ryan wasn't listening. "Oh, man." He
watched the redheaded kid disappear.

****

Sandy checked Domingo's front cinch. "You
are exactly the therapy I need."

The spirited horse tossed his head and
kicked up dust, dancing sideways when she led him to the fence.
Sean met her in the yard.

"Hey, San. Need a leg up?"

"I've got her." Ryan stood it the doorway of
the stable. His preoccupied expression said he wasn't finished with
his brooding. Well, she was finished with waiting for him to get
over whatever had started eating at him when he'd seen Ricky MacKay
back at the ball field.

He settled his hands on her shoulders and
met her eyes. "I can't ride out with you today. I know you can take
care of yourself. But I'll feel a lot better if you don't go too
far on your own, okay?"

Sandy noticed the fine
stress lines at the corners of his mouth and the shadows in his
eyes. She gnashed her teeth together, determined not to let his
vulnerability sway her. He was worried for her but had yet to tell
her why. Until he found the time to talk, she wasn't giving him the
right to worry about her. "I don’t need you to
ride
with me, Ryan." She needed him
to share his secret bits and pieces with her. "I'll be fine. I'll
stick to the main trail and turn around at Diamondback
Lookout."

After his easy boost into the saddle, she
blew him a kiss, then whirled the horse around and took off at a
trot, shaking with the effort of not looking back.

****

Ryan watched her disappear, not surprised
when she didn’t turn around. He knew she'd been thrown because of
his reaction to Bull's son. He should have explained it to her but
the words hadn’t formed. How could he explain to her that seeing
the teenager had been the equivalent of seeing a ghost?

From behind him, Sean cleared his throat.
"Things at her place that bad or did you put her in that mood?"

Ryan heaved a sigh but didn’t turn around.
"This one's all mine."