Life With Toddlers (17 page)

4.  When meal-time milk in a sippy cup is routine, drop one bottle at a time, and give the cup of milk instead (i.e., before nap).  If your child throws a fit, too bad.  You’ve provided her with an opportunity for milk.  She can take it or leave it.

5.  If you normally give your child a bottle of milk after lunch, start there and give the sippy cup instead.  Don’t give in and sheepishly fork over a bottle when your kid looks at you like you’re pond scum and proceeds to have a tantrum.  Stick to your guns. 

6.  Every few days, subtract one more bottle and present the milk in a sippy cup instead.  You will eventually run out of bottles to get rid of and, viola!  You’ve done it.     

When it comes time to chuck the nighttime bottle, here’s what you do:  Substitute a sippy cup of milk instead. 

1.  First, make sure your dumpling is nice and comfortable with daytime milk in a cup. 

2.  Substitute a sippy cup for the bottle during the normal bedtime routine. 

3.  If you get the Heisman, offer a cup of milk before you even begin the nighttime ritual.  Don’t bring it into the bedroom.  Once she’s finished drinking, go about your normal bedtime routine.

When your child associates sitting in a rocking chair (or other special place) with getting a bottle, and the sippy cup just won’t cut it, the choices are:
Milk in a cup or no milk at all.
  If it’s bottle or bust in the bedroom, respect the kid’s choice.  Give the option of milk before you even begin the nighttime ritual.  Beyond that, your duty is done.  You’re a magnificent Mommy and your toddler won’t starve.    

It’s a crapshoot whether your darling will balk at the idea of scrapping the bottle for a cup during her routine, but give it a whirl.  It may not be received with a warm round of applause, but if it works, that counts as a check mark in the ‘you’re-a-great-Mommy’ box. 

To avoid hyperventilating and anxiety attacks, think ahead and be prepared for some upset.  Introduce something new for your love bug to comfort himself with.  A couple of weeks before you try to ax the nighttime bottle, get Jr. a new lovey or blanket with some silky binding.  Give the lovey enough time to get a nice comforting smell (= shampoo, peanut butter, and a sprinkling of pee pee).  By substituting one soothing item for another, you can reduce the anguish.  I’ve also heard of a Mommy who literally took the shirt off of her back and gave it to her kid to sleep with.  Smelling like “Mommy”, the shirt gave her son great comfort.

Sippy cup Note:
 I’ll be yelled at by all my speech therapist buddies if I don’t comment on the detriment of sippy cups.  Personally, I’m not so offended, but most SLP’s go wild when you mention them.  Sippy cups, especially with a stopper in place, require the kid to suck liquid out.  This puts their tongue in a forward position.  Then the kid starts talking with the spout still in their mouth, or the lazy tongue may decide to stay forward, and the kid learns to articulate sounds incorrectly because their tongue is in the wrong place.  The same thing happens with pacifiers.  Sucking, forward-placed tongues can make incorrect sounds, especially /s/.

Do I care so much?  Well, yes and no.  Of course I don’t want my kid to need speech therapy for articulation.  But I don’t start growling at the mention of sippy cups because I’m dadgum tired of cleaning up messes.  Kids NEVER hold cups upright.  This means their carseat is crusted with dried milk and juice, on top of the ever-present crumb-fest of cheerios, raisins, and Gerber snacks.  And not just carseats.  Couches, carpet, clothes, animals, your feet.  It never ends.  And I’m sick of cleaning it up.  So I refuse.  I use sippy cups and I plug up the spout with a stopper.  So there.  If I offend you that much, feel free to follow us around and clean up the mess yourself.   Because I’m DONE.  I’ll deal with the artic problem later.     

Water is an option if you want to nix milk at night, but can’t bring yourself to yank the sucking comfort from your kid.  I was actually totally hip to this idea, convinced it would solve all my problems.  That is, until I realized my children were more interested in making the bottle into a saltshaker.  Foregoing the consoling pleasure of sucking, they’d have a blast dumping the bottle contents all over their beds, furniture, and clothes.  Yea.  Mommy duty being what it is, this means I must respond to the howling and get up in the middle of the night to change drenched sheets, blankies, and pajamas.  So consider yourself warned on the shaking delights. 

Generally speaking, toddlers aren’t agreeable to having their milk switched for water out of the blue.  To get him full and reduce objection, try giving your sweet pea a sippy cup of milk before you even put him to bed - then present a small bottle of water once you lay him down.  Just hold your breath or dash out of the room quickly when baby Einstein puts two and two together and realizes that milk isn’t what he’s sucking out of that bottle. 

You may discover that Mother Nature will occasionally throw you a bone.  For example, my oldest daughter kicked her own habit of milk at night when she was all of fifteen months old.  Getting a nasty stomach bug and yakking most of her intake, she was too frightened to drink a nighttime bottle of milk.  From there, it was easy to switch to water in the bottle.  Quickly tiring of cleaning up the gleeful mess, I up and stopped giving her the bottle and gave her a sippy cup of water to sleep with.  She wasn’t happy, but I was more determined than she was ticked.  Needless to say, we both survived.     

Water it Down:
  My last suggestion is one that never worked for me, but I’ll tell you anyway, just to say I’m not biased.  The rumor floating around (started by some crazy person) is that you can water down the milk bottle little by little.  This way, you gradually end up with nothing but water in the bottle.  Then, when you tire of airing out sheets every day, you gradually put less and less water in the bottle so that eventually your child is put to sleep by sucking air from an empty nipple. 

I’m not quite sure how I feel about a toddler sucking air from a bottle, but it doesn’t really matter.  I never got past the watering-down part.  My oldest daughter could sniff out that fake milk a mile away.  Those bottles flew out of her crib as soon as she discovered the attempts at deception.  And who could blame her?  Watered down milk?  YUCK!

So there you have it!  There’s plenty of choices in this chapter, and whether you feel they’re harsh or not, they work.  Stay consistent with these strategies to have happier, healthier kids.  They sleep better, play better, and cooperate more.  They have a need you fulfill.  One of the most difficult tasks is doing things your kids object to or seem distressed over.  But remember; YOU are the parent, not them.  You know what’s best.  Behavior will tell you when you’re off the mark.  Listen to it.  Observe.  Change up your recipe.  Plug in TAG and meet needs.  Be brave, Mommy.  We’ve all fallen flat on our asses too many times to count, but the important part is that we got up, tried again, and made it through.  Woohoo!

Why independent sleep is important.

Why toddlers cry so much at bedtime.

Two methods to deal with excessive crying.

How to get kids to bed and keep them there.

Step-by-step process to deal with separation anxiety.

The importance of a schedule, routine, and consistency.

What to do when kids are over-tired or over-stimulated.

The ongoing process of self-comforting.

6 steps to getting rid of daytime bottles.

3 steps to getting rid of nighttime bottles.

The problem with sippy cups (I don’t have a problem!)

The following list will help you apply the training and knowledge you’ve obtained throughout the book and relate it to each developmental level.  This list comprises more self-help and task performance abilities, along with the capacity to communicate needs and wants. 

To help caregivers decrease frustration levels in toddlers, we need to know what kids are actually capable of regarding these skill sets.  Remember the
A
in TAG?  Can little Johnny actually be expected to neatly eat with a spoon?  Are his motor skills on par or are we expecting too much?  Are we setting up the situation for aggravation and failure?  This list will help you determine what you should expect and when.  Apply those skill sets to set up successful learning situations.  

Important note: As a horribly defensive Mommy, I personally look at this list and start a check off in my head.  Once I hit an age and task that don’t match up with what
my
darlings can (or could) do, it’s automatic “I’m a terrible mother!”  So listen up.  Do as I say and not as I do.  This is a
basic
rundown of skills children can have at
around
the time they can have them, so don’t use this as a panic indicator.  There’s nothing terribly scientific about this list, and nothing is written in stone.  I simply spent several weeks out in the real world (ha!) observing kiddos, researching their skill levels at different ages, and interviewing every teacher and parent within shouting range. 

I tried to be conservative with the list, but even so, give yourself a three to six-month leeway for each skill set.  If your child just turned two and can’t perform six activities listed under that age, don’t hold your breath and pass out.  Wait until he’s two years
plus
three to six months, or 27-30 months.  If, at that point, he still can’t perform three of those skills, and it’s bothering you to no end, check with other Mommies, go online and research, or call your pediatrician for reassurances.  Most likely, it’s not a big deal and he’ll catch up.          

Don’t freak out if your child is a bit behind.  The purpose of the list is to let you know what you can work on and feel good about.  Every kid is different, every kid develops at their own pace, and every kid has areas they’re good at and areas that need work.  That’s the way the cookie crumbles.  We’ve provided this list to arm you with knowledge and alleviate guilt, not increase it!

You have questions.  Your child is acting up during certain tasks, lashing out in anger and hitting when you attempt to help him wash hands after using the potty.  Can you really expect your 36-month-old to wash and dry his hands independently?  For the answer, go down the list to
36-48 Months
and look under
SELF HELP
:
TOILETING.  (Sorry to use such an obnoxious word here – blame it on my therapy background.  "Toileting” has always been the label.)  Once you have confirmation that yes, he should be able to do this or at least be working on independence, you can apply Task Analysis to break the task into steps and provide appropriate prompts. 

Starts cruising; holds onto furniture and walks

May start/be walking; otherwise, can generally put one foot in front of the other as you hold one or two hands

Able to wave bye bye; may still need gestural and verbal prompting

May shake head ‘no’ when you say, ‘no, no’

Should be able to start learning and making signs or gestures to increase communication

Will only be able to make signs with gross motor or simple fine motor movements such as “bye-bye, eat, finished (modified), more, milk, sleep”

Turns pages of board book with or without physical prompts

Grabs at everything in reach

Should be able to correctly label and say mama or dada, possibly both

Points, signs, gestures, nods yes and/or no (may be inconsistent), cries, or uses words to indicate wants and dislikes

Can communicate need for sleep and food with signs or gestures

Consistently points to familiar objects using grunts or other vocalizations to request name/function

May have vocabulary of several words, although intelligibility most likely depends on context or familiar listener

Comprehension of phrases and requests is considerable, but language must be kept simple. 

Understands simple routine questions or commands: Are you tired?  Do you want to eat? No-no; no touch.  Come here.

Dressing
:

Helps with dressing by offering arm for shirt sleeve, sitting on your lap to put on socks and shoes, laying down when needing a diaper/pants change.

Will get frustrated if dressing takes long or head gets stuck in shirt, etc.

Eating
:

Finger feeds self, although experiments with mashing, dropping, etc. 

Can introduce spoon; needs physical prompts for use; anticipate a mess

Pulls toys (esp. if attached to a string)

Pushes (both hands) strollers, carts, laundry baskets, anything on wheels

Makes messes; empties drawers, baskets, bins, books off shelves, cabinet contents, etc.

Turn page of board book independently

Walks independently or with help

May walk backwards short distance without assistance

Climbs on furniture, playground equipment, chairs, etc.

Can put chips in a slot (Connect Four game, coins in piggy bank)

Imitates facial expressions and gross motor movements

Tries to turn doorknobs

Verbal vocabulary varies from a few words to several; not necessarily intelligible to unfamiliar listener (may consistently say ‘da’ for dog, ‘ya-ya’ for bye bye, etc.)

Can make requests: ask for object, person, or activity by signs, words, or gesture (pound on fridge, shake highchair, hand you cup, pat couch or chair wanting to sit)

Indicates dislike or refusal of object, person, food, or activity

Can understand and communicate need for sleep or food with words, signs, gestures, or vocalizations

Communicates when finished with meals or activities by words, gestures, or signs; may need verbal prompt, “Are you finished?”

Indicates wanting to know more about an object by gestures, words, signs, or vocalizations (pointing to tree and grunting)

May nod yes or no appropriately, consistently

Sign or verbally name familiar objects when asked, “What’s this/that?”

If sign for ‘more’ is known, this will be a general sign to request everything until you teach specific signs to match wants/desires (book, eat, binky, cracker, etc.)

May begin using minimal phrases like ‘daddy eat’, ‘mommy bye bye’; may sign these minimal phrases as well as, or instead of, talking

Tell you about pictures or objects with words, sign, or other gestures

Attempts to imitate new words/sounds being introduced; will watch your face carefully and attempt vocalizations

Follow 1 step directions/requests with use of gesture, verbal, or physical prompts (close the door, don’t step in the grass, put it in the trash)

Comprehension increases with the simple, familiar, or routine (get off the couch, come with me, put the book away)

Can respond appropriately to “What do you want?” with sign, speech, or other gestures

Responds to routine questions (Are you ready to eat?) appropriately; i.e., walk to highchair, attempt to put on bib, nod yes

Understands ‘no-no’ and will either cooperate or deliberately touch to determine consistent response from caregiver

Understands ‘give it to me’ and ‘spit it out’; generally knows they aren’t supposed to have those object in hands or mouth

Can put toys away when requested (in bin or on shelf) with physical, gestural, and verbal prompts

Difficulty waiting to have needs met; does not understand/accept time concepts (wait, hold on, in a minute, it’s coming, etc.)

Anticipate adult actions in routine situations: put arm out for bracelet, point to buckle of car seat to unlatch, attempt to take off clothes for bath

Associates objects / knows what goes where; socks on feet, clothes in drawer, associate hat with matching outfit, lid on container, potty training seat on toilet, shoes in closet, etc.

Increase in problem solving skills; i.e., put coin in a shoe, then attempt to find coin by first feeling inside shoe with hand, then manipulating shoe different angles to look inside

Will seek adult attention or take hand and show/lead to engage help in problem solving

Correlates pictures from books or video to real objects

Knows when they’ve done something good; claps hands and looks for approval, accolades

Discovering cause and effect; will push, pull, squeeze, hit, or turn knobs on toys/objects to get response

Wants to do certain activities over and over; will indicate by vocalizations or signing ‘more’

Dressing:

Can take off small items of clothing independently (hat, big necklace, socks); will help adults take off the rest by ‘assuming the position’ of removing shirt, shoes, pants, etc.

Knows socks go on feet; will attempt to put on

Tries to put on and take off shoes

Eating:

Increase independence with use of spoon; less mess

Uses sippy cup independently, but may spill on purpose for cause and effect; knows spilling is an ‘uh-oh’

Loves to be independent; hold own cup and drink with straw

Easily communicates when finished with meals by words, gestures (hands you food or utensils), actions (playing with food), or signs; may need verbal prompt, “Are you finished?”

Toileting:

Becoming aware of toileting issues; may say ‘uh oh’ when pees or poops out of diaper

General:

Requires less constant, hands-on supervision in safe environment

Chew or suck on toothbrush; need physical prompts to brush teeth

Knows how to use combs/brush, but cannot neaten own hair

Beginning to understand ‘mine’; will try to protect toys

Expresses (sometimes loudly) irritation and aggravation; will begin tantrum behavior: fitful cries/screaming, throwing head back, going limp, kicking 

Begins to play independently for longer periods

Beginning to understand turn taking (peek-a-boo, throwing ball)

Understands when adult is upset, angry; child may also get upset and/or try to make up with hugs, pats, etc.

Starting to sympathize, take notice when another child cries; may offer comfort (given verbal and/or gestural prompts) with hugs, pats, etc.

Drop, throw, or toss ball; aim may be off

Increasing balance: can kick, run/walk fast, get up stairs using feet (may require assistance), or by crawling independently

Can walk backward

Still pushing items/toys around house

Can stack descending sized rings on ring holder correctly

Grab small objects by pinching with thumb and index finger

Hold crayon or pen/pencil and scribble on paper (and everywhere else)

Speech varies per child anywhere from a few words to hundreds: if signing, can know 50-100+ signs and may pair with several verbalizations/words to increase communication

If verbal, can use 1-2 word phrases: daddy bye-bye, eat cheese, more milk, etc.  May even start using 3 word phrases.

Clearly indicates needs/wants; easily frustrated if not understood.  Will lead adult around pointing, gesturing, vocalizing, attempting to communicate. 

Tell you about people, objects, sounds, and activities by gestures, words, signs, or vocalizations (brings you a book and verbalizes or signs pictures – i.e., ‘bear’ ‘sleep’)

Wants information about people, objects, sounds, and activities; i.e., hears a siren and says, “Truck?  Uh oh!”

Very aware of self; uses words me, mine, my

“No!” used more frequently

Understands and follows 2 part directions in routine situations: ‘Pick up the doll, put it in the bin.’

Can understand and express choice when given
one
option: Do you want milk?  Do you want water? 

Still cannot quite understand or express wants from verbal choice of two: Do you want milk or water?

Will retrieve familiar objects when requested (favorite book, toy, blanket, etc.)

Understands wide variety of questions and instructions: Are you ready for bed?  No hitting.  Let’s wash hands.  Find your shoes.

Answers some WH questions: What’s wrong?  What does the bird say?  Where’s mommy?  Who’s that?

Remembers no-no’s; clearly knows when doing something wrong and if caregivers are paying attention, but may not connect crime and punishment yet

Increasing expression of knowledge by pointing to objects, people, body parts, clothing, toys, etc. when asked “Show me the…” or “Where’s the…” (Where’s your bike?  Show me the apple.)

Increasing ability to clean up room/toys with prompts

Knows where favorite or routine items are kept; shoes, cups, milk, blankets, binkies, etc., and will independently get them if possible 

May seek approval before touching objects if caregivers are watching.  May also deliberately touch or pick up ‘no-no’s’ bringing it to you for consent or to determine consistent response from you 

Look to caregivers for approval/disapproval, especially with new experiences

Problem solving skills increase; knowledge of prior experiences carries over to novel activities.  Ex: Playing on new playground equipment, will be careful around high edges and stairs so as not to fall off

Consistently seek comfort (from blanket, milk bottle, binky, thumb, adult) when upset or tired.  Coping skills mature, but frustrations increase as they are forced to conform to behavioral rules