Life... With No Breaks (A laugh-out-loud comedy memoir) (24 page)

I hope I’ve made you chuckle.

I truly believe that if you can laugh at past mistakes or current difficulties, it can make the shadows they cast in your life
just a bit smaller
.

Most of all, I hope the time you’ve spent with me has been a pleasant way to ignore the clock on the wall, with its infernal ticks and tocks. 

If I’ve managed to do that, I’m one happy writer.

I hope you had a good time, my friend.

As far as I’m concerned, I’ve had the time of my life.

I’m now going to sleep for about three hundred years - or until the birds wake me up, which ever comes first.

All the best,

Nick.

The End

55124 Words

Titles by Nick Spalding available on Amazon Kindle:

Love… From Both Sides

Sometimes, the hardest part of finding love is keeping a straight face...

For Jamie Newman, being a single guy isn't proving to be much fun, especially when confronted with a sexually belligerent divorcee and a goddess so far out of his league she might as well be a different species.

Mind you, being a girl in search of love isn't a bowl of cherries either. Just ask Laura McIntyre, who's recently contended with a horny estate agent on a quest for light relief and a rabid mountain bike enthusiast with a penchant for displaying his genitals.

When Jamie and Laura bump into one another (quite literally) it looks like their luck may have changed - but sometimes finding the right person is only the start of your problems...

Based on real-life tales of dating disaster and relationship blunders, Love... From Both Sides is a warts-and-all romantic comedy for everyone who knows how tricky (and occasionally ridiculous) the quest for love can be.

Love… And Sleepless Nights

Sometimes, the hardest part of becoming a parent is keeping a straight face…

Just ask Jamie and Laura Newman, who (thanks to a rather relaxed attitude to contraception) find themselves about to have a baby. It’s obviously a terrifying prospect for a newly married couple, but as long as they stick together they’ll be fine, right?

They’d better, because the path between conception and those first few baby steps is littered with many obstacles - such as public sickness, rabid insomnia, violent mood swings, complicated sex, and copious amounts of swearing.

Featuring a cast that includes an overbearing mother-in-law, a terrifying midwife, and at least one chorus of mating humpbacks, Love… And Sleepless Nights is the hilarious sequel all about what happens next.

Falling in love with another person is easy. Making a new one with them is where things get complicated.

Life… With No Breaks

Nick Spalding tried to write a book in 24 hours. Turns out that's impossible... it took 30!

Life... With No Breaks is a unique, hilarious and heartfelt look at the modern world we live in, told by a master story-teller with much to say - and only a weekend to say it in.

You'll laugh out loud reading Nick's odyssey of non-stop writing in a collection of anecdotes, asides and stories - all dredged up from an over-stimulated brain functioning on caffeine, nicotine and the occasional chocolate biscuit.

The book is a conversation with
you
, and with Nick you'll venture into the thorny topics of love, life, sex, horribly timed bowel movements and a deathly fear of sponges (among many other things).

After you've read Life... With No Breaks, you may never look at the world the same way again!

Life… On A High

Nick Spalding is back... and this time he's airborne!

By popular demand (and because those counselling sessions won't pay for themselves) Nick returns in the sequel to Life... With No Breaks - with a new collection of anecdotes, stories and asides.

This time he's writing at 40,000 feet... and what better way is there to kill forty eight hours on a round trip to Australia than holding another conversation with
you
?

Sit back - don't worry, we're in Business Class so the seats are comfortable - put your feet up, and laugh out loud as Nick wends his merry way through a plethora of subjects, including age, hobbies, crime, dating the wrong women and pretending to be a banana (among many other things).

After you've read Life... On A High, you may never look at the rest of the world the same way again!

The Cornerstone

A great book will transport you to another world... 
literally
, if you're not careful.

On a gloomy Thursday afternoon, Max Bloom enters his local library in a last ditch attempt to stave off an epic case of teenage boredom. Among the hushed stacks he discovers The Cornerstone, an ancient book tucked away on a dusty, forgotten shelf. Opening the cover, Max is instantly transported to an alternate dimension full of things intent on killing him - thus avoiding boredom with
remarkable
success.

He meets a beautiful girl called Merelie (brilliant), who tells him he could be a Wordsmith, a sorcerer able to craft magic from the written word itself, one strong enough to save both their worlds from the Dwellers - hideous monsters from beyond the universe (not so brilliant).

This all sounds completely unbelievable. The kind of thing you'd read in a fantasy novel. But The Cornerstone doesn't lie... and the danger is
very
real.

In a world threatened by monsters, where books are worshipped and powerful magic exists, Max Bloom must make a choice: close The Cornerstone and run home - or trust Merelie, become a Wordsmith, and save two worlds from certain destruction...

Spalding’s Scary Shorts

Feedback: A Vampire Story

Be careful who you write about...

Keating the vampire used to love the horror stories that humans would write about his species. They had endlessly amused him - and allowed him to operate safe in the knowledge nobody believed he existed.

Madeline De Martine had changed all that though.

From terrifying, bloodthirsty creatures of the night... to maudlin, effeminate idiots obsessed with pubescent American girls, De Martine's blockbuster romances had irrevocably ruined the image of the vampire, as far as Keating was concerned.

So tonight he's paying the multi-millionaire writer a visit, to offer some constructive feedback and show her the error of her ways...

I, Zombie