Life After (14 page)

Stretching I reach for Avery and feel the cool sheets and the indentation of where he was last night. He’s not there. My face reddens remembering the events the night before; aka my breakdown, how many is this now? Groaning I rub my hands over my eyes rolling over I stretch my arms over my head. Sitting, I’m astonished by what I see. My room is spotless. Like completely spotless. It’s like nothing happened last night. Nothing at all. Standing I forget my knee tends to get really stiff at night and it gives out on me. Making a grab for the bed frame to steady myself I catch myself before I fall to the floor.

Sitting back down I do a few exercises the therapist showed me to loosen the knee. As
I’m doing the exercises my door opens and shuts with a click. Looking up, I see Avery leaning against the doorframe. Smiling at him I motion for him to sit next to me on the bed.

“Why did you clean all this up? I was going to get it today.”

Shrugging he replies, “It needed doing and I was up. No big deal.”

Testing my knee out it holds and
I’m able to stand as I move across the room and wrap my arms around him and inhale his delicious smell. Breathing him in makes me feel like I’ve just taken a walk outdoors with the sexiest man alive. Weird, but whatever he smells yummy. Okay so that was corny but whatever he doesn’t know what I’ve been thinking about.

Smiling up at him, “It meant something to me though and that’s what matters.” Leaning forward I give him a quick kiss and tell him to leave so I can get dressed.

After he leaves I walk to the window and move the curtain looking down at the grass. , Pushing the window open I lean out and take a deep breath of fresh air. I feel like a brand new person, like all this weight that has been bearing down on me has left , maybe last’s nights breakdown was just what I needed, today is a new day. Today is a day to let love in.

It’s time for the pity train to leave the station and for me to grow up.

Feeling better than I have in a long time I get into the shower and turn the spray on nice and hot. Letting the water run down me and cleansing me I think back to last night and am embarrassed by my behavior but I feel freer somehow. Maybe my therapist really does know what she is talking about. I feel like I want to live again and that I can do it. The accident did not take my life and for me not to live would be a dishonor to my family.

While getting dressed I make a mental list of things I need to do
.

Once I’m
out of the shower and dressed I grab my notebook; it’s time to write the rest of the letters. Sitting down on my bed I get started on the three final letters that Marie, my lovely but pain in the ass psychologist has been bugging me to write; one to my Mom, Lexi and myself.

The past few sessions she asked if I had written the letter to my dad and I kept brushing her off. Then she added on the last three letters for me to do when I felt like it. I was confused at first as to why she wanted me to write one to myself, but she explained  to me  I had to say goodbye to the old me and welcome the new stronger me to life and that by doing so I would hopefully be able to heal from the accident and loss.

Lying on my stomach I think back to how dark the days were in the beginning, right after the accident. It had been so very hard sometimes to function some days. How I didn’t care if I lived or died and how I kept those pills near me all the time, the crutch they became to me. I’m embarrassed I ever considered suicide. 

The fact
I’m starting to look forward to each day is a huge deal. I write about everything that has happened. I put it all in black and white; the suicidal thoughts, the depression, the hate. I start writing about Avery and how he brought me into the light with his positive energy, always being there and he is my rock. I also write how undeserving I was of him in the beginning. I pour it all out. Nothing is safe from this letter. Three pages later I’m satisfied and fold it up placing it safely in the envelope.

***

Avery offered to drive me to the community college and I let him. I think he can tell the dark cloud has lifted because he seems more relaxed than I have ever seen him before.

After checking off one of the things on my list by visiting the community college
I ask Avery to drive us somewhere quiet so I can talk with him without being interrupted. He looks at me funny but nods and drives us to the lake where he took us fishing. Pulling into a parking spot he turns the car off and gets out. He runs to the other side and quickly opens my door and I nervously put my hand in his as he helps me out. Shutting the door I point to the empty dock where we fished from.

“Can we go to the dock and talk for a bit?”

I’m so nervous about this, I’ve never told anyone I love them before and I really don’t want to scare Avery away. He has no idea what’s going on in my head so he’s probably questioning my sanity right about now.

Raising his eyebrows at me he nods and takes hold of my hand and walks with me to the edge of the dock.

“Okay before I step on the dock I have to know what’s going on.”

Looking up at him smiling, “It has to do with my Bucket List.”

“Okay I’ll take that explanation for now,” He says amused.

The water makes calming sounds as the small waves slap against the dock as we walk down to the end of it.

“Remember when we talked about my Bucket List?”

Nodding he looks down at me waiting for me to go on.

“Well there was one thing on my Bucket List, to fall in love, it’s been on there for years but I was never able to complete it until you came along.”

Looking him straight in his green eyes anything I had planned on saying went out the window, the love I saw staring at me gave me no doubt that I was doing the right thing.

“You, Avery have seen me at my worst and are helping me rise above it; I know we didn’t start off on the right foot and I hope you don’t hold that against me.”

We both chuckle after I say that.

“Somewhere along the way I fell desperately and hopelessly in love with you.”

He doesn’t say anything before he leans his head down bringing his hands to my waist and pulling me towards him. His lips
are on mine gently and then he increases the pressure and presses his tongue to my lips, I open my mouth to his seeking tongue. My mind is a whirl with all the emotions running around. Falling deeper into his kiss I put my hands in his hair and pull him even closer to me.

Pulling back breathing heavily he puts his hands on each side of my face staring at my swollen lips and says, “I love you too.”

I don’t have time to respond before he is sealing his lips to mine.

***

After that wonderful side trip to the lake we are back home sitting in the living room while I watch Avery play a video game. I have no idea what the point of the game is but he seems pretty interested in it. At first, I give him a little poke in his leg with my toe covered sock. He just grabs my foot and rubs it. That didn’t work so well, I silently pout. Sliding my hand over towards his thigh I trail my hands lightly over his leg moving up to his arm. Giving my hand a pat he doesn’t even look away from the game. Exasperated, I do what any girl would do in this situation and climb on top of him. I may have shocked him. Check something daring off my list, this is a first for me.

“Avery?”

I look at him very seriously putting my hands on both sides of his face. He’s staring at me like I’ve lost my mind but trying not to laugh. I’m just playing with him though. He’s adorable when he has no clue what I’m about to do. I pull the lollipop out of his mouth that he had been sucking on. It slides out with a ‘pop’ and I take a lick of it before I put it aside. He mumbles what I assume is a yes since I have his cheeks kind of smooshed together.

Letting go of his cheeks I run my fingers through his hair and press my lips to his. Feeling the softness of his lips as they connect to mine, I can taste the strawberry lollipop I took from him. Tracing his lips with my tongue his mouth gives way and my tongue enters his mouth. That is the precise moment when I lose control and he gains control over this kiss. He drops the game controller to the floor, with a
thunk and smile against his mouth as he continues to kiss me. Running his hands up my back to my waist feels so very good. I could kiss him all day long. Lowering me to the couch I start to pull his shirt up.

A door closes in the distance startling us apart and we both sit up. Pulling my shirt down; it had somehow managed to work itself up, I grin over at him and he’s grinning at me breathing hard. He picks up the game controller as Jenny walks into the living room carrying several bags.
Maybe Avery and I will have our own place one of these days so we aren’t interrupted like that, but that’s something way in the future to consider.

Peering over my shoulder at Jenny I check out the bags, seeing a board game sticking out of one of them.

“Who are the board games for?” 

“Us,
its family game night,” she shouts and does a little dance.

Groaning I move off the couch and walk to the bathroom fixing my hair. Once it’s back to normal I walk in on Jenny holding the games in her hands like
pom poms.

“Whoa.” Putting my hands up. “Calm down!”

“I also bought all the ingredients to make this tofu casserole,” she says clapping her hands together all excited at the prospect of cooking healthy. Clapping my hands together sarcastically I try and signal to Avery to grab the keys and get the car ready to go.

Gagging at the thought of eating tofu I shudder. My mom tried making tofu one night and my dad snuck
Lexi and I out to a fast food place about an hour later. Thinking back to that I’m not sure if my mom ever found out. Smiling at the memory I see Avery watching me with a look of relief on his face. I wonder what’s going on through his head. No Avery, I’m not going go crazy again, promise.

Pulling out the games I see we have Monopoly and Scrabble. I haven’t played these games in years at least she didn’t get charades. Jenny calls me to the kitchen. When I get there I see she is in all her tofu glory chopping it up. Gulping I try not to make eye contact with the offending food.

“I left another bag in the car that has charades in it and I bought you some books by an author some girls in my cheerleading squad recommended.”

What I want to say is, oh goody, Charades, my favorite. Not. What I actually say is, “That was really nice of you, Jenny. I’m going to go and grab the bag from the car.”

Leaving Jenny to figure out what she’s doing with that tofu I head to her car, her massively overloaded key chains making noise as I walk to the car. Unlocking it I reach in for the bag and rifle through it looking for the book while leaving the bag in the car. Reaching for the book I look at the cove and almost reverently rub my hand across the cover, it’s one I have been wanting to read for a long time, smiling I clutch it to my chest and let out a happy sigh. I read the backside of the book and I can’t wait to delve into it, it looks pretty good. Walking back into the house I put the bag on the dining room table along with my book. Turning over the box I check out the people on the front having a good old time. I call over to Jenny who is in the kitchen.

“Hey Jenny!”

“What?”

“You know how to get the party started?” I ask full of sarcasm

“No, How?” She yells back totally oblivious that I was being sarcastic.

“PIZZA!”

Laughing she yells back, “Tofu is where it is at!”

Andrew walks into the
commotion scratching his head. He looks at me and Avery who is nearing the table and then at Jenny. Wrinkling his nose when he sees the Tofu he says, “Where’s the pizza? He asks walking up behind Jenny and kissing her cheek. “We can’t have a game night without pizza.”

Exactly.

Putting my hand dramatically to my forehead I say in my Katniss voice, “We have no pizza…I fear I cannot participate in the games...But I volunteer to go get some.” Clutching my chest I fall back to the couch.

“Okay smart ass,” Jenny says walking over to the couch. “Take this twenty and have Avery go with you to pick up some pizza. I swear you two are like kids.”

“If I could bow down to you Jenny I would,” I say laughing as Avery walks towards me.

“Come on cowboy, we have a mission. That mission is pizza.” Grabbing my cane I head out the door hollering, “Yee Haw!”

Jenny stops me before I walk out the door by putting her hand on my arm. “Hey Hadley?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t know what’s happened in the past few days, but whatever it is keep doing it. I’m really happy to see this happy side of you.”

***

I’m waiting for Avery to put the car in drive. He’s smiling like the cat that ate the canary. Raising my eyebrow at him I smack his arm. “Why aren’t you driving?”