Letting Go (11 page)

I stared at him for a few seconds before grumbling, “You’re no help.”

“I won’t push you—”

I stood on my toes and pressed my mouth firmly against his, cutting off the rest of what he was going to say. “I know you won’t,” I whispered against his lips. “The fact that it’s been four days since you’ve kissed me is proof.”

As soon as the last word was out, he crushed me against his body and captured my lips with his, a deep moan sounding in his chest when my tongue met his.

“If you wanted me to kiss you, all you had to do was ask.”

“Okay. Well then, this is me telling you that I want you to kiss me whenever it crosses your mind.” I giggled against his lips at the force of his next kiss, and swayed a little when he released me.

“If I kiss you whenever it crosses my mind, someone’s going to start complaining about us. Come on, let’s grab an early dinner before we go back to the warehouse, that way I’ll have a table between us for the next hour.”

I smiled wryly and easily fell into his side as he turned us to walk back to his car. We got to Wake—the only restaurant that wasn’t a grill or a mom-and-pop-type place in town—and for the first time since we left my house, I was glad Mom had made me change. Wake wasn’t so nice you had to dress up—nowhere around here was since we were on the lake, and people would go into the restaurants right after stepping from the water—but I would’ve felt trashy if I’d stayed in my yoga pants.

Jagger’s hand tightened around mine as we followed the hostess to our table, almost to the point that it was painful, and before I could ask him what he was doing, I saw what he’d seen only seconds before.

“Here we are,” the hostess said, standing off to the side of a booth. “Here are your menus, and your server will be over here soon to tell you about the specials.”

“Thank you,” I mumbled, and looked up to see Jagger’s face, the expression unreadable. “Do you want to leave?”

His expression softened when he looked into my eyes, and he shook his head. “No.”

I barely glanced at the table out of the corner of my eye, only long enough to know the woman sitting there wasn’t looking at us, and an uneasy feeling settled in my stomach.

“Um, I really don’t know what to say to you right now. You look pissed, but you haven’t mentioned her in years. Is there something I should—”

“Grey, stop. Do you really think I’m uncomfortable because of something that I wouldn’t tell you?”

“Well, I don’t know. She’s your ex-girlfriend, Jag, and the first time you see her, you shut down.”

He leaned across the table so his voice wouldn’t carry. “It’s not the first time I’ve seen her since we moved back.”

“It’s not?”

“She came up to me when you were in Seattle. I was at the gas station grabbing some energy drinks, and she was just there all of a sudden. Said she’d been trying to get ahold of me, which I already knew, and was trying to talk me into getting back with her. She knows now that there’s no chance in hell of that, but she asked if there was someone else. I didn’t say yes or no, because there’d always been you, but at that moment you weren’t talking to me. I just told her I was sorry that she’d still thought there would be something between us, and she got pissed. Asked who the person was, told me I’d come back to her . . . typical LeAnn bullshit. So I’m not uncomfortable that I’m seeing her, or that she sees me with someone. I don’t like that she’s seeing
you
. I don’t want her to get on you because she thinks you’re a threat or something.”

“She would’ve found out eventually, it’s probably already going around town after today,” I mused as I grabbed the menu.

“Of course she would have. If I wanted to prevent that, I’d never go into town with you. I’m just worried about how she’ll react. You remember how she was in high school to any girl I talked to, including you. She’d put threats in your locker because I was always with you.”

“And sent me letters ‘from Ben’ that he was breaking up with me. How could I ever forget those lovely moments,” I mumbled drily.

Jagger sent me a droll look. “All of that added with how pissed off she was last month, I just—”

“I know, Jag, I get it. She was a little intense in high school.”

“A little?” One dark brow rose, and I rolled my eyes.

“Fine . . . she was borderline psychotic in high school. Better?”

He smiled, and the look on his face easily showed his agreement, but he didn’t say anything.

“But that was also four years ago. She has to have matured in that time. Even if she did initially get mad when you saw her last month, you have to know that it was bound to happen. One, because . . . well, it
is
her, and she’s the type of person who could easily be institutionalized for her actions. I’m pretty sure it’s in her DNA to be loud and dramatic about everything. Two, if she waited for you that long with the hope that you
would
get back together . . . then I don’t know who would expect a different reaction from her. Especially since you told her the two of you would be together.”

“She wouldn’t let me break up with her,” he whispered harshly, and I had to bite back a laugh at the scene that had gone down that entire week.

Jagger had broken up with LeAnn the week before graduation, and that next Monday she had walked right up to him and kissed him in front of everyone. Once Jagger had finally pushed her back and asked what she was doing since he’d broken up with her only days before, she gave him a look like he’d lost his mind and said, “But
I
never said we were done” with the air of someone who controlled the entire world. But Jagger had never been one to be controlled . . . and he’d more or less told her that he wasn’t going to wait around for the day that she was done with him, and broke up with her
again
. That same thing happened every day—sometimes multiple times a day—for the rest of the week. It wasn’t the first time any of us questioned her sanity, but we all just shrugged it off because it wasn’t a secret that she’d been obsessed with Jagger for years before they’d ever gotten together. But it wasn’t until after graduation that Jagger had finally figured out a way for LeAnn to leave him alone by telling her he didn’t want to put her through the hardship of a long-distance relationship, and they would be together again as soon as he moved back from college.

Not that anyone had thought he was serious. Well, except for LeAnn apparently.

The uneasy feeling I’d had when we sat down had quickly disappeared as we’d talked through everything, and I glanced back over at LeAnn. Her eyes glided in my direction, and she shot me a soft smile and waved before continuing the conversation with her date.

“Well, she definitely looks like she’s moving on from you, and away from the psych ward,” I mumbled as I looked back down at my menu.

Jagger huffed. “I know, and thank God.”

“And the look she just gave me was definitely not one that said she was pissed off at you or me.”

“Good. Maybe she did grow up and is already over it. The guy at the gas station pretty much said she’s been with most of the guys in Thatch. I’m glad they’re enough to get her over whatever happened.”

“Like I said, you really couldn’t expect a different reaction from her.”

My menu was suddenly pushed down, and Jagger set his hand over mine, his fingers gently squeezing my wrist. “As much as I love talking about LeAnn, can we change the subject?”

“But she’s such a fun topic,” I whispered sarcastically.

“About as fun as your mom telling us to use protection and asking if you had condoms.”

A sharp laugh burst from my chest, and I dropped my face into my free hand. “Oh God. Okay, neither of those subjects.”

Jagger’s phone rang, and after a glance at the screen, he quickly answered. “Hey, you okay? . . . You just usually call me early in the morning or late at night . . . All right. Well, hey, I’m about to have dinner with Grey, so I gotta run, but have fun tonight . . . Yeah, Charlie.” Jagger sighed and his eyes flashed up to mine before they focused on the table again. “Okay, just text me when you get back to the house.”

“Is she having fun?” I asked once he put his phone back on the table.

“Yeah, I guess one of their friends lives wherever they’re stopped today and tomorrow, and they’re going to a concert or something tonight.”

I waited for Jagger to look up at me, or at his menu, but he just sat there with his eyes still fixed on the table. “Is everything okay with her? You seem . . . I don’t know, but your entire mood shifted when you were talking to her.”

Jagger blew out a long breath before looking at me, and his head subtly shook back and forth. “She’s just been kind of weird this summer. I don’t know what’s going on with her; she’ll just say things that are so unlike her. But it’s random, she’s Charlie most of the time, and then she’ll say something that—I don’t know, whatever. She’s fine.”

“You sure? We can leave so you can talk to her.”

“No, it’s not that serious.” Jagger’s lopsided smile quickly replaced the frown that had deepened as he’d talked to Charlie, but the smile looked forced. “Another subject we can leave alone for tonight, sound good?”

“Yeah, of course.”

He quickly changed the direction of the conversation by talking about the guy in Seattle who owned the gallery, and how long he’d been giving him his work to show and sell. And as that subject turned into Jagger’s drawings, and what he was working on now, his smiles came a little bit easier, but it was impossible to miss the vacant look in his eyes that stayed there for the rest of the night. Even when he dropped me off at my parents’ house hours later, I couldn’t help but wonder where Jagger’s mind was—because it was obvious it wasn’t with me.

Chapter 8

Jagger

July 24, 2014

S
TEPPING UP B
E
H
I
N
D
Grey as she was putting plates in the dishwasher, I wrapped my arms around her waist and brushed my lips across her neck. A soft sigh blew past her lips, and as she leaned back against my chest, she tilted her head away so I had more access to her neck.

“Thanks for making lunch,” I mumbled against her skin before placing another kiss there.

“I really don’t know how you survived for two years on your own, Jag. I know
I
wasn’t feeding you since I wasn’t even feeding myself.” Her hand went up to the chain on her neck, and I tightened my arms around her.

“Microwavable food and takeout. My best friends.”

Grey laughed and dropped the ring she’d been grasping, then turned around in my arms to face me. “Obviously.” Her face fell and the tips of her fingers traced under my eyes for a few seconds before she repeated the words she’d been saying all morning. “You look so tired.”

“I know. I never went to sleep last night.”

Her head jerked back and she pressed her hands flat on my chest to push me back. “What? Why?”

“I had an idea for a drawing right before I got in bed, and the next thing I knew it was after nine this morning and I was just getting in the shower.”

“Jagger, why didn’t you tell me? I’ve been saying something all morning and you’ve just been blowing it off.”

“Because you would’ve left if I’d told you.”

“Of course I would have! You need to—”

I cut off her words by pressing my mouth gently to hers, and smiled against the kiss when she tried to push me away. “I didn’t want you to leave, I wanted to spend the morning with you and force you to make lunch.”

Her anger quickly vanished and she kissed me again, this time deeper. “So that’s what I’m good for? Making you lunch?”

“Yeah,” I responded automatically, and exhaled roughly when she punched my stomach.

“You need to sleep.”

“I know.” Moving so only one of my arms was around her, I bent down and swiped her legs out from under her with my other arm at the same second as I started walking.

“Jagger!” she screamed, and quickly wrapped her arms around my neck. “Warning next time!”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

She kicked her legs in the air as I approached the staircase. “No. Put me down! You’re tired, and you are not carrying me up the stairs. And you
need
to go to sleep!”

“Why do you think we’re going up there?”

“Jagger,” she whined, but stopped wiggling around.

“Grey . . .” I mocked her tone, and smiled when she glared at me. “When in the last thirteen years have you ever left because I was about to take a nap, and vice versa.”

“I’m sure there was at least once. Now put me down and go to sleep.”

I stopped walking halfway up the stairs and let my arms shake. “You’re right, this looks like a good spot.” Bending down, I made my arms shake harder and let my eyes close. “ ’Night, Grey.”

Her legs kicked at the air again, and a hard laugh left her chest when I laid her down on the stairs, and lowered myself onto her so I was pinning her down. “Okay! Okay! Not here!”

“Too late.”

“This is so uncomfortable, Jag,” she complained.

I cracked one eye open and looked into her gold eyes. “You told me—”

“I take it back. Go to sleep
in
your bed.” She grunted as she tried to push me off. “You’re so heavy!”

“I don’t know if I should be offended by that or not.” Dropping my head to kiss her quickly, I jumped off her and left her there as I continued to climb the stairs.

“Good night,” she called after me from her spot on the stairs.

“Get your ass in the bed, Grey. You’re not leaving.”

I didn’t turn around to see if she would follow me. I already knew she would. I knew there were parts of our friendship that meant more now that things had changed between us, but I didn’t want that to change the way things had always been. I didn’t want her to feel awkward around me, and I didn’t want us to go through a phase of trying to figure out what we should or shouldn’t do now that we were together.

I had only been on the bed for a few seconds when she dropped down next to me. A smile tugged at my lips, but I didn’t say anything. This was right. This was us.

W
H
E
N
I
W
O
K
E
up, Grey was in my arms with her head curled under my chin. One of her hands was pressed to my chest while her other arm was wrapped around my back, keeping us locked together. The arm underneath her was asleep, and I was afraid to stretch out since one of her knees was locked between both of mine. It had to be the most uncomfortable position I’d ever been in; but it was perfect, and I would’ve stayed like that for hours if she hadn’t woken up and started moving.

I waited to see if she would start to freak out over our position, but long seconds passed before she moved her head from under mine so she could look at me—her eyes widening when she found me awake.

“How long have you been up?”

“A couple minutes,” I mumbled, and tightened an arm around her. “When did this happen?”

Grey’s cheeks filled with heat, and I couldn’t help but smile from the sight of it. “Uh . . . well, it was cold, and you were on top of the comforter.”

She and I both knew she could’ve gotten under the covers on the side where she’d been lying when I’d fallen asleep, but if she was going to use that as an excuse to reproach me, then I’d swear that she’d had no way of getting under. Anything if it meant she ended up in my arms voluntarily.

“Are you mad?” she asked hesitantly.

“Are you kidding?” Brushing my lips against hers, I left them there when I said, “ ‘Mad’ is the complete opposite of what I am right now.”

She smiled against my mouth before kissing me again, and soon the teasing kisses changed into something more. The hand that had been resting against my back started clinging, and the hand on my chest curled against the material of my shirt like she was trying to pull me closer when there was already nothing between us. When her hands released me only to start searching along the bottom of my shirt, I rolled us over so Grey was on her back and pulled my shirt over my head before tossing it away from the bed.

Her hands were everywhere—lightly traveling up my stomach and chest, across my shoulders, down my back. This was something I’d dreamed of for years, and never thought I would experience—and for a second, I wondered if I was still sleeping and would wake up and find her on the other side of the bed. Her fingers trailed over my abdomen, and a low groan sounded in my chest when she moved them just inside the top of my jeans.

Sitting back, I took in her flushed cheeks, swollen lips, and hooded eyes, and knew I would never forget the way she looked right then. Dipping my head down to her stomach, I pushed the bottom of her shirt up slowly, my mouth following the movement. Her breathing deepened and her hands moved up to gently grasp the back of my neck as I continued to move upward. I pushed the shirt just past her breasts, and let my lips linger on them for a moment, then Grey was pulling me up and crushing her mouth to mine. I settled myself between her legs, and had to clench my fists against the comforter when she moved her hips against me so I wouldn’t tear off her shorts right then.

“Jag,” she breathed against my mouth, her hands trailing down to the top of my jeans again. “I want . . .” She trailed off.

“Tell me—”

“Jagger?” a female voice called out from below the loft, and Grey and I both froze. “Your car is here, where are you?”

“Charlie,” we whispered at the same time, and Grey’s eyes were no longer hooded or dark with need; she looked terrified, and one hand was quick to grip at Ben’s ring when she realized the position we were in.

I turned my head and pushed myself off her so she wouldn’t see how much that action killed me after the last ten minutes.

“Jag?” Charlie yelled from the hallway.

“Yeah! Be down in a sec.”

I caught sight of Grey just before I pulled my shirt on, and wished I hadn’t. She’d already fixed her shirt and was sitting up on the bed, her eyes wide as she stared straight ahead, not seeing anything.

“Grey.” I waited until she looked up at me, and held my hand out to her. “Come on, let’s go downstairs.”

She nodded and mumbled something too low for me to hear as I pulled her off the bed.

Just before we hit the top of the stairs, I looked back at her and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

Not waiting for a response, I jogged down the stairs and wished I could go back to sleep when I saw my sister’s face. She was staring at Grey with a look close to betrayal, and once again, I was left not understanding my sister at all.

“Hey,” I finally said to break the tension coming from each girl. “I didn’t know you were coming back so soon.”

Charlie finally looked over at me, her voice soft and unsure. “I told you I’d be back tonight.”

“We just woke up. I don’t even know what time it is.”

Charlie didn’t say anything, and Grey finally shook off whatever she’d been wrapped up in to say, “Did you have fun?”

“Um. Yeah, it was—well, I’m glad to be home. But I should leave.”

“Charlie,” I grumbled at the same time Grey said on a laugh, “What? No!”

Charlie took a step back and pointed behind her. “No, really, I should. I should’ve called or something so I wouldn’t interrupt anything.”

“You didn’t,” Grey assured her, and my eyes darted over to her. “Jagger stayed up drawing all night, so we fell asleep after lunch. We just woke up, you weren’t interrupting anything.”

Part of me knew that Grey would’ve said that no matter what. It’s not like I wanted my sister to know what I did with Grey when we were alone, but I couldn’t help but think of the panicked look on Grey’s face when we’d broken apart, and the way she’d been gripping Ben’s ring.

“Um . . . okay,” Charlie mumbled before looking back at me.

“Oh my God, I had no idea it was this late.”

I looked over at the microwave to check the time, but right now the fact that we’d slept until seven wasn’t enough to faze me. My sister still looked hurt and betrayed, and Grey was standing far enough away from me that I couldn’t touch her if I tried.

“Are you hungry? We can order something, or I’ll make dinner.”

Charlie’s head jerked back, her eyes stuck on me before they slowly drifted to Grey. “Do you live here now?”

Grey’s face fell at my sister’s tone, and she scrambled to find something to say. “No . . . I don’t, I just . . .” She trailed off and looked helplessly around. “Jagger doesn’t cook, and I thought you might be—I’m gonna go home.”

I didn’t say anything; I didn’t know what to say in that moment. I was pissed off and so fucking confused. My sister and my girl were trying to leave, both looked uncomfortable, and I had no idea what to do to fix it.

“No, don’t,” Charlie said just as Grey started walking toward the bar to get her purse. “I’m sorry, it’s been a long day and I’m just crabby. I was with those girls in a car for a month and a half, it all got to be too much. We can order something, and I want you to stay, I’ve only seen you once since you moved back.”

Grey turned to look at me, but my eyes were still on Charlie. She sounded and looked like my sister again, but there was still that underlying hurt in her eyes. When I realized they were both looking at me, I cleared my throat and shrugged. “I don’t want either of you to leave. Decide what you want, I’ll call the restaurant.”

By the time the food had been delivered, Charlie and Grey were completely back to normal. But Grey was still sitting far enough away that I couldn’t touch her, and even when Charlie went outside to get something from her car, she was acting like nothing had ever happened between us. I couldn’t help wondering how much she regretted what little we’d done, and if she was blaming me for it.

Grey

July 28, 2014

A
S
S
O
O
N
A
S
I walked into The Brew, I spotted Charlie sitting at one of the large couches and started toward her just as she waved at me. She already had two drinks on the table, and I knew without having to look at the cup farthest from her that it was an iced caramel macchiato for me. Charlie and I had always taken turns getting something from this shop in the morning before classes during high school, so it was impossible to not know what each other’s favorite was.

“Hey, sorry I’m late,” I said as I sat down beside her on the couch.

She waved me off and pushed my drink closer to me. “You’re not. I came here early so I could grab a few books.”

“Get anything good?”

“Of course,” she scoffed. “Some more romances from a few of my favorite authors . . . you could always borrow them when I’m done.”