Letting Go (5 page)

“I know.” Sarah rubbed her mother’s hand.

“I need to feel like I’m actually doing something with my life.” She huffed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “Having your daughter and sister support you is one of the most humiliating things I have ever known.”

“Mom, you know we’re happy to do it.”

“I know, but that doesn’t make it any less hard.”

Sarah squeezed her mother’s hand and tried to fight back the tears.

“Oh, honey, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”

“I should have been home.” Sarah reached up and swiped away a few tears. “I shouldn’t have smashed my phone.”

She jumped when her mother laughed loudly.

“You smashed your phone?”

“With a beer mug.”

Her mother only laughed harder at that.

“What for?”

“Lance broke up with me.”

She abruptly stopped laughing.

“Oh, honey, I didn’t realize you would be so upset. That Lance always seemed like such as ass to me, but then it didn’t really seem like you all were seeing much of each other recently.”

“I’m not really upset. I just wanted to shut up Jake and his smart mouth.”

Her mother’s eyebrows shot up. “Now that’s an interesting move.”

Sarah grinned at her mother.

“Oh it was great.” Her face started to heat as she thought about Jake.

“Hmm. I see. And so where does that leave you with Mr. Dreamy Pants?”

The smile fell from her face. This was the one question she really had no answer to. Jake just wasn’t the type of guy to have a girlfriend, but then he had called her his woman. Her head spun thinking about where they stood. In truth, it was too early to even be thinking about where they stood but everything in her felt that they already knew the important things. Regardless of how he felt, he was already a part of her world.

“I don’t know but whatever it is, it’s worth it.”

She could feel the determination radiating from her.

“Good. That’s all I could ever ask.”

***

Jake scratched his nose and tried not to think about the hospital smell permeating the air around him. It bothered him now as much as it did then and just made him think about Kurt all over again. He absentmindedly rubbed the phoenix tattoo on his arm. It was supposed to mean a clean start, but that had just never happened. The burden of the life his friend missed was always looming in the background.

“Here, hun. I brought some cream and sugar but you look like a man who likes it straight up.” Patty winked at him as she sat down.

“Thanks.” Jake took a sip and found focus through the steaming brew.

“So what’s got you looking like you have the world on your shoulders?”

“I’m not a fan of hospitals.”

He turned when Patty laughed loudly.

“Lord, I haven’t met many who like hospitals. About the only people who like them are doctors and administrators.”

Her blue eyes sparkled as she looked him in the eye. Jake could feel her reaching in and pulling out the truth of the matter.

“You ex-military?”

“Yes, ma’am.” A chuckle slipped out as he found himself easily falling back into the habit.

“Thought so. My daddy was military. Mama said when he got out he was just not the same. Took a long time for him to fight his demons.” She stared off into the distance, perhaps remembering a different time. When she turned back around her eyes were sharp. “My niece is a very special girl. Been battling her own demons and always seems to come out ahead. Why do you think that is?”

“I…” Jake thought about this. He really had no clue why she was as chipper and amazing as she was. By all rights Sarah should be a bitter woman, but that hadn’t happened.

“Now don’t hurt yourself.” She patted him on the arm. “She lets it go. It’s not the same as forgetting, but there isn’t any point worrying about something you can’t change. You just got to go on and live like you’re supposed to.”

“But how?” It was out before he even knew it.

“By finding something better to focus on.” She winked and nodded her head behind him.

Jake turned to see Sarah coming around the corner.

“How is she?” Jake’s voice felt a little squeaky. He wondered if it sounded as off to everyone else.

Sarah took the seat on the other side of him.

“Oh, she’s fine. She tried to do housework and strained herself.” She sighed and leaned the back of her head on the chair.

“Is she supposed to be cleaning?” Jake turned so he could look at her face. There were dark rings under her eyes and a crease had formed on her brow.

“No, but she doesn’t have anything else to do. She’s so frustrated at having to depend on us for income when she worked so hard for her degree.”

“Oh, what degree does she have?”

“Accounting. Finished right after having me.” She beamed at her mother’s success.

“I don’t understand. Isn’t that something she could do from home?”

“Yes and no.” Patty’s answer was about as clear as mud. “Sure she could do the work from home, but there aren’t many clients that are going to be open to letting their accountant take unscheduled time off as much as she would need.” Her eyes drooped on that thought.

“Mom does pretty well most of the time, but there are a lot of doctor appointments and then there are just bad days.” Sarah sighed. “It’s just hard to watch her struggle.”

Silence fell over them as they digested things.

Jake abruptly stood and faced the hallway.

“I’ll be right back,” he said, turning toward Sarah. “I just have something I need to do.”

Without another word, he walked down the hall.

***

Sarah sat in silence thinking about the day while her aunt went back in with her mother. So much had changed. Or at least she hoped it had. She glanced down the empty hall, praying he would really come back.

Was it too much? She knew that things like this could be hard for others to deal with. It was something that she could never get Lance to understand. But this was her life. Good. Bad. It was what it was and she would move heaven and hell to make sure those she loved were protected.

A shadow fell over her and she looked up to see two beautiful green eyes.

“Sorry about that.” Jake stuck his hand out to pull her up. “I had some calls to make.”

“At 3 am?”

His grin pulled at her heart.

“Funny, that’s what they said.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “So, you going to let me meet your mom?”

Sarah blinked several times. Either he was just being nice or their relationship, or whatever it was, just jumped several steps ahead. Her heart raced at the thought.

“Sure,” she said.

He linked hands with her as she led the way. She peeked around the corner of the curtain to make sure she was decent and then pulled Jake in.

“Hi, Mom,” she said sheepishly. “This is Jake. Jake, this is my mom, Virginia.”

He stuck out his hand.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, ma’am.”

Virginia gave a knowing smile to her daughter and shook the hand.

“Likewise.”

“Sarah told me that you’re an accountant and might be in need of a job.”

Sarah and her aunt nearly sucked all the air out of the room. It shouldn’t have really surprised Sarah since Jake was never one to beat around the bush, but it certainly wasn’t what she expected.

“Listen, Jake, I’m sure my daughter put you up to this and I’ll just say this now. I don’t take charity.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

“Actually, Sarah didn’t know anything about this.” He stood up straight and looped his thumbs in this front pockets. “I and a few friends are in real need of some bookkeeping. None of us is very good with numbers, and things never seem to match up. We can offer you the time off when you need it, and you can do all the work in my office.”

He leaned back a little. Sarah stood in shock. This was not at all what she had expected.

“But I’ll level with you. Where I really do need the help, I’m doing this because I can’t stand to see Sarah hurting. And when you’re hurting, she’s hurting.”

“Well I’ll be damned,” Aunt Patty mumbled from her post at the side of the bed.

Sarah couldn’t stop her mouth from hanging open. If she didn’t know any better, she’d be sure he just gave a full-on admission of his feelings for her.

Her eyes shot to her mother and then back to Jake. They were having a battle of wills as they locked eyes. It broke when her mother grinned.

“Well okay then. I guess I can’t argue with that.” Her mother turned to her. “Maybe you can consider staying in school this way.”

“She had better.” Jake turned to her and pinned her with his sharp gaze. He nearly knocked her over when he broke into a grin and winked.

That was about all she could take. Sarah launched herself into his arm.

“Oh, good Lord. You better get her out of here before she gushes all over the places.” Sarah turned to look at her Aunt Patty. “Don’t worry. I’ll take your mama home here soon.”

Jake pulled her from the room only to be yanked back as Sarah came to a stop.

“You are amazing.” She beamed up at him with all the love she felt.

“No, I’m selfish.” He grinned when she cocked an eyebrow. “Now I get to see my woman more.”

Her brows furrowed. “And what does being your woman mean?”

Jake knew she would ask eventually and he still wasn’t quite sure what to say.

“It means that I need you and there isn’t much that I need. Maybe that makes me selfish and scares the hell out of me.” He reached up and scrubbed his hand on his chin. “But I’ve been so cut off for so long, and you are so good.”

Jake sighed and tried to regain some control.

“I want to live again and you’re the only one to make me feel this way.” His voice was raw with emotion.

Sarah could hardly contain herself. Her hands cupped his face as she placed tender kissed on his sweet lips. He brushed away a tear from her cheeks and took her in a loving kiss. It quickly heated and by the end they were panting with their heads together.

“Why don’t you take me back to bed and show me what it means to be your woman?” she whispered across his mouth.

Jake grinned. “Oh, I’ll show you. Over and over again. Every single night.”

Sarah sighed and slipped her hand into his.

“You had better.”

By day, Madison Stevens is a mom, wife, house cleaner, short-order cook and underpaid custodian. When night comes, she gets to hang up those jobs, enjoy the silence and become a sex goddess, or, when she has a headache, cook and read. Her husband is also an accomplished author, and she hopes to measure up to him.

She can be contacted at [email protected].