Let's Call the Whole Thing Off (18 page)

‘Baked beans on toast,’ I said, unnaturally brightly, when I served the meal. I swear Dave and the girl both looked in amazement at the plate on the table as if I couldn’t really be expecting her to eat it. ‘And one cappuccino and one black coffee,’ I went on, daring her not to. ‘Oh, and a glass of water.’

‘Thanks, Perce.’ Dave’s voice was warm and seductive and I could almost imagine his breath in my ear. He looked up at me with those dark brown eyes, but I didn’t linger on that look. My body was already acting treacherously, a small fire of longing travelling along my bones that I knew would never be satisfied. The sooner I could get these two out of the café the better.

Coming to Hollisea had been the worst possible idea. Just as soon as I’d finished here I would go back to the hotel, pack my bag and make my way home.

Hearing the rattle of the front door, I called out, ‘Sorry, we’re closed.’

But it wasn’t a customer. At the continued rat-a-tat-tat on the window, I glanced across and just recognised Mandy’s face through the glass. Relieved to see her, I rushed over and fumbled with the lock before beckoning her inside.

‘How is he? How’s Bob?’

‘Oh Anna, he’s going to be fine.’ I could hear the relief in her words and I threw my arms around her for a hug. I think we were both in need of one the way she collapsed into my arms.

I couldn’t help noticing how Dave turned round, slowly, tilting his head to one side in an exaggerated fashion, his eyes wide. I ignored his unasked question and concentrated instead on what Mandy was telling me.

‘Apparently, it was some sort of angina attack,’ she went on. ‘He’s going to need some new medications, but the doctors seem to think it will be manageable. I can’t tell you what a relief that is. There was a moment there where I thought I was going to lose him. Really, Anna, it was so scary.’

Dave tilted his head to the side some more. I saw Natalie lean across the table to him and whisper something in his ear, the intimacy of her gesture creating a sharp pain in my chest. I swear I heard the name Persephone mentioned.

‘Anyway, I needn’t have worried about anything here.’ Mandy smiled. ‘You look as though you’ve got everything under control. Any problems?’

‘No problems at all,’ I said, Mandy’s arrival making me realise I was completely exhausted. I hadn’t sat down once in the last few hours and my legs were aching from all the to-ing and fro-ing.

‘I shall have to keep you on then,’ she said, laughing.

My cheeks flushed as Dave glanced my way again as he and his friend stood up to leave.

‘Thanks very much …’ He paused and gave a small non-committal shrug as he handed me the saucer with his payment. I don’t know what annoyed me more. The fact that he’d left me a tip or the fact that his friend hadn’t touched her baked beans.

‘Thanks. Bye,’ I said, feeling the cold waft of air that rushed through the door to greet me. It was either that or the cold front coming from Dave’s direction.

Chapter Twelve

Back in my hotel room, still stinging from the humiliation of coming face to face with Dave in the café, I had a very quick shower, threw on my jeans and a T-shirt and stuffed the rest of my things in my holdall. I glanced at my watch. I had a feeling there was a train just on the hour so if I got a move-on I might just be able to catch it. I needed to get away from Hollisea as quickly as possible. I’d run away from home and now I was running straight back again and I still wasn’t sure if I was any the wiser as to what I was going to do.

I was just tying up my laces when there was an unmistakable knock at the door. It could only be one person.
Neil
, I thought warmly. And it would save me a job at least. I wanted to say goodbye to him before I left.

I swung open the door, but the sight waiting for me on the threshold made me quickly shut it again.

For a moment I wondered if I was in the middle of a nightmare, or hallucinating even. I relived in my head those last few moments. I’d opened the door and no I definitely hadn’t imagined it. It was definitely Ben, Ed and Sophie standing there. The team London firing squad. Ed’s plaintive voice begging me to open the door only confirmed the fact.

‘Anna, don’t be silly. Please open up the door and let us in.’

‘No, I’m sorry; I’m a bit busy at the moment.’

My body slid down the back of the door and I sat on the floor, hugging my knees, struggling to find my breath. Okay, so I’d been on the verge of leaving and going back to face each of them, but that was on my terms. That would at least have given me two hours of thinking and preparation time. I wasn’t ready to see them now in my hotel room. Hearing Ed’s voice had seen all my resolve leave my body.

This was my escape pad, my little sanctuary. How dare they turn up here without warning? Anger fizzled through my veins.

‘Well, we’re not leaving until you do let us in.’

‘Nope, I’m sorry; you should have made an appointment if you’d wanted to see me.’ Oh God, that sounded ridiculous even to me. ‘I’ll be back in London tomorrow, come and see me then.’

‘Come on, Annie, don’t be like that.’ Ed’s voice was warm, plaintive and all too familiar. ‘I shouldn’t need to make an appointment to see my fiancé. I’ve been trying to get hold of you for days, we all have, but you’ve not been answering your phone. I’ve been going out of mind with worry about you. Come on, please, we need to talk.’

Hearing Ed’s voice and catching that quick glimpse of the three people who I’d considered my very best friends standing outside my room had made everything stop in my world. It was as though the last few days counted for nothing and for the briefest moment I could imagine throwing open the door wide, inviting them in and forgetting everything that had happened. Until I remembered the diary.

Wasn’t it a bit late for talking? The damage had been done and for the life of me I couldn’t see how that damage could be undone. But hang on a minute, what exactly were they all doing here?

Ben had promised me he wouldn’t say anything to anybody.

‘What are you doing here?’ I asked, as if I didn’t already know the answer to that one but desperately trying to buy some time.

‘Look, Anna.’ Now it was Ben’s voice. ‘I’m really sorry but I had to tell Ed. I know I said I wouldn’t but really, it was impossible. He was going to turn up at your parents’ place and I knew you wouldn’t have wanted that. Everyone’s been asking after you and wondering where you are. I was worried about you too, worried that you might do something stupid. If anything had happened to you I would have felt responsible.’

It seemed I couldn’t rely on anyone. Not Ed, Sophie, Ben or Dave even. Well done, Ed, you’ve quashed my faith in the entire human population.

‘Right, well, I’m perfectly fine as you can see. And the only stupid thing I did was actually believing that my fiancé might want to marry me instead of going behind my back and sleeping with my flatmate, who I had actually thought quite liked me too. I also thought that if I told you something, Ben – you being my friend and everything – you might keep my confidence. How wrong can you be?’

‘I was only thinking of you, Anna, I promise.’ I could hear the exasperation in Ben’s voice and I felt a pang of guilt. None of this was his fault.

I stood up and wandered over to the window and wondered, for a fleeting moment, if there was any means of escape. Maybe I could spend the rest of my life on the run, a fugitive from the wedding from hell.

I really didn’t want to face the hapless trio outside and hear their pathetic excuses.

Sadly, I was two floors up and any escape plan would result in personal injury and however much I wanted to make a statement I didn’t want to make that kind of statement so I had to either let them in or sit it out and wait till they got fed up.

‘Just go away!’ I hissed.

‘Oh, don’t be like that, please. I know we all owe you a huge apology and we want to make it up to you if only you’ll let us. Come on, Anna, just open the door. We’ll just sit outside if you don’t.’

Only I had a feeling I might get fed up before they did.

‘You can come in, Ben. But I don’t want to see you, Ed, or Sophie. Especially not you, Sophie. I’m sure the two of you can find something to fill your time with. I mean, it’s not exactly been a problem these last few months, has it?’

What did I have to say that for? I hated myself for who I’d become. There was a huge spill of venom waiting to rip off my tongue, but I bit it back. They were the ones who’d acted in an undignified manner. I didn’t need to reduce myself to their level.

There was a lot of muffled whisperings coming from the other side of the door.

‘Okay, Anna.’ Ben was talking to me in that slow and long-drawn-out way that suggested I was emotionally unstable and might do something very silly at any moment. ‘Ed and Sophie are going to grab a coffee, so you can let me in now.’
Put down the gun
, I half expected him to say. ‘Let’s have a chat, just you and me. Come on, open the door.’

I eased the door open slowly, peering through the gap, just to make sure I wasn’t falling into a trap and then pulled it open wider when I was certain it was only Ben standing there.

‘Hi,’ I said nonchalantly, as though we hadn’t just been through that whole ridiculous charade.

‘You all right?’ he asked, in the same way, wandering in and looking all around him. ‘This is very nice, must be costing you a fortune.’

Gosh, it was good to see him. It seemed like months, rather than days.

‘Yeah, well, I really didn’t want to slum it. I thought I deserved a bit of pampering after the way I was treated.’ The easy familiarity of the other day when we’d drunk coffee in his kitchen had been replaced by a wary awkwardness. I turned to face him as he sat on the end of my bed, his gaze fixed on the carpet. ‘Why did you have to go and tell, Ed? All I wanted was a couple of days away to get my head straight. You promised me you wouldn’t say anything.’

‘I know, but when you didn’t answer your texts or pick up your phone, I thought something was wrong. Ed came round that same night demanding to know what was going on. He’s not stupid, Anna. Sophie told him that you were in a funny mood that day and you left with me and of course it wasn’t difficult for him to put two and two together.’

‘A funny mood? She’d have been in a bloomin’ funny mood if she’d found out her boyfriend was playing away. But, oh wait! She doesn’t have a boyfriend. She was just borrowing mine.’

‘He’s gutted. Completely gutted. He knows he’s made the biggest mistake of his life and he wants to put it right. He doesn’t want to lose you and he’ll do anything to make things better. He was the one who insisted we came down here to find you.’

‘And Sophie? Did she have to come too? Forgive me, but isn’t that a bit insensitive?’

‘Yes, it is. But she really wants to talk to you as well. Before all of this you two were the best of friends. Despite what you think, they both love you dearly and they are deeply sorry for the hurt their actions have caused you. Honestly, all they want to do is make everything better.’

It was the use of the word love that got me. I bit back the tears. I wouldn’t cry because I’d told myself I was over that whole crying thing now. After a while it all became very tedious. And only made a mess of your face, making your eyes all puffy and giving you a stinking headache. It simply wasn’t worth the aggravation. It didn’t make you feel any better and only made you look a whole lot worse.

No, it was an increasing anger that fuelled me now. It was easy for them to say they loved me, after all they’d done to me. They didn’t know the meaning of the word love! They would never have betrayed me in the first place if they’d really loved me.

I looked across at Ben with sadness, knowing that all our relationships had been irrevocably altered. Not just mine and Ed’s and mine and Sophie’s obviously, but mine and Ben’s too. Whatever happened now, we’d never be able to recapture that easy intimacy we’d once shared. My whole life, everything I knew, wiped out in one fell swoop.

‘So did you tell them everything?’

‘What?’

‘You know, did you tell them how you had to fight off my pathetic attempts to seduce you? I bet that gave you all a big laugh.’

‘Oh, for Christ’s sake, Anna. Stop being so bloody self-indulgent. I get that you’re hurt and bruised and you want to lash out, but you’re not the only person in the world this has ever happened to. Yes, it’s a bloody shitty thing to have happened, but like it or not it has happened now and you’ve got to decide how you’re going to deal with. You can’t spend the rest of your life holed up in this hotel room avoiding everybody. And for your information, no I didn’t tell Ed. Why would I? It’s totally irrelevant. What kind of person do you take me for anyway?’

Stung by the uncharacteristic vehemence of his words, I turned to face at him. His brown hair was mussed up, as though it hadn’t seem a comb in days, his features were etched with tiredness and he looked thoroughly and utterly pissed off. If I wasn’t the aggrieved party here I might have felt sorry for him. But I didn’t. I hadn’t asked them to come traipsing down here to find me.

‘Self-indulgent? Ha! Well excuse me. I’m really sorry that you’ve been dragged into this whole sorry episode and I appreciate that you’ve been worried about me, but as you can see, there’s absolutely nothing to worry about. I can certainly do without your no doubt well-intentioned advice about how I should be handling this whole situation, interesting though it is. Why don’t you just go home and take the two star-crossed lovers with you? This really has nothing to do with you. And, do you know, if I want to be self-indulgent, I bloody well will be!’

He dropped his head into his hands and gave a small shake of his head as though I was the one being unreasonable.

‘It has everything to do with me, Anna. I hate seeing you like this. The last thing in the world I want is for you to be unhappy. It’s not too late for you and Ed to sort this mess out if you want to. He’s still madly in love with you and wants to marry you on Saturday. Surely you can swallow your pride long enough to at least talk it through with him.’

‘Is that what you think I should do, Ben? Swallow my pride and just forget about everything that’s happened? Do you honestly think you could do that if you were in my shoes?’