Lethal Exposure (15 page)

“I want…” He swallowed visibly. “I want to be with you.”

“In what capacity?”

“What do you mean?”

“In what capacity? Friend? Lover? Boyfriend?” Husband?

“I…I…don’t know.”

She straightened, stepped back from him. “Let me make this easy for you, Sebastian. Feel free to go home to L.A. Don’t feel like you owe me anything. I don’t need you to take care of me, or feel sorry for me. I know you don’t do commitment. That’s the very reason I started an affair with you in the first place.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was trying to get over Roger. I’d just flunked my exam to become certified as a sex therapist. I was in limbo. I needed adventure and I needed casual sex and then you walked into my life and you fit the bill. It was perfect. Don’t go ruining it now by trying to make it anything more than it was. We had a good time. Let it go at that.”

He couldn’t have looked more stunned if she’d slapped him the way Margery had slapped Roger.

“But you taught me something very important about myself and I thank you for that.”

“Wh-what did I teach you?” He seemed utterly confused.

“That I’m a romantic at heart. That I want the husband, the house, the kids in the yard, the white picket fence, a dog named Rover and a cat named Fluffy. I’m not like you. I can’t separate love from sex. It goes against who I am.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” She nodded and a chill chased up her spine. “Oh.”

If they were in a movie, this would be the part where he would tell her he wanted all those things, too. Then he would take her in his arms and kiss her and tell her that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

But of course, he didn’t do that.

“So you used me to get Roger out of your system,” he said flatly.

“I did,” she admitted. “I’m not proud of myself.”

“Did it work at least?”

“Yes, it did. And that’s what I really have to thank you for.” She reached up and wrapped her hand around the medallion at her neck. “You set me free, Sebastian, to be who I’m supposed to be.”

His expression was bone-chilling. “You’re welcome, Julie. I hope you get everything you want.”

Then he turned and walked away, shattering her heart cleanly in two.

JULIE.

Sebastian couldn’t stop thinking about her. She’d cast a spell over him. He didn’t even know who he was anymore. He kept having these thoughts that belonged to a different kind of man. Thoughts of marriage and kids and happily-ever-after. He kept imagining what it might be like to lead a different life. To sell his Beverly Hills mansion and give up doctoring the truth for a living.

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t shake her. She was an infection, slipping through his veins, burning up his brain.

Worst of all, he couldn’t sleep.

Ever since he’d returned to his home in Beverly Hills nothing seemed the same. His house was big and empty. The parties he attended superfluous. Even driving his Ferrari no longer boosted his mood.

To counter the effects of Julie withdrawal, he threw himself into his favorite activities. Surfing, going to Lakers games, hitting the clubs two or three nights a week with a new woman on his arm each time. But nothing salved the loneliness.

Three weeks after the fiasco at the Shangri-La, Sebastian trudged into his office. Blanche brought him an espresso and placed a white envelope on his desk.

He looked up at her. “What’s this?”

“My resignation.”

“What?” He stared. “You can’t quit.” Blanche was the only constant in his life. She took care of him and kept him in line. Losing her would be like losing his left arm.

“I’m sorry, Sebastian,” she said gently.

“Is it money? Whatever you want. Just name it. It’s yours.”

“I’m flattered that you think I’m worth so much.” Her smile was soft. “But money isn’t going to keep me here.”

“Okay, I know I’ve been in a foul mood ever since I got back from Austin—”

“It’s not your mood. Although, yes, you’ve been quite impossible.”

“What is it then?”

Blanche’s smile widened. “I’m getting married.”

“What? When? To who?”

“To whom,” she corrected.

“Grammar Nazi.”

“And you wonder why I’m handing in my resignation.”

“So whom is this dude?”

Blanche rolled her eyes. “You and that foul mood again.”

“The guy that you’re leaving me for. When did this happen? What’s his name?”

“His name is Brian Weatherly and I met him while you were in Austin.”

“So you’ve known him, what? Six weeks at most?”

She folded her arms over her chest. “Something like that.”

“Do I get to meet him?”

“Yes. You’re invited to dinner at my house tonight.”

“I don’t get it. How can you fall in love with a guy you’ve only known six weeks?”

“I’ve learned a few things in my fiftysomething years on the planet. For one thing, life is preciously short and you need to grab all the happiness you can stuff into your fists. And when it comes to love, real, true and lasting love, you know when you’ve found it. With my Edward, I’d only known him two weeks when he asked me to marry him. Time is irrelevant.”

“You’re serious.”

“We’re moving to Sedona. I’ve always wanted to live there. You’re invited to the wedding of course. It’s on Christmas Eve at my sister’s house in Long Beach.”

Sebastian shook his head. “Blanche and Brian. It’s too cutesy.”

“You’re only upset because you’re going to have to train a new secretary.”

“No,” he said. “I’m upset because I’m losing my best friend.”

Blanche blinked. “Don’t you dare make me cry. You’re not losing me, I just won’t be taking care of you anymore. Besides, it’s time you found a best friend your own age.”

He had found one his own age, but he’d gone off and left her in Austin, Texas.

“Linc’s getting married and moving away and now you. I’ve got nothing left,” he said as much to himself as to Blanche.

“You could have Julie.”

“Julie doesn’t want me.”

“Are you seriously that dumb?”

“Come on, she told me she’d only used me as a rebound relationship to help her get over Roger.”

“She said that because she was terrified you’d reject her if she told you what she really wanted, so she pretended you meant nothing more to her than a roll in the hay.”

His pulse quickened. “You think so?”

“Sebastian, are you blind? That girl’s so madly in love with you she can’t think straight. Now, if you don’t need me for anything else, I’ll be cleaning out my desk.” He followed Blanche into the reception area. “You really think Julie’s in love with me?”

“Why don’t you go ask her yourself?”

Julie shook her head and opened her locker. “You guys go on without me.”

“How can we go without you?” Vanessa wheedled. “We’re celebrating you passing your certifying exam. It’s official, you’re a sex therapist. That calls for pizza and beer.”

“I put in for a transfer back to newborn nursery,” she told her friends and hung up her stethoscope.

“Why?” Vanessa asked.

And Elle added, “You finally pass the test and now you want out?”

Julie shrugged. “I realize I don’t want to be a sex therapist.”

“After all that hard work?” Vanessa handed Julie her coat. “What happened?”

“It’s not me. I came to this unit to prove to myself I could handle the reality of sex. I came, I saw, I conquered. I’m ready to move on.”

“Just like with Sebastian,” Elle asked.

“Exactly like with Sebastian.”

“He was a firecracker.” Vanessa picked up her purse.

“And firecrackers always burn out.” Julie hardened her chin and the memories that assailed her every time she thought of Sebastian.

“He was so good-looking.” Elle sighed.

“We have completely different values.” Julie took off her nursing clogs and slipped into her cowboy boots. It was the same speech she gave herself every night for the past three weeks as she battled insomnia.

After having her sexual appetite whetted by his incredible lovemaking it had been pretty damned hard going back to her quiet little life. She’d taken all that excess energy and channeled it into studying for her exam. It had paid off, but now that she had the certificate in her hand, the victory felt hollow. She had to find a new goal in a vain attempt to keep the ghosts at bay.

How long was it going to take her to get over him? Two months? Six months? A year?

Julie shivered. What if she never got over him? What if she spent her life mooning over yet another unobtainable man?

“Come on.” Elle slipped her arm through Julie’s. “You’re going for pizza and beer whether you want to or not.”

“Yeah,” Vanessa said. “You’ve learned you can live through the worst and survive. We’re here for you. Whatever you need.”

They were right. Sebastian had taught her some valuable lessons and her friends were here to help her pick up the pieces. What more did she need?

“Besides,” Elle said as they walked toward the elevator, arm in arm, “who says you and Sebastian can’t work things out.”

“Please, he’s a playboy.”

“Hey, even they settle down eventually.”

“I’m not holding my breath.”

Vanessa punched the button for the elevator. “You two did look really happy on the front cover of the Inquisitive Tattler.”

Julie groaned. “Did you have to bring that up? People finally have stopped asking me about it.”

“I’m just saying, you did have some good times.”

“Good times do not a lifetime make.”

“There’s not the slightest chance you two could work this out?” Elle asked.

“He hasn’t called me in three weeks.”

“Have you called him?”

“No, of course not.” Julie reached up to finger the eagle medallion at her throat. And then the tears she’d been denying so long welled up in her eyes.

“Jules, are you crying?” Elle sounded alarmed.

“No.” She sniffled.

Vanessa plucked a tissue from her pocket and passed it to her. “Let it out, sweetie.”

The tears trickling down her face as they stood in the elevator told her she hadn’t fully dealt with what had happened. She’d thrown herself into studying for her test and tried to ignore her emotions. She would survive this. She would forget all about Sebastian Black.

She rubbed away the tears. “Let’s go get that pizza and beer.”

SEBASTIAN PULLED IN TO the parking lot at Confidential Rejuvenations at eleven-fifteen at night, not even sure what he was going to say to Julie when he saw her. He’d taken Blanche’s advice, gone straight to LAX, bought a ridiculously overpriced last-minute fare and flown to Austin without a plan in his head.

He got out of his rental car just as Elle and Vanessa and Julie came walking out of the employee entrance.

Julie saw him and stopped walking.

Elle and Vanessa kept going, mumbling good-night, and climbed into their cars and motored off, leaving him and Julie standing alone in the cool night air underneath the streetlamp.

She was dressed in a black turtleneck sweater, black slacks, tweed jacket and black cowboy boots.

“Julie,” he whispered and went toward her, his heart pounding erratically.

“Hey there, cowboy.” The sound of her voice reached out and wrapped around him like a hug.

He couldn’t talk, could only stare and stare and stare. He could stare at her all night and never get enough of looking at her.

Her hair was loose and tumbling about her shoulders in silky waves. She was wearing the platinum eagle medallion he’d given her. She looked poised and relaxed and utterly beautiful.

“Sebastian, what are you doing here?”

“I came to see you.”

“I can see that.”

God, how he wanted to gather her up in his arms and tell her, really tell her how he felt. But he was new at this. Had never said the words before and he didn’t know how to start. “Julie…”

“How’s Lincoln and Keeley?”

“They had a rough patch after that night at the engagement party. Keeley went through a crisis of faith in the wake of her parents’ breakup, but Linc gave her the space she needed and they worked things out.”

“So the wedding’s still on?”

“Yeah. They really love each other.”

“That’s wonderful.”

“What about Roger?” he asked.

“I heard through the grapevine he and Margery are going through with the divorce. She threw him out.”

“I know about that. Keeley told me. What about you and Roger?” he asked, terrified to hear the answer.

“There is no me and Roger. There never really was except in my imagination. He was a married man and I was nothing but a dalliance for him.”

“And I was nothing but a salve for your ego.”

Julie drew in her breath. “In the beginning, yes, but…”

“But what?”

“I’m not ready to go there.”

“Why not?”

“You took off on me, Sebastian.”

“You told me to leave you alone.”

She caught her bottom lip between her teeth. “True.”

A long silence stretched between them. This wasn’t going the way he’d imagined on the plane. They were both feeling their way through this.

“Whatever happened to Maxine?” he asked while he tried to figure out exactly how to say what was in his heart.

“She’s answering phones for the Inquisitive Tattler,” Julie replied.

“Confidential Rejuvenations should have pressed charges,” he said, “but they didn’t want bad PR.”

Her gaze searched his face. “How are things in the spin-doctor business?”

“Not so good.”

“No?”

He came closer. With each step his pulse thudded harder, swifter. “I’m thinking maybe it’s time I tried a new career.”

“Honestly?”

“You gave me a lot to think about and I realized maybe it’s not the most honorable profession in the world.”

“What will you do instead?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. But he wasn’t worried about that. He had plenty of options.

“You came to this conclusion after Colin Cruz had another meltdown? Where was it they caught him having sex this time?”

“The roller coaster on the Stratosphere in Vegas. You heard about that?”

“It was all over the Inquisitive Tattler.”

“You were right about him. He needed help. And you were right about me. I did him a disservice.”

“So you’re having a crisis of faith.”

“Maybe. But it goes deeper than Colin Cruz.”

“How’s that?”

“Blanche quit on me.”

“Oh?”

“She’s getting married.”

“Good for her. I like Blanche.”

“So do I. She’s why I’m here by the way.” He took another step. She didn’t back up, but neither did she hurry to close the distance between them.

“Blanche sent you?”

“Uh-huh.” Another step. If he reached out his arm he could slide it around her waist.

Her eyes were fixed on his. “Why did she send you?”

“To ask you a question.”

“What question is that?”

Sebastian took a deep breath. Was he really ready to say the words?

If not now, then you’ll never be ready.

Sebastian looked into Julie’s eyes and he just knew it was the right thing to do. Never mind his doubts. Never mind the way he used to be. Never mind the life he was leaving behind. There was a whole new life waiting for him if he was willing to reach out and grab the opportunity.

One more step and the tips of his shoes where butted up against the tips of her cowboy boots. “Blanche says you’re in love with me, is that true?”

She tilted her head up at him. “You came all this way to ask me that? You could have made a phone call. It would have been much cheaper.”

“Just answer the question.”

“No.”

“No?” Sudden panic seized him. Blanche was wrong. Julie didn’t love him! Impossible pain seared through his heart.

“No, I’m not going to answer your question. I’m tired of being the one to put my heart on the line for a relationship. If you want me, you’ve got to tell me.”

“I want you,” he growled.

“In what capacity? Friend? Lover? Boyfriend?”

“All of the above.”

A light of hope flickered in her eyes. She was just as scared as he was.

“What happened to flying free?”

“It’s garbage. Just something I told myself to justify my lifestyle and my fear of commitment.”

“So what’s changed?”

“After I went back home, I tried to pick up where I’d left off, but I couldn’t do it. I tried to forget you, but I simply couldn’t get you out of my head or my heart.”

She looked like she wanted to believe him. “Are you sure I’m the one?”

“Julie DeMarco, I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life.”

“But I don’t understand. You could have anyone. Models, actresses, singers, dancers. Why me? Why now?”

“Other than the fact I’m madly in love with you?”

Julie inhaled sharply.

“Yes, I said it. I love you. I love you for your bright-eyed optimism and your fierce loyalty to your patients and your values. I love you because you’re a crazy mix of innocent and wild. Of sweet and sexy. Because you have a giving heart and a kind soul. I’m crazy about the paradox that’s you. But most of all, I love you because being with you makes me a better man.”

“But I’ve done some bad things. Made a lot of mistakes.”

“And you think I haven’t?” He couldn’t stand not touching her one minute longer. He put his arm around her waist and pulled her flush against his body. She didn’t resist and that gave him courage. “Woman, I give thanks for the mistakes we’ve both made because it’s turned us into the people we are today. Don’t you get it? I think you’re beautiful just the way you are. Flaws and all. And I hope you can accept me for my imperfections as well.”

Sebastian splayed his hand over her heart. “I love what’s inside here.”

Tears misted her eyes. “But you left. You never called.”

“Because I was scared to death of these feelings. I’d never felt them before, Julie. You gotta remember, this is all new to me.”

“You’ve never been in love before?”

“Never. I mean here I was, a guy who’s spent his life running from relationships. I’d convinced myself love was a trap. I was stone-cold terrified to admit I’d been wrong. I thought commitment meant the end of fun and freedom. Lincoln tried to tell me what I was missing, but I couldn’t understand until it happened to me. Imagine, I was falling madly in love with you, and I find out you had a thing with Roger and then you told me you were only using me to get over him and I…” His throat clotted with emotion and he couldn’t continue.

“I hurt your feelings.”

“Hurt, hell, I felt like you’d ripped out my insides and stomped on them.”

“I was afraid to admit I was falling in love with another unobtainable man.”

“I can see that now.”

“How do you know for sure this is real?”

“Because when I went back to my old life, I took out women. A different one every night. I went to clubs. I raced my Ferrari down the Pacific Coast Highway. It all felt so meaningless. The joy was gone. Without you, everything seemed so empty. I realized I’d been filling my life with glitz and glamour to keep from seeing what wasn’t there.”

“And what’s that?”

“Love.”