Let the Church Say Amen (13 page)

R
ACHEL PRAYED
that her father would be late in returning from church and that she would have to deal only with her mother. She had been sitting in her car outside their house for almost an hour now, waiting to pick up her kids. She knew her father would yell at her about the scene at Bobby’s wedding yesterday. That’s why she didn’t go to church this morning; she didn’t want to deal with him, and she didn’t want people looking at her like she was crazy. Both her mother and father had tried calling her all last evening, but she did not answer the phone. She was only at the house now because Jonathan had refused to drop off her children, saying he wasn’t getting in the middle of that mess.

Rachel looked as her mother’s minivan turned the corner. She strained to see if her father was in the car. He wasn’t. Thank God for small miracles. Rachel jumped out of the car and met her mother just as she was pulling into the driveway.

“Mama, please don’t start,” Rachel said as soon as she saw her mother’s chastising look.

“I ain’t goin’ say a word. You’re the one that’s got to walk around with folks knowing how much of a fool you acted.”

Loretta got out the car, pushed the front seat forward, and unstrapped Nia from the first car seat. She lifted the toddler onto her shoulder and motioned toward Jordan. “Get him and bring him on inside. Try not to wake him.”

“Actually, I thought I’d just take them on home,” Rachel said.

“Nonsense,” Loretta snapped as she struggled to pull her purse up on one shoulder and keep Nia positioned on the other. “These babies ain’t had nothing to eat and I know you ain’t got nothing over there for them to eat.”

Rachel really didn’t feel like arguing; she just wanted to get out of there. “I’ll swing through McDonald’s.”

Loretta threw her a crazy look before walking up the sidewalk to the house. “McDonald’s. On Sunday?” She called out behind her. “Don’t be silly. Now come on.”

Loretta stopped, turned around, and noticed Rachel hadn’t moved. “Get that boy out the car and come on inside. You can’t hide from your daddy forever.” Loretta shifted Nia, unlocked the door with the keys from her purse, and went inside.

Rachel stood there debating her next move. She couldn’t just leave, but she didn’t want to see her father either. Simon’s car turning onto the street ended her dilemma. Rachel silently cursed, then quickly leaned over to get Jordan out of his car seat. She had just made it to the front door when her father pulled into the driveway.

“I thought I told you to wait on me yesterday,” Simon said as he got out of the car.

Rachel struggled to open the door with Jordan lying across her shoulder. “I need to get Jordan inside,” she said without looking back. Once inside, she quickly raced upstairs and laid her son across the bed in David’s old room, now a room for the kids.

There was no more putting off the inevitable; Rachel slowly made her way back downstairs. Simon was waiting for her in the living room.

“Sit down,” he commanded.

Rachel let out a long sigh and did as she was told.

Simon paced back and forth. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

“I ain’t got nothing to say.” Rachel sat there defiantly.

Simon shook his head. “How dare you come into the church, on that boy’s wedding day, and create a scene! Do you know how bad you made me look?”

“Oh, yeah. We gotta make sure Reverend Jackson doesn’t look bad,” Rachel snidely remarked.

“Girl, don’t think you’re too old for me to bust your head to the white meat,” Simon threatened. Rachel tried not to snicker. Growing up, her father had always threatened them with some crazy country saying. But he seldom carried through on his threats. The last time he whipped her was when she was six years old. As the baby, she usually got away with a lot. She assumed her parents were just tired after raising two boys.

“Are you listening to me?” Simon bellowed.

Rachel knew the sooner she agreed with her father, the sooner all this would be over with, so she just nodded, trying to soften her look of defiance.

“I’m sorry, okay? I just love Bobby so much.”

“Love?” Simon looked at his daughter like she had lost her mind. “You’re nineteen years old. What do you know about love?”

“You fell in love with mama around my age.”

“That was a different day and age. Besides, we were mature, which is more than I can say about you.”

Rachel let out a grunt. “Well, I know I love Bobby. And he loves me.” She was getting agitated again. No matter how civilized and respectful she tried to be with her father, he always managed to make her mad.

Simon laughed, a deep, maniacal laugh. “If he loves you so much, then why did he marry Shante?”

Rachel stared at her father in disbelief. “They … still got married?”

Now it was Simon who looked defiant. “They sure did. He convinced her that you were crazy, not that it took a lot of doing. Your shenanigans delayed the wedding, but they didn’t stop it.”

Rachel was speechless. Bobby was married. They had actually gotten married. Rachel felt tears forming. Her heart had never ached the way it did right now.

Simon’s anger softened at the sight of his daughter’s tears.

He sat down beside her on the sofa and awkwardly put his arms around her. “Rachel, it’s for the best.”

Rachel couldn’t hold it in any longer. She buried her face in her hands and started sobbing.

Simon sat for a few minutes, like he didn’t know whether to pull her into an embrace or not. He finally decided to hug her tightly. “Maybe this will finally get you to move on,” Simon said.

Rachel pulled back and looked up at her father, though she could barely see, the tears were so heavy. “And you married them?”

Simon pulled his arm away and stood up. “We’ve already had this discussion. I told you as pastor of Zion Hill, I can’t let my duties interfere with some obsession my daughter has.”

Rachel’s anger rose again. “Heaven forbid you would do something to jeopardize your pastoral duties!” Rachel shouted. “Who cares how much it hurt your daughter. All that matters is Zion Hill! Zion Hill! I hate that church!”

All their commotion had Loretta running into the living room. “What is the problem?” she asked.

Simon stood facing Rachel as he spoke. “Your daughter has lost her everloving mind. You best talk some sense into her before she’s crossed off the welcome mat at this house.”

Rachel stood up. “So you goin’ ban me like you did David?

Just kick me out of your life, too?” She gestured mockingly. “Oh, but you’ll still have your precious Jonathan! I bet you would’ve never married one of his ex-girlfriends!”

The veins in Simon’s neck started bulging. “Loretta, you deal with this child because she goin’ make me lose my religion!” Simon grabbed his newspaper off the mantle and stormed down the hallway and out to the deck. Rachel watched as he settled down into a lawn chair, flipped the paper open, and started reading.

“Rachel—” Loretta eased up behind her daughter.

“Mama, how could he?” Rachel sobbed. “How could he do this to me?”

Loretta took Rachel into her arms and squeezed her tightly. “Get it all out, baby,” she said soothingly as Rachel buried her head into Loretta’s shoulder. “I know it hurts but God heals all wounds.”

“How could God do this to me? He knows how much I love Bobby.”

Rachel had grown up in the church. Sure she cursed and had a little sex every now and then, but she still considered herself a Christian. So why did God treat her so unfairly? She couldn’t understand.

Loretta continued rubbing Rachel’s back. “He also knows what’s best for us, even when we don’t. And the fact that Bobby married that girl means God has a greater plan for you.”

Rachel lifted her head, wiped her eyes and sniffed. “Like someone better than Bobby?”

Loretta brushed the loose strands of hair out of Rachel’s face. “Like someone better than Bobby.”

Rachel wanted desperately to believe her mother’s words, but, right now, she didn’t think she’d ever find anyone she loved as much as Bobby.

J
ONATHAN FELT BETTER
than he had in months. He was really enjoying his time with Angela, and if he could just get his mind off Tracy, everything would be fine. He thought about seeking professional help because he couldn’t for the life of him understand how he was in love with both a man and a woman. It was a thought that quickly passed because if he couldn’t come clean with his family, he sure wouldn’t be able to tell a complete stranger.

The fact that he loved Angela proved he couldn’t be gay. And just labeling himself bisexual seemed too farfetched. But he didn’t know what else to call it. He kept telling himself that Tracy was an experiment. That’s not the way life was supposed to be.

“You seem to be in another world.” Angela’s voice jolted Jonathan out of his thoughts.

“Oh, I’m sorry. What was it you wanted to talk to me about?”

“Isn’t this place beautiful?” she said. They were sitting on a blanket in the grass at Transco Towers, a waterfall-laden garden area near the Galleria shopping center. Several couples were strolling through the area. One young woman was having her bridal portraits taken near the waterfall. Right next to them, a boy was throwing a Frisbee to his dog.

Angela leaned back and inhaled. “I love coming out here. It’s so peaceful. And I just love the smell of the water.”

Jonathan looked at Angela strangely. She had been doing and saying weird things all week. Sure, the waterfall was pretty, but as for smelling good? “What’s going on, Angela?”

Angela closed her eyes and began talking. “You know, when you left me I was devastated. I just knew you had gotten down there and fallen for some college coed.”

Jonathan interrupted. “Angela, I told you—”

“Just let me finish.” Angela kept her eyes closed, lying down with her hands behind her head. The mist from the waterfall lightly sprinkled her face. “I wanted some answers. I needed some answers. But they never came. So, I just prayed for peace of mind and finally that came. Then when I saw you that day at church, everything I thought I had buried came rushing back. Still, I never dreamed we’d get back together.”

“Angela, where are you going with this?”

“Jonathan, I’m pregnant.” The expression across her face was strained, but she never opened her eyes.

Jonathan stared at her in disbelief. They had only had sex that one time. Angela was consumed with guilt afterward, saying she had really built her relationship with God during their time apart and she was adamant about remaining celibate. That was just fine with him because after their rendezvous, he was more confused than ever. He had hoped since he once truly loved Angela that being with her sexually would help him get over Tracy. Of course, it wasn’t working.

Jonathan wasn’t stupid, he knew it took only one time, but he never would’ve dreamed that’s what she wanted to talk to him about.

They sat in silence for several minutes. “So?” Angela finally said.

“So what?”

“Do you hate me?”

“Angela, I could never hate you. Besides, you didn’t get pregnant alone.” He looked off, taking in the scenery. A baby. How could he have been so careless? She’d told him she wasn’t on birth control. Of course, that was after they’d already slept together. She said she’d stopped taking it after they had broken up and because she had vowed to remain celibate, had never bothered to get back on the pill. Still, he never thought he would’ve gotten her pregnant.

“You don’t have to be there. I can do this by myself,” Angela offered.

Why is it women always said that? As if he’d be able to just forget his flesh and blood. “Angela, that’s absurd. I’m not just going to leave my child.”

Jonathan turned toward Angela. She was now lying with her eyes wide open, staring at the sky. They were misting and her chest was heaving up and down. Jonathan took her hand and began stroking it. “Angela, we’ll get through this.” He had to make her believe that, because he sure didn’t.

“So an abortion is out of the question?” Kevin was munching on Pringles in between gulps of his Rolling Rock.

Jonathan had rushed right over to Kevin’s apartment after dropping Angela off at home. He had to talk to someone about the news. They were now stretched out on Kevin’s Italian leather sofa.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t even suggest that. She’d go berserk and probably damn me to hell.”

“You’re the religious one. Maybe this baby is a sign for you to get over ol’ girl,” Kevin said, with a mouthful of chips.

“Who?”

“The chick from Atlanta.” Kevin swallowed the last of his beer and continued talking. “So, you don’t think she did this on purpose, do you? I mean you were her first love, and maybe this is just her way of trying to get you back.”

That thought had crossed Jonathan’s mind, albeit briefly. Angela simply wasn’t that type of woman. “Naw, she didn’t even want to have sex. I practically had to beg her.”

Kevin didn’t look swayed. Finally he shrugged. “You know, having a baby isn’t the worst thing that could happen. At least you know Angela ain’t crazy and you won’t have to deal with any baby mama drama like Rachel be dishing out.”

Jonathan narrowed his eyes at Kevin. “Leave my sister alone.”

“All I can say is I’m thankful you never let me get with her. Because if I had been unlucky enough to shoot some of this up in her fertile ass, I’d never be able to deal with her crazy behind. Man, I just think of some of the stuff she’s done, and it’s enough to get me to make sure I wrap it up with whoever I’m with.”

Jonathan let Kevin ramble on. Even though he hated people bad-mouthing his sister, he didn’t let the ranting get to him because he knew Kevin loved Rachel like she was his own flesh and blood.

“Anyway,” Kevin continued, “Angela is good people. If there was anyone I’d want as a baby’s mama, it would be her.”

“That’s just it. I don’t want a baby’s mama.”

“So what does that mean?” Kevin paused, his mouth droping open when he realized what Jonathan was saying. “Don’t tell me you’re thinking of marrying Angela?”

Jonathan sat up and started thumbing through the various sports magazines strewn out on Kevin’s coffee table. “I know that’s what she wants. She kept hinting at it all the way home, talking about how she never saw herself having a baby out of wedlock.”

Kevin looked shocked. “Man, that’s deep. Are you ready for that?”

“I don’t know. Angela is the type of woman men dream of marrying.
If
I wanted to get married, she’d be perfect.” Jonathan didn’t know if he should even be considering marriage. Especially, not with lingering feelings for Tracy.

“But still, marriage? Everybody and their mama got babies these days. Nobody gets married anymore just because they knocked someone up.”

Jonathan sighed. “Angela isn’t just
someone.
I really care for her and it’s going to be so embarrassing for her to walk around pregnant and not married.”

“Embarrassed? Who the hell cares about her being embarrassed? And if she’s that damn embarrassed, tell her don’t have it.”

Jonathan knew Kevin wouldn’t understand what he was going through. Angela was held in high regard at the church. It would really affect her to have people talking about her having an illegitimate child, but not nearly as much as having to endure an abortion.

“I told you, man, she doesn’t believe in abortions,” Jonathan said.

“Well, dog, I don’t know what to tell you on that one.” Kevin patted his chest. “I know, ain’t no woman tying the big man down until I’m good and ready. And even then, I don’t know if I’ll be able to be faithful until death do me part.”

“It seems real easy for my dad. And he has women throwing themselves at him.”

“You know some of them church women are the freakiest ones of all.” Kevin leaned in. “You really think your dad ain’t hit on none of them?”

“Naw, man, I really don’t think so. The way those women treat my mother, they’d probably love to throw something like that in her face. My father ain’t having that.”

“See, that’s why I couldn’t be no minister. I’d be trying to get my freak on in the choir stand.”

Jonathan laughed. Kevin wasn’t lying.

“I’d probably get shot by one of the deacons for sticking this snake in his daughter,” Kevin said, grabbing his crotch.

Jonathan shook his head at his friend. “That’s why you haven’t been called to preach.”

Kevin’s smile turned serious. “What about you? Does your dad think you still want to be a preacher?”

Besides Tracy, Kevin was the only person who knew Jonathan didn’t want to be a preacher. But he didn’t know the real reason. “You know I can’t tell him that.”

“So why are you so adamant about not being a minister and all now? Besides the fact that you’re a closet stud?”

“I just don’t think that’s my calling is all.”

Kevin shrugged. “Whatever you say. I just know if you do become a minister, I can’t be hanging with you no more. You’d cramp my style.”

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that.” Jonathan had all but ruled that out, even though he’d yet to tell his father. He figured if he stayed with Angela, his father would never have to know about his relationship with Tracy. Sure, he’d be disappointed about Jonathan fathering a baby out of wedlock, but nowhere as much as he’d be if he knew his youngest son was gay.

Kevin eyed the clock. “Hey, I don’t mean to rush you. But I got some honeys coming over tonight and I’m not in the mood to share.”

“Honeys, as in plural?”

“Yep. Kashanna and Dayanna. Twins, baby!”

Jonathan shook his head at his friend. The sad part was society would more easily accept Kevin’s behavior than his monogamous relationship with Tracy. Jonathan stood up and began making his way toward the door. “I’ll leave you with your twins. I got some things I need to work out in my head anyway.”

“Well, give me a call if you need to talk. In the morning, that is.” Kevin grinned.

Simon was sitting at the kitchen table poring over some scripture notes. Jonathan stood silently behind him for a few minutes, trying to gather up his nerve.

“Hey, Dad.”

Simon looked up and smiled. “Hey, son. What’s shaking?”

“Dad, no one says ‘what’s shaking’ anymore,” Jonathan said, pulling out a chair and taking a seat next to his father.

“Excuse me. I’m not up on today’s lingo.” Simon closed his Bible, set his pen down, and removed his reading glasses. “I’m glad you came in. I needed a break.” He leaned back, folding his arms in front of him. “I just wanted to tell you how happy I am to see you and Angela back together. That’s a sweet girl if I ever saw one. Have I ever told you how much I like her?”

“Only a thousand times.”

“Well, I hope you’re serious about her. Because she’s just the type of woman a good preacher needs by his side.”

Jonathan knew that now was a perfect time for him to tell his father about his decision not to be a preacher, but that was not what he had come here for. Besides, since he was pursuing a future with Angela, maybe he could still have a career in the ministry. The only reason he was deciding against it was because he knew if he chose a gay lifestyle, being a minister was out of the question.

“Dad, I wanted to talk to you about Angela.”

“Talk away.”

“She’s pregnant.”

Simon sat in stunned silence, his arms across his chest, his glasses dangling from his hand.

“Say something,” Jonathan said.

“What do you want me to say? That I’m happy for you?” Simon asked, a stern expression across his face. Jonathan lowered his eyes, like he had just been chastised.

“Look, Son,” Simon continued, finally unfolding his arms and leaning forward. “I can’t lie and say I’m not disappointed, but we all make mistakes. I know you’ll do right by that girl and give that child a name. So, I won’t judge you.”

That was not quite the reaction Jonathan expected. His father didn’t seem upset at all.

“Of course, I didn’t want it to be like this,” Simon continued. “But I guess I got my wish about having Angela in the family after all. She’ll make a good wife.” Simon put his glasses back on, opened his Bible back up, and resumed writing like the discussion was closed.

Jonathan didn’t reply. As usual, his father had decided how his life would turn out.