Let Me Love You (Australian Sports Star Series Book 2) (13 page)

Oliver raised an eyebrow. “Kids?”

She chuckled. “You make it sound like a bad disease. I love children.” With a half-hearted shrug she added, “Who knows whether I’ll ever have some of my own.”

“Not if you’re running away from a relationship.”

Her chuckle turned into a laugh.

“Are you scared of another relationship?” he asked.

“Even if I were, you are, too,” she fired back.

He stepped closer and cupped her face. “But I’m here now. I’m here to give this a go.”

She leaned into his warm hand, forgetting for a brief moment how much she’d missed his touch.

“I can’t—”

“Let me love you, Tam. Please, let me—”

Trying hard to hold back the tears, she met his gaze. “My life’s here in Perth.”

Oliver’s silence nearly broke her heart. As much as she wanted him to leave, deep inside she hoped for something else. Something more. Did she expect him to fight more for her?

“Yes,” he finally said. “Talking about Erin hurt. I feel like an ass leaving you that day. And I’m truly sorry. If I could change it, I would.”

His hands fell to his sides as he stepped away from her. “Erin and I had only been together for a few weeks. Nothing serious.” Letting out a long breath, he raked through his hair. “Everyone expected me to grieve. I mean, of course, I felt empty for a long time, but I wasn’t really grieving for her. For Christ’s sake, I didn’t even know her that well. I met her parents for the first time at the funeral, and I didn’t even know she had two sisters. All the while, Mum was struggling in hospital, and I had to hold back feeling guilty for being responsible for that.”

He shook his head. “Listening to you made me realise what a lie I’d dished out to everyone. I talked to Mum—” He looked up and smiled at her. “She really likes you.”

A smile tugged at Tamara’s lips. “I enjoyed her company as well that day.”

“Anyway,” he continued. “I suppose it’s a bit like poetic justice. The whole crap, you know. Now that I can’t play anymore.”

Everything inside Tamara tightened. She was surprised by his honesty. Not necessarily by his words, but the thought process and the reality, that unlike what she’d believed, he was more prepared for something new than she was.

She finally moved closer to him and placed a kiss on his lips. Ignoring what she’d figured out, she said, “We both need to find our ways first, before we’re able to start something new, Oliver. You’ll have big task ahead of you, taking on the coaching position at the club.”

“I’m sure I can easily find something here in Perth.”

She shook her head. “No. Your life’s in Melbourne.”

Oliver opened his mouth, but she placed her finger on it. “Please, Oliver. Trust me, it’s better this way.”

***

Oliver stared at her, not wanting to believe the words he was hearing. All he wanted was Tamara. He didn’t need to live in Melbourne. Perth was only a couple of hours away via airplane.

“Tam?”

She shook her head, walked into her bedroom, and closed the door behind her.

Rubbing his face with his hands, he took a deep breath, turned and walked towards the door. Before he left though, he looked back one last time, hoping she’d changed her mind, hoping she’d stand there asking him to stay, but she didn’t. He stared at the closed bedroom door but it remained shut.

With no choice, and having done everything he could, and having said everything he had to, he left, knowing he was closing the door on something special, and something that could’ve been really good. With his hands still on the door handle, he was tempted to go back and make love to her until she saw that she’d been wrong in asking him to leave. He was so tempted, but in the end accepted and respected her decision that there was no space for him in her life. Slowly, he took one step after the other, still hoping, still listening, but in the end, he had to face the fact that it wouldn’t be, and he left the house and drove back to the hotel.

He grabbed a beer at the bar and joined a group watching
Top Gear
before heading upstairs for the night. Tossing and turning, it took him a long time to find sleep, Tamara on his mind.

***

Tamara heard the door close and nausea crept up in her. Leaving Melbourne without saying goodbye to Oliver had been hard, to let him go again even harder. Tears running down her cheeks, she lay on her bed, trying hard not to run after him. She knew the pain inside. It was the pain of losing someone, and although Jason was taken away from her in death, the pain of loss was the same.

“Darling?”

Tamara startled and looked up to see her mum. She sat up and wiped her tears, but there was no way one could fool a mother.

“What have I done?”

Britt sat next to her and hugged her close, placing a kiss on her daughter’s forehead. Tamara sobbed, her whole body shaking. The simple gesture of Britt’s hand moving up and down Tamara’s back as her mother whispered words of comfort calmed her, and she relaxed.

“I think it’s time.”

Tamara looked up at her mother, not understanding the words.

As Britt cradled her daughter like a little child, she said, “I have no idea how it must feel to lose someone so close, and I’m sure there’s no guideline one can follow, but hiding away—”

“I’m not hiding,” Tamara protested against her mother’s chest.

“Of course you are. You moved to Melbourne because Erik was always the one you turned to when you needed a bit of support. As much as one can settle in a few weeks, you did well, and then a nice man comes along and a jealous—”

Britt mumbled a word Tamara couldn’t understand, so she looked up. “Did you just say bitch?” Tamara asked with a hiccuppy sob.

“Excuse me? No way would I use that kind of language. But now that you’ve mentioned it, I’d say it describes her perfectly.”

Tamara let out a little laugh.

“Mum, this has nothing to do with these two. How can I work in a company that doesn’t trust me?”

“Poppycock. It has everything to do with it. My girl would have stood hands on hips in front of management and would have told them, in very nice words, of course, to go to hell, and then left.”

“I did.”

“No, you didn’t. You simply left, leaving it to Erik to pick up the pieces.” Britt let out a little sigh. “Darling. Your dad and I weren’t happy to see you leave for Melbourne, but we were happy for you to take your life in your own hands again and work hard to move on. Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting or leaving behind. You’ll always have Jason with you in your heart, and he will always be part of your life. Moving on means to pick up the pieces and create a new
you
without him.”

Tamara sighed.

“Moving on doesn’t mean moving to Melbourne. Moving on means catching up with old friends, who, by the way, have lost a friend as well. Moving on means, letting people like this handsome fellow who was here before, back into your heart. You get hurt in life, but you get up again. You lose some, and you win some.”

As Tamara listened to her mother, she wondered
how
to move on. Jason had been her whole life. They’d met in high school when he’d been teased by other girls because of his braces and pimples on his face. It was Tamara who’d stood up for him. He hadn’t been happy with the fact that a girl had helped him, and he had made sure she’d known. Filled with a combination of anger and hormones,
she’d
made sure to be overprotective and in his shadow nonstop, telling everyone what a mama’s boy he’d been. The rumour she’d started about him paying her money to be his bodyguard spread like a fire. And one day he’d stood in front of her door. They’d thrown a barricade of nasty words at each other until exhausted. Britt had placed chocolate cake in front of them afterwards. They’d been inseparable since then, finding their common likes for maths, action flicks, and bike rides. By the time Jason had turned sixteen, the braces were off, and he’d turned into a handsome teenager. Those girls who’d teased him then had now become jealous of Tamara.

For more than a decade and a half, he’d been part of her life. How could she now move on? How could her heart skip a beat when she looked at Oliver? And how could she enjoy making love to someone other than Jason as much as she had?

“He isn’t ready,” she replied with all the stubbornness she’d inherited from her father.

“Oh, that sounds like the pot calling the kettle black. You’re not ready, darling. He did the first step by coming here. Actually, that was the second step. His first step was to ask Erik for your address. That would’ve been scary in itself.”

Tamara chuckled. Her mother was right. Her uncle could be a little overprotective when it came to his niece.

“Mum, I don’t know how to move on.”

“Darling, you need to talk to someone. Not because of Oliver, but because of your friends. Someone to help you walk and talk amongst people without being scared to go home in case somebody might have invaded your privacy again. Someone to help you learn to live on your own, help you move past your fears.”

She met her mother’s gaze dead on. “I did live on my own in Melbourne.”

“But you never went out.”

Tamara remembered the night she’d gone out with the girls from the office. Markus had offered to walk her to her car, but she’d refused, and later she’d sat in front of her house for half an hour to make sure nobody had been in it.

“I did go out,” she whispered.

“With the guy from before? What was his name again?”

“Oliver.” She sighed and told her mother about what had happened.

Britt pulled her in closer again as the tears started again. “Promise me you talk to someone. And promise me you’ll be going to Andrea’s wedding on Saturday and catch up with your friends.”

Tamara nodded. “I promise.”

Chapter Nine

A couple of months later...

Oliver settled into his new role as coach for the junior baseball players and felt at home in his new role. He had the friendship and respect from the players and even took a few swings near the end of batting practices. His knee had healed nicely, and he was glad to be in the gym for his regular workout.

The club hadn’t made it to the finals, but the result was nonetheless impressive and encouraging. They’d had a small break, but training for the junior players had started a few weeks later already. The group was a bunch of enthusiastic kids, and Oliver had come to enjoy being with them in such a short time.

His phone buzzed when he made his way back to his car.

“Where are you?” Markus asked.

Oliver checked his watch. “On my way, mate. I’ll be there in half an hour. The man nervous, yet?”

The guys were meeting in the pub for a drink and watching the cricket on the big screen.

When he stepped through the door, Oliver saw Markus and Ty at their usual corner. He clapped on the guys’ shoulders.

“Ready for marriage, yet?” he asked Ty after he’d got himself a beer from the bar.

Ty took a long sip on his beer before he replied. “Ready as I’ve ever been.”

A big grin spread across Ty’s face. All three knew how much he loved Katie and how much he was looking forward to marrying her. Ty’s life was going well at the moment with his upcoming wedding and his successful career in football.

“Sarah mentioned that Katie’s getting a few butterflies,” Markus said.

Ty’s movement stilled as he stared at his friend. “What the fuck does that mean?”

Markus barked into a laugh and shrugged. “Her words, not mine.”

Oliver placed a hand on Ty’s shoulder. “Easy, man. Easy. It means she’s nervous, but really looking forward to the wedding.”

Ty’s eyebrows slanted in a frown. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“My sister had the same thing,” Oliver replied with a shrug. “Trust me.”

After a moment of silence, Ty raised a brow towards Markus. “More of that crap, and I cross you off the list of invites.”

Markus laughed, but before Markus was able to reply, Ty turned to Oliver and said, “Talking of invites. Just giving you the heads up, Katie invited Tamara as well.”

Oliver nearly spilled his beer and stared speechless at his friend. Looking from Ty to Mark and then back again, he wasn’t sure whether they were pulling his leg.

“Tell me you’re kidding.”

Ty sipped on his beer, and Oliver had the feeling his friend took his time to avoid an answer. It seemed he regretted sharing the latest information. When Ty slowly placed his drink on the table and wiped his mouth with his thumb, Oliver nearly exploded with frustration.

“Mate, tell me you’re kidding!” he said again.

Ty drew in his lips before he slowly shook his head. “Nope.”

“For fuck’s sake. Why?”

With a big sigh, Ty leaned back into his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. “The girls have become friends over the last few months.”

Oliver pinched the top of his nose, not really understanding, or believing what he was hearing. “Come again?” he asked.

“You heard me,” Ty replied, obviously not feeling comfortable about the conversation they were having.

Markus placed a hand on Oliver’s shoulder. “Relax. The wedding’s gonna be at St. John’s. A big church. You’ll be at the front, and she’ll be at the back.”

“She’ll be there,” Oliver said through gritted teeth. “You know how many kilometres I’ve run in the last few months and how many sore knuckles I endured hitting the stupid punching bag to get this girl out of my head?” He pointed at Ty. “And he puts her right back in there.”

“Hey,” Ty protested. “Not my fault.”

“Is so. You could’ve been a man and said no.”

Ty shrugged. “They’ve become good friends.”

Banging his beer on the table, Oliver stood in one quick motion. “Something’s come up. Need to go. Will see you—” He turned to Markus. “At the wedding next week.” Then he raised his brow towards Tyson. “I hope I won’t see you there.”

“It’s my wedding,” his friend replied wryly.

Oliver ignored him and made his way to the door. Anger and frustration fought a battle with his emotions as he made his way home. Anger, that a week before his friend’s wedding he found out about Tamara coming to Melbourne, attending the same wedding, and being in close proximity for a whole day. He stopped as he walked into his bedroom. The thought that Tamara was going to be one of Katie’s bridesmaids popped into his head, but he pushed that aside quickly knowing that Sarah was definitely in the wedding party, and he was more than sure that the other bridesmaid was going to be Teagan, Katie’s friend from her hometown in New South Wales. Relief rushed through him, Tamara wasn’t going to be anywhere near him.

And his frustration grew. He’d spent the last few months trying to forget about Tamara. The picture of her on his bed, he remembered how she’d felt underneath him as well as the touch of her skin, and the way his body had responded to her. The news today that he was going to see her again made him crave to feel her against him.

Why hadn’t Ty told him earlier? Why hadn’t he told him of the girls’ friendship at all?

Oliver sighed and threw himself onto his bed. Fact was, though, it wasn’t any of his business who Katie had as her friend. Tired from a busy week and a few beers in his system, he was about to snooze off when his phone buzzed.

He ignored it. Instead of leaving a message, the person called again. When the phone buzzed again, he knew he wasn’t going to get a rest so he answered without looking at the display.

“’Ello,” he said sleepily.

“Olly, darling, it’s Katie here.”

“Katie, if you call me Olly again, or even darling, I’ll hang up.”

He heard her big sigh, but didn’t feel like an apology. Oliver didn’t like the nickname, nor did he like being called darling. And Katie knew!

“I’m truly sorry.”

“So you should be.”

When he heard Tyson in the background mumbling some words, a smile tugged at his lips.

“Listen, Oliver,” Katie said, her voice nearly breaking. “I’m honestly sorry. Yes, Tamara and I have become good friends over the last few months. I was stupid thinking I could meddle with your business—”

“Sweetcheeks, I’m not sure whether I wanna know where this is heading.”

“Don’t interrupt, okay? This is bad enough already,” Katie said. “Anyway, I stopped meddling, and we still called each other and along the way have become good friends. I invited her, and she declined. So there was no reason for me to say anything.”

“What happened?” he asked just above a whisper.

“Her uncle’s birthday is in a few days, and he’s having a family get-together. She’s coming over with her parents.”

Oliver rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. Eric had told him about his birthday a few weeks ago. It’d come up in a conversation when his ex-coach was talking about future plans, and Oliver’s plans to move into the role of coaching the senior players. But even he hadn’t mentioned Tamara’s visit to Melbourne.

“She thought it wasn’t a good idea, because of you, but—” She paused.

“But what?”

Katie didn’t reply and stayed quiet for a moment too long.

“But what?” he asked again, this time with a bit more gruff in it.

“Well,” she began. “It’s my wedding, right?”

He nodded, but quickly added. “Right. Where are you going with this?”

“I’m sorry that it’s going to hurt you, I truly am sorry, but it’s my wedding,” she whispered. “And I’d like Tamara to be there as well.”

There was a long moment’s silence. “How is she?” he asked.

“If I tell you, you won’t be angry with me anymore, okay?”

It was such a girl’s demand. He liked Katie and had since he’d first met her. She was such a down-to-earth person who wouldn’t give a damn whether Ty was earning shit-loads of money or was one of the best players in the AFL game. Katie had moved to Melbourne from New South Wales and made it her own home. She didn’t just ‘move in’ with his friend. He admired her for that.

“I was never angry with you, but with Ty. He should’ve told me.”

Oliver was sure he heard a small sigh of relief.

“It wasn’t his fault. He did want to tell you, but when Tamara declined I told him not to bother.”

“You owe me!”

“I’ll happily grant you a dance with the bride on Saturday.”

Barking out a laugh, he sat up on his bed. “She’s not gonna sit next to me.”

“No,” she replied. “And she’s doing well. I don’t want to say too much, because you might get to talk to her—”

“Over my dead body,” he interrupted.

“You’re such a man.”

“I certainly hope so.”

Oliver heard Ty in the background and knew these two had plans for the rest of the night.

“I’d better go. Love you, Olly.”

At the sound of the word
Olly,
he hung up, but a smile tugged at his lips. Only Katie was able to wrap him around her finger as she did. Olly. A shiver ran down his spine. Nobody ever called him that, and she knew very well that he was allergic to the name.

Only a few more days until he’d see Tamara again. The thought was enough to ignite the fire within him to full flame again, and he had no idea how to get through the next week without going insane.

***

Tamara’s heart was pounding so hard against her chest. She needed to take a couple of deep breaths to calm herself. It’d been a little bit over six months since she’d parked her car in front of this house. It hadn’t changed. The late summer season had turned the leaves from a bright green into a burning red or dying yellow. She loved the play of the colours.

With another deep sigh, she stepped out of the car and walked towards the front door. Like last time, the sign ‘Enter at your own risk’ made her chuckle. Biting her lip, she reached out for the doorbell and pushed it.

Her gaze was glued to the ground, counting the little ants walking across. As much as she tried to listen to any sounds from inside, she wasn’t able to. The pounding in her chest lessened with each deep breath she took. About to knock at the door, she startled when the door opened suddenly, but froze when Oliver stood in front of her wearing only his pants.

He slowly raised his eyebrow, but didn’t say anything.

All she was able to say was a quiet “Hi.” Her voice sounded weak even to her own ears.

Oliver still stood there in silence.

“Can I come in?” she asked.

Looking past her, he hesitated a moment, and she was sure he was trying to find the nicest words, or not so nice words, to tell her no. But he moved back to open the door for her.

Tamara stepped past him, yet stopped when he didn’t budge after he’d closed the door behind her.

Turning to him, she said, “Katie’s invited me to her wedding.”

“I know,” he replied, but offered nothing else.

Although she knew she didn’t deserve a welcome with open arms, seeing him so closed up hurt inside. He still didn’t move, and her gaze went down the hall to the chest of drawers where they’d kissed before making love in his bed for the first time. Tears welled behind her eyes.

“Would you like me not to go?” she asked.

His shrug nearly did her in. The silence between them lengthened and was making her uncomfortable. Was he that angry with her that he didn’t care about anything?

She straightened. “I get it. You’re angry. And rightly so.”

Even though he only raised one eyebrow, Tamara knew she had his attention.

“I was scared, Oliver. I had lost my husband, and I was scared that falling in love with another man wasn’t the right thing to do. Not within such a short period of time.” With only a few steps, she made it to the chest of drawers to grab a tissue before turning back to him. “No one told me that falling in love is okay. I wasn’t able to cope with the guilt that I enjoyed sex with you more than with…with—” After a small sigh, she whispered. “Jason.”

She pulled out another tissue and stepped closer. Regrets overwhelmed her. “You need to understand, I had envisioned a future with a husband and children. Dreams of a small house with lots of children running around. Then this dream burst like a bubble, and it hurt so much.” She sighed and met his gaze. “I’m truly sorry I hurt you. If I could undo it, I would in an instant. But I can’t. I can only offer you my apologies.”

Oliver still didn’t move, and his face didn’t give anything away. Only at this moment did she realise how much she had hurt him. She knew the words she’d spoken months earlier in Perth had been hurtful, but seeing his empty eyes made her aware of how much pain she must’ve caused him that day. Adjusting the bag over her shoulder, she stepped next to the door. She was conceding defeat.