Let Me Hold You (5 page)

Alana watched the two of them in action with a thoughtful look on her face. When he departed to help assemble Adrienne’s bed, she had a question for her sister.

“Do you ever feel like Jared babies you too much?” Alana asked curiously.

“Nope, not a bit. He’s perfect for me,” Alexis assured her. “I like being pampered and he likes to pamper me so it’s a win-win. Besides, I give as good as I get,” she said with a very private smile.

“Oh. I was just wondering,” Alana said lamely.

“Wondering about what? About abandoning your independence to a strong man in a committed relationship? Because it’s not that cut-and-dried, I can tell you that,” Alexis said. “You know what I mean. Look at you and Sam. I remember how you were with him and how he was with you. Don’t worry, Alana. I know it’s been a long time for you but you’ll be just fine.”

Alana’s confusion showed on her face. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m just saying that you had a deep, loving relationship with a man who adored you, who took care of you and understood you, and the best part is that he allowed you to return those feelings. You’ve been on your own for a long time and you’re used to that, but when the right man comes into your life you’ll be able to have that again,” she said.

“Alana, how about we take a break for a while? You’ve been working for hours and you could use a time out.” Roland had entered the kitchen with the silent grace of a panther and as he spoke, he took a stack of large baking utensils out of Alana’s arms and put them on the designated shelf.

Alexis beamed happily as Roland took Alana’s hand to lead her off for a brief respite from the hubbub of boxes, crates, bubble wrap and the like.

Alana, on the other hand, looked like a woodland creature staring down the high beams of a fast-moving semitruck. Her cell phone rang and she snatched it out of her pocket and answered it as fast as humanly possible.

“Hello?” she said breathlessly. “Oh, yeah, no problem, Mama, I’ll do it right now.”

She raised her hands helplessly and mumbled something about running an errand for Aretha. Before Roland could stop her, she was gone. He looked to Alexis for an explanation.

“Did I do something wrong?”

Alexis shook her head. “No, dear, you’re doing something right. It’s time for us to have a little talk, Roland. In fact, it’s a little overdue. Why don’t you come over for dinner tonight and I’ll remedy that.”

Roland thought about it for a minute or two before saying no-thanks. “I appreciate it, Alexis, but I think this is something that Alana and I are going to have to work through on our own. I don’t know her as well as I intend to, but I don’t think she’d like the idea of me getting information about her secondhand. She’s not ready to confide in me yet, and I can handle that. For right now, I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing until she tells me to stop.”

Alexis smiled tearfully. “If I wasn’t so pregnant I’d get off this stool and give you a big hug, Roland. You know what you’re doing.”

* * *

“I could have met you there, Roland. There was no reason for you to come all the way over here to get me,” Alana said as she greeted him at the door.

“There was every reason,” Roland contradicted her. “I always pick up my date, for one thing. For another thing, I wanted to see your smile when I gave you these,” he said as he handed her a stunning arrangement of tulips in a thick crystal vase.

They were a beautiful shade of orange and they were so perfect they almost didn’t look real. Alana’s smile did, however; it was easy to see that she was touched and very pleased with them. “Roland, these are absolutely beautiful. Thank you so much,” she said.

“There it is! That’s the look I wanted to see. I love that smile of yours. And the other reason I wanted to come over to get you was because I wanted to be the first one to see how gorgeous you look.”

Alana thanked him with a bashful smile. She was casually attired in slim-fitting jeans and an ivory cashmere sweater with a big cowl neck. Her only jewelry was an armful of silver bangle bracelets and big silver hoop earrings. Soft black ballet flats completed her simple but sexy outfit.

“You’re looking pretty handsome yourself. Let me put these on the coffee table and get my coat and we can go.”

The anniversary party was festive and homey at the same time. They were greeted at the door by Alexis’s dogs, who considered themselves the hostesses of every gathering. Alexis and Jared were both aglow with happiness, the same way they’d been at their wedding. Her parents were there, and Jared’s were, too, all full of joy over marking the couple’s first year of marriage.

Alana was happy, too; how could she not be, seeing the way Jared looked at her sister with so much love and tenderness? Incipient motherhood was extremely becoming to Alexis, she thought. She’d always been a pretty woman, but with the love and caring that she and her husband lavished on each other, Alexis looked absolutely beautiful. Jared obviously thought so, too, because he was always near her, touching her in some way. It was particularly sweet when he would place his hand on their baby-to-be and then say something meant for her alone. The way her face would light up would have been a little saccharine on anyone else, but on Alexis it looked just perfect.

Lucas and Sherri were equally blissful. The brand-newlyweds also couldn’t stay away from each other. Sherri’s brother David couldn’t make it from D.C., but her parents were there, which was different, but nice. Ever since Sherri’s ex-fiancé, Trevor Barnes, who was Sydney’s biological father, had shown up in Columbia and tried to weasel his way back into Sherri’s life, things had changed radically between Sherri and her cold, conservative parents. Once they realized that Trevor was, as Lucas put it, “bat-shit crazy”, the walls that had always been between the Strattons and their children had come tumbling down.

The Strattons were much warmer and more human now; they doted on their granddaughter Sydney so much that Sherri feared she’d get spoiled, but so far she was still a little angel. The change in her parents was amazing. Mrs. Stratton was not only smiling and being friendly to everyone, she’d had her hair cut into a becoming style and she was wearing a pretty pink sweater with a matching pair of slacks. Her old wardrobe had been all beige, all the time.

Alana was quietly observing everyone from her seat in a double-sized armchair next to Roland. It was a great party. Everyone was relaxed and having fun. The love that was flowing around the room was almost visible to the naked eye. People were starting to make toasts, which were funny and touching at the same time.

When it was Jared’s turn, he stood behind his wife with his arms around her, kissing her on the cheek before he began. His blond hair was artfully styled, thanks to Alexis, and his blue-green eyes sparkled with joy as he began speaking.

“We want to thank everyone for coming over to celebrate our first year of marriage. For me, it’s been the most amazing time of my life. My wife is the best gift I’ve ever gotten and the beautiful baby inside her makes me love her even more. I’ve been very blessed, and I know it. I have a great family, great friends and a career that I thoroughly enjoy,” he said.

Sookie and Honeybee barked indignantly and everyone laughed. “And we have two of the most amazing dogs in the world who never let me forget it,” he said with a laugh. “But I can tell you that nothing in my entire life has ever meant as much to me as the love and trust and respect of the beautiful lady with whom I will spend the rest of my life.”

He turned her around to face him, cupping her face with one hand. “I love you more every day and I thank you every day for loving me. Happy Anniversary, beauty.”

Everyone was applauding and tears were flowing and it was just a really sweet thing to witness. Alana was as touched as everyone else, although she couldn’t ignore a hot pang in her heart. She was happy for her sister’s happiness and no one deserved it more than she did, unless it was Sherri. And as though the universe was agreeing with her, another toast came a few minutes later. Lucas stood in the center of the room with Sydney on his hip and his arm around Sherri. He was looking proud and happy, like the king of the world when he began speaking.

“We want to congratulate Jared and Alexis and wish them a lifetime of continued happiness. And we want to share some happiness with everyone. When Sherri and I went on our honeymoon, which was incredible, by the way, we brought back a lot of gifts and souvenirs for our little girl. But we also brought her the one she really wanted and she wants to tell you what it is, don’t you, cutie?”

Sydney nodded emphatically and said, “Yes, I do. My mommy and daddy brought me a baby brother! He won’t be here for a while, but he’s coming. Isn’t that great?”

More laughter, applause and tears of joy erupted around the room, accompanied by happy barking. It was a true celebration in every sense of the word for everyone but Alana. The pang in her heart was turning into an unbearable pain and she prayed that no one noticed that her tears weren’t from happiness, but from a long-denied sense of loss and loneliness.

There was so much happy chatter and laughter that no one paid her any attention, no one but Roland.

Chapter 5

“W
hat a great night,” Alana said cheerfully. “It was a wonderful party. I couldn’t tell who was the happiest about the baby news, the VanBurens or the Strattons. Sydney was adorable, wasn’t she?”

Roland had been listening to Alana chatter ever since they’d left the party and he let her go on, even though it wasn’t like her at all. The ride home didn’t take long, but she talked the whole time. He turned into her driveway and after helping her out of the car, he walked her to the door. Her eyes had an unnatural sheen to them and it was evident that she was holding on to her composure by a thread.

“Umm, well, good night, Roland. Thanks for coming with me and umm...”

“Aren’t you going to ask me in for coffee or a glass of wine or something?”

Alana blinked. “Sure, why not? Come on in,” she mumbled.

“Why don’t you turn on the fire and put on some music and I’ll make you a fantastic drink. Do you have any brandy?”

“I’m pretty sure I do. It’s in the cabinet next to the refrigerator.”

“You relax and I’ll be right back.”

When he returned with two pottery mugs of a delicious-smelling drink, Alana was curled up in a corner of the sofa looking melancholy but resolute. The fire was flickering and an old Al Jarreau CD was playing. He handed a mug to her and she took it, murmuring her thanks. He sat down and watched her take her first sip of his version of Irish coffee.

“This is really good, Roland. Thanks again.”

“You’re more than welcome, Alana. Anything you want, anytime you want it, honey.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes until Roland could sense that she’d relaxed a bit. He put his mug on the coffee table and moved closer to her, putting his arm around her shoulders. She gave him a weak imitation of her usual smile and handed her mug to him.

“I think I’ve had enough for right now.”

“That’s fine. I’ll make you some more later if you’d like. I’ll do anything for you, Alana.”

She moved so that her head was on his shoulder and she rubbed her face on his broad shoulder. “Really? Anything?”

“As long as you do one thing for me. Tell me what made you so sad tonight, honey. I know you were happy for your sister and for Sherri, but I could feel your heart breaking. Talk to me, Alana.”

He felt her slender body go absolutely still and her sharp intake of breath before he placed her in his lap and held her as close as he could. “It’s okay, Alana, you can tell me, honey.”

He wasn’t really prepared for the sob that issued from deep inside her, but it didn’t put him off in any way. All he wanted to do was comfort her, to make her realize that he was there for her and always would be. He’d hold her forever if that’s what it took for her to lower her guard and let him in. It was as though a curtain had been lifted in a dark room and revealed everything that had been hidden from his view up until now.

What he saw was his heart and his future; he was holding the rest of his life in his arms.

Her broken cries slowed down and gradually stopped. Oddly, the next sound he heard was a loud sniffle and a cracked little laugh.

“I need you to close your eyes while I go wash my face,” she mumbled. “Otherwise there’s a real good chance that I’m going to leave a nasty trail of mascara and lip gloss all over your beautiful sweater.”

It was such an unexpected remark that Roland couldn’t stop the deep belly laugh that came out. He tried to kiss her and ended up kissing her hands because she’d covered her face. “C’mon, honey girl, just one kiss to seal the deal. You can’t look bad to me; just let me give you one little kiss.”

While he was pleading his case Alana wriggled away from him and ran to the bathroom. She was back in minutes with a squeaky-clean face and a box of tissues. She returned to her place in his lap armed with a handful of tissues and a small sigh.

“I’m sorry about that. I never, ever do that,” she confessed.

“You don’t have to apologize to me for anything,” Roland said firmly. His long fingers stroked the side of her face as he reassured her. “I know something affected you deeply tonight and I want to make you feel better. I don’t know you well enough to try to guess, but I want to. I want to know you so well that you feel like you can tell me anything, anytime, anywhere. I want you to realize that I’m always going to be here for you, always.”

Alana didn’t say anything for a moment. She was looking into his eyes, staring so intensely that he was sure that she could see his soul looking back at her. When she started to speak, it was in a slow, measured voice as though she wanted to make sure that he comprehended every word. Her hand rested on his chest, smoothing the fine purple merino knit over and over.

“This life, the one I have now, isn’t the one I planned on,” she began. “I met Samson Dumond my junior year of college and he was it for me. We came together like magnets and we just never let go. We completed each other, we made each other whole or whatever they say in romance novels.

“From the very beginning we knew we’d be together forever and our future was all planned,” she said, her eyes misting over with the memories. “Our parents weren’t happy that we eloped, especially my mother. She flipped out when we came back here married, but she got over it. Eventually,” she added with a wry smile.

“He’d majored in automotive engineering, but the market was so bad when he graduated that he came up with the idea for Custom Classics. I was working with him until the business got on its feet, and then I was going to grad school so that I could teach art while I built up my sales and my client base as a portrait artist. We had it all planned and it was working, too. Custom Classics caught on like wildfire and things were going just the way we wanted.” She stopped to blot her eyes and swallowed hard before continuing.

“Right before Christmas, we decided to get a big live tree. We’d closed up the shop and went to the bank to make a deposit. We always deposited the bags at night so there wouldn’t be any money in the store overnight. We were both driving that day because I’d had a doctor’s appointment, so Sam followed me to the bank when I made the drop. He was watching my back, like he always did. He was behind me, but a car got between us, because I didn’t see him when I got there. I was about to get out of the car when a man grabbed my arm and jerked me out of the driver’s seat.

“I can’t say for sure what happened next. Everything went so fast. All I know for sure is that Sam came up out of nowhere and went for the man, who had a gun. And the gun went off and Sam was shot. I must have jumped in at some point because I got shot, too.

“When I came to I was in the hospital. My husband was gone and so was our baby. And that was the end of my life. You can plan for everything, for a marriage, a career, a house, children, you can plan it all out, but one random meth-head can destroy everything just like that,” she said, snapping her fingers. “Just like that.”

Roland was stunned and humbled by what he was hearing. Now he knew why Alana was so elusive, why she ran hot and cold with no warning. She hadn’t gotten over the pain and the anguish she’d suffered from losing her husband and their baby. And that was why she reacted the way she had at the party. It must be killing her to see her sisters and her friends living the life she should have had with her first love. And to have to stand on the sidelines and watch while they celebrated the babies they were having.

He could imagine her pain; he knew the kind of strength it took to rebuild and keep living when your world had crumbled around your feet. He’d seen what it had done to his mother. His hand stroked her silky hair and he tried to think of the most eloquent thing to say.

“Alana, I...”

“I’m sure that’s more than you ever wanted to know about me,” she said ruefully, patting her eyes with the wadded-up tissues. “I just couldn’t stop once I started talking. I never talk about it, you know. It’s too depressing for other people to hear. They start making these pained faces and their eyes dart left and right like they’re looking for an escape hatch. Anything to get away from the poor sad lady.” She laughed mirthlessly.

“I wallowed in misery for a while and then I just stopped. My mother and my sisters, especially Adrienne, they were there for me and they kept telling me that Sam wouldn’t want me to give up. That he’d want me to keep on living, to pull it together and to be happy again.

“So I did. I went back to work and I built Custom Classics up into what Sam wanted it to be. I’m sure he’s proud of it; that place meant everything to him. He died trying to protect the deposit and it would’ve been really weak of me not to keep it going. I have a good life. I have a lot to be grateful for; I don’t want you to think that I don’t know that. But it’s not the life I wanted; it’s the life I got.”

Roland wanted to contradict her; Sam died protecting her, the woman he loved, not the stupid deposit. He wanted to tell her that she was living her late husband’s dreams, not hers. But he didn’t want to come across preachy and paternal because she hadn’t asked for his advice, just his listening ear. He’d asked her to talk to him, to confide in him and that’s what she’d done. What came next had to be up to her.

“What can I do to help, Alana? I don’t want you to feel like you’re alone anymore,” he said. He tilted her chin up so that their eyes met. “You’ve been handling a whole lot of things by yourself, from what I can tell, and it’s time for that to be over. It’s time for a new life for you.”

They leaned into each other at the same time and the resulting kiss started out tender and binding, but it soon turned hot and passionate. Her hands slid up his broad shoulders and she locked her arms around his neck, while his went down her body, sliding under the soft sweater until she could feel him against her bare skin. She moved against him urgently, changing positions until she was straddling him and they were beginning to get lost in each other. Alana managed to slow down, gently pulling away from his lips.

“Stay with me, Roland. Stay with me tonight,” she whispered.