Let Me Fly (16 page)

Bryn filled her lungs with as much air as she could, closing her eyes as she let the air back out. The fresh air made her body feel lighter, and her decision to get help was making her mind feel lighter, too.

T
he heat on the first week in August was unbearable; the humidity was almost oppressive as Bryn carried boxes of custom parts to the trailer. The guys were busy strapping down the spare bikes on the trailers, drilling each other about their plans for the upcoming week. It was Friday and the entire crew was leaving for Sturgis in the morning. Bryn still had not made a decision about how she was getting there, or even if she was going.

Bryn had been making great strides over the past month with her therapist. She had opted to go to a local counseling center rather than using the psychologists at the Amulet Medical Center. At her initial appointment, they recommended she start seeing a “trained listener” twice a week for the rest of the summer. Bryn was determined to make this work, so she did everything they asked her to do, even taking an antidepressant drug to stabilize her mood. Within the last week, she could feel that they were making things easier for her to process, her thoughts weren’t so scrambled.

Sara and Bryn had been spending a lot of time together as well. There was even talk of both of them attending a counseling session together in the near future. Bryn knew that Sara was holding back about something, but she wasn’t sure what it was. Neither of the girls talked about their mother; it was going to take a lot of therapy to tackle that subject, for both of them. Bryn was happy to see that Sara and Darrin had become physically and emotionally closer. They were more affectionate with each other, but it seemed like they were still distant. Sara didn’t bring up the subject, and Bryn didn’t know if she could offer any advice on love right now, seeing as how she had royally trashed her own. It would be best if the girls kept things light, at least for a little while longer.

Her therapist had given her the green light to ride along to Sturgis, as long as she avoided alcohol. That was easy. After Bryn’s attempt at drowning her sorrows in booze early in the summer, she still hadn’t touched the stuff.

Bryn knew that Charlie was also going to ride out to Sturgis next week. He had told Mitch as much when he called to order saddlebags to be added to his bike over two weeks ago. Mitch had brought in Charlie’s bike on Monday, and the install had only taken a few hours, but the bike still sat in the shop, waiting to be picked up. Bryn knew that he was avoiding her and she didn’t blame him.

Her outburst at him in her apartment replayed in her brain. Bryn could remember seeing the anger on his face when she inadvertently called his sister a whore. It made sense now, he was upset that she had called his little sister something so vile.

Bryn tried to square her shoulders, remembering that she was trying to right as many wrongs as she could in her world. It didn’t matter if Charlie had given up on her; maybe it was for the best that she be alone for a while and pull her act together. Maybe she would see him out there, she could apologize and they could work on building a bridge to common ground with each other.
Yeah, right
, she thought.
He is probably breathing a sigh of relief that he doesn’t have to deal with me anymore.

Bryn calmed her racing mind by counting backwards from 10 as she closed her eyes. By the time she reached 1, she had regained her composure. She turned back to the shop to grab the last of the boxes. Bryn could hear the guys talking with someone else, their voices getting louder. Whomever they were talking to was coming in to the office. Bryn walked to the bathroom to wipe the sweat off her face and neck. She yelled from the bathroom, “I’ll be right with you.”

Bryn quickly wetted a paper towel, dabbing at her sweat soaked face. She pulled her hair down from her ponytail, redoing it to smooth out the fly a ways. She shut off the light as she walked around the corner, stopping at her desk to grab her water. She took a long pull on it before turning around.

“Thanks for waiting, I was loading boxes outside…” Words failed to leave her mouth as she looked into the same blue-green eyes that were haunting her dreams. Charlie stood there with a tight smile on his face, dark circles under his eyes.

“Charlie. Um, hi. What are you doing, I mean, you’re here to pick up your bike. Of course. Let me get the invoice.”

Bryn turned away, afraid that if she looked at his handsome face, she would launch herself across the room into his arms. The problem with that was, he would probably drop her on the floor rather than catch her.

Tears started streaming down her face, and she tried to busy herself at her desk. Charlie didn’t make a move towards her, his only reaction was to say, “Bryn, please don’t cry. Corey said that I should come in. I can come back another time.” He turned to leave, pain etched across his face.

Bryn stopped him, “No, it’s fine,” wiping away her tears with the back of her hand. “I just didn’t expect to see you, that’s all.” Bryn didn’t want to lose this opportunity to apologize; at least set things straight. She started rubbing her thumbs across the pads of her fingers in a nervous gesture as she spoke again, “Your neighbor told me that your sister stayed with you for a few weeks in June.” She laughed nervously as she sat down in her chair, “I bet that’s who was in your kitchen that day.”

Bryn busied herself with finding his invoice in her files. He gingerly sat down on the edge of her desk, crossing his arms over his chest, “Yes, she just showed up at my place, wanting a break from her busy life in Ohio. I didn’t know she was coming.”

Bryn tried to keep her cool as he sat so close to her, their knees almost touching. The urge to reach out and touch him was making her arms heavy. Charlie hadn’t said anything else, and Bryn was at a loss for words herself. She decided to look up to gauge his emotions that he often wore plainly on his face. Bryn was shocked to see that he was smiling at her. She quickly looked back down, trying to hold back her unshed tears as she said, “Please don’t smile at me. I don’t deserve it.”

Charlie quickly answered, “It’s hard not to smile at you. Even though it pains me to see you and know that you’re no longer mine. But you seem more relaxed. Corey told me outside that you have been seeing a therapist at Moline Counseling?”

Bryn was a little shocked to hear that Corey had told Charlie about her therapy, deciding that he was only trying to help her. Bryn was usually so stubborn that Corey probably thought that she wouldn’t want to let Charlie know that she was trying to get her life back together.

“Yes, I have been for the past month. Life isn’t perfect, but I seem to be able to handle things with a little more grace now. I have been thinking about getting my own apartment even.”

Charlie gave her a forced smile as he leaned forward to pull his wallet out of his back pocket. He handed her his credit card, his fingers barely touching hers as she grabbed the card. She tried not to flinch as she pulled back, tried to act like his touch didn’t affect her anymore. After she had finished running his card, he leaned over to sign the sales slip. He was so close to her, and she couldn’t help but take a deep breath and inhale his delicious fresh scent.

Charlie chuckled as he handed her the sales slip, standing up from the desk. There was so much more she wanted to say, but he was getting ready to leave. She needed to let him know one more thing before he walked away again.

“Charlie, I hope you realize that I didn’t mean to offend your sister. I know I’m not good enough for you, but I really don’t make a habit of trashing other people’s family.” Charlie had made it to the door, ready to pull on the handle before he stopped. He let go of the door, spun on his heel and stormed back over to her. Bryn braced herself, waiting for Charlie to agree with her that she wasn’t what he needed.

“Why do you think that you aren’t good enough for me, Bryn?”

“You’re every woman’s dream, Charlie. You are sweet and gentle, but firm and unyielding. You’re patient and caring, yet tough as nails when needed. You’re not so bad to look at either. Me, I’m just a broken mess.”

Charlie carefully picked up her hands, placing soft kisses on her knuckles. “You’re not a broken mess, Bryn. You are strong, independent and beautiful as hell. Any man would be lucky to have you. Including me.”

The backs of Bryn’s eyes burned as she tried to hold back her tears. Her lips quivered as silent tears started to fall from her eyes, dripping onto her shirt.

Charlie let go of her hands, looking down at the mascara stains it left on her shirt. He looked back up, with determination in his eyes, “The guys from the shop asked if I wanted to ride with their pack out to Sturgis. Would it bother you if I came along?”

Bryn could feel her heart swelling as she thought about being able to spend more time with Charlie. Maybe they weren’t a couple anymore, but he still was a great guy.

“That’s fine. It’s safer to ride in a group anyway.”

“You riding with Corey? I could still put the backrest on my bike if you want to ride with me.”

Bryn couldn’t help but frown when she thought about the wonderful weekend Charlie had planned with her in June, right before she blew him off. It made her sad to think about what might have been.

“Actually, I have a bike of my own now. I’m either going to ride that, or I will ride with Mitch’s wife Marley, in the chase vehicle.”

“Cool. Well, I’ll see you in the morning then. I still have that awesome carbon fiber helmet if you want to wear it? Or are you going bad-ass and going without a cover?” Charlie’s eyes held his amusement.

Bryn already had this argument about wearing a helmet with Corey and the guys from the shop. It took some time, but they had convinced her that she would much rather ride in August without a helmet on. Otherwise, she would pass out from the heat inside a black helmet, no matter how expensive it was. “I’m good, but thanks anyway.”

He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her cheek before walking out the door.

Bryn jumped and high fived the air after Charlie pulled out of the parking lot. She felt something she hadn’t felt in a very, very long time. Hope.

I
t was almost eight o’clock in the morning when Bryn finally pulled into the parking lot of the shop. It looked like Harley heaven with all the hogs lined up along the edges of the parking lot, her friends decked out in their riding clothes. Bryn smiled as she carefully pulled her Sportster in at the end of the line. There was no way her eyes could avoid Charlie, as he sat sideways on his seat, black ribbed t-shirt, tight jeans, chopper boots and a Double M skull cap on his head. He was playfully teasing Corey about something, and they both barked out a laugh. As they continued to laugh, they both turned to look at Bryn, abruptly stopping when they saw she was watching them.
Great, they’re talking about me.

Ever so cool, Bryn walked over to the pair, tugging Corey’s goatee, flicking Charlie’s nose. “It’s not nice to talk behind someone’s back, dickheads.”

Charlie smiled at his boots and Corey reached down to pinch the skin under her arm. She squealed as she reared back and slapped him across the chest. “Ouch, Corey.”

Holding up his hands in surrender, he feigned innocence. He started to slowly back away from her as he said, “Life has gotten pretty dull around here, baby girl. Just trying to raise your hackles.” The last word had barely left his mouth before he took off across the parking lot, laughing as he jumped on his bike. “Okay, fuckers, let’s do this!”

A collective whoop followed his words and the entire crowd scattered, readying themselves for the first leg of the ride. Marley stood on the running board on the driver’s side of the Double M pickup with a very large trailer sitting behind it, resting her hands on the roof. Bryn knew that Marley and Mitch had been married for almost thirty years. Marley was as rough as Mitch was, her bleach blonde hair spiked on top of her head. She was the epitome of a biker momma, with her overly tanned and wrinkled skin, her smoker’s voice, and all black apparel. She let out a shrill whistle before yelling, “We are stopping every two hours, and taking a fifteen minute break to fuel up and stretch out. We are stopping at noon for a full hour for lunch in Minnesota. Don’t fuck with my schedule or you
will
be left behind. I want to make it to the hotel tonight, by ten o’clock. There are four spots in the trailer if you need to park out for a leg. Don’t be a dumbass and try to go beyond…”