Let It Snow (The Hope Falls Series) (27 page)

Although she was certainly getting back into the “groove” of the small-town Hope Falls lifestyle during the time she had been back, there were still times that it was a shock to her system. Now was one of those times. The outpouring of love was so wonderful but would definitely have been overwhelming to process if Jake had not been right by her side, being her rock as he always was.

Well…when she let him be, at any rate.

“Is this too much? Do you need me to get you away from here?” she heard him whisper in her ear, and she nodded gratefully. God, it was amazing how that man always seemed to instinctively know exactly what she needed at any given moment!

At her response, Jake took control of the situation, as he was so good at doing. He made polite excuses to everyone who came up to them, excuses she barely heard, and ushered her to her reserved seat and sat beside her.

When Pastor Harrison stepped up to the podium and began to speak, Tessa tried to focus on what he was saying, even if it was painful. Gran deserved that. Tessa needed to honor her by being fully present, she knew, even if it hurt.

“When I was a kid,” the Pastor was saying, “I used to walk my dog, Bullet, by Adeline’s house every day. Many of those days, she was outside working in her yard. She would always say ‘hi’ to Bullet and me. Always with a smile on her face that seemed like she was truly glad to see us. One day, she called me over to ask if I would like to earn a little money by taking care of her yard. I was happy to do it and showed up the next day, ready to start my job. When I had finished working, she met me on the porch with cookies and milk and we had the best talk. That day was the beginning of a lifelong friendship. Adeline always seemed genuinely interested in the things that were going on in my life, and that meant a lot to me.

“In fact, the sense of caring that she showed toward me was a big inspiration for me when I was deciding what to do with my life. It was a big part of what steered me to a life of service. I wish that I had told her that while I had the chance.”

Tears flowed freely down Tessa’s face as she listened to the pastor’s story and all of the stories that came after from people who had been touched by Adeline’s kindness and her willingness to listen and to care.

Tessa had been nervous, at first, that no one would get up to speak when offered the opportunity. After all, although Gran was wonderful, she had been gone from the community for many years.

However, in the end, the opposite happened. Far more people wanted to speak than there was even time for, and that fact truthfully touched Tessa’s heart nearly as much as the actual words they spoke.

Finally, Pastor Harrison returned to the podium. “Now,” he said in his melodic and authoritative voice, perfect for ministry, “Adeline’s granddaughter, Tessa, is here. Tessa, would you like to say a few words about your grandmother?”

Tessa’s eyes widened and her back stiffened. Oh, God! Why hadn’t she thought about this when Jake had told her about the service yesterday? Why hadn’t it even crossed her mind? Of
course
she was going to be asked to speak! That was a no-brainer! But she had been so wrapped up in the emotions of the event—and of Jake, if she were being perfectly honest—that it hadn’t even entered her mind.

Jake, sensing her mounting panic, put a hand to the small of her back in a tiny, comforting gesture. He leaned over to her. “Just speak from the heart,” he whispered in her ear. “You’re in a safe place. Everyone in this room loves you.”

Tessa’s throat went dry at the words.

Everyone?
she felt like asking.
Everyone…including…you?

She stood up from the pew and made her way up the platform steps on trembling legs. She did not think she had ever felt so many competing emotions at once. But the one that was quickly taking center stage was simply a burning desire to get through all of this without passing out.

She took her place behind the podium and adjusted the small microphone. She looked up at all of the faces staring back at her. They were, down to the last one, tear-stained. She saw real and sincere pain and regret on the visages of every single person in every single pew.

Suddenly, an overwhelming sense of calm washed over her.

Jake was right. This was a safe space. These people loved her—that was true. And they loved Gran, and this was about her.

Suddenly, Tessa smiled. She felt joy bubbling up inside of her unexpectedly, incongruously. She let out a short laugh and knew exactly what to say.

“I can’t tell you how much Grandma Adie would have hated this,” she chuckled, and several more people joined in with her laughter. “All of us standing around, talking about her excellent qualities, putting her at center stage. Oh, she would not have liked that one bit.”

Now the entire chapel was laughing warmly, and Tessa felt her grandmother’s presence in the room, more strongly than she had felt it in years. Tears slipped down her face, but she didn’t mind them. There was also a smile on her lips, and that was the important thing.

“I can’t begin to express how much it means to me to be able to talk about her with people who knew her,” Tessa said as her tears freely fell. “She was the warmest, most caring, most giving person I have ever known. She was the first person to ever love me completely and without judgment or expectation. She was actually the person to teach me what that felt like, and she was the person who taught me that I deserve that. It didn’t matter how big or small an accomplishment was—she was proud and let you know it. I miss her every single day, and… Well, I just can’t tell you how much it means to me to know that there are so many other people who feel the same way.”

As Tessa sat back in the pew next to Jake, she was grateful for the comforting touch of his arm around her shoulders and had to resist the urge to simply bury her face in his neck and collapse against him, seeking the comforting solace only he could provide.

Yes, it was true what she had said—Gran had been the first person to love her completely and without condition. But she hadn’t been the only person to love her that way. Jake had, too.

Gran had been torn from Tessa by a terrible disease beyond either one of their control. But Jake? Well, he was right here. Tessa had thought she had done the right thing by giving him up, that she had done what was best for him. Tessa had been so sure that she had done the only thing she
could
do if she’d loved him. She had been so convinced there hadn’t been any another option.

Now, she wasn’t so sure.

If losing Gran had taught her anything, wasn’t it that love—true, unconditional, complete love—was a rare thing in this world and she should hold on to it? Or had she been right the first time, that loving Jake had meant stepping aside so he could have what he really wanted—a family?

Tessa had no idea, and after feeling like she’d been through the emotional wringer, she knew that this was not going to be the day to figure it out.

As the service wrapped up, Jake’s mom rushed to Tessa’s side and threw her arms around her. Tessa loved Rosalie and appreciated her and Sean being there today.

Pulling away, Jake’s mom smoothed down Tessa’s hair. “Oh, my
Tesero
, I’m here if you need me. You know that, right?”

Tessa nodded.

As more people began surrounding them, offering condolences, Jake’s mom excused herself to go get the food set up in the dining hall, but not before making Tessa promise that she’d be at Sunday dinner.

Tessa really wasn’t sure that she could handle it, but of course she had agreed. She didn’t have the heart to disappoint Jake’s mom, even if it meant breaking her heart even more.

‡

“G
ood on ya, boyo.” Jake’s dad patted his shoulder with enthusiasm after Jake finished telling them about the incident in the bar a few days ago after his mom had asked him if he’d really pulled a gun on someone. The Hope Falls rumor mill was no joke.

“And what about you?” Jake’s mom wagged her finger at her oldest son. “Why weren’t those boys arrested for harassing our girl?”

Tessa tried to jump in. “Oh no, Mrs. Maguire, Eric was gre—”

Eric lifted his hand, halting Tessa’s defense. “Well, since
boyo
over there decided to take matters into his own hands after asking Tessa if she wanted to press charges, I was mainly concerned about making sure those assh—”

“Language!” Rosalie snapped at her son.

“That those
jerks
didn’t press charges against Jake.”

Jake’s mom’s hand flew up in the air, “What do you mean?! That’s crazy! That man exposed himself and left a bruise on my
Tesero’s
wrist. Jake was just defending her!”

“Jake dislocated that guys jaw and knocked out another guy’s teeth, Mom,” Eric said in a flat tone.

Rosalie shook her head. “Ah, self-defense.”

Tessa could see that Eric’s tension was building, and it was feeling a little odd that Jake was so quiet. In fact, he’d been quiet since they’d arrived at his mom and dad’s house for Sunday dinner.

“So, Amy, how are the wedding plans going? Just one more week!” Lily said excitedly, smoothly changing the subject.

“Good,” Amy smiled. “I think everything is set. Asking Lauren to get involved really helped. I remembered how amazing she was when Amanda’s wedding fell apart just two days before she was supposed to walk down the aisle. And hers was a much bigger affair. We just want simple.”

Matt, leaned over and kissed Amy. Tessa felt her heart fill and a smile tug at her lips. They were so cute together. Matt seemed to adore Amy and vice versa.

“Actually”—Amy snapped her fingers as if something had just occurred to her, her gaze falling on Tessa—“the one thing I was supposed to take care of, I keep forgetting. I have been meaning to ask you… Would you mind taking some pictures at the wedding?”

“Yes, of course I will,” Tessa agreed. “I would love to.”

“Just a few. I don’t want you to feel like you’re working. I want you to enjoy yourself,” Amy quickly added.

“Are you kidding me? I
love
being behind the camera,” Tessa said emphatically, hoping to put Amy’s mind at ease.

“Okay, just let me know how much you char—”

“No,” Tessa interrupted her, shaking her head. “No charge.”

“No, of course I’m going to pay. Just let me kno—”

“I can’t charge you. You’re family.” The second the words left Tessa’s mouth, she wished that life had a remote control button and she could rewind and delete. The room fell silent and she could feel everyone’s eyes on her and Jake. Attempting to lessen the awkward level of this situation at least a degree or two, Tessa offered, “Consider it a gift from me to you.”

“Thank you,” Amy said, smiling sweetly.

Nikki, who was now Tessa’s favorite person in the whole world, moved the conversation along. She asked Amy about how her pregnancy was going and Lily and Eric about how the wedding plans were coming along.

While everyone was discussing all of the exciting news in the family, Tessa took the time to regroup mentally. The past couple of weeks had felt like both a whirlwind and an eternity. She had no idea how that was even possible. Everything had gotten so confusing and complicated.

Especially the past few days since she and Jake had started sleeping together. She’d meant to talk to him. She really had. Her several attempts at a serious conversation had been thwarted by their insatiable hormones. The second they were alone with each other, it was like erotic dynamite exploded. They couldn’t seem to keep their hands—and other body parts!—off of one another. Which was great except that Tessa wasn’t sure what it meant. To Jake or to her.

The fact remained that they needed to talk. She’d just been so scared to ruin what they had going on right now. Which, on the surface, seemed simple enough. They were attracted to each other and acting on it. But Tessa wasn’t foolish enough to believe that. What was going on between her and Jake was anything but simple.

Which was the main reason she hadn’t wanted to rock the boat. Bringing up the past or the future would definitely change the present. But maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Every second, every minute, every hour, every day, Tessa was doing something she would have thought was impossible. She was falling more in love with Jake Maguire.

The first time she’d left, it had come very close to destroying her. Thirteen years later, sure, she was older and wiser, but neither of those things meant that walking away from Jake would be any easier. As far as she knew, nothing had changed the fact that she had to leave. She had to leave for him.

Jake placed his arm around Tessa and ran his thumbs in circles on her shoulder. Instantly her body relaxed. He leaned over and whispered softly, “You okay?”

“Yeah,” she lied.

His eyes narrowed and she knew that he saw right through her. Luckily, his mom asked him about his house and told him she’d made curtains. Tessa tried to pull herself out of the drama that was going on in her own head while his family discussed all of the decorating options he had for the amazing space. She didn’t know how many more of these Sunday dinners she would be attending so she wanted to enjoy every second she could with these incredible people who she
did
consider her family. She needed to be present.