Let It Snow (56 page)

***

It was Finn who opened the door when Mac arrived at Sully's house. "Oh, hi. Um, thanks for the chocolates, I enjoyed them." Mac stepped inside, kicked off her shoes and hung her coat on a hook behind the door. "They're my favourites, but you already knew that."

"Hi, yourself, and you're welcome." There was a twinkle in Finn's eyes as he asked, "Did you enjoy them all?"

"Of course I did. I have virtually no self-control when it comes to good chocolate. No, to be perfectly honest, I have absolutely no self-control when it comes to chocolate of any kind."

"Tell me that's not all you ate today."

"Do you really want me to tell you that, or do you want me to tell you the truth."

Finn flipped his gaze skyward and shook his head in disbelief. "Well, at least you'll be having a somewhat healthy supper before rehearsal. It arrived just a few minutes ago. How about you join Sully in the dining room and I'll bring the food through?"

"Okay, but I don't mind giving you a hand."

"No, no, you go ahead and get yourself settled at the table, I'll be in with the food in no time."

Mac stepped into the dining room and greeted her friend. "Hey, how are you feeling?"

"Well, I've certainly been better. How about you?"

She leaned down and laid a gentle kiss on the top of Sully's head before settling herself in the chair to his right. "I've been better too, but at least all my ribs are intact."

"Well, that's something, isn't it?"

"Here we go." Finn set two dishes on the table. "Start serving yourselves and I'll be back with the rest."

Mac picked up Sully's plate and started loading it. Noting his raised eyebrows, she admonished, "Don't you get any funny ideas, bucko. You know I'll never sub to you."

"Yeah, but you'll sub for me." Sully shot her that lop-sided grin that other subs found irresistible.

"Shut up, Sully. I have no idea why you keep trying with the grin. After more than a decade, you should acknowledge I'm immune, and give up."

"True, but the optimist in me says that as long as we're both breathing, there's a chance."

Finn placed the last of the food on the table and sat in the seat to Sully's left before dishing up his own meal.

"I wouldn't call that optimism, Sully," Mac retorted, "I would call it not knowing when to quit."

"Cheeky wench. You'd miss it if I didn't shoot you the Sully grin every once in a while."

Mac's voice oozed sarcasm as she raised an eyebrow. "Okay, I admit it, my life would be devoid of meaning if I were to never again be the recipient of your knicker-dropping grin." She turned to Finn and asked, "Can you please pass the Naan?"

Mac enjoyed the good-natured banter she shared with Sully while they ate, but once supper was done, Sully's voice turned serious.

"All right you two. It's time to work out the issues and figure a way for you to get along. We all know my part in this mess, and the toll it's taken. The way I see it we only have one issue to address. Mac needing medication to control performance anxiety, and Finn's fanatical repugnance to any kind of drug dependency."

"Hold on, Sully, I believe there are situations where medication is appropriate," Finn objected.

Mac's voice dripped with disdain. "Oh, you mean like when a guy wants to fuck, and can't get it up?"

"Mac, that's enough," Sully snapped. "Both of you, not one more word before I'm done.”

With nods from both Finn and Mac, Sully continued, "Considering the situation, I am not going to maintain any confidences for either of you if I think they will help us come to an understanding. Agreed?" Sully looked at Mac and waited for her nod before turning to Finn for his.

"Mac, Finn's wife died from a heroin overdose. She suffered from panic attacks. Her doctor prescribed medication, but it wasn't long before she started self-medicating and heroin became her drug of choice."

Finn nodded at Sully and took over. "She was looking to numb out. The medication she was prescribed didn't do it for her, so she sought out drugs that would. By the time I'd clued in, she'd already worked her way up to heroin. I was so caught up in my career, I didn't notice things were so bad until it was too late. I thought I had convinced her to go to rehab, but before I could make arrangements, she'd overdosed. She was in her car when they found her body."

"Holy shit. That's awful." Mac met Finn's gaze with tears in her eyes. "I'm so sorry."

Knowing what Sully was about to reveal about herself, Mac gave him a quick glance and said, "I've got this." She turned back to Finn and, after a big shaky breath, she began.

"I didn't always suffer from performance anxiety. Well, I was always a little nervous before playing, but it was the kind of nervous that I think helped me give a little something extra that wasn't there at rehearsal."

Sully stroked Mac's forearm and encouraged her to continue. "Deep breath, sweetie. You're doing fine. Better it comes from you. The more you talk about it, the smaller it gets. I promise."

She didn't want to do this. Saying it out loud would bring it back and make it real. She much preferred to keep it safely in her back pocket where she could sit on it and squish it into something tiny and inconsequential.

Mac sucked in another big breath and let it trickle through her clenched teeth. "I had just finished my final recital and my first gruelling year of university was over. I was in a practice room putting my gear away...I didn't hear the door open, I was so far in my head. After a performance, it takes hours before I mellow out. Anyway, I had just finished zipping up my case, when I was grabbed by the hair and my face was slammed into the wall. The next thing I knew, my mouth was taped shut, and I was strapped naked to the piano bench and being told with each agonising thrust that I had no business playing a flawless recital. That it should have been his. The next thing I remember was freaking out in the ambulance. I'll let Sully tell the rest. I only know his version, anyway."

Sully continued to stroke Mac's arm. "Understanding Mac's need to decompress after a concert, I didn't go with her to pack up, but I was so pumped by her fabulous performance, I got impatient and went to look for her."

Mac listened to Sully recount the part she was missing. She both loved and hated that she couldn't remember. She loved not having more horrible memories to live with, but hated having even the smallest part of her mind stolen by the actions of another.

"I knew something was wrong when I saw the blind was down on the window of the practice room. Mac never, ever closed the blinds. I unlocked the door, and well, you know what I saw when I opened it.

"The guy was another oboist in our studio. Mac's perfect performance took him out of contention for a scholarship that provided the winner with a new instrument, tuition and living expenses for the remaining three years. Attacking Mac was how he managed his disappointment."

Mac stole a look at Finn to gauge his reaction. The tears in his eyes were her first indication that maybe he wasn't quite as big an asshole as she'd first thought.

"Anyway, I pulled him off and kneed him in the balls with everything I had and called 911. I freed Mac and covered her with her coat. She wouldn't let me hold her or comfort her. All I could do was watch her rock in the corner. Fucking broke my heart. Every time that fucker lifted his head, I gave him another shot to the nads until the cops arrived."

Finn's voice cracked with emotion. "Christ. Mac, I just don't have words. I'm sorry doesn't even come close."

Mac sat still and stared at her empty plate as she packed up her emotional baggage and jammed it back into her pocket. She was relieved when Sully changed the subject. It was nice that he knew her so well.

"Right, how about you make Mac a nice cup of tea. She likes it a bit on the strong side with a good amount of milk."

Finn rose from his seat and started gathering dishes. "Tea, I can do. How about you, Sully?"

"What I'd really like is a good stiff drink, but I'll settle for a Coke."

"Right then, I'll be back in a jiffy," Finn said.

"Mac, sweetie?"

Mac looked up at Sully. "Yeah?"

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry. That's the last thing in the world I wanted to do, but I knew in the end it would be the kindest. I'm sure you don't think so now..."

"No, it's fine, Sully. It was a long time ago, and I should be over it."

"Yes, it was a long time ago, but no, you'll never be over it, and nobody who loves you would ever expect you to be. All we want for you is to find a way to live, really live, in spite of it. In the meantime, you have to go out there and save my ass. I love you, Mac."

"I love you too, you wanker. Now did somebody mention tea?"

***

Finn put the kettle on and started loading the dishwasher. Sully's sanitised version had him believing she was medicating over a few butterflies in her belly, but this was a game changer. Rape was not the land mine he thought he'd be dodging. The longer he sat through the sordid tale, the more his stomach felt like returning his supper, along with everything else he'd consumed in the last week.

He sure had a lot of shitty behaviour to make up for. Luckily, he had Sully's handy dandy list of helpful tips and suggestions. That should provide a safe starting point.

He was staring out the window into the darkness when he heard dishes being set on the counter. He turned to see Mac, looking fairly well composed, considering. "Thanks. I was just about to come and get them, but got lost in the void."

"You're welcome. Can I help with anything?"

"No, I'm almost done." Finn gestured to the table. "Mac, can we sit and talk for a minute?"

"I suppose," she said, as she sat in the chair closest to her.

Finn took the chair across from her. "I know I've been an insufferable prick at best. I'm sorry. From Sully's explanation, I pegged you as the sort of person who'd turn to chemicals over a broken nail. That's the sort of person my wife was. If she couldn't get a manicure the moment the urge struck her, she popped a pill. If she couldn't find exactly the right colour shoes to match her new dress, she popped a pill."

Mac's mouth dropped open. "You're kidding, right?"

"I wish I were. You and I have good reasons for our issues. I think I get that you and my wife are nothing alike and I'm done using her behaviour to judge you. Whether you take meds or not is none of my business, and I'll consider the matter closed. How about you?"

Mac winked. "What matter?"

Finn smiled back at her. "I'll finish cleaning up here and I'll bring your tea in when I'm done. Can you grab a Coke for Sully? "

"Sure, no problem. Thanks for making tea. And thanks for not getting weird or treating me like a freak after hearing my tale of woe."

Having no idea how best to respond, he simply said, "You're welcome."

Finn watched Mac take a Coke from the fridge and leave to sit with Sully. He packed away the leftovers and finished dealing with the kitchen. By the time the kettle had boiled, he had the beginnings of an action plan. He prepared Mac's tea then grabbed himself a Coke from the fridge on his way to the dining room.

Finn placed the steaming mug in front of Mac. "Here you go. I hope it's how you like it. Sully, why don't we go sit in the living room where I'm sure you'd be more comfortable."

"Great idea. You guys go on in, it'll take me a minute to get mobile, and while I'm already up, I may as well hit the head. I'll try not to be long, but I'm not exactly a speed demon these days."

Mac and Finn waited until Sully got to his feet before grabbing their drinks and making their way to the living room. Finn invited Mac to sit on the sofa before settling himself on the floor next to her legs. At her confused look, he said, "Sully said you love a good foot rub, and given you won't be getting any from him for a while, and you're bailing us out of a jam, and I've been such an asshole, and feel free to stop me any time..."

Mac giggled, "No, no, you're doing fine, carry on."

"Imp." He shot her a cheeky grin. "Well?"

"While I love a good foot rub, my hands are in greater need. I haven't done this much reed work in such a short time since university."

"I can do hands." Finn shifted from the floor and sat next to Mac, careful to leave what he hoped was enough space for her to be comfortable.

Sully arrived and parked himself in the chair with the best view of the action.

Finn started with Mac's left hand, working deep into the muscle at the base of her thumb before moving outward and gently rubbing each finger from palm to tip.

By the time Finn had moved on to her right hand, Mac's eyes were closed and her head settled against the back of the sofa. Every so often, she gave a small moan, each sending another shot of blood to Finn's already over-inflated penis.

"Mac, I'd quit with the moaning if I were you. I think you're restricting Finn's blood flow to his brain," Sully teased.

She lifted a foot and wiggled her toes at Sully. "Careful, or I'll let him rub my feet just to spite you. Finn, please tell me you don't have a foot fetish too."

Finn laughed. "No, your feet only need be wary of Sully the foot fondler. I just like making a woman feel good, so I'm happy to rub whatever she wants me to."

Mac blushed and Finn took pity on her. "Five more minutes, and then we have to get going."

Mac glanced at her watch. "You may need to get going, but I don't need to leave for another twenty minutes."

"Leave when I do, and you can have another hand rub before the rest of the guys arrive."

"That's okay. I'm perfectly happy with the one I got."

Finn looked to Sully for support, but only got the universal code for quit while you are behind — an index finger slicing across his throat. He nodded and gave the back of Mac's hand a gentle pat. "Right then, I have to get moving. I will see you soon, and drive carefully."

Finn rose and gave Sully's shoulder a farewell squeeze and with a pointed look said, "I'll talk to you later."