Leopold: Part Four (2 page)

“
Y
ou’re
sure you won’t consider staying?” The white-haired man smiles at me, the corners of his eyes wrinkling. “I’ve really enjoyed working with you these past few months, Elle. I’ve already been in touch with the employment agency—they said it would be no problem to extend your contract.”

I return his smile. “I’ve enjoyed working with you, too. This was a nice change of pace, but it’s time for me to move on.”

He nods. “Well, if you change your mind, just let me know. I’d be glad to offer you a full-time position if you decide to settle down.”

“I’ll definitely think about it.” I try to smile, but I’m sure the expression on my face is giving away the fact that I have no intention of staying.

He raps his knuckles on the frame of the door. “It isn’t often we get competent physicians through here. You’re welcome back anytime.”

“Thanks.” I smile and turn my gaze back to the paperwork in front of me. After I finish these charts, I’ll pack up the few things I brought here with me. Tomorrow, I’ll be off to start another new adventure. Somewhere else.

Run, Elle. Run.

It’s not like that this time, though. Not really. I’m still just having trouble adjusting to life—to having to work for someone else. There’s nothing to run from now, though it’s hard to remember that sometimes.

It’s also hard to believe it’s been more than three months since everything happened—since my life blew up last time. But I completed the entire three-month contract at this tiny clinic in the middle of nowhere without any drama whatsoever. Without any paparazzi in my face. Without any contact from Leo.

I catch myself staring out the window of my small office again and blink a few times, breaking out of my momentary daydream. My head-in-the-clouds moments seem to happen every time I allow myself to think even the tiniest bit about Leo. Like so many things that have happened in my past, whatever Leo and I might have had was destroyed by bad timing. And by my bad judgment and poor behavior. Of course, with Leo, there was also the issue of his celebrity status, which had done nothing but scare the fucking hell out of me. It also didn’t help with my tendency to turn into a raving lunatic when things get complicated with guys.

Worrying about my past was only magnified with him in the picture. And I had been in such a dark place when I met him—and he seemed to drag all my fears into the light. The whole thing had been terrifying, now that I think about it.

A bad dream—that’s what it was. Not quite a nightmare, but close. But some of it was good—the whole dragging-my-shit-out-into-the-light part of it was maybe the best thing that ever happened to me. I can’t say I’ll ever be normal, but maybe I needed to have that time with Leo to figure my shit out once and for all.

Leo’s life seems to have pretty much returned to normal, too, at least judging by the reports in the tabloids. It seems like his life hasn’t been affected one bit by what happened between the two of us. Nothing about any of those stories in the celebrity magazines should surprise me, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed.

I have my new life now, though. And I’m doing the best I can.

The paperwork on my desk is the last thing I have left to do here before I leave. I spend a few minutes writing notes about my patients before I sign my name to the final chart. That’s when I hear the rapping on the doorframe again.

I smile, but I don’t look up. “I haven’t changed my mind, Paul. I’ll see how it goes in Oklahoma, and I’ll let you know.”

“Oklahoma…?”

My heart races in my chest and my eyes widen at the voice I hear. That accent. The low tone. It can only belong to one person—but I can’t hear anything else now over the pounding of my heart in my ears. I stare down at the file in front of me. I’m not sure I can look up even if I want to—I seem to be frozen in place.

“You, dear Elle, are a very difficult person to find.”

I shake my head to myself and set my pen down on the desk. I know I can’t look up—and there’s still a chance it isn’t him. If I don’t look up—if I don’t make eye contact—maybe I can convince myself this is some sort of hallucination.

He sits down in the chair on the other side of my desk but says nothing else.

The silence hangs in the air, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to be the one to break it.

“I owe you an apology, Elle.”

My head shakes—more because I don’t believe this is actually happening than a denial of his apology. I pick up my pen again and pretend to busy myself with the charts. Maybe if I act like this isn’t happening, he’ll get up and walk back out.

“I never should have left you that day. It was the biggest mistake I have ever made. You were hurting—we were both hurting.”

My eyes flutter closed and I have to concentrate on my breathing. I still haven’t looked at him—our gazes still haven’t met. If I think about it hard enough, maybe I can will him to get up and walk out again without having to speak to him at all.

When I open my eyes again, I stare at a blue piece of paper on my desk and refuse to lift my gaze. Or to speak.

I need to call my therapist—I seriously never even considered the possibility of Leo showing up in my life again. Ever. And I’m not sure how to handle it. I’m not sure I
can
handle it. If I had thought for even a single second he might try to waltz back into my life, I would have come up with
something
to say. Some way to tell him whatever happened between us was a huge mistake and not one I’m willing to make again.

Now would be a good time for an earthquake, only I’m sitting in a tiny clinic in the middle of the desert in Arizona, and I’m pretty sure they don’t have earthquakes here. But even though it’s an unlikely possibility, I’m still holding out hope. Because I can’t speak. And I can’t even look at him. The racing of my heart is only barely winning over the twisting feeling in my chest—there’s still too much emotion going on for me to be able to sort it out. It would be so much better if I could just bury it again—deep at the bottom of a hole in the ground because of an earthquake seems as good a place as any other.

“You might be happy to learn, Elle, that my—oh, what was the word you used when we were at your home? Minions?” He chuckles. “Yes, my
minions
have been searching for you for the past month. And attempting to learn as much about your past as they were able.” He taps his fingers on my desk—I guess to try to get me to look up at him.

“The part you should be happy about is that they were unable to uncover anything more about your past than you already revealed to me. Whatever it is you were hiding has been covered up quite well—if the finest investigators in the world are unable to uncover your secrets, I have no doubt they’ll remain hidden. Though, I would still hope you will trust me with your secrets at some point in our future.”

I blink my eyes a few times and shake my head again. I finally look up at him, my voice flat. “We have no future, Leo.”

He smiles. “She speaks.” He must be able to read something in my eyes because the smile falls quickly from his lips. He stares at me for a long moment. “I’m so sorry, Elle.”

“No. I’m sorry, Leo.” I press my lips into a line. “And I’m also sorry that I need to ask you to leave.” I motion to the door behind him. “This is a place of business—”

“At which you are no longer employed. Why do you think I waited to come until today? Or why I came at this late hour?”

I drop my gaze back to my papers. “I’m very busy. I have a lot of work to finish up before I go.”

“To Oklahoma?”

“Or wherever.” Oklahoma isn’t a given—I’m supposed to go there next week to see if the clinic there is a good fit for a short-term contract. I don’t actually hate the thought of starting over every three months. My therapist probably has a few theories about why that might be, but it seems to be working for the moment. But now that Leo knows where I’m planning to go, maybe I’ll choose a different location. And ask the employment agency to keep it private this time.

“Is there a chance you’ll return to Los Angeles? I’ve found myself there often over the past few months, and I couldn’t help but hope I might run into you. It’s a little embarrassing, really. I find myself almost scouring the crowds, searching to see if perhaps you—”

“Leo, do you honestly see me as the type of person who would stand outside some movie awards show to try to catch your attention?”

His cheeks flush and he closes his eyes for a moment before returning his gaze to mine. “No.”

“Well, at least you know that much about me.” I force a smile and motion to my papers. “It was nice seeing you. Really. But I do have some work I need to get done before I leave.”

He splays his hands on my desk. “Take all the time you need. I can wait.”

“Leo…” I’m sure he can hear the exasperation rising in my voice. “This is pointless—whatever the reason is that you’re here.”

“As I’ve said, I’m here to apologize.”

I nod. “I accept your apology. And I’m sorry, too. We both were a little—I don’t even know what to call it. Overcome. Overwhelmed. I don’t know. And we’re both sorry. We both accept each other’s apologies. And now it’s time to move on.”

“But that’s the problem. I’m not able to move on. I’ve spent many lonely nights—”

“Leo.” I spread my hands on my desk. “I don’t believe you’ve spent
any
lonely nights.”

“I won’t lie to you, Elle. I’ve tried. Many times, with many different women. None of them compare to you, though—”

I hold my hand up to stop him and close my eyes for a moment. I don’t want to feel the twisting pain in my chest I know is jealousy, but it’s there all the same. “I don’t want to hear this. I can’t.”

“There haven’t…” He lets out a long sigh. “Elle, there hasn’t been anyone but you.”

“I wish I could believe you. And despite the fact that we’re about five hundred miles from anywhere, they do still deliver mail to this clinic.”

His brows knit together and he looks at me like I’m speaking a foreign language.

“Magazines, Leo. Your precious tabloids. Patients love reading those celebrity rags in the waiting room.”

“Elle, I can
assure
you—”

“The last time you assured me of anything, you left me lying naked on my own bed.” My breath hitches in my chest, remembering the humiliation of that moment. “I’m sorry. I promised myself I was never going to think about that again.”

“I hurt you.”

“Yes, Leo, you hurt me. But you hurt me because I was trying to hurt you. I deserved it.” I stand and motion to the door. “I think it’s time for you to leave. And please don’t come back again. Your charming stalker bullshit ends here.”

He stands, but doesn’t move toward the door. “Elle, I’m willing to beg for a second chance.”

I frown and tilt my head. “But it wouldn’t be a second chance. You already had your second chance. You used it to leave for a second time. I’m not about to risk a third.” I force a smile, though tears well in my eyes all the same. “My heart can’t take it.”

“My heart can’t take another second without you, Elle. I don’t believe you understand. You’ve done something to me.”

“I
do
understand, though. It hurts like hell. Believe me, I know.” I motion toward the door again. “But it isn’t ever going to heal if you keep ripping the scab off. You’re making it worse for both of us.”

“What would it take to convince you?” There’s something in his eyes that is so familiar to me—the same pain, almost desperation I’ve been feeling, too. But I know the only way for either of us to heal is for us to be apart. We’ve proved that we can’t be around each other. That we’ll only destroy ourselves.

“One night, Elle. Give me one night. If you aren’t convinced, I’ll leave—”

I shake my head, interrupting him. “That’s just it, Leo. You’ll be leaving, anyway. And as much as I might want one more night with you, it isn’t going to do anything but cause us both more pain. It isn’t worth it.”

“You’ve been saying that since I met you—”

“No.” I interrupt with another shake of my head. “No, what I used to say was that
I
wasn’t worth it. I didn’t say that this time. I said that
this
…” I motion with my hand between the two of us. “This isn’t worth it, Leo. I’m worth a lot more than one night.”

I’m not sure I’ve ever had that thought before—that
I’m
worth more than anything. Maybe I really am learning to respect myself, though I know I still have a long way to go.

The pain I can read in his eyes is pretty much a mirror of my own. “Elle, what we had together—”

“What we had was doomed to fail from the moment we met. It was a runaway train, condemned to crash and burn. I wasn’t in a place to give you anything more.”

His gaze locks with mine, but he says nothing. And he doesn’t have to—the way he looks at me is enough to start the same electric energy that has pulsed inside me since the moment we met.

I finally tear my gaze from his, closing my eyes. “Please just go.” I blink a few times before looking back over at him. “Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

His gaze drops to the floor. “One kiss, then.” He looks over at me. “You
are
worth more than one night, Elle. Much more. But am
I
not worth at least one kiss before I go?”

“Why do you have to make everything so difficult, Leo?” My brow furrows, but I know what I need to do. I also know it’s probably going to be my undoing, but I need for him to leave this time. To not return. To not keep ripping the scab off the barely healing wound he left on my heart.

I walk over and stop in front of him. He tilts his head, trying to force my gaze to his, but I know what will happen if I look into his eyes, especially at this close range. I lift myself onto my tiptoes and press my lips to his cheek.

I don’t even get the chance to rock back onto my heels before he loops his arms around my waist and pulls me into his body. My heart pounds in my chest, and I can’t believe what is happening to the rest of me. My poor body is setting itself on fire again, just like it has every time he’s ever touched me.